Thursday, March 20, 2008

One Backfire-For-Hire Blind Vice

March 20, 2008

Lead-ins:

Unzip it
Which fabulously successful star’s keepin’ her Sapphic ways silent, time for the sexually stymied Friday Blind Vice!

Heavy Betting
Browhilda Frown-Free is like the typical male. She lives to have it both ways: B-gal just adores the press her man-trotting habits afford her, and then she gets to strut home to the gal she keeps safely, deliciously tucked in bed. Why not? Everybody’s been pulling this fake-o stuff in H-town for ages! But, as you’ll find out in One Backfire-for-Hire Blind Vice, not all dudes agree to deceive with equal discretion. Yikes!


One Backfire-For-Hire Blind Vice



Browhilda Frown-Free has just about everything a once desperately ambitious, unknown actress could desire: fame, wealth, notorious love, Academy Award notice, great bone structure, fab hair, free cosmetic procedures for the taking—everything but the freedom to love the one she's (really) with. Don't worry though, babes, Brow's been down this fake-amour alley before. She's a friggin' pro at navigating the affectionless twists and turns of the overly photographed.
Howev, BFF's latest man experience—heady as it all may be—has become slightly more than Browhilda's used to, what with her past liaisons of coolly arranged get-togethers. You know the age-old ersatz Hollywood plan: A couple goes out for a red carpet whatever; then they go in for separate, much more private dalliances with their same-sex partners. Brow's had this setup with almost every man she's hooked up with before.
But Ms. F.F.'s latest dude—who's more than happy to bed every slobbering femme he can find—has turned out to be far messier than Brow-babe would prefer. Not only does he womanize with indiscretion, he's stupidly starting to make a loud and rather visible stink about Brow's increased devotion to her current g-f. How does that Shakespearean saying go? Oh what a tangled guy web we weave, when at first we hetero deceive? Watch out, Brow, we be onto ya!
And it ain't: Renee Zellweger, Tilda Swinton, Catherine Zeta-Jones

Comment away!


* Update - Ted has eliminated Renee Zellweger, Tilda Swinton, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Kate Hudson, Halle Berry, Demi Moore, Hayden Panettiere, Jennifer Ansiton.

(hints from Ted - this woman is older than Hayden Panty-hair but younger than Kate Hudson).

62 comments:

blurry vice said...

My guess for this is Penelope Cruz. Academy Award notice, has done this charade in the past. Her current bf is that guy who won the Oscar this year, speaks Spanish, whats his name... anyway I know he has been seen womanizing without her recently.

Anonymous said...

I think it's Nicole Kidman....

mo-mo said...

Blurry, his name is Javier Bardem. I actually think Penelope and him make a good couple. But maybe it is her. Nicole Kidman is also another interesting guess. It fits with the rumors that Keith Urban is a womanizer. Also the nickname of Browhilda Frown-Free could clearly mean her. It's almost too obvious of a nickname?

Anonymous said...

What about Reese?

blurry vice said...

HA HA it's not Reese. We know Jake G isn't a "womanizer".
Great point about Nicole Kidman. She is definitely "frown-free" with all that botox going on. She had that whole pseudo-marriage to Tom Cruise.
Yes I remembered Javier Bardem's name a few hours later.

Anonymous said...

But Nicole Kidman doesn't have great hair and her husband isn't a known womanizer. Also, all the "and it ain't"s have oscars as supporting actresses, which leads me to believe that this person won the same award.

Anonymous said...

Nicole Kidman has a receding hairline. That doesn't sound like great hair to me.

Anonymous said...

Sharon Stone!

duffgrl said...

First,Nicole Kidman does have great hair,especially back in the Dead Calm days. And Keith Urban is/was a womanizer when he was doing drugs,apparently. This BI does sound like her.Love the"Frown-Free" name. If DMM could be TH then I guess this is probably her...
I don't think it's her, but Sharon Stone is actually not a bad guess. She's been nominated for an oscar for Casino. I don't think she is seriously w/ anyone now though and she strikes me as a person who would come right out. She does have a connection w/ CZJ but ? on the other AIAs. Apparently the Lana Turner role in a new biopic went to CZJ and for years SS was attached to the role.

powerpuffitzi said...

