Vintage BV: Stanley Manly

Here's one that was suspected to be about Hugh Hefner -

One Nearly Hairless Blind Vice - July 13, 2005

Oh, not really, I guess, as I've heard this same-sex scuttlebutt about Stanley Manly for years. Just never believed. Until now. But, per usual, I'm getting ahead of myself.
Historically, Stan is one of Hollywood's premier cocksmen, digits down. Right and left, S.M. always seems to be out and about, givin' the ol' boudoir eyes to his myriad booby-dolls. He's photographed at H-town's hipper enclaves, always with at least one or two (female) pretties by his svelte side.
At home, it's not necessarily a different story. Through the years, S.M. has bedded probably as many women as Joan Rivers has offended. And then some.
But, that was then. Nowadays, Mr. M. trots on back to his fancy-ass digs and promptly ditches the dames. He then puts on something more casual to wear, maybe a little mood music. Goes on up to his massive bedroom, which is equipped with every sexual aid one could imagine. But, all Stan needs is his trusty ol' hand. For himself.
Because, these days, Stan prefers to watch. Young boys. And don't go getting any Michael Jackson ideas here, sweetheart, these girly-looking guys are of age, to be sure.
Barely.
(Oh, and Stan the Man's name is not mentioned in this week's column. I see to it that he rarely is. Always thought there was something pretty fake about this weirdo.)
And it ain't: Matthew McConaughey, Verne Troyer, Owen Wilson

Also eliminated: Bruce Willis, Matthew Perry, Luke Wilson, Jack Nicholson

Top suspect: Hugh Hefner

Vintage BV: Ream Helene

Another old one...

One Comes Around Blind Vice - May 4, 2005

Ream Helene is a back-stabbing, finagling, eat-her-mother-for-opportunity bitch, no two (gossipy) words about it. And not just with the colleagues but with the exes. She wasn't exactly nice to the former men in her life--many of whom she discarded unceremoniously.
So, ain't it sweet now that Ream-babe (who's rather rewarded when it comes to Tinseltown scoreboards) is being gifted--right as we cyber-gossip--with a cheating spouse. Mattress-karma's a helluva payback.
Oh, and I should tell you (as I don't care about such provincial morals), Helene's miles and miles of enemies are getting such enjoyment that Ms. H.'s present hubby is cheating on her with a paid paramour.
Yeah, one of those babes who's always enabling actresses to get Oscars when they play their steamy, sordid lives: a hooker.
Hey, does is actually count as an affair when you're paying for it? (Such a lame-ass guy thing to say, sorry.)
And it aint: Kate Winslet, Julia Roberts, Kate Beckinsale 

Also eliminated: Madonna, Jennifer Lopez, Claire Danes

Top guesses were: Gwyneth Paltrow, Melanie Griffith, Sharon Stone

Vintage BV: Reverential Ricardo, Manfred He-Man

Now I am on a roll with looking up old ones... here is another:  (Edited to add first one that day, could not locate it at first, my apologies.  The two are unrelated but I am putting them together since they were written on the same day.)

Both are from Jan 4, 2007 -

Part 1...

One Heaping Blind Vice With a Man on the Side

Reverential Ricardo is such a lucious emeritus hottie (no Clay Aiken he, promise), almost as much as Manfred He-Man (see next Vice), but first, we're zeroing in on R2's once so taut bum—and what he's been doin' with it. 
See, I'm putting Revey before Manny in this too sex-ay Vice 'cause, well, ya see, Mr. R's been putting us (discreetly, mostly) homo types at the top 'o his list for aeons! So sweet of him to do so!  Not really.  Because, as it is, when Ricardo sees fit to discuss homosexuals, he ain't exactly kind about it.  Sort of the same way sanctimonious servants o' God spat as they declare diddling outside of marriage to be a sin, all the while they've often got a mistress or masseur on the side.  Know what I mean, my money-siphoning jellybeans?
Oh, hell, I'm getting off track, per usual. Sorry.  So, ain't it ironic—and such the man-to-man coinky-dink—that Reverential, so say some of his relatives, directly to moi, has a certain buddy living in his abode, expressly for the purpose of late-night nooky? 
Translation: When the fam's in bed, R.R. rendezvouses with his good-looking (but aging less gracefully than Revey, I might add) lad—kept on salary, by the by, just so R.R. can have discreet homo sex whenever he wants.  Oh, and what's written on those pay stubs for the stud-service type, you ask? Anything but Best Boy, bien sûr! What the hell else did you expect in this town? 
Gosh, did Reverential get that idea from certain other male/male megastars, I wonder?  Not that I'm implying anything, mind you... 

