Blind Vice! Star Prefers Balls to Famous Babes!

Friday's BV from Ted...

Blind Vice!  Star Prefers Balls to Famous Babes!

Barry Wanger-Banger is a muy funny fella. 'Tho, must fess, the tabloids haven't been talking about Barry for any of his silly shenanigans lately. In fact, they've been talking about the crap he does that could kill him, which is a damn shame.
But B-man is getting his life together, so we thought we'd share a titillating tale that we definitely find LOL-worthy about Mr. Wanger and his more pleasant Vice:
You know, the fact that he's totally into dudes!
Of course, like any H'wood hunk worth his B-list status, BWB can keep his secrets just that.
Yep, Barry has taken note from the many closeted cuties before him and loves parading around T-town with a new hot thing—some models, some actresses, he doesn't care too much, really.
But after wining and dining these babes at some of the swankiest hot spots in town—where he's sure to get some paparazzi attention with his charming smile and sometimes six-pack—the real fun starts when he invites them back to his place. (Not even Toothy Tile is dim enough to pull the crap you're about to read.)
'Cause here's the kicker: Barry lets the gals think he actually wants to get it on with them!
One partic clueless chick—who's actually got a recognizable puss herself—arrived back at B's place and was itching to see what he was packing when—poof!—Barry just up and disappeared.
The unlucky lady sat twiddling her thumbs in his family room, wondering where the hell her date went, before she finally started searching for him. And that's when she learned the truth:
Three is definitely a crowd.
See, Barry had slipped outside to play a game of midnight basketball—no, that's not a dirty little saying...We actually mean with the orange ball and a hoop and whatnot—with a sexy, shirtless stud.
Barry's poor date watched all the ass slapping and lingering congratulations as the two sweaty boys played with each other out back before deciding she was had suddenly become the third wheel and hit the road.
So, then Barry and his BF hit the showers.
Now these are the kind of stories we like to hear from ya, Bar. You always know how to make us laugh.
And It Ain't: Shia LaBeouf, Charlie Sheen, Seth Rogen

Eliminated as of 3/26/12: Shia LaBeouf, Charlie Sheen, Seth Rogen, Jason Sudeikis, Jonah Hill, Justin Timberlake, Alex Pettyfer

Top suspect:

Blind Vice: Cheating Makes Everybody Crabby

Hi, sorry for the delay.  Monday's BV from Ted:

Blind Vice!  Cheating Makes Everybody Crabby

Ever wonder why hunky heartthrob Rick Danger-Zip split with his long-time gf Sunny Sweet-Cheeks? They seemed just perfect for each in that whole Britney and Justin sort of way, which is why it absolutely broke our hearts when they called it splits.
Well, here's the (itchy, crawly) deal:
Like so many superstars-turned-Vice stars do, Rick has it all: fame, money, and—shocker!—a good reputation. The good ol' USA couldn't get enough of his handsome puss and sometimes-charitable ways.
But Rick had something else that Sunny didn't find as appealing...
Crabs.
Yep, Rick picked up a pesky little case of crotch critters while he was out cheating on poor Sunny.
This wasn't one of those open relayshes that T-town horn dogs boast about while banging broads on the side. Sunny loved her dude and had no idea that he was hopping in and out of every bed in Hollywood.
Until his itchy groin gave him away, that is.
Shame, too, Sunny is drop-dead gorgeous and über successful in her own right. What gives with these guys not being happy with the amazing chick they have at home? Typical.
Well the formerly-tight twosome parted ways and Saint Sunny was kind enough not to tattle to the tabloids, but instead told everyone the two were totally cool and she was happy they could still be friends.
Yeah, right.
We're just tres pleased Sunny moved on to a new man who treats her right. She deserves it, after all the crap she put up with. And a kick start in her multi-talented career was an extra nice F.U. to her former beau.
But Rick found himself a new lady, too. One with big boobs and questionable talent (just how he likes 'em) and here's the kicker...he claims she's his one and only these days.
So, now the dim-witted gal is just sitting around on her tight toosh until her main man brings home another case of genital goodies. 'Cause you know Rick is still up to his cheating ways, dontcha?
You didn't think he had actually reformed did you?
And It Ain't: Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens, Alex Pettyfer and Diana Agron, Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian

Also eliminated: Ryan Gosling, Michael Buble & Emily Blunt, Ashley Olsen, Emma Watson

Top suspects:

Lainey- Two Quickies

Which tv personality flirts dangerously with GHB and then, consequently, with strangers when he's relaxing from a hard day's work? So far it hasn't gotten him into too much trouble but it can get rough out there, even though he likes it that way.

A chronic cheater slept with the girl who has also been around a lot, and has had her share of infidelity too, on both sides of the equation, and while their hookup was very brief, he was becoming serious with his gf at the time. They are still together, and she doesn't know. About this time, or all of the other ones. So dumb.

Blind Vice! Super-Duper Cooper Peeved About Poop Scoop!