I'll stick with NK unless she's eliminated, if she ever is. If you read Friday March 20 AT, Ted even hints there that it could be her. And let's not rule NK out even if Ted hints later on that BFF is, for example, a tad older than Calista Flockhart or something like that : )

Also, is the BFF name, in its acronym form, a hint about, for example, NK being bff with Naomi Watts?

duffgrl said...

That's funny-that idea crossed my mind about BFF/ Naomi Watts. That could be a hint on Ted's part. I never believed the lesbo rumors about those 2 but they are def. bffs.

sweetcaroline said...

Has anyone on this Sister Site given any thought to Oprah? Oscar nominated for Color Purple, BFF Gail, the weirdness of their relationship dates back as far as Oprah taking "Gail" as her confirmation name!(Trust). Though Stedman has kept himself entertained through the years while taking a back seat to the good old gails, it has been said, he thinks the duo has been a "bit much" recently. I think Ted can be a little tricky sometimes. He obviously is referring to Stedman with the fab hair, great bone structure and the one making use of the cosmetic perks! Stedman would look great on the next cover of "o" mag.

duffgrl said...

very interesting angle, sweetcaroline. Oprah and Gail are the most famous Bffs we know! Good tidbit on the confirmation name...

blurry vice said...

lol, I like the Oprah theory.
Also if we are going the "BFF" route, there is also:
Penelope Cruz - BFF Salma Hayek
Drew Barrymore - BFF Cameron Diaz
Jennifer Aniston - BFF Courtney Cox
Madonna - BFF Gwyneth Paltrow
Katie Holmes - BFF Posh

blurry vice said...

What about Kate Hudson for this? She was nominated once for best supporting actress.

duffgrl said...

Don't see it being Kate H.-she's not attached to anyone right now-I think maybe starting to see Owen W. again but maybe for a week that's it. Most of the actresses you mention haven't been nominated for an Academy award except Penelope (I think she's sort of ruled out) and Salma H. (could be her!!!)

sistah2 said...

seriously I think its Penelope and javier. This totally fits them, and when Ted writes about" her latest male... heady as it all may be" its sounds like a hint about the GUYS hair... Javier got a lot of press about his latest role - won the supporting Oscar a few weeks ago - the character had notoriously big hair..... she also was nom'd for supporting last yr...

powerpuffitzi said...

I truly don't think that is Javier and Penelope. Reason number 1 being Ted's comment to something else (see post above). Also, if Penelope Cruz would be playing for the other team, people in Spain would definitely know. I´ve never heard that kind of rumours about her. And something like this would be that kind of public secret.

I don´t know if the BFF route is the way to go, but there´s definitely something about the acronym of the BI´s name being BFF.

I don´t know about the Oprah angle. I think the bit that says "a once desperately ambitious, unknown actress" could very well be headed towards someone who started as an actress many years ago but who is not necessarily an actress right now (while having us assuming that she´s an actress). But I don´t know if Stedman fits at all as the womaniser described in the BI.

sistah2 said...

Not to be too picky, but I have to point out that it IS well known and rumored strongly, at least here in the US and Canada, that Penelope is a professional beard.... also rumored to be lesbo, but I dont know of course if I really beleive it. But, this BI does sound like her and Javier.

blurry vice said...

I agree with sistah2. Her being a beard and a lesbian would not be publicly known, but kept secret from the public. That is the point of a BI. Being secretly gay is not a situation unique to Browhilda Frown Free... most of Hollywood is gay and it is kept secret. Penelope Cruz could be this person as well as anyone could. The country of Spain does not keep secrets worse than anyone else.

powerpuffitzi said...

Again, remember what Ted posted about Javier and Penelope - this lovely couple might be for keeps, or something like that.

The only thing I meant with Pe is that she's been growing up in public since she was 15 and she was a big star in Spain before she started her (rumored) professional beardship and her career in the US took off. Spain is quite the country obsessed with gossip, and while her US beardship(s) have always been gossiped about, I've always heard it was more for her career rather than to hide her sexual orientation (which I've never heard). But of course it could be her and that is indeed the point of a BI. I personally just can't see her on this though I agree the clues fit, the hair and all that, and mostly, the Brow's had this setup with almost every man she's hooked up with before., but I guess my problem is that I can only see NK on this : ) And while Javier and Penelope haven't been seen together for a while (they didn't even go to the Oscars together), I keep on thinking of the paparazzi incident with NK and KU.

blurry vice said...

