Thursday, May 1, 2008

Lainey - Keeping it Legal

From Lainey today, May 1st...

I love how often the self righteous, artistic ones are always end up being the douchiest and the perviest.

The backstory:

Several years ago, while dating a high profile, fiery actress, he was on location shooting a movie and found himself one night at a local bar. A young hot thing approached, they flirted, they made the call, and pretty soon she was telling her friends she was heading home with the star, protected by both his bodyguards and a personal driver.

So they get back to his place, start making out, she services him with her mouth, and tries to get him to return the favour, at which point he balks and then, no longer blinded by arousal, finally gets around to asking her:

"Are you really 19?"

Well of course she wasn’t 19. She was actually only 16. And when her guilty face confirmed it for him, he quickly called her a cab and sent her home, not offering to pay for her cab. He did however offer to pay for the silence.

His security detail and the chauffeur, all of whom were witnesses to his tryst with the teen, were compensated handsomely for their discretion. They were so trustworthy that he wanted to use their services again when he returned to town for a new project recently. Unfortunately the same team wasn’t entirely intact.

So instead, now single, he went to great lengths to secure a very capable staff to make sure he didn’t find himself in the kind of icky underage situation as last time. Was like having a personal assistant for the express purpose of getting him head and occasionally laid. Only he was strict about wanting it from “real” girls and not from professionals. Every few days or so, his people had to scour the city looking a girl he could spend a short time with. They’d all start off at a group dinner, and by the end of the night, he’d end up sated at place. A few girls were lucky enough for repeats but effort on his part was never forthcoming.

Still… at the very least… he kept it legal.


Update May 12 - Lainey has eliminated: Ryan Phillipe, Vince Vaughn, Michael Buble, Wilmer Valderamma.

* Suspected: Edward Norton

9 comments:

blurry vice said...

My first thought was Hugh Grant, be he isn't really self-righteous or artistic.
I also think the "fiery actress" is a hint that he dated a redhead, but I can't think of many redhead actresses except Julianne Moore right now.

Anonymous said...

I reckon it's Edward Norton,he dated Salma Hayek years ago and he has a reputation for being difficult.

Anonymous said...

Someone who dated Lohan?

Slave to the dogs said...

Self righteous, artistic, dated Lindsay Lohan - Jared Leto.

Justin Timberlake also came to mind.

blurry vice said...

I didn't think of LiLo, I guess bc she has been fake-blonde for so long. But definitely Jared Leto I think! He is a perv.

Anonymous said...

It's Norton. Salma is def. "firey" and Norton is a total douche.

Anonymous said...

I don't know who it is but I love the fact that Lainey basically eliminated Michael Buble by saying that he likes to sleeps with underage girls which has been the rumor for awhile.

blurry vice said...

Everyone is saying Edward Norton.

redcar45 said...

Although a few years late I would say its Jared Leto as he is a f**ktard and likes 15 year old girls.
Although apparently he does reciprocate. He was in Australia and found this 15 year old girl mentioned above and her mother drove the girl to his hotel and then drove around sydney for a few hours while they made out. Then he said he thought clit piercings was hot so this 15 year old was taken to get her clit pierced. he is disgusting and nasty.

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