Thursday, May 29, 2008

One Surprise, Surprise Blind Vice


A surprise Thursday BV from Ted.... Furrowed Frank returns!

Lead-in
Dudes, Degrees, n' Dirt
Special Edition: We've got a Thursday Blind Vice for ya today—in addition to tomorrow's drug-addled mystery nonsense—and you'll never guess who's being propositioned to be one of Furrowed Frank's latest boy-toys!

He Didn't!
What's a goss columnist to do when he's propositioned—by a somewhat discreet third party, mind you—to go have sex with one of his past Blind Vice subjects? Particularly if said gosser's recently married? Ah, the trials and tribulations one must endure just to report on our beloved Furrowed Frank, closeted-homo TV star.

One Surprise, Surprise Blind Vice
Remember Furrowed Frank, the big TV figure who has a straight trainer whom he sends out to hunt for bedtime playmates at the gym where they both train? Sure ya do! Only because the heartless fagola lothario is so predictably dude about it all, and not only does he not bother to secure his own ass assignations (thinks he'll be too recognized, as if F.F. standing by drooling while the deal's going down isn't obvs enough), he ditches the poor guys right after he's had his way with them.

Why are men—both gay and het—so damn unconcerned with their partner's feelings, huh? Were we all kicked as children, or something? Regardless, F.F. and his muscled accomplice continue right along with their disposable mattress machinations, blithely unaware the A.T. is totally on to them. Or not?

Went to a snot-butt din-din party the other night, and who would be seated across from me other than F2's prime purveyor of all things manly and clandestine—yes, the trainer himself. And said pro pumper is either one smart deltoid dude, or he's as dumb as Lindsay Lohan's current life coach. 'Cause, how can I put this? Let's just say I was given the opportunity, if I cared to, to take a turn on F2's casting bench.

I demurred. After all, I'm married now...otherwise?

And it ain't: Chris Noth, Jason Lewis, Kyle Maclachlan

AIA's from the previous FF BV: Justin Timberlake, Ty Pennington, Alec Baldwin

Also excluded: Will Smith, Rocco DiSpirito, Matt Damon, Johnny Knoxville, The Rock, Ryan Seacrest, Donald Trump, John Corbett, Luke Wilson


Why the Sex in the City hints? We thought this was Anderson Cooper last time but were never sure. After RS was eliminated we were thrown for a loop.

* Here is the earlier FF BV from February '08.

*** Top suspect: Anderson Cooper

25 comments:

Momfixit said...

What about Darren Star?

Traci Anne said...

I agree, could be Darren Star. Or what about another cast member? John Corbett? They've had so many random cameo guest stars that it could be one of them, but I can't think of any off the top of my head...

momfixit said...

Hmm, I was also thinking (since I don't have enough work to do) what about Jeremy Piven? The AIAs are a hint that it's an HBO show but NOT SATC...

momfixit said...

Hmm, I was also thinking (since I don't have enough work to do) what about Jeremy Piven? The AIAs are a hint that it's an HBO show but NOT SATC...

blurry vice said...

Could be. Ted said that Johnny Knoxville was "close". Jeremy Piven is somewhat of a goofball too if you ask me.
What about the Sex and the City clue? Darren Star is not an enourmously popular entertainment figure, as the last FF BV said. What about other men from SATC? John Corbett, Mikhail Baryshnakov? Vince Vaughn guest starred on SATC. I know there were "beard" rumors about him and Reese... could be Vince Vaughn.
I did add the first lead-in which I did not see earlier. The "degrees" in the first title. That brings me back to Anderson Cooper (AC 360 is his show.)

blurry vice said...

LOL, I meant the beard rumors about Vince VAughn and Jennifer Aniston. Ha ha, too many beard thoughts about Jake that I worte Reese. :)

mo-mo said...

I think it's Coop. I don't think it's anyone related to Sex and the City at all - Ted just probably did that for fun because the movie just came out. Vince Vaughn is also an interesting guess... hmmm.

duffgrl said...

I wouldn't call Vince Vaughn a "big tv figure" as the BV says. It seems like this person is mostly on tv. I'm still going w/ Anderson Cooper too. Ryan Seacrest was my other guess but he was ruled out.Jeremy Piven is a notorious skirt-chaser so I doubt it's him.

Anonymous said...

