Today's Blind Vice from the Awful Truth ...
Slurpa Pop-Off's pups may not always escape their closets, but her exes are frolicking out one by one. One of Slurpa’s old boudoir conquests obvs needed something a little more in the sack—like eight inches more, as he’s been known to tryst with transvestites since bustin’ up with sexin’ Slurpa. Another one of SPO’s past and most precious "dating" pets, Purcell Poke-Me, is spotted regularly at a hole-in-the-wall gym on Beverly Boulevard. (Not mine, you heathens!) PPM lives to tone his totally taut bod with personal training seshes early in the ayem. Boy looks completely cut and coiffed—all for naught, perhaps, since the once superpoppy PPO’s poster-boy days are pretty much dunzo. Or so it would seem. Nevertheless, Purcell puts on quite the show, stretching out on the mat oh-so-intimately with his equally arduous and good-looking trainer as the gym bunnies gawk 'n' gawk. Smell-it-all mattress word reveals that Slurpa’s former flame boffs the dudes right 'n' left and hits the bars in Boys Town (and their mostly man-filled gyms) when visiting this coast, throwing drinks back with WeHo’s finest in a way most straight men are not exactly wont to do.
Is Purcell going to be the next Lance Bass to come pirouetting out of the closet? His well-manicured mane says yes, but his well-known mucho macho aggression suggests otherwise. Slurpa’s been known to toe the bi-line herself. Maybe these two should replay the charade all over again?
And it ain't: Justin Timberlake, Kevin Federline, Jared Leto
OK this is what we know: We are pretty sure that Slurpa Pop-Off is Paris Hilton. She has many exes but the one I am thinking here is Nick Carter. Remember they dated, and he supposeldy punched her in the face? Anyway, I know he has lost weight recently (hitting the gym), usually has a "hairstyle" going on, and the Lance Bass and Justin Timberlake mentions, and "poster-boy days" are hints that he was in a boy-band. I am going to call this one as Purcell Poke Me = Nick Carter. Any other thoughts?
Ooh.. I just realized the three AIA's are Britney Spears exes. Has Britney been eliminated as SPO? Just in case, which one of her exes would fit this? I don't think SPO is her though. Still going with Paris/Nick!!!
** TOP SUSPECT: Nick Carter