And it Aint:  Eddie Murphy, Paul Newman, Denzel Washington 

For Reverential Ricardo:
Eliminated: Eddie Murphy, Paul Newman, Denzel Washington, Marc Anthony, Kirk Cameron
Top guesses were: Mel Gibson, Tom Cruise




Part 2...

One Gay-Acting Playacting Blind Vice

Now, superfamous Manfred He-Man, I must tell you, is far more hopeful and genuine (for whatever that's worth) in his private homo life. Got a good man beside him, just like our fave closeted hunk, Toothy Tile. And even though Manfred does, just like Tooth, dream from time to time about the very real possibility of coming out and keeping his day job in homo-hating 'Merica—as Dubya says, so adoringly—he's trying to convince producers of one of his upcoming flicks to let him sorta do it...slowly.
In other words, via one of the characters Manfred's soon playing, who's even studlier than the reportedly wholly hetero He-Man.
"He wants this character to have a scene where he tries gay sex," poops a source close to M.H.-M.'s production goings-on. "He thinks that might help pave the way for him, privately, later on."
Whatever works for ya, boyfriend!
Gosh, I wonder if Toothy, the grande dame of on-the-verge fruits, has thought of such a calculating celluloid plan himself?
Yeah, I think so. Think he quashed it, in the end.
And it Aint: Matt Damon, Matthew McConaughey, Matt Dillon 

For Manfred He-Man:
Eliminated: Matt Damon, Matthew McConaughey, Matt Dillon, Wentworth Miller, Mark Wahlberg
Top guesses were: Daniel Craig, Hugh Jackman, Harrison Ford, George Clooney, Sean Connery

Vintage BV: Preen Pumper & Dare E. Airre

OK y'all know we've been hunting for some particular stars' blind vices for a while... here is one I just dug up that could be Sandra Bullock and Jesse James?  Maybe?  Regardless, it's kinda gross and hence, interesting.  :)

One Behind-the-Behind Blind Vice: March 1, 2007

Okay, if you're sick o' the pooftah stuff (and if you are, can't imagine why you're reading this missive right now), click off. 'Cause here comes the fairy mother Blind Vice of all fairy-esque naughty happenings in H-town…
Preen Pumper has a fairly superclean rep, despite being pretty much of a dawg before he hooked up with his longtime love, Dare E. Airre. But then, longtime amour never lasts in this heathen-filled 'ville, right? Right.
Therefore, P2 has been making his way through various buxom hookups, post-Dare split. And P.P.'s current lady love seems to be—perhaps—in for the long haul. We'll see, won't we?
I'm just, uh, wondering if we should send out some kind of warning to P.P.'s current babe-friend, a nice enough gal who seems to be a bit o' a farm-fed femme, seemingly pure and all that (unbelievable) nonsense.
See, Preen has his sexual peccadilloes, don't we all? And Preen's, it turns out, is alternate-entry sex, which, when I've polled most of my (male and female) straight buds, I have found out is not so unusual on the het scene: I mean, if you're a guy, you just basically want to put it anywhere you can, n'est-ce pas?
Well, we'll touch on that pokin' theory another time. Right now, we gotta get back to Preen, who always prefers his outback ways to involve a guy, turns out. What a surprise! Closeted homosexual behavior in Tinseltown! I'm shocked!
It's just that Preen's demands in this arena are downright creepy, as Mr. Pumper always insists that his guy partners never:
—Kiss him.
—Undress.
—Look at him.
—Have an orgasm anywhere in P.P.'s vicinity.
Additionally (I'm surprised Preen doesn't have his partners sign confidentiality contracts, but, ah, isn't Tinseltown just made for stupid-ola freakazoids?), Pumper insists on remaining squeaky-clean himself, but he is willing to go a second round, should all these cumbersome rules not get in the way of any spontaneity. Gosh, how could they possibly not?
Sounds like having sex with Martha Stewart on steroids or something! (This is a joke, E! Legal Eagles, please be advised.)
Oh, and by the by, should tell you all that Ms. Airre had no idea her man was going out the door for the behind-door stuff. Until now, that is.
And It Ain't: Macaulay Culkin, Brody Jenner, Tyrese

Also eliminated: Eddie Murphy, Jason Lewis

Top guesses were: Nick Lachey & Jessica Simpson

Blind Vice: Drunk Movie Star Runs Around Naked!

