Saturday, August 29, 2009

One Young and Not-So-Confused Blind Vice

Here'a a blind vice from yesterday, written by Taryn Ryder while Ted is away on vacay.

One Young and Not-So-Confused Blind Vice
Mattel High School Musical 3: Senior Year Tree House Moment W/Gabriella & Troy DollsYou all didn't really think the hetero-Vice streak would continue, did you? Ted may be gone, but unfortunately, the closeting of some of Hollywood's most famous isn't going anywhere. Get ready to meet the guy who will have Toothy Tile breathing easy for a while.
Introducing Jackie Bouffant—a name you'd better get used to hearing. He's one of the most sought-after actors in the world right now. The undeniably gorgeous and multitalented young dude has taken the entertainment Biz by storm. His level of fame has been steadily rising over the past couple of years, although Jack hasn't really had to prove himself talent-wise just yet.
But with that face, hair and body, no one cares. This town is way too superficial!
So while Jackie is looking pretty in all the glossy mags with a beard constantly at his side (Crescent Kumquat or No-Beave Steve Jackie Bouffant most definitely is not), hardly anyone out there knows J.B.'s past life and love...
With another male actor, wouldn't you know?
At the time they started dating, they were both probably equally famous, but no one talks about Jackie's ex that much anymore. An equally gorgeous and recognizable face, he just never really amounted to much career-wise. Let's call him Frank Dangerfield.
Jackie and Frank were very much boyfriend-boyfriend, and they didn't do a very good job of hiding it. They went to a few gay functions together, a little hand-holding here and there à la Toothy and Gray Goose, and Industry folks knew the two boys weren't just going through an experimental phase. Unlike Nevis Divine, these two fellas are gay, gay and more gay.
But no one cared much because everyone (their managers and publicists included) thought these kids would just be F-list actors. Uh, not the case for Jackie. He became an overnight superstar.
So you know how it goes: Jackie's whole team of people tell him that if he comes out his heartthrob status will be shot and his red-hot career will go buh-bye. No teenage girl (Bouffant's prime fan base) will fantasize about growing up and marrying a gay guy. So Jackie dumps Frank and starts faux-mancing with some other babes around town.
Such a shame. And you all wonder where true love is in Hollywood? It's behind closed closet doors.
And it ain't: Channing Tatum, Kellan Lutz, Nick Jonas
Update 11/11/11 - Ted has eliminated Channing Tatum, Kellan Lutz, Nick Jonas, Bradley Cooper, Taylor Kitsch, Matt Bomer, Joe Jonas, Chris Pine, Jared Padalecki, Jensen Ackles, Justin Bieber, Justin Timberlake, James Franco, Alexander Skarsgard, Taylor Lautner, Robert Pattinson, Matthew Morrison Chace Crawford.

Here is the link to the Jackie Bouffant BV from May 2010.  And here is the most recent, from December 2010.

Our top suspect: Zac Efron.  


* Proven by timeline of Ted's dates he was and wasn't a BV: Zac Efron

49 comments:

blurry vice said...

I think this sounds like Zac Efron, but he is still kinda young... this maybe sounds to me like someone a little bit older.

I saw this letter dated 8/27:
"Dear Awful Truth:
Has Zac Efron or Vanessa Hudgens ever been a Blind Vice?
—Birdie

Dear Hiding Hudgens:
Nope, not yet, at least. But how long do you think that's gonna last?"

The blind vice was on 8/28 so that might be a hint for Zac.

sistah2 said...

I guess if Zac has never been a BV before , this one is def. him. But who was his BF?

dori.tomlin said...

duhhhh the sparkly unicorn himself, rob pattinson. that was way too easy...

aintitfunny said...

Rob Pattinson was in a blind vice before and they only give one name, right? Chace Crawford has been named in a previous BV as well so he can eliminated.

I thought Zac Efron as well but that would mean that he was like 17/18 when holding hands together with his BF or going to private gay functions in public. Wouldn't that be a little young for him?