We understand powerpuff about your strong feelings about this BV NOT being Penelope Cruz. But we as the four contributors however believe she is possibly BFF. Don't worry, we think Nicole Kidman is a good option too.
By the way I removed a post by our reader "powerpuff" above in which a letter to Ted was copied and pasted and Penelope Cruz was mentioned. Another reader was confused about it's intentions, since it was related to a different BV, not this one.

sistah2 said...

since we are now over-analyzing.. I may as well join the fray -
I guess I think that Ted saying "this lovely couple is for keeps" re: Pe/J was pretty sarcastic. Ted does not much beleive any Holly wood romance is for keeps - he is too cynical. so, I did not take that as any proof that they are "real". but, we'll see. Now aren't we dying to know who this is? It may not be anyone we've guessed anyways!!

blurry vice said...

Ted's exclusions today -

Not Halle Berry - "Think just as gorgeous, but less...warm."

Not Kate Hudson - "Correct frozen femme's way younger."

Not Demi Moore - "That would make Ashton Kutcher the dreadful womanizer, of course, which he ain’t. Sorry, not Ms. M, though certainly in the right everything else department, save talent."

blurry vice said...

I am shocked that Ted said BFF is younger than Kate Hudson! We are way off with our two main guesses here I guess. Unless Ted is lying again about the subject of BV being younger/older in his answers, like he did with Death Mint Myrtle. ???

sistah2 said...

wow - thats weird he says that BFF is "way younger " than Kate H. Lets say KH is like, 27-28. "way Younger" would be , like 5 yrs younger. Are we to think a 23 yr old is a "pro" at the fake-amour game, as Ted says? also - "she's been down that road so many times before". - Geez even in Hollywood you're an old pro at dating at that age? Something doesn't fit. Unless this is Scar-Jo......

mo-mo said...

Definitely weird that she's young. Scar-Jo is a good guess. Who is she dating now though?

sistah2 said...

she is with ryan reynolds..is he a womanizer? I still think the 'way younger K Hudson' comment is off - dont believe it really.

blurry vice said...

I know, Ted has really messed with us on this one. Kate Hudson turns 29 next week. Someone way younger, with Academy Award notice, who is a "pro" at the beard thing. ???
Maybe Scarlett Johansson, but I don't think so. Natalie Portman, Anne Hathaway? This is too confusing now.

blurry vice said...

Not Hayden Panettierre - "Your sorcery is set on the wrong hottie, 'cause it ain’t this Heroes hon. Think older. Slightly wiser."

- So now we are #1 younger than Kate Hudson and #2 older than Hayden Panettierre. So between 18-29.

blurry vice said...

Also, it's not Jennifer Aniston. No hints given.

blurry vice said...

Not Sarah Larson - "far more famous - far".

Anonymous said...

It's got to be either Natalie Portman or Keira Knightley.

Anonymous said...

Anne Hathaway is a good guess.

Anonymous said...

keira knightley......???

cassandra said...

emily blunt? with john krasinski?

Savannah said...

"What's Browhilda Frown-Free been up to? Is she still professionally bearding?
—Martha in Chicago

Dear Vintaged Girl:
Desperately. Ain't really workin' for her, either. Hear that, gals?"

How very interesting. Today in Ted's Bitch Back, his post about Browhilda Frown-Free was linked to this site.

I personally think both Penelope Cruz and Nicole Kidman are both either gay or bi, but I really think this fits Emily Blunt and John Krasinski...

Emily is younger than Kate Hudson. The B.V. says "Academy Award notice". Notice NOT nomination. All of the Not's were nominated for Academy Awards for Best Supporting Actress. The Devil Wears Prada came out in 2006 and Emily got great reviews and was nominated for awards. Many thought she should have been nominated for an Oscar. She is BFFs with Anne Hathaway who has been rumored to be gay for years. In the past Emily dated Michael Buble, which means she could have been professionally bearding for him which would make her an experienced beard. Emily started dating John Krasinski in late 2007, shortly before this BV came out. Ted has confirmed that John has been a BV, so he could be one of the BVs about womanizing. In today's Bitch Back Ted said the bearding ain't workin out for her. Lately Emily's had a lot of failed movies, so his comment could be a reference to that.

blurry vice said...

