Saturday, March 21, 2009

Blind Vice: Two Coked-Out Movie Stars

New from Ted yeasterday... sorry for the delay!

Blind Vice: Two Coked-Out Movie Stars

Double cocaine-addiction alert, babes!
But first off, gotta say it's a brutal Biz out here in Hollywood. Instead of keeping up with the Joneses, you have to keep up with the Richies. Thin will unfortunately always be in because every actor's worst nightmare is Jessica Simpson's last couple of months.
Meet Slurina Thigh-Disaster and Bart Farts-a-Lot. No relation between these two, except that they share the same nasty diet trick: nose candy. Yep, Slur and Bar are two of the more recent stars to shed their extra fluff, and we're not talking Jenny Craig here folks.
More like coke. Mountains of coke. See, Slurina's legs (and other appendages) are a disaster not because of her chunks, rather they seriously aren't there anymore. It's like they've disappeared or something.
Ever since that pic Slurina did a while back called Crimson Scorpio, for which she lost a shocking amount of weight, many folks have wondered where the hell that new figure came from. The same place where a lotta of T-town, stick-thin starlets like to get their stall on.
Weird, too, 'cause Ms. Thigh-Disaster used to be a bit on the plumper side, but always so healthy. Result of hew new figure: More roles, yeah, but she's also getting a rep for making vulgar scenes due to her constantly jumpy nature, regardless of whatever celebratory occasion she may find herself in. But she just can't get enough of this white stuff.
So unlike Bart:
This guy is most decidedly not a fan of the nose devil. In fact, he really doesn't like it at all. But he was forced to lose his happy poundage and didn't know what else to do...or snort. People like to laugh at a chubby actor, but won't swoon over one. He's told friends that coke is the "only thing" that will make him stop eating. So he does as much as he can to curb his appetite. Gross.
Jeez, what ever happened to some good ol' fashion diet and exercise?
And it ain't: Lindsay Lohan, Nicole Richie, Jessica Simpson
And it also ain't: Brendan Fraser, Jason Segal, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson

Update 8/26 - Ted has eliminated Rob Pattinson for Bart Farts Alot.

* Possibility: Slurina Thigh Disaster could be Brittany Murphy.

* Update: Ted has hinted (4/9 and 5/5) that Bart Farts-a-Lot is Seth Rogen.


blurry vice said...

Hillary Duff, Jennifer Connolly, Christina Ricci...

Horatio Sanz, Seth Rogen

blurry vice said...

Also I wanted to say how SAD. I know drug addicts who seem to enjoy the anorexic body-type that comes with it as a bonus, and that is DISGUSTING! See you in your grave!

pooka said...

Jennifer Connelly - the clue is the movie Crimson Scorpio ..she did a movie called Blood Diamond.

pooka said...

What about Tom Cruise? He lost quite a bit of weight lately?

Anonymous said...

Seth Rogen was Porta Potbelly, I thought? Or is that Jason Segel?

Lissette said...

Jennifer Connelly...notice the Scorpio reference...
Also, the guy is definitely Seth Rogan...people like to laugh...(also Jason Segal is mentioned as a "AIA". He laughed when he was asked on the red carpet how he lost so much weight. I think he said, "creatively"

Lissette said...

P.S. her birthday (Jennifer Connelly) is Dec. 20th...Scorpio horoscope sign

Lissette said...

P.S.S. (Forgot! Sorry! LOL!)
Jenny reference in Jenny Craig

Miss Squito said...

Lisette - No, Scorpios are born Oct 23 to Nov 21. December is Sagittarius.

My guess is still with Jennifer Connelly.

long time reader, first time commenter

duffgrl said...

Welcome Miss Squito!! I also like the Jennifer Connelly guess- I think she may have been the subject of other BIs as well. Like the Christina Ricci guess too; could see that....
Seth Rogen immediately came to mind for the 2nd one-agree w/ above posters-he is a pothead and recently lost a lot of weight.

Jeff said...