New from Ted today...

Blind Vice: Drunk Movie Star Runs Around Naked!

We're takin' a slight breather from the hardcore debauched Blind Vice annals of closeted sexuality, illegal drugs and married swingers.
Today's secret celeb tale is all about how pitiful a famous drunk's life can be. And no, we're not just talkin' Lindsay Lohan and her new SCRAM existence. Nope, enter mega-rich, mega-talented (and still working, too!) Buddy Rib-Toast, a dude who knows his way around blockbusters as well as he does babes.
And Buddy's movie pals are getting super concerned about the good-looking dude:
As the Budster has a bad habit of getting smashed out of his gourd and bolting through hotel rooms, sets, trailers and myriad on-location places in his birthday suit! (Or, if Bud's not quite as intoxicated as he usually gets, just in his underwear.) And even though most of the ladies—at least, the ones who aren't sleeping with him—don't seem to mind this up-close display of Buddy's privates on parade, a lotta Buddy's guy pals are getting seriously worried.
"He has a major drinking problem," said one of Buddy's close colleagues, a friend who's working with Buddy on his latest film, Return to Nation Ruination (which is a sequel to the monster hit, Nation Ruination, the flick that really put BRT on the map). "And it's constantly getting covered up by his publicists who keep threatening to pull him from future shows if any of the TV outlets mention it."
Jeez, never heard of that one. A publicist threatening banishment unless a news organization agrees to hush up a star's seedy behavior? Shocking!
"But what's really weird," adds the Rib-Toast pal, "is not only that he's always naked, but that nobody's come out with this yet. It's gotta be just a matter of time."
Actually, it's already happened: Rib-Toast got into a little nasty snafu, thanks to his inebriated head, when he and a friend's girlfriend he was schtupping got caught in the act. But no worries! Miss Publicist made it all go away!
Also, if the naked stuff come out, Buddy knows full well his stellar abs will make more news than the fact that he's constantly loaded on his projects.

It Ain't: Jake Gyllenhaal, Kellan Lutz, Jason Lewis

Update 7/7/11 - Ted has eliminated Jake Gyllenhaal, Kellan Lutz, Jason Lewis, Gerard Butler, Alexander Skarsgard, Chris Pine, Harrison Ford, Viggo Mortensen, Daniel Radcliffe

Top guess:  Jason Statham (?)

Blind Vice: Stripper Past, Sleazy Present

New from Ted today -

Blind Vice: Stripper Past, Sleazy Present


It's absolutely no secret Dougy Dry-Hump loves the ladies. Although just how much of a womanizer he is may come as a shock...to his wife.
See, Doug is no stranger to scandal, per se, but he has a way of making it disappear. A few photo shockers here and there, cheating allegations, the usual messes straight celebs find themselves in.
But thanks to Doug's red-hot career, few outlets choose to run with the dirty info, 'cause in the end, an interview with Dry-Hump is a bigger get than a "supposed" story with a five-minute skanklet. Everything's a tradeoff in this town, right?
Sure, if Doug had a wife the star caliber of Sandra Bullock, all of his indiscretions would totally be out by now. But fortunately for Dougy's wife-unit, she isn't famous, so the story doesn't have as much oomph to it.
Which is why DD-H, who's classically handsome and pretty nicely built, doesn't give an ef anymore when he steps out on his significant other.
Sure, strip clubs are his first stop on a night when he's in the mood to get it on. Doug's been known to frequent the nakey joints all across the country, stuffing babes with more than just dollar bills, if you catch our drift. Totally into the "weird," dirty stuff.
Which is why we were surprised to hear of his presence at a Hollywood afterparty in the Hills very recently.
There Doug was, pouring booze for the barely legal girls at the mansion, chatting up any babe who would give his ego a good stroke. The kicker to the story is the host of the party is a huge H'wood sleaze bag, who actually has been a Blind Vice himself. The thought of these two crossing paths, or girls, shows just how small this evil enclave really is.
Anyways, Dry-Hump didn't partake in the drug stuff going on around him—no, he was much more into the bevy of babes and stiff drinks. So clearly the party didn't stop there...He took some girls back to his hotel room in wee hours of the morning (we're talking when the sun was rising) where we can only assume Dougy and little Dougy did what they do best.