Newest BV from Ted...

Blind Vice! Super-Duper Cooper Peeved About Poop Scoop

We've filled you in on lots of the gross-out goss that goes on behind Vice stars' closed doors, and now one of the stinkiest celebs has finally caught a whiff of his own dirty laundry.
We're sure you can guess who, too...
Super-Duper Cooper, the superstar who likes his nookie with a side of No. 2!
And when SDC caught wind that we were blabbing about his penchant for poo, he wasn't too pleased:
'Cause the dude's going out of his way to make sure hotel insiders don't snitch to us again!
See, Coop was set to make his return to Sin City—and his smelly sexcapades, we're sure—but didn't want to leave a tell-all trail this time.
So like any good celeb worth their A-list status, he had his people take care of it.
We're advised that Coop's assistant called up every million-dollar, high-rise hotel the star has stayed in, including the hotel our partic chatty friend works at, and had a conversation that goes a little something like this:
"Hello! Hope you've been well! How are the kids? Blah blah blah, by the way, have you heard any rumors about Super-Duper Cooper lately?"
Our mischievous source, of course says, "No, why?" And that's when Coop's pal gets sassy, saying:
"Oh, there's just an old gossip columnists who's out to get Coop. They don't understand him because Coop is irreverent."
And when our in-the-know worker said that didn't keep up with the goss, Coop's fellow booked a room on the spot.
Hm, wonder if he'll be sure to clean up after himself this time.
Listen up, Coop, as long as you keep being so careless with your feces fun, I'll be sure to blab it. We can both be irreverent in that way, huh? But thanks for reading the blolumn!
(And for the record, you've kissed women my age and sure seemed to get off on it, dude.)
And It Ain't: Alexander Skarsgård, Charlie Sheen, Kevin Jonas

Please refer to the label below for a link to our discussion on the previous SDC BVs, including a full list of who has been eliminated.

Top suspect: John Mayer

Part of our LIST is gone!

UPDATE:  The lost information is restored to the post.  No thanks to blogger... we put the information together on our own.  It's a little unorganized but bear with us.  Thanks for your patience.   See the label below to find a link to our "list of ted's reveals" post.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi readers!


As you know, we have been keeping list of Ted's Blind Vice reveals, along with lists of who he has said has been a BV, and who has been confirmed was never having been a a BV.  This is helpful to refer to when making our guesses (if you follow Ted's rules that is)!


Well, I was updating the post the other day with recent info, and saw that a huge chunk was missing.  It is a large portion of the bottom list (people who have never been a BV).  It seems as if it's cut off the info from August 2010 on.  I have contacted blogger and they said that there was a blogger crash last weekend and a lot of people lost information.  Not sure if it will be recovered, but I have requested help and am waiting for a response of some sort.


As you know we all have other jobs and busy lives.  It would be a HUGE task to take on to repair the lost info from the list.  And even if we did, I no longer would trust blogger to NOT lose that info again.  It's not worth to keep a meticulous list of something if it can apparently be erased at any time by blogger.


So, unfortunately, we can not repair the post at this time.  If it is repaired we will do our best to keep updating it.  However, if it is not repaired and the info is lost, then it will not be updated anymore because too much info has been lost.


We hope our readers understand.  We will still post blind items and eliminations but can no longer be "anal" about Ted's info.  Thanks for your understanding!

Lainey- Producer after producer

New riddle from Lainey:

Producer After Producer

He has been sleeping with producer after producer - mostly females, any age, any shape - offering himself in exchange for opportunities. Any opportunities. While it's rather competitive among famewhores in the project he's best known for, it turns out he's the one who's most aggressive, most desperate, most willing to do whatever it takes to get ahead. Hilarious because it hasn't exactly been working for him until recently, a surprise gig.

Still, after so many tries, and other boys on the side in the city, and so many nights with much older lady executives, you'd think he would have gotten further ahead than where he's come to now which isn't all that impressive. Maybe that's why he decided to switch sides. Besides, it suits his true preference anyway. He'll do both, but men are what really make him happy. So he must not have minded when he laid himself out, twice, for a very high profile male producer with an impressive resume mentoring some huge names, recently, in the hopes of perhaps crossing over, straddling several different portfolios at the same time. If Jennifer Lopez can be multihyphenate, with one of those hyphens being a music career, I suppose it gives others hope they can too, him included. Never mind that there's an over 25 year age gap between them.

Top suspects:  Chace Crawford

Which celeb is involved in lawsuit?

Brought to our attention by Ted and the Awful team, we've learned about a lawsuit filed this week against a celeb.  Check it out!  Who could it be?  Here's what Ted said about it on Thursday -

Let's Guess the Super Rich Celeb Being Sued for Spreading Herpes!

Get a load of this: According to a seriously salacious lawsuit filed in Los Angeles Superior Court yesterday, an "A-list celebrity of substantial fame internationally" knowingly exposed a sex partner to the herpes virus, and that partner is now suing for $20 million.