Brittany said...

This sounds like it could be Bradley Cooper but he seems a little bit too old. I think it's probably someone like Channing Tatum. I don't think its him, just someone who is getting noticed based purely on his good looks and not his acting talent.

Joanne said...

Has Channing Tatum been a BV? I thought of him immediately for Frank Dangerfield

Jackie said...

Cant be Rob Pattinson even if it does sound alot like what has happened to him, the overnight fame and being a very sought out star right now.

Ted clearly stated that he's been in a BV.

The only person who is very famous based on looks, and did have overnight fame when HSM came out, was Zac Efron - also considering he dosent have a current BV to speak of. The multitalented is fitting, since he does sing and dance - was in Hairspray with mega queen Travolta.

Corbin Bleu is my guess for his boyfriend. They both have a history of a low profile career, alot of TV work, nothing huge. HSM changed everything, Zac became way more famous, and while Corbin was a recognizable face, you dont really hear anything about him anymore.

To address one more clue, when it comes to Zac, there is no need to elaborate on the steady bread so this is where my vote lies.

Jackie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jackie said...

Oops, meant beard!

I found two really interesting Awful Truth post where Ted reveals alot and leads into what is this BV:

Dear Ted:
I've become addicted to your blog. Is Zac Efron as squeaky clean as he seems? It doesn't seem consistent with dating someone with nude photos. Or does he just manage his image well?
—Belinda

Dear Zefron XXX:
I don't think he comes across as squeaky clean, per se—especially when happily posing for photos with GF Vanessa in stores that sell sex toys. Still, gotta admit Zac hasn't made too many slipups that would stop moms from buying their kids Efron-related products, which is more than Miley can say. Maybe it's because Zac has his secrets too...yep, that's it.

The posing in a sex store is just that, posing. And he totally says he has secrets, whatever they may be, which is why Zac is careful to not slip up, because he has something to hid - alot like our Toothy Tile, whom he is compared too. His image is more geared to avoid detection, than solely be about making money for Disney, like Miley.


"Dear Ted:
Is Judas Jack-Off Zac Efron? Clues please. He and V.H. seem totally set up.
—Curious Cootch

Dear High School Drama:
Zac's not Judas, but duh on the convenient fauxmance there."

He uses those EXACT words in the BV!!! And he basically says that they are set up.

Brittany said...

Ted doesn't specify if this is a t.v. actor or film. To me it sounds like someone from Gossip Girl which premiered two years ago. I don't think its Zac Efron because HSM debuted in early 2006 and became an instant success.

littlewhitenoise said...

bradley cooper. he's been in movies a long time but recently he's VERY successful, covered in obviously fake hollywood romances and if you look at older pictures of him, he looks surprisingly gay.

littlewhitenoise said...

natch, he just ruled out bradley cooper, and by way of doing so, anyone associated with jen aniston.

jennifer said...

no no no no - please don't be zac!

i sort of thought of taylor kitsch when i first read it. i think his romance to cammilla something-or-other was a compete beard.

Jackie said...

Dear Awful Truth:
Hey! Jackie Bouffant has to be either Chris Pine or Zachary Quinto! Both of them are hot right now, both have beards on their faces and both have had figurative beards. So which one is he?
—Andrew

Dear Toothy Trek:
At least one of those guesses is wrong, wrong, wrong. Oh, but they feel so right!

What I like about this clue is "they feels so right" maybe the mention of the name Zachary, and how Zachary Quinto is thought to be gay, though has not come out offically.

It has to be Efron, the BV says Jackie is multitalented with a teenage girl fanbase.

kcwin said...

If this isn't Zac, I really can't think of anyone else. He's been making movies back to back recently because he has a proven teenage girl fanbase. The harder puzzle is figuring out who Frank Dangerfield is.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Awful Truth:
Hey! Jackie Bouffant has to be either Chris Pine or Zachary Quinto! Both of them are hot right now, both have beards on their faces and both have had figurative beards. So which one is he?
—Andrew

Dear Toothy Trek:
At least one of those guesses is wrong, wrong, wrong. Oh, but they feel so right!"

