Friday, September 18, 2009

One Payback Blind Vice

New from Ted today...

One Payback Blind Vice

There's a pretty successful media dude who's become awfully adept at peddling the gossipy side o' life via his electronic media kingdom. His name is Whore-Hey Hoeman. Considering Mr. Hoeman's arguably impressive background, many folks have been surprised by the guy's career path. But does Whore-Hey care in the least? Nope, not at all. Especially with all the bucks he's currently making, not to mention the great ass he's getting on the side!
So what's the prob? Well, someone who's not exactly a fan of Hoeman caught him at a private resort...
...being all sorts of cozy with the secret luscious boyfriend, out in public.
The fellow resortgoer was not impressed, as she has many, many friends who are, at times, razzed, ridiculed, fried and cut up to pieces by Whore-Hey's increasingly cutting media mouth. And she knew perfectly well that the nearly naked beef beside Whore-Hey's side was one he planned on keeping (firmly) on the down-low, with a sweaty grip.
So she made her approach. She scooted over. She feigned mutual-friend hellos, that sort of silly social thing.
Whore-Hey was cool, but polite. Then she went for it: "How would you like it if I took your picture right now with your boyfriend and sold it someplace and just put this out for all the world to see?!" she seethed, half-jokingly, but really not.
Hoeman immediately clammed up, iced the woman and glared right past her. His point was clear: He would most definitely not like it, and she was therefore promptly dismissed. Our brave babe asked again, to no avail, before marching off, equally chilly, but no pic taken.
But get this: The ticked-off rich bitch is plotting. She still considers it a good idea to get Hoeman photographed (or written about) in any way he would consider unflattering, whenever she gets another chance.
She be on a mission, this vengeful broad.
So beware, Whore-Hey.

And It Ain't: A.J. Hammer, Mario Lopez, Matt Drudge


Update 11/26/09 - Ted has also eliminated Donald Trump, Howard Stern, Ted Casablanca, Anderson Cooper

Top suspect: Harvey Levin

40 comments:

duffgrl said...

The first person I thought of was Perez Hilton but: the "arguably impressive backround" throws me; Perez graduated from NYU but that's not impressive-also, not sure that Perez would keep a boyfriend secret since he is out; unless the BF is famous?

M said...

I definately thought of Perez first too

125records said...

Doesn't "down-low" imply someone who's closeted? I thought it sounded like Perez too (esp. since "Whore-Hey," i.e. "Jorge," seems like he's drawing a parallel between the Latin names), but Perez is definitely out, so he wouldn't be on the DL at all.

2 cents said...

First line says "awfully". I think Ted is pointing to himself

Charlene said...

Since when is a pricey, expensive, gotta-be-ultra-rich-to-afford-it university like NYU *not* impressive?

But I don't think it's Perez. Mr. Motormouth is not closeted about anything.

ann64 said...

Harvey Levin. He is an attorney. Whore-hey = Har-vey, Hoeman - Levin.

Heather said...

Maybe it's about Ted. Hasn't he done one about himself before? (If he did and it had been revealed, he could give himself a new name) Maybe the controversy was not that the BV subject was secretly gay, but rather that he was cheating on his partner. Ted did just split with his husband...

Krazykat said...

Also, on the site 'Awfully' was italicized, which made me think it was Ted as well.

Krazykat said...

Wanted to add, I think posting the info himself as a blind would give him a bit of his power back from 'fellow resortgoer'.

Patricia said...

Can't be Ted. Ted is loud and proud out of the closet. He got married! No, not Ted. Besides, Ted was Pete Prissy Pants. I'm not sure it's Harvey either. "arguably" impressive means it's under debate. Being a lawyer isn't arguably impressive..it is. I'm thinking more like Ryan Seacrest. He's someone who would lose a lot if it was out that he was gay. (Even though we all suspect it) Harvey Levin wouldn't really lose much. And it's certainly NOT Perez. Perez has no "arguably" impressive anything, let alone him being flamboyantly out of the closet. There's no reason for this to be him. And Ted already notted him. Anyway, many have already said Harvey is pretty openly out. Again, nothing to lose. A gossip columnist gay? Not really surprising. But Seacrest, American Idols big hunk, now moved over to E! network? Stands to lose plenty.