Blake Livley(sp) and Kevin James?

crila16 said...

I think definitely Seth Rogen for the actor (he likes pot over coke)...and I'd say a definite no way to Jennifer Connelly. She's always been skinny and has never ever had curves. The actress in question is someone who has recently lost their curves.

"Slurina's legs are a disaster not because of her chunks, rather they seriously aren't there ANYMORE. It's like they've disappeared or something." Jennifer never had any to disappear. It also has to be someone in the same age range of the "and it's nots". Most likely, someone in their 20's.

Beth said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Beth said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Beth said...

Scorpios are born from oct 24-nov22, AND from Nov 16- December 15.
Jennifer Connelly is an excellent guess.. her B-day is Dec 12, "Blood Diamond" could easily be twisted to "Crimson Scorpio"... check out this pic of her.. taken last month.. its like shes proud of how she looks..not a good sign.

Unknown said...

Seth Rogan and Jennifer Love Hewitt

Kelly Fowler said...

What about Scarlett Johanssen - her birthday is Nov 22nd so a scorpio and the crimson reference...

Beth said...

Scarlett isn't skinny..she is still very curvy.

Unknown said...

Mischa Barton lost a lot of weight recently. I think that her BI name, Slurina Thigh-Disaster, is referring to the pictures of her thighs with cellulite last year.

kanonymous said...

"Weird, too, 'cause Ms. Thigh-Disaster used to be a bit on the plumper side, but always so healthy."

Since when was Jennifer Connelly ever "on the plumper side"? I know she's weighed more than she does now, but she's always been thin.

sistah2 said...

Actually, JC was pretty curvy in her first movie, a John Hughes flick she did a loooong time ago, around the late 80's. She was a teen then.

calicoug said...

I'm not sure why, but I immediately thought of Anne Hathaway when I read this...she's lost quite a dramatic amount of weight (she was curvier - and some would say definitely healthier looking when she made Devil Wears Prada)...and her birthday is 11/12 which would make her a scorpio....could be a long shot, but thought I'd throw it out there!

Barbie said...

I think it is Renee Zellwegger. Jones and Mountains could be referring to Bridget Jones and Cold Mountain. Her weight has gone up and down.

Anonymous said...

Mischa Barton and Seth Rogan.

crila16 said...

Jennifer Love Hewitt is an excellent guess. She was really curvy and is now getting so skinny.

Anne Hathaway is a very good guess too. She's getting so skinny...though she was never really curvy.

Jennifer C. definitely not. No way. She hasn't changed a single bit in the last 10 years. She lost all her baby fat in her late 20's, early 30's. She's been stick skinny for years. Was never curvy either.

Anonymous said...

Alright, so I probably did a little toooo much research for this, but whatever.
I could be pulling at strings here, but Anne Hathaway definitely lost weight for Devil Wears Prada.
Also, the devil is red, or crimson. And, Anna Wintour, who this story is supposedly based on, is a Scorpio, born on Nov. 3rd.
Have also seen hints on Lainey's site that she thinks Anne's been hitting the white stuff.

Also, look at this picture:

compared to this one:

crila16 said...

Yeah. I'm going to go with Anne H. too. She was definitely well endowed in the old photos...and seems to have lost them in the more recent ones. I've also heard that she likes coke...and apparently did when she was younger too. I've heard that her drug use rumors have been squelched by her publicist.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Slurina Tigh-Disaster Kate Winslet?

Dear Sink or Swim:
Our precious Kate? Never! Slurina isn't as talented as Winslet. Nowhere near. "

Unknown said...

this is a good one!
anne h: guess not since ted says "nowhere near as talented as precious Kate" and they were both nominated for an Oscar in the same category.

jennifer connelly: maybe. her progression has been slow... nothing like anne, but she was chubbs in her earlier acting. well, chubbs in hollywood terms. check out pick of her during Requiem for a Dream era.

christina ricci: maybe. she was huge just a little while and admitted to having eating disorders... now (see Black Snake Moan) she's so cut out of nowhere!

mischa: another maybe for me. Perez constantly refers to her as mushy in reference to her thighs but lately, all her posts have been about her shrinking frame and looking good again... possibly due to the powder.

because he ruled out lindsay and nicole, her former friends, I'm going with Mischa.

crila16 said...