"Dear Awful Truth:
Is Jackie Bouffant Bradley Cooper?
—Labellarosa

Dear Nope:
Think less Jen Aniston-y."

"Dear Awful Truth:
So, tell me, Jackie Bouffant—is he from the U.S., Britain, Ireland, Canada, Australia or other?
—Alicia, NYC

Dear Give You a Clue:
I'll rule out "other." That cuts down, oh, I don't know, 99 percent of the world. You're welcome."

blurry vice said...

Zac Efron

"Dear Ted:
I recently read Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens celebrated their four-year anniversary as a couple. That's a long time for pair so young. Are they as in love as they seem, because I can't imagine either's acting ability is that good? What the deal with these two?
—Pixie

Dear Young Love:
I don't think V.Hudge is the one for Zefron. The relaysh seems more out of some C-word (Convenience? Commercialism?) than love."

stormz80 said...

Lucas Grabeel is the ex-boyfriend in question. He played Ryan in HSM!

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Tell me, o wise one...Is Jackie Bouffant the amazingly, gorgeous Taylor Kitsch? I'm so confused (I'm beginning to think you want it that way). Anything would help. Even the smallest clue. Thanks, hon.
—Shay in Memphis

Dear Fishing for Kitsch:
Surely you're not as confused as Jackie is, sweet thing. But fear not, Tay-Tay is safe from this one! Think more conniving."

Jane said...

Newbie here...but I am hoping to add my 2 cents. Ted says conniving. That makes me think Ed Westwick of Gossip Girl. It covers the "multi-talented" clue because he's also in a band called, The Filthy Youth.

Jacqueline said...

Dear Ted:
Did Jackie Bouffant work for Disney?
—cooldana

Dear Squeaky-Clean Kid:
Yes, the Mouse House is on Jack's résumé somewhere. Then again, Disney and ABC have a hand in many aspects of the entertainment industry. So if you think his past employer is a giveaway think again!

Enough said - its the Efron.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Did Jackie Bouffant work for Disney?
—cooldana

Dear Squeaky-Clean Kid:
Yes, the Mouse House is on Jack's résumé somewhere. Then again, Disney and ABC have a hand in many aspects of the entertainment industry. So if you think his past employer is a giveaway think again!"

- But he said the Disney thing is not a giveaway. Zac is an obvious Disney guess. I still guess Zac Efron for this. The HAirspray/bouffant connection seems obvious to me. But you never know with the way Ted answered this question.

badbadtz said...

I'm thinkin Shia Labeof..he was in the Disney show Even Stevens, but didn't get super famous til transformers. He also has a beard...the Disney clue would be too obvious for zac efron.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Does Jackie Bouffant have a current squeeze? And if so, is she aware of his preference for blokes? Thanks awfully.
—Gemma

Dear Jack Attack:
Yeah, Jackie has a current squeeze, just not the kind of gender he prefers!"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
It's interesting to see that so many Hollywood stars cover up the truth, although there are some fans who would still like them for who they really are. My question is, do Tom Cruise and Zac Efron have beards?
—Curious in Calif.

Dear Hairy Question:
Why not ask me what position they prefer when having sex with their partners? Jeez. What I find interesting is that this policing of certain stars' sex lives always seems to revolve around the same crowd, why's that? Is there something they're doing that encourages it? Perfect hair and manners, perhaps? Don't see people poking 'round Russell Crowe's sex life, for instance—and he's played gay."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Jackie Bouffant working on a movie right now?
—Lexie

Dear Yes:
He usually is. Dude knows how to keep his career rolling right along!"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Jackie Bouffant more or less famous than Robert Pattinson?
—Anita

Dear It's All Relative:
Depends which age group you ask."

Gen said...