So who is it? Here's what we know:

The culprit is male, worth in excess of $100 million and lied about not having V.D. On April 1, he lured the person (not ID'd as male of female, BTW) to his Las Vegas hotel room to watch porn and engage in "mutual oral copulation, mutual self-gratification, rubbing and massaging each other, play-wrestling, licking and (unprotected) intercourse."

Also, according to the suit, they did some drugs and, oh yeah, the celeb videotaped the whole thing.

We don't want to get too close to this story, but we're dying to find out which international celebrity is being targeted.

Surely it's not...

Leonardo DiCaprio, who's recently single and has been hitting the party scene extra hard lately? Leo notoriously loves Vegas, and his new film Hoover even had a sneak preview during CinemaCon (the official convention of the National Association of Theatre Owners) there on an overlapping date. But somehow, we suspect this is not something that helped lead to his breakup with poor Bar.

Also in Vegas a lot would be...

Elton John, but we simply have to refuse to believe the naughty culprit is the knighted, flamboyant singer. The new father and partner to devoted longtime love David Furnish wouldn't engage in such antics! Right? And lucky for this Vegas mainstay and Caesars Palace regular, Elton was in New York performing on Saturday Night Live at the time the accusations went down.

So, then, what, about...

Jeremy Piven, who frequents Vegas clubs and was definitely there a few weeks after the incident occurred, for a Mumford and Sons concert at the Cosmopolitan hotel? Word is Jerm has a thang for kinky sexcapades. But would we really consider him "an A-list celebrity of substantial fame internationally?" Uh, no.

So let's then move on to worldwide superstar...

Tom Cruise, who certainly has the bucks to pony up a payload like that. Not to mention it certainly wouldn't be the first time T.C. had been accused of some weird sexual peccadillo. But the point is, Tom and Katie are hardly debauched Sin City regulars, and besides, Tom sues faster than Scarlett Johansson asks Sean to smooch with her, and everybody knows this, so any loud legal action from somebody trying to get revenge: highly unlikely.

Hmmm, Vegas act and Caesars Palace cash cow....

Celine Dion is super wealthy and well known worldwide. We knew there had to be more going on than meets the eye with that grandpa hubby of hers! Open marriage? Conservative front for a kinky couple? Celine! Who knew? Oh, wait, the suit did say it was a guy, so, never mind. Too bad, it actually would have made us like you better!

But look, like we said, we don't think it's any of the folks mentioned above. CinemaCon and the Academy Country Music Awards both took place in Las Vegas around April 1, leaving tons of wealthy, raunchy A-list candidates.

So who the hell is it?!

Tell us who you think!

Then, Ted posted this update Friday, and gave the celeb a BV-like nickname: "Schmuck-Wad Stupid-Ass" -

Did a Blind Vice All-Star Give Someone $20 Million Herpes?



UPDATE: We'll admit—we may have gotten our gay panties in a twist on this one. 'Cause we initially pegged the herp jerk as one of our fagalicious BV fellows, but it seems there's a clue in the lawsuit that most prying eyes overlooked—that the screwed-over someone is a chick! After pages and pages of trying to hide the Plantiff's gender, the unlucky clerk wraps by demanding "her claims" go to trial. Whoopsies! Clerical error? Or not?
In that case, our money is on previous long shot Saucy Bossy and his sometimes-womanizing ways. Or possibly Crescent Kumquat, who likes to boink a babe from time to time and isn't a stranger to STDS (or the Vegas party scene).
And we can't forget Super-Duper Cooper, whose sleazy sexcapades make us want to barf every time. This kind of gross-out garbage is the stuff that made him infamous behind closed doors.
Either way, it seems the lying lothario is quickly dishing out the dough to cover his scandalous tracks. Ha! Like something this scandalous will just get swept under the carpet. Lawyers may be trying to throw us off this perv's trouble-making track, but we think we've got him nailed. So who's your best guess?

