Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Bonus Blind: Morgan Mayhem Thinks We're Idiots!

Sorry for the delay.  It's been a crazy week so far.  This was new from Ted on Monday...

Bonus Blind: Morgan Mayhem Thinks We're Idiots!

What's a party girl to do when she returns to the scene but isn't allowed to play like she used to? Hmmm. Poor over-indulged (and over-exposed) Morgan Mayhem is suffering such a dilemma.
But the good news is, she's back! On the club circuit! Where she belongs!
Lindsay Lohan: The BiographyProblem is, Morgan just can't lay off the booze—hard as she's tried. But our girl is making progress, promise. See, to help sorta try and clean up her incredibly filthy act,  M.M. has completely and totally sworn off...
But how long can this last? Morgan is putting herself in the exact same situations that led her down the path to rehab. And by surrounding herself with party friends from the past, Morgan barely has a shot at staying off the sauce. Or the powder.
Picture it: a dark Hollywood nightclub with music pumping through the speakers as heavily as air conditioning cools off the spoiled club rats who inhabit it. The party is already in full force as Morgan breezes past the paparazzi's flashbulbs on her way inside and tucks into a black leather booth in the back corner of the room.
Where there are...two bottles of Grey Goose, a pitcher of cranberry juice, one of tonic water and a bowl of limes. All chilled. All gratis. So, Morgan's friends immediately pop open the vodka and start pouring themselves doubles. Morgan's tall blonde girlfriend pours two drinks, one for her and one for Morgan, who obviously cannot be seen anywhere near the vodka bottles.
"It's water!" Morgan hisses at a college-age girl in a Bebe minidress ready to take a pic with her cell phone and send to the rest of her sorority.
But Morgan needs the extra liquid tonight, as she's got an ex in the room and everyone is feeling très awkward about it. So tonight, Morgan just pours herself some extra "clear liquid" and stays away from the powder that is being offered to her discreetly in friend's purses and during frequent trips to the bathroom.
Because Morgan's told her friends: It is her mission to keep those poor, damaged nostrils of hers blow-free.
Uh, then why hang in clubs where nose candy flows like Russell Brand's seminal fluid?
Unfortunately, it's only a matter of time before M is back to her old, jaded tricks. I mean, really, it's the equivalent of an Overeaters Anonymous member taking a cruise with 24/7 buffets on every level. Why torture yourself like this, Morgan?
Because you don't really want to clean up your act?
Yeah, we already knew that. 
AND IT AIN'T: Cristina Aguilera, Paris Hilton, Mischa Barton

Please refer to the label below for a link to our many previous posts on Morgan Mayhem.

Top suspect: Lindsay Lohan


Savannah said...

So who is Morgan's "tall blonde girlfriend"?

Anonymous said...

@Savannah, I was wondering the same thing. Who has Lindsay been photographed with?

Clancy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Clancy said...

Keeping the Russell Brand note in mind for other potential blinds.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I hope Lindsay Lohan goes to jail when she goes back to court this month. Too bad there isn't an aiding/abetting idiocy law in California, or she could get a

double cell with her f--king loser mother. Mother's Day is just around the corner, Ted. I think you should have people vote for "The Biggest Loser of a

Mother" award. I'd love to personally volunteer to deliver/shove it.
—Miss P

Dear Lohan Hater:
Wow, harsh words for LiLo. The reality is Lindsay is surrounded with so many enablers, family included, who only support her bad decisions. Lindsay's antics

may annoy the crap outta us, but all we really want is for the girl to get better. Talent doesn't disappear, and all we can hope is that Linds will start

making better decisions sometime in her life. Have more heart, babe."

Unknown said...

Everyone knows MM is Lindsay Idk why Ted won't reveal it.

Unknown said...

Lindsay's been photographed recently with a british socialite, Lady Victoria Hervey....

Cait said...

The tall blond Ted alludes to.

Serena Skye said...

Her mother is blond & per Ted's BB & Dina's own actions is an enabler + she's always out with her family

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
What's Morgan Mayhem's situation right now?

Dear New Leaf:
Yeah, right. Swearing off the powder is a big step (if it's actually true). But it's time for her to lay off the booze, too. Could be just as bad for a

reborn club-hopper like Mayhem, right?"

. said...

Clearly this is Lindsay.

I just read today that she was offered a part in a $75 million movie that also stars John Travolta but if she's back to her old tricks, it's only a matter of time before we hear about her "not showing up" or being "out of it" on the set.

So sad.

Rita said...

Clearly Ted is sending her a warning. Must say, he has a soft spot for her... and she needs any friendly support she can get. The way she is surrounded with enablers, and how her own parents use her, Shame! She needs to cut loose and stay away from them both.

But also, yaawn, am sick and tired of Mayhem and anything pertaining to her family. Would be more interested if she really sobered up and had a an amazing role in a movie.

Anonymous said...

"Morgan's tall blonde girlfriend" = Samantha Ronson, who else?

blurry vice said...

Dear Ted:
I know this is a weird guess, but just thought I'd throw it out there just because... Is Morgan Mayhem Whitney Houston? She checked back into rehab again and

the last post on M.M. was that she was really still dealing with alcohol and drug issues and wasn't really serious yet to stay clean. Am I close or way off?

Dear Crack Is Whack:
Très interesting guess, sweetie, but Whitney is not our nasty, little Morgs. While the two struggle with the same sticky sitches when it comes to their

sobriety, the fact that Whitney is even willing to rehab again is something Morgan would never do. She thinks she's perfectly fine. Ha!"