I think Shia Labeouf is a really good guess personally- that was my first instinct.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Just curious, has Vanessa Hudgens ever been the subject of a B.V.?
—mookie

Dear High School Gossip:
No, but her friends sure have!"

blurry vice said...

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/the_awful_truth/b153121_can_zac_efron_actually_act.html

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I love your column—it's fun trying to follow the clues. Saturday's column mentioned that Vanefron is almost over because Vanessa Hudgens lied about her nude photos. What did she lie about?
—Ginny

Dear Not Exactly:
They're almost over for many reasons—and they don't necessarily have to do with her nude photos. She's clingy and possessive, for starters. Also, she lied about something having to do with her photos, but I don't want my ass sued by Team Hudgens, so I'm keeping my lips (which have no injections in them of any kind) zipped."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Jackie Bouffant blue-eyed hottie Matt Bomer?
—Kayla

Dear Hardly Close:
And that's a big no. Jackie is much more widely known."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Please pick my question. I think I know who Jackie Bouffant is! It's Joe Jonas right? He sings, has done movies, worked for Disney and has been seen out with babes on the town (Taylor Swift and Camilla Belle). Am I right—or even close?
—Daisy

Dear J.B. Guessing:
Close, but still wrong."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I think I have Jackie Bouffant figured out. He is pretty magical, isn't he? I think so. I didn't get what the fuss was about until I saw him on the screen. He is delicious, like taking a bite out of a juicy red apple. He doesn't exactly have much in the looks department, but boy does he seem charming. He could charm the wool right off of a lamb, couldn't he? It's no wonder so many people find him dreamy.
—Blue

Dear Different Taste:
You are so far off—Jackie's totally got it in the looks department!"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I was off base with my last guess but have a new theory: Is Chris Pine Jackie Bouffant? He arguably only became really famous this summer, has done Disney movies and was allegedly with that one from The Hills? Luv ya (and the team).
—Daisy x

Dear Pining Away:
Great guess. Wrong dude. Think bit less muscled."

Anonymous said...

i like the shia guess.
shia and channing did a film 2gether
shia was suppose to be making out with Anna lynn mccord back in april and nick jonas has very simular hair!
also ted states that JB has dated some other babes and zac is only known for dating 1 girl

Anonymous said...

Jackie Bouffant
Shia LaBeouf
Can it be that simple?
Sounds very similar. Bouffant is a harstyle that would go well with Robert Pattinson though. could be the Beefs backslicked curly hair also.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Any goss on Zac Efron? Are he and Vanessa Hudgens as blissfully happy as they seem to be? I hope so. Hollywood needs at least one great—and normal—young couple other than Robsten.
—A

Dear Not Exactly:
I know they were on the rocks a month or so back...something rubs me the wrong way in that teen "romance.""

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Has Zefron ever been a B.V.? If so, has he been one recently?
—Lindsay

Dear Eager:
Define recently? I would say so, yes, I would."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Do you think Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens will honestly last? I hope not. I can't really stand them together its so...elementary school. I'm leaning more toward him and Miss Tisdale. What do you think?
—Rose

Dear Please:
I can guarantee we won't see wedding bells for Zefron and his Disney date. Tisdale's more of a possibility, but probably not gonna happen, either."

BROOKE said...

I don‘t doubt that ZE might be gay, but he would of been awfully young to of had a serious boyfriend before HSM. Which makes me think it‘s someone a tad older or someone that has only been famous for about a year if they are ZE‘s age. It has 2 be someone that still has a teen fanbase and someone old enough and comfy enough with their sexuality to of had a boyfriend for awhile so I‘d say 20-28 years old. Another thing that makes me not think its ZE is he hasnt been seen with any girls besides VH.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Now that you've confirmed Jared Padalecki as a Blind Vice, is he Jackie Bouffant? And is the ex-boyfriend Chad Michael Murray?
—Mitch