We interrupt this regularly scheduled Blind Vice to weigh in on yesterday's scandalous celebrity lawsuit.
(We were planning on telling you Shellack Attack has already ditched that dude she was two-timing her much more famous bf with, because the guy was just too plebian, poor Shellack's climbing as fast as she can!)
Which megaceleb is getting slapped with a $20 million lawsuit because he gave his sex partner herpes, and videotaped the whole unsafe-sex act as it was going down?
Hmm. We're just going to call this guy Schmuck-Wad Stupid-Ass, and we might add, he sounds an awful lot like some contenders from our Blind Vice Hall of Fame, right?
At the top of our guessing game would have to be...
Seymour Plow-Me More, the Hollywood A-lister who keeps on (time after friggin' time) flagrantly putting his homo out there in semi-public places, all the while maintaining an ostensibly heterosexual life for the media.
I mean, this guy has plane-loads of dudes flown all over the world—by straight pilots who talk! And this is just one example of how Seymour lives to take chances, as is clear from the lawsuit itself, if you read every little dirty detail.
Now, also known to take dumb-butt chances, once in awhile, would have to be...
Toothy Tile, who we're simply praying isn't this arrogant Schmuck-Wad creep. Come on, there's a difference between wanting to just get your sex on in a dark alley, say, and filming it while giving somebody herpes! Now, Toothy's made some pretty moronic moves in his life, but not even he's this dim—or full of himself.
Probably not quite this insanely risky, either, would be...
Fey Oiled-Tush, who just lives to set up his elaborate flying harems (what is it with closeted gay actors and planes, what, they think it's not going to get back to anybody because it happened up in the air?). But he also abides—just as vigilantly—on having all his tracks covered. In other words, all these witnesses must sign non-disclosure agreements, not that that crap actually stops people from talking, but it does succeed in creating a certain chill somebody like Schmuck-Wad Stupid-Ass has no desire to create.
A less obvious choice, too, might just be...
Saucy Bossy, who even though he does prefer the down-low company of other men, does—from time to time (and certainly more often than Toothy, for instance) actually date and have sex with other women. And there's something peculiarly plausible, if you read the details just right, about this lawsuit that leaves the possibility the "mutual self-gratification" that went on, prior to the unsafe intercourse, etc., could have been between a man and a woman.
But we still guess it's between two men. And who shows up more often in the Vice annals that that combo?
Tellin' ya, we've probably written about Schmuck-Wad before.

Then Ted posted this newer update June 22, 2011 -

Poll: Who's Behind the Priciest Herpes Eva?!

Remember that mystery A-lister getting sued for giving someone herpes?
Well the STD host/big-time celeb quietly settled, for $5 million. Yes, $5,000,000. Let's drool over all those zeroes. The plaintiff even wanted $20 freakin' mil, but we're thinking "she's" pretty happy.
Anyhoo, TMZ, the gossip blog that broke this fabulously sheathed (just not penis-sheathed) item, is steering clear of even saying who they think might be the culprit:
Not even a friggin' hint! What the hell's up with that, babes? Much like the Awful Truth has done, don't ever recall Harvey Levin's TMZ outfit holding back when they had a celebrity opinion—in the least!
Maybe it's because H.L. has some connections with the infected him (or her!)? Maybe it's somebody who's not so A-list, after all—or maybe TMZ just doesn't know? Fair enough.
Or do we just have the ol' boys club network in action here, some slut-dude like Charlie Sheen who's being protected because that's just what guys do for each other?
Hmmm, let's find out:

(poll)

Top suspect: ?

Blind Vice: Star From Afar Lives to Cheat!

New from Ted on Friday -

Blind Vice: Star From Afar Lives to Cheat!


Isn't it somehow comforting to know that those not living primarily on American soil can be just as debauched as, say, Jesse James? I mean, it's not just a Hollywood thing to nab your partner, then start cheating left and right, is it?
Just last week, we showed you how the Duke of Schlongsbury is launching much gossip in the UK, what with the Duke's womanizing (and girl-izing)!
And not so far away from the Duke's castle lies...
Sovereign Stein-Moongle's plush pad, where he, too, spends ample time luring whichever young things he can to his celebrated boudoir.
Only difference is, Stein-Moongle loves to nab the boys, not the girls.
Also, another distinction between Sovereign and the Duke is their partners. The Duke's doesn't know bupkes about his philandering, quite unlike Stein-Moongle's other half, who's known all about Sovereign's dalliances for many, many years.
And perhaps one reason the cheated-on other half doesn't mind too much?
This lucky (and super-loaded) spouse often joins in on the action!
Hmm. And people wonder why the Stein-Moongles have lasted as a couple as long as they have?
Jeez, is mutual cheating really the answer to true love? Say it isn't so!
AND IT AIN'T: Sir Paul McCartney, Johnny Depp, Hugh Grant

Also eliminated: George Michael

Top suspects: Elton John (although he is suspected for another BV; see label for him) David Bowie

Vintage BV: Shellack Attack, Meatless Member

 Since Ted brought back an old name, we dug up her old BV.  Here is the vintage Shellack Attack BV from July 2006.

Two Old-School Blind Vices: July 26, 2006

I swear, I'd love to tell you all the one about the reality-TV dude who's diddling other guys in the pools of Hollywood boy-boy shindigs, but that one's just as tired (ultimately) as the one I'm about to spill. I mean, come on. Okay, okay, so I will do--so to speak--the guy dish first: See, there's this boob-tube celeb who's, like, rather good-looking. Meatless Member has a nice face. Decent arms 'n' legs, sweet smile--but not exactly a whole lotta sausage cookin' in the kitchen down below. I mean, it was very nervy of M.M. to start having sex with other guys in the pool, what with every bitchy fag around, just waiting to spill the beans with no frank, as it were. But M. was horny, so he did anyway--so there. I'm hardly surprised Mr. Member was there at the posh address, frolicking at a homo-happening soiree in the first place, but most of (naïve) America will be startled, fer sure. It's all very snore-pie predictable.