Dani said...

This is definitely Perez!

pomme said...

the guy from "gawker"?

Catch 822 said...

This reeks of Levin to me. The reference to the "electronic media kingdom" (TMZ, duh) rules out Perez--he might have a website, but it's by no means a kingdom. And you know Perez would be flaunting it all over the place if he managed to score some hot ass.

Harvey, on the other hand... what could be more "arguably impressive" than a law background?

Meghan said...

Aren't Ted's blind items usually celebs who he's written articles about during that week? I remember hearing that, as well as the nicknames sound very much like their actual names.

Patricia said...

Yea, it might be Levin. However, what gets me is the whole "arguably" impressive bit. Isn't a law degree pretty impressive without argument? Plus, unless it's family he's worried about, a gossip columnist really has nothing to lose by being outted. That's why I'm leaning more toward Ryan Seacrest. The only thing that doesn't fit is the "electronic media kingdom." Unless you consider ryanseacrest.com a "kingdom." Arguably impressive could be a nod to his American Idol hosting.

/shrug

AND IT'S NOT PEREZ :P

House of Brat said...

I was thinking this might be Ted since he just announced he's separated and getting a divorce from his husband, Jon, on Thursday. Ted has a master's in journalism from NYU.

soundchic said...

It's gotta be Harvey. "firm"-Law firm. "dismissed"-said in a court room.

blurry vice said...

MARK MCGRATH!!!

His career path is definitely surprising... he was a musician and now co-hosts Entertaiment Tonight or one of those, right?

duffgrl said...

I think that I agree w/ the Harvey Levin guesses. Sounds like him definitely.
Mark McGrath used to be on Extra but isn't anymore; and Ryan Seacrest has been on E for a long time but I don't see it being someone who is just an entertainment host. This is someone who is hated for being responsible for selling tabloid photos...it really sounds like Levin; I think he sold those Rihanna photos?

Krazykat said...

I don't think being out means it can't be Ted or Perez. They could have been wanting to keep the partner in crime a secret, not themselves. This blind says nothing about the person being in the closet. Just that the person wouldn't want the info out.

Lisa said...

I'm on the Ted train. ITA w/ KrazyKat.

duffgrl said...

This is not Ted. Ted does not associate w/ the paparazzi directly the way that HL and Perez does."electronic media kingdom" (TV, internet)definitely sounds like Harold Levin. He is the most private of the 3 regarding his sexuality,too.

sistah2 said...

This is def. Harvey Levin for all the reasons already stated. He is known to be gay, but is not "out" publicly - there is a big difference. For those who think this is Seacrest: no way, Seacrest kisses ass to celebs; he does NOT write gossip about them; no need for the celebs to hate him (at least for that). Its a cute idea this could be Ted, but I dont think so.

crila16 said...

No...not Perez. He's completely out of the closet. He's been openly gay for years. He's also very open about his love for certain male actors. He also doesn't have an impressive background. He's a joke.

Definitely not Ted. Ted is openly gay and married to a guy. It's obviously someone whose hunky and known that would surprise you if he were gay. Think people. Enough will silly guesses.

Emmy said...

I think it's Ted as well. I don't think the secret is the gay part but maybe the cheating part. To me this story is almost told first person with the glaring and all. Ted's prob trying to take back power. If not Ted I guess it could be Harvey he does a lot of "glaring" on his TMZ show.

M said...

I think it is Harvey. Saying "arguably impressive background" actually makes alot of sense. Lawyers argue, that is their job so it could be a bit of a play on words. Also lawyers have a notorious reputation for being shady, seedy, and greedy (etc.) so it makse sense to say that his background is arguably impressive.

Brittany said...

I think it interesting that Ted announced he's getting divorced in the same week. My votes for him.

kellie said...

