Thursday, September 3, 2009

Bonus Blind - One Tongue-Shoving Blind Vice

An Awful Truth bonus blind from Tuesday Sept 1 -

One Tongue-Shoving Blind Vice

Another weekend, another hidden Hollywood homo to uncover! This week we're offering up a treat from Team Awful—a fabulous bonus Blind too scandalously dee-lish to keep to ourselves! You didn't think that little mister Jackie Bouffant was the only young performer who liked to get all gay every once in a while, did you?

You're probably all very familiar with Maxwell Meat-Mingle. He's youngish, a little squishy but still reasonably good-looking. The guy was once a major up-and-comer in this crazy town. Even if you weren't a fan of his boob-tube hit, chances are your eyes and his abs have met at one time or another. And what's more—this isn't M3's first time to the Awful Truth rodeo.

Nowadays, though, he's something of a has-been—poor Triple-M has fallen off the charts due to a string of bad press for his bombed entertainment endeavors and tales of his less-than-stellar personality (which we've experienced firsthand, natch). Nevertheless, Max definitely started out as something of a ladies' man before he lost his boy-next-door charm and smoldering sex appeal, which is why we were almost surprised when...

Max went prowling for some guy-on-guy action. Please, where did you think this sucker was going, you little B.V. sleuths?

At a recent poolside BBQ in the hills, relatively hunky Max had his tongue halfway down the throat of another meaty little piece—right in the middle of the entire shindig! And there were some par-tick people in attendance whom bi-guy Max definitely should have looked out for! It was one of those little piggies who ran all the way home and told us about it. There goes Triple-M's die-hard status as a womanizer!

Makes sense really, 'cause we knew that Mingle had had his fair share of drug dabbling (many closeted actors do, just as Toothy Tile.) Think white nose candy literally being passed around on silver platters whenever Max was in attendance...although those days have supposedly passed. Is that why Maxwell Meat-Mingle is getting all fat? Better work on that figure, boy, if you have any chance at this planned comeback. Because secretly loving dudes and a lost six-pack surely won't give Maxwell Meat-Mingle the comeback he's dying for.

And it ain't: Adam Brody, Jesse McCartney, Mario Lopez

Update 9/14 - AT has also eliminated Nick Lachey, Josh Hartnett, Chris O' Donnell.

24 comments:

blurry vice said...

Matthew Perry or Matt LeBlanc? I still have to go through a lot of responses on guesses. Then I will check back on this.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Awful Truth:
Please tell me Maxwell Meat-Mingle is not Nick Lachey. I love him. He sings beautifully.
—Emma

Dear Oh Hell No:
As The Soup might say, "Stay out of it, Nick Lachey.""

"Dear Awful Truth:
Is M3 Josh Hartnett?
—Catz

Dear Hard for Hartnett:
He certainly has enough time on his hands to be a Blind Vice, but Maxy Meat-Mingle ain't him. Think even more has-been—I know it's hard, considering Josh has been AWOL for a while, but try!"

Brittany said...

Sounds like Jesse Metcalf.

ktmotorfinger said...

This screams Zach Braff to me.

aintitfunny said...

Wentworth Miller?

shannon said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
unwinding cable car. said...

joey lawrence?

P.M. said...

Could be Jesse Metcalfe. They went out of their way to mention that once a BV has been outed, they use another name for a repeat offender.

mercury395 said...

Sounds like it could be Wentworth Miller, that would just break my heart... I don't care if he's gay, I just don't like to hear about the drugs and jerkiness...

Meghan said...

This screams Jesse Metcalfe to me. He's a known douche and back when Desperate Housewives premiered, he was all anyone ever talked about. However, he hasn't been doing much of anything lately.

Also, as much as I hate to reference him, but I remember hearing about Metcalfe starting a fight with Perez Hilton because PH told him to his face that he thinks he's gay. And as much as I don't want to admit it, Perez -is- pretty spot on with his gays...

N said...

Could it be Frankie Muniz.

Malcolm in the Middle sounds like Max Meat Mingle (a little...)

I cound not really envision him as straight.

chrstphrrr said...

Jesse Metcalfe for sure. He was hot, he had a rep with the ladies. He's a known prick. He's definitely a has-been who keeps hanging around. He's totally fat now.

ktmotorfinger said...

I will totally get behind the Jesse Metcalfe guess... if someone can explain if he was ever exactly a "major up and comer".. I always got the impression he was just seen as a useless, talentless pretty boy?

Angela said...

What about Wilder Valderamma?

Gingerpop said...

Just saw a photo of Wilder V and he definitely has lost his 6 pack. Always thought he was very fey never bought all those faux mances even though he did de flower Mandy.

Brittany said...

I retract my Jesse Metcalf guess. He's promoting his new movie and he doesn't look fat at all.

nen said...

I'd say Jonathan Rhys Meyers but he's still on a fairly hit show. Hmm

Novia said...

Not Chris O'Donnell

Sept. 14 bitch-back

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Maxwell Meat-Mingle Chris O'Donnell?
—Izzy

Dear Chris O'Donnell:
You know you're not our Blind Vice! You just wanted someone to talk about you in the media again, didn't you?"

duffgrl said...

I think that Ted may have outed Matthew Perry for this one in today's column!!!!!!!!

Kelly said...

Matthew Perry was my first guess. He's known for his drug issues and he's apparently clean now, which would mean he's a bit hefty again. I've also heard he's rude and a bit of a dbag.

Anonymous said...

Whoever said Joey Lawrence, that one struck with me. Remember he tried singing and had that CD? Ugg. And he certainly is a has been.

BROOKE said...

I was thinking someone farther back maybe from the Saved by the Bell days, maybe Jonathan Taylor Thomas? Although he wasnt known for his abs, IDK but he said some1 out of the spotlight even more than Josh Hartnett.

cassandra said...

i was thinking frankie muniz? he used him alot in some older AIA's

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