Age Defying and Idolizing
One of our former Blind Vice femmes comes back on the scene, but less fresh-faced, and she knows it. This television gal tries to keep up with all the twenty-something's through some pretty painful procedures, while young H'wood is looking older 'n' older each daywe got that one covered, too! Geez, isn't anyone satisfied with their natural age? Besides Madonna? Or are the starlets just as pissed off as some former Idol hopefuls?
Ouch! Boob-tube terror Traceless Turncoat is back and bitchier than ever! Only this time, her hurtful machinations or more inwardly turned. Wait until you hear what this broad does to look more voluptuous—haven't heard this kind of idiocy since Marlene Dietrich took a needle and thread to her forehead!
One Remove-With-Care Blind Vice
Traceless Turncoat, our ol' backstabbing TV babe, who's made quite the career outta selling out her boob-tube amigos (for cash and prizes, mind you) has been—horrors!—behaving herself, as of late. Too boring for words. But, wouldn't ya know it: Word got back to T.T. that her network's higher-ups were perfectly aware she'd turned herself into a Jackie Collins version of Benedict Arnold, and that she'd better cool it. That, she did.
That is until her glitzy place of employment began hiring much younger, prettier, more shapely things who just happened to have far more impressive cleavages than does our babe, Trace. Yikes! What's an averagely endowed, amoral, conniving, man-munching, nominally talented bitch to do? Surgery? Amazingly engineered push-up bras? Suicide?
Nope. But duct tape certainly seemed to be a viable option. So to the hardware store went Ms. T's horrified stylist, who didn't know whether to laugh, cry or get some spackle, too (T2's not quite as flawless as she used to be). See, Ms. T had a plan, and this is indeed what that poor stylin' worker bee has to put up with every day Traceless is glammed up for her TV show: They both go into T.T.'s private dressing room, and before the latest ta-tas-showing outfit is practically painted onto the girl's increasingly diminishing figure, the dresser wraps an entirely nude Turncoat's midsection in industrial-strength tape, winding up just underneath Ms. T's breasts, thereby turning her natural-born babies into Pam Anderson-style bazookas.
Get it? Duct tape, babes. Directly onto—and then off of, 'course—the vain honey's skin. Every damn day. Oh, and Trace is hardly subtle about the pain during the taking off process. Swears like...well, me.
And it ain't: Maria Menounos, Samantha Harris, Kelly Ripa
*** Here are the old Traceless Turncoat BVs...
Sept 2006 - One Badass-Babe Blind Vice
Traceless Turncoat is either getting sloppy or impressively gutsy, maybe a bit of both--as is often the case with very popular career gals 'n' guys.Aug 2006 - One Designing Woman Blind Vice
T2, 'course, helps host a fairly popular TV offering. She has other correspondents who help her with her bubbly duties, but there's one talking head in particular who helps T.T. share and hone her hosting requirements in front of the camera.
Let's say this quasi-attractive head is, oh, Dorky Dingleberry--name's not really important. The vital thing to understand here is how much Trace-babe despises D.D. See, Traceless abhors the PR D. receives (on a not so regular basis, so you really can see how outta control Ms. T. happens to be), and she feels the producers of her little boob-tube offering pay way too much time to the D.D.-ster.
So, remember when I told you in our last Turncoat installment about how the TelePrompTer princess was peddling items on her myriad guests to gossip columns? Sometimes for cash?
Well, now Traceless is really upping the ante: She's including tacky little tidbits about her almost homely nemesis/colleague in the wares she offers.
Damn, bitch, you somethin'!
And it ain't: Diane Sawyer, Nancy Grace, Anderson Cooper
Princess Di's alive and well, did you know that?*** Eliminated as Traceless Turnocoat as of 7/25/11: Oprah Winfrey, Greta Von Sustern, Steven Cojocaru, Ellen DeGeneres, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Mary Hart, Kristin Cavallari, Tyra Banks, Star Jones Reynolds, Katie Couric, Nancy O'Dell, Meredith Viera, Lara Spencer, Diane Sawyer, Nancy Grace, Anderson Cooper, Maria Menounos, Samantha Harris, Kelly Ripa, Paris Hilton.
Well, not in the too thin, decrowned bod of her actual self but rather in the too thin, media-crowned puss of a boob-tube correspondent over here in the States. How fab, right?
Not really, according to Traceless Turncoat's colleagues, who have been mowed down--right, left and dead-on center--by the skinny broad's ambitious climb up the proverbial little-screen ladder. Old story, right?
Well, not really. 'Cause two things are diff with this ambitious babe (who has a thing fer kank-ee nooky, I'm told):
1. T2 has not slept her way to the top, a fact Trace likes to claim is due to her moral fiber but which, in reality, some people know is due to the fact that Ms. T. strangely resembles something created by, say, Jim Henson, when you catch her in just the right light, without all the coiffure and makeup bells 'n' whistles.
2. Turncoat has a hotline to most every gossip rag--blog or otherwise--in the Biz, peddling her self-serving stories wherever she can find a gullible buyer.
Not that she pays cash, mind you. She serves up dish on her interview subjects--and even her colleagues. What an effin' immoral snake!
Oh, my. And folks at home in the ratings-powered hinterlands think Trace is just a sweet thang--and that her rise up the image-controlled ranks has been such the inspiration. Yeah, right.
If folks only knew she's been as downright dirty as the dudes.
And it ain't: Steven Cojocaru, Greta Von Sustern, Oprah Winfrey
*** CURRENT TOP SUSPECTS: Debbie Matenopolous, Giuliana DiPandi Rancic ***
(For both Traceless Turncoat and Dorky Dingleberry/ vice versa.)