Ted had a blurb about Evan Handler (Harry on SATC) Monday 6/2, where he talks about his book about beating cancer. The last line is "First Cynthia, now Evan. Who new?" Cynthia did survive breast cancer but is also in a lesbian relationship.

Anonymous said...

Evan Handler was on CSI: Miami once. Maybe he is Chumpy "Shepp" Impaled instead. And pardon my typo above. Ted and I know how to spell "knew." I was just so excited to have maybe finally figured out a Blind Vice on my own:-)

blurry vice said...

I saw the Evan Handler thing too and was wondering about that.

Anonymous said...

Thoughts on why it could be Anderson Cooper (based on clues from AIAs):

- Chris Noth: Owns The Plumm, a NY night club with Simon Rex, a rapper in a group called Dyslexic Speedreaders. Anderson Cooper is dyslexic.

- On his live New Year's Eve show,he did a riff with Kathy Griffen about Extreme Home Makeover during which he made a comment about Ty Pennington "being in tears"

- Veiled reference to Anderson Cooper being gay on 30 Rock (featuring Alec Baldwin)

- When Justin Timberlake was on Saturday Night Live, there was a skit spoofing Anderson Cooper

- Jason Lewis was a model, so was AC

- Here's the best one: When AC co-hosted Regis and Kelly, one of his guests was Kyle Maclachlan!!

blurry vice said...

Wow, good research, anonymous! Now we have even more reason to believe FF is Anderson Cooper.

blurry vice said...

Not Donald Trump - "So far off. In every way. Age, looks, coif, demeanor. Opposite everything."

blurry vice said...

Not John Corbett - "Nope, think far svelter."

blurry vice said...

The new problem with the Anderson Cooper guess is that per Gawker, he is rumored to have a boyfriend, a guy who is Diane von Faustenberg's assistant. Would he be doing all of this if he has a bf?

Maybe back to Evan Handler. But I don't think EH fits with the previous FF BV, that he is a "mainstay in pop culture".

duffgrl said...

Could DVF's assistant be a new boyfriend(for Anderson Cooper)...or, a non-exclusive boyfriend? The first FF blind vice mentions how "Mr. F. loves him some Latino lovin'" and in the Gawker article-it says "the silver-haired CNN anchor loves the Latins"
-it has to be him!

blurry vice said...

Ted's mailbag today: someone asked if FF is on one of the forensic/crime shows.
" And as to your first query, not the ones you’re thinking of, no."

blurry vice said...

Not Ron Livingston - "Think far more popular and a bit slighter."

blurry vice said...

HUGE HINT FROM TED TODAY!!!!

"who's got Anderson Cooper all hot 'n' furrow-browed, huh?"

blurry vice said...

Not Luke Wilson - "Sorry, sweets, the Texas doll is so the opposite of our more erudite, dude-sniffin’ dude."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Just a comment: Have you always been this hot? I've been reading Awful for years, but only started tuning into Truth Lies and Ted. Sorry this is coming from a straight girl, but if you ever get a chance to off Anderson Cooper, you'd be my No. 1 boy crush of all time! Especially at the end of your latest segment, when you were feeding your dog cake and said some line about "licking"...whoa, baby!
—Celia

Dear Turn On:
I hear the Coop likes to lick more so in private, but thanks!"

blurry vice said...

"ANDERSON COOPER

Dear Ted:
What's your take on Anderson Cooper filling in for Regis with Kelly lately? Is this a weak attempt to keep his cover covered? Or just an attempt to up CNN's nightly ratings with middle-aged crushers?
—Ellen

Dear the Other Mr. Cooper:
Gotta be honest, I'm not loving your tone regarding dear Anderson. Bite your tongue.
"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Or maybe I will have better luck if I put it this way: Has Anderson Cooper ever been mentioned in one (or a few) BVs?
—Stephanie

Dear Silver Fox Trap:
You bet your tight-butt BF he has."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Does Anderson Cooper have a Blind Vice? Do you agree that his efforts regarding teen bullying would have more clout if his own personal situation was clarified?
—XXOO

Dear The Coop Poop:
While I do think that discussing one's sexuality helps an audience relate them to the topic at hand, I definitely don't think it's necessary for A.C. to "clarify" his "personal situation." Kuddos to him for taking such an active stand on the issue."

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