As is Shellack Attack's latest man-romping move. I mean, many folks know Shellack's got a thing for the showier, naughtier boys--despite S.A.'s heart o' gold appeal. And this latest romance Ms. A.'s so very visibly involved in is hardly the surprise in that regard. But it should be. That's because sexy Shellack has finally found herself a man who has a bigger appetite for sno-cones, powder-style, than she does. And that's sayin' somethin'! Oy. Can't you infamous types out there please come up with some new Vices, besides drugs and dalliances? Can't somebody steal a script that results in an Academy Award from their best friend anymore? I mean, that's, like, what, a hundred years ago already, isn't it? 

And it ain't: Bart Simpson/Paula Abdul; Ashlee Simpson/Randy Jackson; Jessica Simpson/Simon Cowell

Meatless Member:

• Eliminated: Randy Jackson, Simon Cowell, Paula Abadul, Carrot Top, Ty Pennington 

• Top suspect in 2006 was Ryan Seacrest, but since then Ted has told us that he was never a BV.  Also Clay Aiken, Dane Cook were top guesses.  So.... ???

Shellack Attack:

• Eliminated as of 7/30/11: Jessica Simpson, Ashlee Simpson, Bart Simpson, Mandy Moore, Denise Richards, Miley Cyrus, Eva Longoria, Kim Kardashian, Vivica A. Fox, Salma Hayek, Sofia Vergara, Beyonce Knowles, Julianne Hough, Cameron Diaz, Halle Berry, Jenny McCarthy, Christina Aguilera, Jenna Jameson, Rachel McAdams,Hayden Panettierre, Brooklyn Decker, Katy Perry, Kristin Cavallari

• Top suspects: In 2006, was Heather Locklear; Also Natalie Portman, Pamela Anderson.  But now none of them seem to fit too well with the new BV from 2011. So... ???

See the label below for our post on the new Shellack Attack BV from May 2011.

Blind Vice: Two-Timing Fox Itching to Get Caught!?

New from Ted yesterday ... bringing back an old BV name I recognize from a few years ago.  We have posted the original Shellack Attack BV from 2006 above.  Here is the new one -

Blind Vice: Two-Timing Fox Itching to Get Caught!?


Shellack Attack, the very curvy celeb who's always making waves in the media, is also making waves in the bedroom. Even though everybody thinks Shellack is mad only for her current, A-list partner, that's not an entirely true statement.
See, Shellack must think she's a man, or something, because while she's telling her boyfriend (and the world, really) that she's just so in love and crap, Shellack's got another man on the side!
This is too funny. Not to mention precisely how men have been treating women for centuries. Such a pity Shellack's guy has to try the getting-used-thing on for size, huh?
However, Shellack's current boyfriend No. 2 is perfectly content to be used up, and stuff, and treated like the little plaything he is. Doesn't seem to bother him a bit.
But..Shellack's main man would absolutely crap if he knew the real score with his woman, who was seeing somebody else on the sly. And, quite frankly, we're certain Shellack get's off knowing full well she's in major time-bomb territory with the bf.
Of course, Shellack being Shellack, discretion's never really been her calling card, so that human time-bomb she's dating is about to go off pretty soon, we're certain.
AND IT AIN'T: Miley Cyrus, Eva Longoria, Kim Kardashian

See the label below for our post on the original Shellack Attack BV for a full list of who has been eliminated.

Top suspect:

Blind Vice! Special Royal Scandal Edition

Happy Royal Wedding Day!  The 4 sisters were up at 5 am for the wedding coverage and loved every minute of it!  It's been a crazy week but we are getting caught up with the blinds in time for the weekend.  Now here's a Royal-themed BV from Ted today.  Enjoy!

Blind Vice!  Special Royal Scandal Edition

As fabulous as our Royal Name Generator may be, let's face it: We debauched Americans at the Awful Truth were dressing up salacious celebs with our Blind Vice Superstars (and lesser Vice mortals) ages ago. And not to rain on William and Kate's happy day, but we simply cannot leave out the Vice-lovin' Brits!
The very shady HRH the Duke of Schlongsbury is like millionth in line to the British throne, but, babes, the law-breaking stud is legally entitled to rule the country, should it come to that. Which is why members of Parliament are super nervous.
Hmmm. What's the handsome duke's crime?
You know how often Queen Elizabeth II purses her lips or changes hats? Triple that figure and you've got the number of times Duke Schlongsbury beds underage girls.
And the very good-looking heir pays these women, on top of it—adding even more law-breaking badassness to his royal résumé!
Queen Liz knows all about it. So, too, do most of the country's elite, who are positively dead-set on gossiping about these things, but rarely doing anything about it.
Only this time, certain members of Parliament feel they're legally bound to try and stop the throne-line naughtiness. And the duke, who's quite used to getting whatever his horny heart desires, is royally pissed.
Hey, not nearly as peeved as Schlongbury's line-up of lovelies! Not only does he pay them extravagantly, he's got the biggest set of family jewels in all of England!
And we're not talking diamonds.