And it Ain't: Robert Downey Jr., Charlie Sheen, Jon Hamm

Update 9/3/11 - Ted has eliminated Robert Downey Jr., Charlie Sheen, Jon Hamm, Matt Damon, Christian Bale, Matthew McConaughey, Simon Baker, Hugh Laurie, Channing Tatum, Denzel Washington, David Boreanaz.

Current top guess: Matthew Fox

Blind Vice: Lesbian Star Gets Dumped!

New from Ted today...

Blind Vice: Lesbian Star Gets Dumped!


Cannes has been such trouble for stars this year: Naomi Campbell had younger, more attractive models thrown out of her fancy B-day bash. An errant dog ate Lindsay Lohan's passport. And poor Venetia Vag-0-Matic got dumped by her stunning girlfriend!
Only thing is, Venetia didn't even know about this sad news until she got back stateside. How awful!
How could the GF, who blew off her more famous partner as soon as she returned to L.A., have been so cold? Well, turns out the gorgeous girlfriend saw a picture of Venetia in Cannes doing something she probably shouldn't have been doing...
Like sucking face with a dude!
This really is so very Lindsay Lohan of Venetia, who's never actually come out as a lesbian, but who lives to get her flirt on with any sex she chooses—even though she's got a damn beautiful and loyal partner waiting in Hollywood for her. Really does read Samantha Ronson and Lindsay L. all over again.
Samantha actually tried to get Lindsay to live a more substantial, esteemed life, while Lohan, remember, would live to get her boy-flirt on in clubs and at parties, all the while playing supposedly out-and-proud lesbian housewife.
And just how did Venetia take it, once the girlfriend delivered the news?
"She was pissed," said an eye and ear witness to the Vag-O-Matic meltdown. "She was telling everybody, like it was her girlfriend's problem, not hers."
I dare say that hit movie Venetia's got has gone not to just the director's head, but hers, too.

And It Ain't: Zoe Saldana, Carey Mulligan, Nikki Reed

Update 6/5/10 - Ted has also eliminated Kate Bosworth, Megan Fox, Gwyneth Paltrow.


Current top guess: Michelle Rodriguez

Blind Vice: Keep Your Friends Close, Druggies Closer!

New from Ted today -

Blind Vice: Keep Your Friends Close, Druggies Closer!

We know we promised we wouldn't talk about Morgan Mayhem anymore—until she cleans up her act, that is, which she so totally is not doing—so we apologize for bringing the dreaded M2 back into the mix. Had to.

The good news? This Blind Vice isn't entirely about nasty old Morgs, it's more about the young Hollywood bestie that's getting the Mayhem 101 in "How to Be Bad."

Meet Strawberry Snort'Em, a rising diva known for her mildly wild ways, who's picked up one of M.M.'s nastier habits…
Coke, a Mayhem fave (tho she'd tell you otherwise, obviously).
You wouldn't know it, but S.S. and M2 are quite close—as in share-a-gay-BFF close, the ultimate bond in H'wood. Thing is, Strawberry knows Morgan's rep and wouldn't be caught anywhere near her.
Even on Twitter, where Morgs desperately tries to chat our newest B.V. vixen up but never gets as much as a pity @reply.
But when Strawberry doesn't think she'll be caught, she's got absolutely no problem getting Morgan-level wild! And for a chick who's so friggin' concerned about what people think of her, S.S. isn't so discreet about her bathroom behaviors.
Maybe she figured it was an unspoken code of T-town? "What goes on in the bathroom, stays in the bathroom…"
Well, a few someones are blabbing.
Fellow clubbers on this specific night were too pleased to spot S.S. and M2 snorting away in the trendy L.A. hot spot's posh bathrooms.
And while Morgan went on to much more tabloid-talked-about antics that night (as she always does), Strawberry avoided the press and instead pissed off the other partyers with her coked-up craziness.
Strawberry was completely out of control, dish our club sources, telling us S2 was even climbing on statues within the club. S2's got a name that carries clout in Hollyweird, so security obviously didn't step in to stop her, even though the other club-hoppers were complaining.
Hey, this is Hollywood, people, if you don't like the way the starlets play, get out of the damn clubs, right?
With Morgan as a role model, we're terrified of what may become of sweet Strawberry Snort'Em. Cross your fingers, folks, because we'd hate to see S2's career—and personal life (what would her dude think?)—go down the drain like Morgan's.