Dear J-Squared:
I wouldn't exactly call Jared an overnight superstar, which Jackie most definitely is. Nobody was knocking down J.P.'s door with movie offers after House of Wax came out."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
My partner and I have three rescue dogs and have supported a local organization! Please, please answer my questions! I love your column and follow it every day! Here's what I'm wondering. As it concerns stars and their sexuality, I see three categories: (1) Celebrities who are out and proud, i.e. Neil Patrick Harris, Lance Bass, etc.; (2) Celebrities who are out, but don't publicly proclaim it to the press, and can be discovered by any amateur Googler; and (3) Celebrities who are deep in the closet and often participate in the "bearding program." Are most of the Blind Vices in category 3? For instance, if Toothy Tile (and most of the gay or bisexual Blind Vicers) came out, would you go back and tell us that said actor was Toothy Tile all along? Also, specifically about Parrish Maguire, Jackie Bouffant, and Crescent Kumquat—what age bracket do they fall into, 20s, 30s, 40s? Thank you so muc,h Ted, and I hope you answer my questions!
—Brian

Dear Categories:
Right-o, most of the B.V.s are from the deep-in-the-closet variety. As for the B.V.s you named—they definitely cover a couple of the age groups you named, and then some."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Oy! A question on Mr. Jackie Bouffant. Is he a "steady beard" or "parade of bearded ladies" type of closet case? My twin rescued kitties Glinda and Elphaba say "meow!" which I think means "We totally love your column!"
—J

Dear Big-Hair Query:
Thanks! And Jackie has patience only for one beard—his regular. And the babe's gotten so much PR outta the fake hookup, she couldn't care less she's not gettin' any action. Strange breed, these Hollywood types, huh?"

Samm said...

"Dear Ted:
Oy! A question on Mr. Jackie Bouffant. Is he a "steady beard" or "parade of bearded ladies" type of closet case? My twin rescued kitties Glinda and Elphaba say "meow!" which I think means "We totally love your column!"
—J

Dear Big-Hair Query:
Thanks! And Jackie has patience only for one beard—his regular. And the babe's gotten so much PR outta the fake hookup, she couldn't care less she's not gettin' any action. Strange breed, these Hollywood types, huh?"

sounds like the Efron to me! Another thing too is Zac Efron might be more famous to a certain age group then RPatz but I'm not sure about Shia. Just a thought...

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
So beards in H'wood hang for press and publicity to further their own careers, but that doesn't seem to be helping Jackie Bouffant's longtime facial hair. Sure, she's photographed plenty, but job offers are few and far between with a recent gig that really isn't all that spectacular and far from a movie role. What gives? Is she getting paid to be the beard? Longtime animal lover who has even rescued a chicken—I know, right?
—Bouffant Beard Buster

Dear Chicken Queen:
Hey, this selling your soul stuff is always a gamble, sweetheart, it never guarantees a glittering career. Hell, look at where that lesbian bearding got Anne Heche."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
What's up with Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens? Are they really that happy or are they just playing nice for the cameras? You've said you don't think they'll last, why not?
—Just askin'

Dear Young Love:
Zac and Vanessa appear to have it all, don't they? They're young, famous, and rich, not too shabby of a life to be living! But these two have their issues, trust."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Do Crescent Cumquat and Jackie Bouffant resemble each other, and if you won't answer that, can you tell me if they've ever hooked up or if this will remain forever my unfulfilled mano-a-mano fantasy?
—Curious Cat

Dear Blind Boys:
These two dudes are more likely to swap shampoo—ya know, for their equally gorgeous locks—than spit, though what a hot little couple they would make—the kind teen (and adult?) day dreams are made of."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I'm the mom of one adorable daughter and two rescue kitties. I am also a huge fan of your Blind Vice column. I was wondering is Jackie Bouffant James Franco? I've seen pictures of him from a recent film festival and yikes! He had to be on something! Could you give me a hint? Thanks!
—B in Cincinnati

Dear J2:
Close babe, but James isn't Jackie. J.F. has a Vice all of his own, though, any guesses what it is?"

ad