AND IT AIN'T: Viscount Linley (Princess Margaret's son), Peter Phillips (Princess Anne's son) or Prince Michael (Princess Michael of Kent's husband).

Top suspect: Prince Andrew, Duke of York

Blind Vice: Pokie Gets Dumped, Drunk, and High!

New from Ted today -

Blind Vice: Pokie Gets Dumped, Drunk, and High!

Poor Pokie McPillster. The cute celeb has fought addictions for years (and not everybody knows how many), but while the girl's busy telling everybody she's a clean-living machine, trust us, she's not.
Pokie's pals were already increasingly worried about their famous friend's increased boozing and drugging, but then Pokie hit Coachella, and it got worse:
"We already knew she was using," says one of Pokie's confidantes, "but then at Coachella, it was really obvious."
Wandering around aimless, bumping into everything and everybody, slurring her every word, Pokie was a damn mess!
Pokie's various jobs could be jeopardized, fear these amigas. Plus, what concerns Ms. McPillster's friends even moreso, is how Pokie's family will take it once they learn the sad news (if they don't already know).
You see, others in McPillster's immediate family are desperately fighting to stay sober, and so Pokie's posse is not only worried as crap about their girl, but they also think those who love Pokie the most will now go out and start getting high again, as well.
Oh, come on, people. Nobody gets high unless they want to get high. Of course, it doesn't help if your wife or brother or whomever is getting plastered while you're trying to clean up your act, but it still ultimately shouldn't matter.
We're all responsible for ourselves. Too bad Poke's not that interested in such a sentiment—as she's currently blaming all her troubles on that damn man who did her wrong.
And It Ain't: Ashley Greene, Nicky Hilton, Paris Hilton

Top suspect:

Blind Vice: Girl-Thirsty Star Denied Tasty Lady Dish!

New from Ted today...

Blind Vice: Girl-Thirsty Star Denied Tasty Lady Dish!

We're on a lesbian roll, love it! We've always thought girls know better how to have a really sexy time (guys are just too damn bam-bam-oriented, right?), and Butter Pussy and Cookie Muncher are proving us right.
Take Sheila Horn E., for instance. Now, they just don't come any more gorgeous than the luscious, exotically beautiful Sheila. Ms. Horn E.'s also pretty gifted in her chosen profession. But what Sheila's fans may not know (in fact, we're sure they don't), is that Sheila also has a knack for making other chicks quiver and quake:
But not always for the right reasons!
Just like Butter is wont to do, Sheila lives for taking a chance on gals who may—or may not—be interested in having a good time with her. For the record, most babes say yes to Sheila's advances. Not only is the multi-talent strikingly beautiful, but usually the women are so overwhelmed by Sheila's charm and fame, they pretty much just do whatever the Industry-respected honey asks them to.
Such was not the case in the Hollywood Hills at a recent A-list party, where Sheila—she ironically is in yet another happy "straight" relationship—put the moves on a striking, slender brunette with vibrant green eyes.
Those eyes darted, dug and may well have blurted, I don't care who you are, get the ef off me, bitch, which is precisely what a very shocked Sheila then did.
It was a major set-back for Ms. Horn E., who's always gotten what she wanted in the past—at least, as far as her lesbian love-life goes. Sheila's heterosexual romance history, on the other hand, is an entirely different subject, and one that's been covered to great extremes in the media, which is always so busy singing some poor-me song for the beautiful broad.
Well, if all these ass-kissing reporters knew Sheila loves to get it on with girls (maybe more so than she does with guys?), then maybe they'd a have a different approach next time they file one of their inevitable break-up stories on the star?
Oh, yeah.
AND IT AIN'T: Reese Witherspoon, Blake Lively, Taylor Swift

Update 7/7/11 - Ted has eliminated Reese Witherspoon, Blake Lively, Taylor Swift, Chelsea Handler, Anne Hathaway, Dianna Agron, Chelsea Handler, Shakira, Rihanna, Uma Thurman, Eva Longoria, Rosie Huntington-Whitely.