It Ain't: Hayden Panettiere, Miley Cyrus, Ashely Greene

We know that Morgan Mayhem = Lindsay Lohan.  See our labels on the right for more Morgan Mayhem posts.

* For Strawberry Snort'Em:
Update 4/20/12 - Ted has eliminated Hayden Panettiere, Miley Cyrus, Ashley Greene, Kirstin Dunst, Lisa Marie Presley, Amanda Bynes. 

Current top suspect: Katy Perry
 

Buzzfoto Blind Item #323

From yesterday...

Buzzfoto Blind Item #323
These two costars from a big movie coming out have been hooking up in between takes of the film. They are both married and they are both loving husbands to their naïve wives out there. Not Robert Downey Jr.

Buzzfoto Blind Item #322

From yesterday

Buzzfoto Blind Item #322
This very wealthy diva has let her music career go to her head and her behind! One of her staff member claims that our star has two types of luxury toilet paper put into her bathroom each day. The paper is not on rolls and is not to be touched by human hands. The staff must first wear gloves when handling it. The diva then has each kind broken into squares and stacked into two separate containers. That way, depending on the day and the situation, the diva can chose which types fits her needs. Both brands are imported and very expensive.
Not Rihanna.

Our top suspect: Mariah Carey

Blind Vice: Be Careful Who You Sleep With!

From Ted yesterday...

Blind Vice: Be Careful Who You Sleep With!

Oh, Crescent Kumquat, what a tangled romantic life you lead:
First you start kissing boys, then you graduate to secretly hooking up with them online, and now you've decided you gotta sleep with a big-mouthed (female) publicist, just to make sure word gets around that you're into girls.
Hmm. What a sneaky boy you are.
Yeah, but that craftiness between the sheets sure does come with a big ol' problem, doesn't?
Yeah, like a nasty STD you picked up from the blabbering PR rep!
Yes, yes, yes, of course, the chick you boned talked about the fact that you slept with her, just like you wanted. But, she also gave you another little bonus present: herpes. And guess how the babe you scored with found out she got the unfortunate disease in the first place?
Another bisexual star (who's famous for hanging with a gay-loving chick, just for the publicity, as well) also slept with this same rep—and she bitched him out when she found out. And now Crescent's super peeved she passed it onto him without so much as a, "you might want to throw a rubber on that not exactly long but nicely wide equipment of yours."
Jeez, what a friggin' six-degrees of penicillin this baby is.
Pretty high price to pay just to get talked about in the rags as a red-blooded, honey-bedding stud, huh? I'll say.
Oh, and for the record, Crescent, since I hear you're back online hunting for boys again, tell me something: do you also advertise that you're one-night encounters come fully equipped with the gift that keeps on giving?
Just curious.

Aint it Ain't: Ryan Kwanten, Kiefer Sutherland, John Mayer

This is the 6th Crescent Kumquat Blind Vice.  Our top suspect is Chace Crawford.

Here are the links to the many other CK BVs: Jan 9 2009 including a full list of who has been eliminated; May 1 2009; Jan 15 2010; Apr 23 2010; Apr 27 2010.

Bonus Blind Vice! Me-Me Dallas Goes For Girls!

New from Ted today...

Bonus Blind Vice!  Me-Me Dallas Goes For Girls!

Last we heard from Me-Me Dallas, she was makin' that set trailer rock all over the place, thanks to the fun mattress action she had going on inside with her good dude friend, Tobey Yum-Yum. Mind you, this was all went down while outside the fancy dressing room; Me-Me kept telling everybody she was staying faithful to her boyfriend—and that they weren't all that serious, anyway.
Girl knows how to spin a lie better than Lindsay Lohan.  Meanwhile, there's something else Ms. Dallas is being quite upfront about:
Kissing girls!
Yes, everybody and their mama frets about how many boys, and which boys, Me-Me is—or is not—getting trailer trashy with. But they're missing the real story: that she's hopelessly devoted to finding out what it's like to French kiss a lady.
Ugh, this is so Crescent Kumquat territory! First, it starts with the lip-lock curiosity, next comes playing around with each other, then, it's the whole damn morning after!
But for now: On two separate occasions, shocked, elite Hollywood revelers have witnessed Me-Me announce, as we're told, that she wants "to kiss a girl." It's happened in a private club, as well as at another less public venue.
Both times Dallas was loaded to the gills, by the by. To get her courage up, ya think?
"She made her grand entrance," said a fellow guest at Me-Me's last fancy do, "and she said she wanted to kiss with a girl.
"So this lesbian goes up to her," the Sapphic witness tells us, "and starts really making out. [Me-Me] was really into it, at first, but then I think she saw that people were looking and she pulled away."
Not so at the big Hollywood club where Dallas was a short time earlier. Onlookers couldn't believe their eyeballs when Me-Me "really went to town," making out with another good-looking chick.
Ugh, has anybody told Me-Me's current boyfriend just how his GF likes to get her hot on?
Doubtful, as he's so busy trying to be so good right now.
Jeez, dude, why bother, if this is what your honey's up to?

