Blind Vice: Which Heartbreaker's Into Porn?
Schlong Fenn is a real schmuck—everybody knows he treats women worse than his liver, everybody. And yes, more than a few folks are aware Schlong, who's infinitely talented in his many different creative endeavors, likes to reserve the right to Charlie Sheen it up and pay for his booty.
And as if this is going to surprise anybody, Schlong isn't just paying the ladies to distract him from his many other (nonpaid) gal interests, he's going for porn stars, too. That's what happens, right? I mean, it's like drugs, I guess—one minute you're tokin' on a little Black Gold, then—wham!—-you're shootin' up with Fake à la Ferocity, right? Right: So much so…
That a chick who was just filming a porn movie—high-budget stuff, no joke—right across the street from Schlong's fancyass pad just happened to end up doing Schlong, too. Hmm…wonder what S.P. was doing over there anyway, borrowing a cup of lube?
'Cause the nasty freak surely doesn't use condoms, that we know. But get this: In the course of diddling the pretty hung dude (damn shame Schlong's usually so wasted he really doesn't know what to do with his gift of an organ), she discovered that Mr. Fenn is currently having a longstanding affair with another porn actress!
Crazy, I just love this! While everybody is so frantic wondering why Schlong and his gal broke up (and then got back together and broke up and then, well, you know the boring story), no one's put it together that that other babe's a triple-X kinda gal! Oh, and that's not even the best part.
In some states (maybe all of them?), I don't believe Madame X is old enough to be having sex, much less making a living photographing it.
It Ain't: Diddy, Nick Lachey, Rob Pattinson
Update March 16 - Ted has eliminated John Mayer.
Our top suspects: Sean Penn, Colin Farrell.