Savannah - nope, Emily Blunt was said to NOT have been a BV as of 1/29/10. See our label for "List of Ted's BV reveals" for that list.

I think Ted linked to this one in particular cause we never figured this one out. If he linked to one we figured out, with someone's face on it, E's legal department would have flipped.

Also, why doesn't E have archives for these BVs anymore? Seems that Ted is linking to us and defamer now for the old ones.

blurry vice said...

Here is a link to our list of BV reveals, and who Ted has said is and is not a blind vice, with the dates:

http://www.blinditemsexposed.com/2009/08/list-of-reveals-and-those-ted-says-is.html

sistah2 said...

could it be that since Penelope C announced her pregnancy today, its just a coincidence that Ted brought this BV up today too? Maybe its a little hint he's throwing our way..I know he said the woman is way younger than Kate Hudson (that would exclude PC) but, maybe we read that wrong? Gotta check on that.

Savannah said...

sistah2, good point about the Penelope pregnancy announcement connection. What about Kirsten Dunst??? She's the right age range and is more accomplished than most young actresses. She "dated" Jake Gyllenhaal. Was she "dating" any new guys in 2008?

Brittany said...

Kirsten would be a good guess except I'm pretty sure any BV of hers would have something to do with her heavy drug problem. Particularly at the time this BV came out. She had absolutely no idea Jake was gay and she was so in love with him. Definitely came to her as a shock.

J said...

It's gotta be PC. She bearded for Tom Cruise & Matthew McConoughy, and now she's married & preggers with JB's kid. Plus she won AA in 2009 for best supporting in 'Vicky Christina Barcelona', also starring JB. At the time Ted wrote this BV (2008), there was only Oscar buzz about her performance; the 2009 award show hadn't happened yet.

blurry vice said...

Can't be Penelope Cruz. Age range doesn't fit with Ted's clues (see above) We are looking at age range between Hayden Panty-Hair and Kate Hudson. So between 1979-1989.

Can't be Anne HAthaway either cause in 2010 she was said to have not been a BV.

Kirsten Dunst is the right age range... but she is a top contender for a few other BVs already.

blurry vice said...

sistah2, nope that is correct, we didn't read him wrong. Here were the letters - April 1, 2008 -

"Dear Ted:
Is Browhilda Frown-Free from One Backfire-for-Hire Blind Vice Halle Berry? I am trying to decipher your references, but she seems so cool, strong and chic, it seems she would swing that way, you know?
Kyrsten
Stanford, Calif.
Dear Halle Hunch:
What makes you say so, doll? Know somethin’ we don’t? Do tell. Ain’t the lovely H.B., by the by (as it were). Think just as gorgeous, but less...warm."

"Dear Ted:
I thought you were going to divulge who Death-Mint Myrtle from One Wasted Waist Blind Vice is...Please do tell! And is Browhilda Frown-Free from One Backfire-for-Hire Blind Vice Kate Hudson?
M
Chicago
Dear Archive It:
We were a little tardy with our Blind Vice reveal, but better late than never. And Hudson’s way off. Correct frozen femme's way younger."

"Dear Ted:
Is Browhilda Frown-Free from One Backfire-for-Hire Blind Vice Demi Moore?
Monica
Tacoma, Wash.
Dear Good One:
That would make Ashton Kutcher the dreadful womanizer, of course, which he ain’t. Sorry, not Ms. M, though certainly in the right everything else department, save talent."

sistah2 said...

do you think we actually mis-interpreted Ted's exclusion of Kate H? sometimes his writing is so confusing. maybe he meant the 'femme is way younger' meaning, that KH is way younger than Broomhilda. (not the other way around). that would make it possible for Penelope to be the answer. Just trying to make sense that this BV is said to have had some facial work done, and I find it hard to believe that someone in their 20's even in Hollywood would have already had work done. just saying. Blurry is there any way we can clarify this?

blurry vice said...

Also ScarJo was said to have NOT been a BV in 2009, cant be her.
What about JEssica Alba? She got married May 2008

sistah2 said...

sorry blurry didnt read your last post. thanks for clarifying.

dallasJAC said...