And it Ain't: Anna Paquin, Rumer Willis, Emma Watson

Top suspect: still Miley Cyrus.
Here is the link to the previous Me-Me Dallas Blind Vice from 8/12/09, including a full list of who has been eliminated.

CDAN - 5.12.10

From Crazy Days and Nights today....

Today's Blind Items - How a Director Got A Job
There are all kinds of ways to get a job in Hollywood, but this one is particularly juicy. This married writer/producer/director wanted to direct this much anticipated movie. A movie for which there was a lot of competition. Well, one day the producer of the movie came over to the director's house to interview him for the job. While he was there the director's B- list movie and television actress wife showed up. She sat in on the interview and made it perfectly clear to the producer that she was perfectly willing to f**k him right there if it got her husband the job. The next day the producer came over and our actress and he had sex. The director got the job. What he might not have expected though is that his wife who has done this kind of thing before has continued to sleep with the producer.

Buzzfoto Blind Item #319

From yesterday -

Buzzfoto Blind Item #319
Just a warning that this blind is so bizarre, it stems on the ridiculous. Our source claims to be the one night stand of this male MTV reality star. She hooked up with him at a popular nightclub and the two went back to her place and he spent the night. He was really drunk, but claimed to have names for the most delicate parts of his body. Some are too obscene to share, but he does call his ‘goods’ the U.N. (no, not for United Nations). It stands for Uno Nut, which she claims is an accurate description. At first our source thought it was a joke or drunk talk, but the celebutard was completely serious and asked that she referred to his anatomy as such. Oh yeah, this guy is in a relationship with someone else. He has names for her parts as well but they’re much too nasty to post here. But here’s one: She always brags about her Double D’s but he calls them Droopy Dog behind her back.
Not Brandon Davis.

Glee Blind Vice Revealed! Pat Poisonpuss is...

Wow Ted made an entire post to reveal a recent BV...

Glee Blind Vice Revealed!  Pat Poisonpuss is...

We hoped Pat Poisonpuss was just having an off day when our on-set source blabbed to us about how downright bitchy the diva was to her cast and crew in between takes.
But sad to say, looks like that's a normal day for P2. And now P.P. isn't even trying to keep her nasty 'tude a secret, so why should we?
Yep, Lea Michele seems to be having a hard time separating the onscreen diva she plays from offscreen life, and it's getting on everyone's nerves.
Last week at the Time 100 Gala in New York, Lea totally turned off her fellow honorees by swapping spit with her BF the whole night, instead of socializing with the other influential guests.
Classy, babe!
And then to top matters off, the chick snapped at a photographer who had the nerve to take her pic then ask for her name. How dare he!
Lea said she was Sarah Palin and then, Taylor Swift, when photographer Patrick McMullanasked who she was. Reportedly, Patrick then told the pretty girl to ef off.
We rang up McMullan, who's a pretty famous celebrity in his own right (he snaps them all, trust), just to make sure. Here's what he had to say:
"Everything that's in that story is true, Lea giving me the fake names, but not what I said," P.M. told us. "I didn't say 'f--k you' to her, even though I wanted to say 'F--k you!' No, what I said was, 'Forget about it.' "
"Yeah...but you know what?" McMullen laughed. "Taylor Swift and Demi and Ashton were totally cool and nice at that event. They're classy."
We get the not-so-coded message, P. And when asked what Patrick will say to Lea the next time he sees her at an event (which, of course, he will), we asked what would he utter to Lea this time?
"Hey, I owe you a f--k you!"
Love it!
So, listen, Lea—we love Glee as much as the next guy or gal. And we actually do love you, too—we think you're totally gorge and you've got talent galore. But c'mon, take a bite of that humble pie your costars are sharing (Jane Lynch anyone?) and lose the 'tude.

