One Stalled-Salami Blind Vice
OMG, two heterosexual Blind Vices in a row! What's the world coming to? And guess what? This installment, just like last week's horror, is also about a supposed lady-killer who just somehow finds himself not really able to follow through—in every sense of the word. Here's what went down, or rather, didn't:
Horace Hum-Brow likes to play up his slightly nebbish, dork-dude appeal. It's certainly worked for the sorta good-lookin' horndog in the past, as Horry bags babes (entirely of the female variety, no Toothy Tile-type here, for sure) all the time. So much so, these femmes don't really have time to compare notes; they're all so busy getting pissed about his all-too-often abrupt departures and then his requisite brush-offs thereafter. He's a real skank, this one.
But guess what? Horace's questionable bedroom MO is finally catching up with him! Some of his castoff gals have now convened, and guess what sexual failing Hum-Brow's exhibited for each babe in question? Well, it turns out...
Horace must still be oh-so excited about all the tail his boob-tube fame gets him because once he's entered his partners, that's where it all stops. Uh, what do you mean, exactly?
"He just goes in and parks," complained one pretty sweetheart who'd had the misfortune of having a brief affair with Mr. Hum-Brow, whose famous name is probably what reels in half his conquests. "I thought maybe it was just a one time thing," added our between-the-sheets source. "So I tried it again in the morning, and then bam! He parked again! Just goes in and doesn't do a damn thing. It's awful!"
Regardless of the circumstances of coitus frozenitis, this much is clear: HHB doesn't try to please his partner in any other fashion, either. He just sort of nonperforms and then gets outta there! Über-douche!
Jeez, bro, what's your prob? Premature ejaculation? Not really into girls after all but keep trying to convince yourself otherwise? Or are ya just doin' the typical male thing and not caring about your partner at all? In any case, don't think you're gonna have so many babes to disappoint pretty soon, 'cause they're all stating to blab...about time, too.
And it ain't: Jeremy Piven, Jerry Ferrara, Kevin Connolly
Update 8/29 - Ted has also eliminated Dominic Monaghan, Zach Braff,
20 comments:
This could be anyone but from the AIA's it is probably someone on Entourage.
David Spade!
What about Jason Segal?
David Schwimmer
David Schwimmer is exactly who immediately came to mind for me too!
David Schwimmer is a really really really good guess considering he just did a cameo on Entourage a week or two ago and all of the AIA's point to Entourage.
I think Jason's probably excluded. Earlier last week, Ted said he hasn't been a BV, but his friends have been.
Yes he said that about Jason Segal a few days BEFORE this BV.
Yeah. That's what I said. Regardless, I don't think the clues fit him. I guess it's a little debatable, but I'd say Jason Segel's popularity comes more from his films than his sitcoms. Plus, if he has a "lady-killer" reputation, I've never heard about it.
Not to mention, it would break my heart to find he's this bad in bed, LOL.
All three of the AIA's revolve around Adrien Grenier's character of Vince. But there's one that was left out. How 'bout Kevin Dillon? His character never gets any respect on Entourage and is sort of a goober.
My bad - Kevin Dillon's married.
But Seth Green isn't.........
I think Seth Green is a great guess! He is definatly slightly nebbish, and has the dork-dude appeal.
"Dear Awful Truth:
So Horace Hum-Brow is Dominic Monaghan, yes? I noticed you said the other day that if there were to be a B.V. about anyone on the Lost cast, it would be Dominic. I have met him a few times and always got a very strange vibe from him, and I also have always thought his relationship with Evangeline Lilly screamed "beard"—for both of them. Am I right?
—Convinced
Dear Evangelesbian?
Funny enough, I could totally believe it about both of them. But right now, I'm gonna hit both of those with a big ol' "denied" stamp. Sorry, boo."
"Dear Awful Truth:
Is Horace Hum-Brow Zach Braff?
—Lauren
Dear I Don't Want No Scrubs:
Negatory. Think far less...well, just far less Zach Braff."
I still think it's David Schwimmer. I don't think Seth Green is mostly known for TV fame; he's famous for his movie roles.
Adrien Grenier? I though he was the other hetero bv, but this fits him so much better. Plus, for once all of the AIAs point right to him.
David Schwimmer made it to the BV superstar gallery -
"
David Schwimmer
Jennifer Aniston might be the most popular Friends alum, but when it comes to Blind Vices, David's done his fair share of devilishly delicious (not to mention downright nervy) things. Hey, he should consider it a compliment to be part of this discriminating club—Matt LeBlanc would prolly kill to be on any list nowadays.
"
Clarification - we now believe David Schwimmer is Dewbie Stammer.
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