I think it's Anderson Cooper. He's a Vanderbilt, old money, famous background. And, he's been snarky with the pseudo-celebs on his CNN show. Thoughts?

Patricia said...

Everyone knows the silver fox is gay. I believe he even admitted it on several occasions. So, if we're still voting for someone in the closet (which is the side I'm on) then not Anderson Cooper. He also doesn't dabble in gossip enough and have an online media kingdom to show for it. What M said makes sense; to use a play on words using arguably to allude to Harveys' background. I think it comes down to Harvey and (for me at least) Ryan Seacrest :P - I just don't totally buy Harvey because besides family, I can't really think of a motive for him to remain in the closet. It's not career suicide, seriously, who would care? I guess someone cares about their family in that town....odd.

Patricia said...

And sistah2 might have a point :P Probably not seacrest. I just really want to pin one on him. LOL

hoob_824 said...

"And she knew perfectly well that the nearly naked beef beside Whore-Hey's side was one he planned on keeping (firmly) on the down-low, with a sweaty grip."

Sounds to me like the boyfriend is on the DL, not Whore-Hey. So it could be Perez or Ted. My first instinct is Perez. He does have a pretty descent resume. surprisingly.

Emmy said...

Ok well it's not Ted he cleared that up today. Now I'm leaning toward Harvey his boyfriend is a bodybuilder. I don't know why it would be on the down low of you google Harvey's name it shows that he lives with his boyfriend.

M said...

Yeah apparently Harvey is openly gay (I read Alec Baldwin outed him??) and his bf is Andy Mauer, some bodybuilder

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Whore-Hey Hoeman why you broke up with Jon? You were caught cheating on him and this unnamed chick blackmailed you? Take care.
—Jessica

Dear Tall Tales:
Nice try, but Whore's not exactly my type."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Whore-Hey married, with children? Love you, Ted!
—Susan

Dear Family Matters:
Negative. Love you back!"

sistah2 said...

Wait! It still could be Ted. If you read his response to the above letter asking if WH. is Ted, his response does not make sense, so I guess he is not denying that WH could be himself (ted)...(this is confusing bear w.me). He says that WH is 'not my type'. That does NOT answer the question which was - 'are YOU, Ted , WH?'?
So this is what has always pissed me off about him, his answers are so coy and nonsensical sometimes, why bother?

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Whore-Hey Hoeman you, Ted?
—Carrie

Dear Here We Go Again:
No, a thousand times no!"

sistah2 said...

OK thats the most direct answer Ted's ever given!

Anonymous said...

Its Anderson Cooper and the celeb who saw him and threatened to out him was Paris Hilton. On the radio this morning they were saying a little while back Paris finally came out and said, "I saw Anderson Cooper on vacation with his boyfriend" and that people were shocked and did not know he was gay. I immediately thought of this BV.

Here's a link to the broadcast where I heard it:
javascript:openMediaPlayer("ammayhemskin.php","http://a1135.g.akamai.net/f/1135/18227/1h/cchannel.download.akamai.com/18227/podcast/CHARLOTTE-NC/WIBT-FM/is%20anderson%20cooper%20gay.mp3?CPROG=PCAST&MARKET=CHARLOTTE-NC&NG_FORMAT=chr/rhythmic&SITE_ID=1799&STATION_ID=WIBT-FM&PCAST_AUTHOR=WIBT-FM&PCAST_CAT=Music&PCAST_TITLE=Brotha_Freds_AM_Mayhem_Highlights")

kindermusik said...

I totally was thinking Perez too, and he absolutely has a media kingdom. But, he is so narcissistic that there is no way he would hide a hot man. Unless the guy was known to be in a relationship with someone other than him or is not out. Wouldn't that be a little karma for that beyotch?

Harvey has to be it. TMZ is a gossip site that sometimes paints a negative picture of celebs. His "arguably" impressive background is that he is a lawyer, but the surprise from those many folks comes from the fact that his success is coming from TMZ as opposed to actually practicing law. The "down low", though HL is out, would be that he was cheating on his man with the boy-toy on said vacation. Hence the "ass on the side" comment.

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