I think this is Megan Fox---she fits the age range, and she is constantly profiled as being a young actress who has had "work" done.

Savannah said...

Ted's hints don't add up. Ted says Browhilda isn't Demi Moore but that the question asker is "certainly in the right everything else department, save talent." That hint would lead me to believe that Browhilda is middle aged and has dark hair. But Browhilda is actually way younger than Kate Hudson? Kate Hudson is like 20 years younger than Demi Moore. It would have made more sense for Ted to say Browhilda is way younger than Demi Moore.
Ted says that Brow has free cosmetic procedures for the taking. Could be a clue that she has a cosmetics contract. Penelope Cruz has one. Or it could be mean that she's had cosmetic surgery like a nose job or something. It also says she's been down the fake-amour alley before. So Brow has probably had more than one public boyfriend who maybe even are all rumored to be gay. That fits Penelope. And Kristen. Who else does it fit. I don't think Megan Fox publicly dated anyone besides the 90210 guy.
What about Camilla Belle??? She's way younger than Kate Hudson and has dark hair like Demi Moore. She dated Tom Sturridge and Joe Jonas. Whoever she dated after Joe Jonas could be the straight womanizer guy.

J said...

Natalie Portman? Best sup actress nom in 2005 for Closer. Born in 1981. Started dating folk singer Devendra Banhart in late 2007/early 2008.

MinhxTrang said...

According to a list of Academy Award nominees through the years, the only actresses that would fit the birthdates from '79-'89 are Natalie Portman and Michelle Williams. I have a hard time believing it may be NP, but Michelle..maybe.
Michelle and Heath broke up a few months before his death. And from what I remember, there were more than one actress claiming to have been his girlfriend.

k said...

I would always put good money on this being keria knightly... il ask ted until my keyboard doesnt work!

ECFan said...

Oh for God's sake - it's Anne Hathaway, people! Michael K. at D-Listed has been talking about Hathaway being a lesbian for a good 4 years. As usual Ted was a day late and a dollar short, stole the information from someone else's site, wrote up a pile of his usual indesciperable jibberish and has been yanking people's chains for years with this same M.O.

Hathaway fits Ted's description to a T -

- She's younger than Kate Hudson by 4 or 5 years. Ted used Kate Hudson as a comparison because she and Hathaway made a movie together and Kate Hudson was a total bitch to Hathaway with her diva behavior.

- She's older than Hayden Panatierre by about 5 years.

- She was nominated for an Oscar for Rachel Getting Married

- Her broke up with her longtime purse/boyfriend who was an Italian businessman who went to jail on fraud and embezzlement charges

- Her current boyfriend has been seen at various places with other women and has been in some legal trouble himself.

- Hathaway never lived with either of the boyfriends and maintains a separate residence.

And for good measure - the reason it's not Jennifer Aniston is because Aniston bought her girlfriend a house and her discretion along with it.

k said...

Not anne - Ted has said twice shes not a BV.. although i agree shes as gay as the day is long.

lollapopalooza said...

I keep thinking this is Keira Knightly. (To me) the description seems to fit her well & I know the AIAs don't always mean anything - but both Tilda Swinton and CZJ are British...perhaps a clue...?

cassandra said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
cassandra said...

maybe this is michelle williams?

Liz said...

Also Anne Hathaway was Shakespeare's wife, and Ted's BV makes reference to shakespeare. But if he has said she is not a BV, I guess it can't be her. I think it's either Natalie Portman or Keira Knightly.

Lila said...

Keira Knightly. The Shakespeare reference and AIAs point to someone British. She and Rupert broke up in 2010 after 4-5 years together, this blind was in 2008. The age fits. Everything fits, yeah?

Remember the Lainey blind a year or so ago about two former IT girls in the limo and one went down on the other. Keira Knightly and Sienna Miller, Keira was the "giver" and gay one.

Savannah said...

Lila, you're so right. Ted answered this question around the time Keira and Rupert were probably breaking up. She also hasn't been in a hit movie in a few years. Now she's dating James Righton, who is said to be gay. Everything else fits, including that Ted has confirmed that Keira has been a BV.

Angelina Brown said...
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