Current top suspect: Halle Berry

Blind Vice: Bitchy TV Cast Raises Hell, Nobody Cares

New from Ted today -

Blind Vice: Bitchy TV Cast Raises Hell, Nobody Cares

We're gonna do something completely different today. We've got a whole group of naughties we're gonna blab about, instead of our usual one or two scandalous contenders. Besides, last week's Vice was so depressing, I think we all need something a little a little sillier to gasp about.
Like this extremely popular TV show's bitchy little cast, not to mention the dumbest season finale we've ever heard:
Mulholland Estates is wildly popular, we really don't see why. Granted, the highly rated oddball series has a couple of super-talented celebs, but every time we tune in to watch them, we're usually so horrified by the plotlines they're forced to play out, it's impossible to make it through a full episode.
Could this be why several big names on the show are beyond bitchy over the upcoming shooting schedule for the show's finale, which is being filmed later this month?
"Everyone wants a different day off," says a reliable source on the show, "and they're all being told no, and they're very unhappy about it."
Apparently, this finale is such a grand denouement and so intricately planned, all hands on deck are required during the whole operation—with none of the cushy wrap-around shooting windows that have been permitted for the cast's varying outside projects in the past.
"They're raising hell about it," snapped the Mulholland vet.
Jeez, all we have to say is that the spoiled cast's bitching about totally the wrong thing.
You see, the grand final show that's being planned will be...are you ready?
A floating dinner party.
Whereas each cast member hosts a course for said dinner in his or her home.
This is what's supposed to leave Mullholland Estates' massive audience in cliff-hanger type suspense until the show comes back next season?
Well, maybe if one of the hosts had an orgy to go with her lemon meringue pie, then, maybe, we'd watch.
But trust, that ain't happenin', and, for that, we say this bland drivel is what the performers should be in a near-riot about, not some silly day off here and there.
And It Ain't: Modern Family, The Real Housewives of Orange County, Parks and Recreation

Top suspects: Desperate Housewives cast

Update April 14 - Ted has revealed this BV as the Desperate Housewives cast, and states that it was particularly normally nice cast member Kathryn Joosten that was joining in.

Page Six - Just Asking - 4.5.11

This was from the NY Post Page Six on Tuesday -

Which Hollywood power duo should keep iPhones out of the bedroom when they're swinging? The fit couple, who already have a reputation for inviting others into their sex life, were recently the subject of a camera-phone photo shoot that's being passed around at swanky New York dinner parties. Hopefully for them their compromising pictures aren't coming soon to a computer near you . . . WHICH singer's team is desperately trying to cover up the fact that a recent nose job has totally altered the voice?

Then Thursday Ted did a little write-up in the Awful Truth discussing who it could be... read on.

This is fun. Remember when we tried to guess the New York Post's "Just Asking" item about which married actor was waiting to ditch his wife until after the Oscars?
‘Course, that never turned out to be true, but maybe this one will? Page Six is now reporting that a certain athletically inclined, high-profile Hollywood couple have been spicing up their sex life by inviting others along for the ride. And an iPhone camera apparently recorded all the hot action!
The pictures, it turns out, are now making their way from famous cell phones to cell phones and are the talk of many a New York dinner party.
Gosh, who could it be?
Let's narrow this scandalous situation down together, kids. Surely, its not...
Fergie and Josh Duhamel, who although they fit the bill for "athletically inclined," have fought back against trouble-in-paradise rumors to recently appear stronger than ever. I mean, we've seen how Fergie shakes it onstage, and we know Joshy has a penchant for um, fun, girls, but these two seem totally into each other right now. Right?
And certainly it couldn't be...
David and Victoria Beckham, who are currently expecting their fourth child, so we don't think the pics are quite that kinky. We know Big D has an eye for the gals, but we don't think he's stupid enough to have some kind electronic swingers party like this—and even if he were, the dude would have his security team sweep the room for all gadgets, first, right?
And please, it mustn't be...
Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore. Remember how famous-man magnet Brittney Jonesclaimed to have had sex with Ashton on Demi's couch and then tried to sell a sex tape of herself using Ashton's name? And then she sold his alleged sweater on Ebay? Yeah, whether he is guilty or not, we think Brittney scared Ashton into never permitting any kind of documenting of his sexcapades. Like the boy above, pretty sure he'd take great measures to avert something were he to decide to swing with Demi (or not).
So, it's somebody else, then? Hmmm. Now that we think about it, pretty sure we know who this famous, frisky couple is! One of our Blind Vice superstars or at least one of the occasional starring members? Yep. The latter.

Any other thoughts?  Discuss in comments...

Big elimination raises issues...

I know we are a few days behind on this... but Ted has given us a pretty big elimination the other day.

Dear Ted:
I know it's been a long time, but who are Judas Jack-Off and Dash Dingle-Dream, anyway? I miss you talking about them. I still think they are Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles, but whatever.
—I Miss JJO and DDD

Dear Keep On Missing:
There is nothing there, and I mean nothing new. And they still aren't your dream couple. Sorry about it. Some day when it hits you, you'll chuckle to yourself, promise.

So... #1 there goes our top suspects for JJO and DDD.  We had suspected in recent months that Ted was messing with Supernatural fans on that one.  Looking back to Hayden Christensen again.

And issue #2 - then who are Jared and Jensen's BVs?  Becuase Ted has repeatedly confirmed them as being BVs in the past.  We have a lot of re-thinking to do.

See labels below for related posts.

Bonus Blind: Morgan Mayhem Thinks We're Idiots!

Sorry for the delay.  It's been a crazy week so far.  This was new from Ted on Monday...

Bonus Blind: Morgan Mayhem Thinks We're Idiots!