It's got to be Scarjo. She looks so skinny now. Check out her photos at Lainey's site.

Also...Scarlet isn't even close to as talented as Kate Winslet. Scarlet was completely overrated in the past.

Beth said...

k.. Scarlett may be "thinner" than she was before, but she is by no means "skinny" or lacking a figure..her arms& legs look perfectly healthy in laineys pics,her boobs are still very obvious. From Ted basicly saying this person is not very talented, I'm going with Mischa.

poster_child said...

Gotta be Christina Ricci. She used to be very voluptuous (and much prettier that way).

"Celebratory occasion" references her engagement party that Ted reported on just 3 days before this Blind was published. Link below.

blurry vice said...

Ted hints Seth Rogen?

"Dear Ted:
Seth Rogen was on The Daily Show last night claiming that he lost weight by dieting and exercising. I am surprised that no one offered him coke. Any comments?

Dear Skinny Seth:
Maybe they didn't need to offer?"

libra said...

Not sure about the female, but the male (Bart) has got to be Russell Crowe. He's currently filming a movie and has lost A LOT of weight. Seems when he's not filming movies he doesn't mind getting chunky, but then HAS to lose weight to make the movies and maybe begrudgingly does coke to do so.

Johanna said...

Ted more or less confirmed this as Seth Rogen today...

Johanna said...

Sorry bout the bad link!

blurry vice said...

Yep - big hint for Seth Rogen today:

"And Seth Rogen is slowly slipping away right before our eyes! The skinny thang just doesn't look right on him. It's like trying to picture a six-pack on Will Ferrell. So not right. You can tell he's über uncomfortable, no longer being the jolly fat guy with the jokes, and if you're thinking he's healthier by dropping all that weight—not every way a guy gets thin is exactly good for your bod, ya know."

Original Unknown skeptic said...

I didn't think Anne Hatahway at first but now I do not the "nose devil" comment (Devil Wears Prada) and the "Mountain" comment (Brokeback Mountain). She has also supposedly dropped down to 98 pounds to play Judy Garland (Crimson? Ruby Slippers?) in an upcoming movie. Still can't put the thigh part together I was sure that referred to Mischa Barton's cellulite photos, plus Bart as a reference to the guy (Barton)? So I am right Ted is it Anne Hathaway?

blurry vice said...

Is this a hint for Tori Spelling?!?

Blab Blab Blab: Why Tori Spelling's Skinny
""I don't work out. I'm so incredibly busy and I had two kids. I attribute my arm muscles to that."

—Tori Spelling on how she got her recent frail-looking figure. By schlepping two babies all over the place! Is this the hot new diet trend in H'wood, giving birth? No wonder Angelina's as veiny and stick-thin as ever"

blurry vice said...

Today from Ted:

"Dear Ted:
Amen to you for the Fat Man Gallery, Tedster! It's about friggin' time that the double standard on weighty matters is put into perspective. On a similar topic, how come the tabs are screaming that mini-Tori needs rehab for an eating disorder while the rapidly-shrinking Mr. Rogen is given nothing but props for his extreme slim-down? (And dare I ask how he managed this rapid weight loss? Diet and exercise? Yeh, suuuuure.)

Dear Suspicious Skinny Stars:
Seth doesn't have an eating disorder. His methods aren't really tsk-tsked in H'wood."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
On behalf of curvy, fun, social, food-loving women everywhere, I thank you for Awful's Fat Man Gallery! Personally, I like my man with meat on his bones. But the Hollywood standards for women and men are so out of whack it's ridiculous. I hope some of the studio bigwigs saw your gallery and gave it some thought (unlikely).
—Lynn, Connecticut

Dear Chubby Chaser:
We bet they're speed dialing Seth Rogen to eat a burger already to get his more suitable (for him, anyway) bod back."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
For some reason, I didn't watch How I Met Your Mother until Lifetime started airing episodes on Mondays, but I am now officially a fan! And Jason Segel is now one of my celebrity crushes! What can you tell us about him? Has he been a B.V.?