*Here is the link to the Pat Poisonpuss Blind Vice from 4/30/10.

Vintage BV - Barker Kumesalot, Spoona Moon

In light of Ted's recent hint that David Boreanaz's Blind Vice was about his cheating, I'm digging up some old ones again.  How about Barker Kumesalot...

One Hirsute, Hellraising and Horny Blind Vice - Oct 13, 2005

It's not like there's anyone alive who doesn't wish they could get a little nooky on the job. (Well, except maybe Laura Bush.) I can hear the yell over the cubicle now: "Yo, boss, I'm gonna head downstairs for some coffee and a little whoopee! Back in five!"
Yeah, right. But, hey, it wouldn't be such a salivating dream if you were to spend a day in Barker Kümeselot's boxers. Perhaps you've heard stories about this dirty dawg before. Yes, he gets around. And how.
Oh sure, B.K. has made more than a few trips to the Playboy Mansion. Yeah, he's lost his cherry more than once in the grotto. (I knew I should have worn a wetsuit when I filmed there last for E! News!)
But look, bros 'n' sisses, Barker is talented. So, we call him "eccentric." It's a nicer word than pervert, doncha think?
I mean, he's so special that without Barker K., Three and a Half Pricks, his superhot TV show, would stink, bien sûr !
It's time to knock on woody, though. Ya see, Barker still hasn't signed a new deal, which is up sooner than it takes Paris to change stalls, I mean, men. And Barker's friggin' barkin' for a bigger trailer, blah cushy this and blah oversize that. Duh. Maybe because it's hard to have an orgy in a twin bed?
Look, here's the bottom line: Most everybody who toils away on Three is getting downright grossed out by how many extras Bark bangs his way through. No discretion.
Whatever. His most pathetic excuse while his coworkers are made to wait during B.K.'s trailer-rockin' rompings? "I was getting a pedicure."
Must have been one helluva toe job. Sir Kümeselot, please learn to keep it in your pants at work. At least until that new gig is sealed up--the little screen would just be too, uh, unsubstantial, without you.

And it Ain't: Matthew Fox, Josh Duhamel, Kiefer Sutherland 

And another -

One Call-a-Cab Blind Vice - May 4, 2006

What do Spoona Moon and Barker Kumeselot have in common?
Neither of these talented, tumultuous hotties can just say no when it comes to danger...er, fun!
Last week, Spoona's stylist hit up a ridiculously trendy boutique. The stylist seemed freakin' fed up with everything, but for a damn good reason.
"None of these clothes fit her right now," she sniffed, loud enuff for other shoppers to hear. "She's not eating at all, just doing coke."
Oh, Spoona, come on. I thought you had some new good-influence friends? Sigh.
Well, at least--as far as I know--she's not putting her wrecked head behind the wheel of a car. That's what Barker did last week, when he arrived at a high profile event seeming, well, high on life! (Booze, actually.) Anyway, Barker scared the Agent Provocateur panties and Hugo Boss briefs off some fancy-ass folks.
"He showed up hammered and drove up on the sidewalk," whispers my stunned source. "And a cop had to take him out of his car."
Miraculously, Barker did manage to make his way through the bash, which was very la-dee-dah--as in, no peeing in the planters, no chatter about network reality shows. But you won't see his puffy punum on the WireImage party page. He didn't--or perhaps couldn't--walk the carpet.
Hmmm, maybe Spoona and Barker will head to Promises rehab together and embark on a gloriously codependent journey to love?
Nah. They'd just wind up fighting over who's more seductive.

And it ain't: Mary Kate Olsen/Chad Michael Murray, Chloe Sevigny/Michael Rosenbaum, Sharon Stone/Charlie Sheen

Spoona Moon:  
Eliminated: Mary Kate Olsen, Chloe Sevigny, Sharon Stone, Nicole Richie, Whitney Houston, Sienna Miller, Britney Spears
 *Top suspect: Jessica Simpson, Ashley Olsen (?)
 

Barker Kumesalot: 
Eliminated: Chad Michael Murray, Michael Rosenbaum, Charlie Sheen, Matthew Fox, Josh Duhamel, Kiefer Sutherland, DJ AM, Bobby Brown, Kevin Federline, Julian McMahon
 *The top suspect for BK was Jeremy Piven.  But me thinks that David Boreanaz is also definitely a possibility...