What's a party girl to do when she returns to the scene but isn't allowed to play like she used to? Hmmm. Poor over-indulged (and over-exposed) Morgan Mayhem is suffering such a dilemma.
But the good news is, she's back! On the club circuit! Where she belongs!
Problem is, Morgan just can't lay off the booze—hard as she's tried. But our girl is making progress, promise. See, to help sorta try and clean up her incredibly filthy act,  M.M. has completely and totally sworn off...
Cocaine!
But how long can this last? Morgan is putting herself in the exact same situations that led her down the path to rehab. And by surrounding herself with party friends from the past, Morgan barely has a shot at staying off the sauce. Or the powder.
Picture it: a dark Hollywood nightclub with music pumping through the speakers as heavily as air conditioning cools off the spoiled club rats who inhabit it. The party is already in full force as Morgan breezes past the paparazzi's flashbulbs on her way inside and tucks into a black leather booth in the back corner of the room.
Where there are...two bottles of Grey Goose, a pitcher of cranberry juice, one of tonic water and a bowl of limes. All chilled. All gratis. So, Morgan's friends immediately pop open the vodka and start pouring themselves doubles. Morgan's tall blonde girlfriend pours two drinks, one for her and one for Morgan, who obviously cannot be seen anywhere near the vodka bottles.
"It's water!" Morgan hisses at a college-age girl in a Bebe minidress ready to take a pic with her cell phone and send to the rest of her sorority.
But Morgan needs the extra liquid tonight, as she's got an ex in the room and everyone is feeling très awkward about it. So tonight, Morgan just pours herself some extra "clear liquid" and stays away from the powder that is being offered to her discreetly in friend's purses and during frequent trips to the bathroom.
Because Morgan's told her friends: It is her mission to keep those poor, damaged nostrils of hers blow-free.
Uh, then why hang in clubs where nose candy flows like Russell Brand's seminal fluid?
Unfortunately, it's only a matter of time before M is back to her old, jaded tricks. I mean, really, it's the equivalent of an Overeaters Anonymous member taking a cruise with 24/7 buffets on every level. Why torture yourself like this, Morgan?
Because you don't really want to clean up your act?
Yeah, we already knew that. 
AND IT AIN'T: Cristina Aguilera, Paris Hilton, Mischa Barton

Please refer to the label below for a link to our many previous posts on Morgan Mayhem.

Top suspect: Lindsay Lohan

Blind Vice: A Sad Story With an Even Sadder End

New from Ted today -

Blind Vice: A Sad Story With an Even Sadder End

Gorgeous star Sally Pearlsmyth and her equally stunning celeb partner, Percy DuBois, had a nasty breakup not long ago. That was enough to shed a tear over in itself, as they really did seem like the perfect, hot Hollywood couple. You know, when two lookers like Ryan Reynolds and Scarlet Johansson can't make it work, it puts more of an onus on folks like Sally and Percy to bring the sexy back to yummy couples.
And oh, how they tried. In fact, they tried so hard...
Sally ended up getting pregnant, even though neither star was trying to start a family just yet.
Both parents were shocked, to say the least.
However, one of the parents was more pleased by the news than the other: Percy. He was thrilled and delighted and didn't take crap from anybody who thought otherwise (like certain friends who questioned if this was a good time in his career to play pops).
Sally, on the other (less) domesticated hand, relied on countless people to help make up her mind about what to do. She asked all her representatives about it, and each one told the looker with the flowing mane the same thing: end the pregnancy. Not good timing, and all that job-oriented stuff. No one really seemed to care about Sally, the woman.
Like, maybe the answer should have been: "This is your business, not ours. It's your decision to make."
But when has anybody in Hollywood ever not taken advantage of a chance to force their way and opinion on somebody? Never!
So, over the great objections of Percy, Sally ended her pregnancy. And soon after, Percy and Sally ended their relationship, many blaming Percy for being, well, not exactly the ideal mate.
Yeah, as always, there's two sides to every story.
AND IT AIN'T: Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal, Vanessa Hudgens and Zac Efron, Eva Longoria and Tony Parker

Update: as of 7/3/11, Ted has eliminated Taylor Swift & Jake Gyllenhaal, Vanessa Hudgens & Zac Efron, Eva Longoria & Tony Parker, Blake Lively & Penn Badgley, Blake Lively, Jessica Biel & Justin Timberlake, Ashley Greene & Joe Jonas, Mila Kunis & Macaulay Culkin, Sophia Bush, Amanda Seyfried & Dominic Cooper, Ashley Olsen & Justin Bartha, Annalynne McCord & Kellan Lutz, Leighton Meester, Jessica Szohr & Ed Westwick, Katie Cassidy, Christina Aguilera, Demo Lovato, Taylor Swift, Carey Mulligan & Shia LaBeouf, Reese Witherspoon & Jake Gyllenhal, Demi Lovato, Selena Gomez, Jessica Biel, Jennifer Lawrence, Ryan Gosling & Rachel McAdams, Olivia Wilde.

Top suspects: Dianna Agron & Alex Pettyfer