Monday, March 24, 2008

Awful Truth Mini-Blind 3/24

Yay! A mini-blind from Ted on a Monday...


Happy ChristmasQuickie Mini-Blind
Which oh-so-famous young couple parted ways not that long ago, he and she both of multitalented varieties, over her fairly indiscreet dalliances? Can you imagine, perhaps, who we are inferring? Sure ya can! Guess what? Just found out what caused that poor hon to be so naughty with other dudes while she was off filming on location. Turns out, while back at home in Hollywood, missy's hubby had a "light switch" for a penis (so reports a switch-witness). Hence, philandering wifey—we'll call her Inpenna Never-Trated—felt totally at a loss and doomed, sexually speaking, until she was woken up by costar X, soon to be followed by dude Z and the rest of the male alphabet. Girl was dee-lighted to discover what she'd been missing!


So obvious! Apparently someone who was only with one man, and the one we all know did that would be...

* Top suspect: Jessica Simpson (co-star with no nickname Nick Lachey)

15 comments:

blurry vice said...

Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey!!! Wow!

duffgrl said...

Agree.

blurry vice said...

Light switch, haha. Mo-mo I know you are disappointed.

mo-mo said...

Ha... I do love Nick Lachey, and that's part of the reason I don't think it's them! I'm confused, I don't see how you guys are so sure that it would be Jessica and Nick?? I was thinking it was Kate Hudson and Chris Robinson.

Anonymous said...

Could it possibly be Reese and Ryan?
She would fit "someone who was only with one man" description.

blurry vice said...

No, I don't think it's Reese W or Kate H. First of all, those quoted words above were my words, not Ted's. And anyway, Reese has never proclaimed herself that she was a virgin before marriage. It sounds as though this woman is someone we all know was a virgin before marriage. Because she didn't know what she was missing. I have never heard anything about Reese Witherspoon or Kate Hudson being virgins before marriage. The only people that I can think of that have claimed that are JEssica Simpson, LeAnn Rimes (still married)... Britney Spears temporarily claimed to be, but this BV is a "wifey" so it cant be her.

duffgrl said...

Also I'm pretty sure that Reese didn't cheat. Jessica Simpson was a ho. She cheated w/ Dane Cook and that LOSER Bam whatshisface. But...what is that Vanessa Vanillomillo or whatever her name is still doing w/ Nick if it's true?

blurry vice said...

Right... Jessica Simpson famously cheated with co-stars. It was rumored she cheated with Dane Cook, who was mentioned in The Awful Truth the same day as this BV. She also co-starred with and supposedly had a fling with Johnny Knoxville. Then she had the random fling with Bam Margera - who claimed in interviews that she slept with him at her and Nick's house while Nick was away.

BTW mo to clarify from your email. It was my impression that this is someone who has only been with one man, because Ted said she found out what she had been missing, and the name "Impenna Never Trated".

blurry vice said...

Yeah I don't know what's up with Vanessa Minnillo then... I guess she doesn't mind! She swings both ways right? So maybe she doesn't care about the "light switch" much anyway!

Tara said...

In the interest of attempting to grab Jessica Simpson for PGZ, is anyone willing to entertain, or shoot down with reason, Sophia Bush or Hilary Swank for INT?

lollapopalooza said...

According to the list, Sophia Bush has never been a blind vice.

blurry vice said...

This is most definitely Jessica Simpson as we suspected. Esp because yesterday Ted said that Nick Lachey has never been a BV. Therefore, as a couple they can not be Julep Jiggle/Driscoll Dreamboat, nor Hussy Purr and Drinkel Manslut. JS is alone in this one, as Impenna Never Trated!!!

HEre is the elim -

no on nick 11/22
"Dear Ted:
Let's talk happy engaged couples. Have either Vanessa Minnillo or Nick Lachey ever been a B.V.? And do you think they will make it to the altar, beyond and

produce some dimpled offspring?
—Vicehunting

Dear Newlyweds, Round 2:
No Vices here—both are way too boring for that. But yes, I think they'll definitely swap I do's; they've only been dating forever. The real question is who

will race to the altar first:, him or the former Mrs. Lachey."

blurry vice said...

Now that we know that Nick has never been a BV, Jess's BV is not a "couple" one with Nick. This eliminates most of the other BV names people thought JEss was. She is most definitely this one, Impenna Never Trated!

hzystar293 said...

I also think Ted indirectly outed Jessica Simpson as Impena Never-Trated in a Nov. 16th "Bitch Back" - he wrote:

"Dear Not That Simple:
. . . Oh, and with all the questions you're asking about this bride-to-be, how could she not be a B.V.! Maybe that's why Nick couldn't hang?"

Ever heard the phrase hung like a light switch? That lines up with that blind vice, which references the hubby with a "light switch" penis.

Jamee said...

I don't think this is Jessica Simpson, no matter how much she seems to fit, per the BB today, which says what she's keeping secret makes her the Best Friend From Hell...

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