Bonus Blind Vice! Sex Tapes are So the Rage!

New from Ted today...

Bonus Blind Vice!  Sex Tapes are So the Rage!


What have you guys done to deserve so many Blind Vice's in the past week and a half? Or better yet, why have so many dudes been extra skanky, as of late?
Meet Chet Chick-Muncher. You'd think this star would have been a Vicer already since his ridiculous antics have been going on for decades, but his dirty laundry is usually so publicly aired there's never been a need before.
Until now, thanks to a certain electronic misstep...
Chet has definitely had his share of substance-abuse problems, and it seems one of his effed-up escapades is coming back to haunt him—big-time.
Obviously, we mean a sex tape. Who the hell doesn't have one lying around these days?
Only problem is, not only is Chick-Muncher attached and most definitely straight-ish, this tape isn't with his honey—or a girl.
Seems CC-M, who enjoys his female skank-up a lot, has been caught on-camera, not with a hooker, but totally blowing some random dude. Yes, that's how obscenely obliterated the Munch was when this went down—pun intended.
And one of the parties from this par-tick sexfest is shopping this bad-boy tape around, and Chet is convinced it's about to come out.
Hence, Chick-Muncher's attempt to fade back into the background. He's actually trying to become less of a public figure these days, professionally speaking, even though it may not look that way at all. That way, if the footage does come out in the near future, it won't sell for as much or have as much of an impact on his reputation (which is not exactly great right now).
And yes, Chet's lady is aware of what's going on. Wonder if she'll be the one to let the haunting tape spill to the press? It certainly would give her ammo for what's sure to be a massively uncomfortable split.

And it ain't… Tiger Woods, John Edwards, Jesse James

Update 6/8/10 - Ted has also eliminated John Mayer, Mickey Rourke, Leonardo DiCaprio, Michael Douglas, Kiefer Sutherland, Rob Lowe, Mark Wahlberg, Tom Sizemore.

Top suspects: Sting, Viggo Mortensen

* Proven by timeline of Ted's dates he was and wasn't a BV: Viggo Mortensen

(Viggo Mortensen proven as CCM due to timeline of dates Ted said he was and was not a bv; under dispute however - see coments.)

Bonus Blind Vice: Which Young Star's X-Tra Naughty?

Bonus BV from Ted today...

Bonus Blind Vice: Which Young Star's X-Tra Naughty?

You know what a lot of celebs do when they're trapped in the closet? Drugs. And lots of 'em.
A young Toothy Tile had to do line after line just to get through sex with a chick (you know, in an attempt to prove to himself he was straight) and now we're hearing another young homolicious babe is going through similar motions.
Anyone remember cutie Jackie Bouffant?
Jackie, the über-yum young-ish star who has a red-hot career (and bod, just FYI), seems to be dabbling in the hard stuff. But it's not coke.
While out on the town recently Jackie the stud was rolling—and we don't mean in some pimped-out caddy. He was superhigh on ecstasy.
J.B. was hitting a celeb-infested soiree filled with cameras, paparazzi and reporters, so natch that meant his beard was in tow for the photo ops.
And how did Bouffant get through the evening? By popping a few of those teeny colored pills in his mouth so his adorable smile wouldn't fade throughout the event.
Totally sad. Or not?
Thing is, Jackie really does enjoy his gal-pal (they've known each other for a while), but he hardly wants to rip off her stylish clothes off. And yes, Jackie's PR candy is most certainly aware of both of her man's habits—the drugs and dudes. But Missus Bouffant doesn't mind all that much. Jackie certainly is the bigger name out of the pretty pair, so she won't be letting her golden ticket to the tabloids go anywhere.
Ironic, though, how Jack's audience might be more shocked about the whole ecstasy thing than gay thing, which may not stay hidden for too much longer since J.B.'s pals can't stop blabbing about his way fun rolling ways around town.
Wonder which secret will come out—pun intended—first?

And it ain't: Jensen Ackles, Justin Bieber, Justin Timberlake

The link to the previous Jackie Bouffant from August '09 is here including a full list of who has been eliminated.  And here is the most recent JB BV from December 2010.

Top suspect: Zac Efron

* Proven by timeline of Ted's dates he was and wasn't a BV: Zac Efron