Dear Segel Snoop:
No, but some of his friends have been."

blurry vice said...

Bart Farts alot

"Dear Awful Truth:
Blind vice guesses: Hugh Jackman is Nevis Divine, Rob Pattinson is Bart Farts-a-Lot and Kellan Lutz is Terry Tush-Trade. Am I close of any of these?
—Corn Nugget

Dear Ménage à Trois:
What, just because Ted's gone you think I'll give up the goods on three of the most wanted B.V.'s? Sure, you're very close on some of them."

blurry vice said...

Seth Rogen made it to the BV superstar gallery -

Seth Rogen

This once-fat funny fella got hot and flew right on the comedy A-list. But not everything’s a joke when it comes to Rogen (and some of his pals) behind the scenes.

Anonymous said...

The girl screams Jenifer Love-Hewitt, she had all those tabloid photos of her and her cottage cheese thighs (Thigh Disaster?) spread everywhere, and seemed to magically get thinner pretty quickly.

Anonymous said...

Seth Rogen for sure. Could the other have been Brittany Murphy?

blurry vice said...

anon above - very well could be. I added a tag with her name on this.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Bart Farts a Lot in love with Twyla Babe Sucker? Love to the furbabies!

Dear Weird Combo:
Uh, not that I've heard, dollcakes. Now that would be a weird pairing."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I was wondering about Seth Rogen—what's up with the guy? He's one of the most hard-working actors in La La Land (and I don't care what people say, I think he's really cute), and I know he's supposed to have a steady girlfriend. But I swear his face pops into my head when I read some of the B.V.'s in your columns and in other places. What gives? P.S.—Me and my rescue cat both love your work!

Dear Sethual Deviant:
Maybe that's because Seth has definitely been a BV, and a good one at that. Now that he runs in the Judd Apatow crowd he's not exactly having to work that hard. Those boys have solidified themselves as box office gold! Or silver, at least."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I just want you to know that I'm a dedicated fan as well as a college student. Although I may be young, I am very mature, and while dealing with my immature neighbors I was wondering what kind of Vice my fave funnyman Seth Rogen could have. Can I get some tips to pass me over?

Dear Funny One:
It doesn't have to do with sexual escapades. Thank heavens."

blurry vice said...

updating this post - Tori Spelling no longer a top suspect - she was not a blind vice according to ted, after this bv was written... see our list.

Kristen said...

I think that the girl is someone who's been known for being a bit on the heavier side, though not necessarily huge. I think that in order to lose a "shocking" amount of weight, you really need to have been bigger than Jennifer Connelly or Brittany Murphy or any of these other guesses ever were. Because while they have probably lost weight, it's not really a shocking amount. I'm thinking 50 or 60 pounds at least.

As for Anne Hathaway losing weight for The Devil Wears Prada, she said that she was actually told to gain ten pounds to be a size six, but the producers changed their minds and had her lose those ten pounds again so that she could fit into the clothes. 10 pounds is not that shocking to me.

There are two actresses that I can think of who lost a considerable amount of weight shortly before this blind was published: Sara Rue and Kristen Johnston. Both were shocking to me because they were always known for being more curvaceous. I'm a little less inclined to go with Kristen, though, because she had an interview with People where she admitted that she was too thin and worked to gain some weight back. I think that the actress we're looking for would be proud of her weight loss publicly, which points me toward Rue. She has since become a spokeswoman for Jenny Craig. There actually is a Jenny Craig reference in the blind, but her deal was cut months later, so that might actually be just a coincidence, unless Ted knew she was in talks to do it.

blurry vice said...

blurry vice said...