Friday, January 25, 2008

One Pooftah-Patrol Blind Vice

Now or NeverToday's Blind Vice from the Awful Truth ...

Slurpa Pop-Off's pups may not always escape their closets, but her exes are frolicking out one by one. One of Slurpa’s old boudoir conquests obvs needed something a little more in the sack—like eight inches more, as he’s been known to tryst with transvestites since bustin’ up with sexin’ Slurpa. Another one of SPO’s past and most precious "dating" pets, Purcell Poke-Me, is spotted regularly at a hole-in-the-wall gym on Beverly Boulevard. (Not mine, you heathens!) PPM lives to tone his totally taut bod with personal training seshes early in the ayem. Boy looks completely cut and coiffed—all for naught, perhaps, since the once superpoppy PPO’s poster-boy days are pretty much dunzo. Or so it would seem. Nevertheless, Purcell puts on quite the show, stretching out on the mat oh-so-intimately with his equally arduous and good-looking trainer as the gym bunnies gawk 'n' gawk. Smell-it-all mattress word reveals that Slurpa’s former flame boffs the dudes right 'n' left and hits the bars in Boys Town (and their mostly man-filled gyms) when visiting this coast, throwing drinks back with WeHo’s finest in a way most straight men are not exactly wont to do.

Is Purcell going to be the next Lance Bass to come pirouetting out of the closet? His well-manicured mane says yes, but his well-known mucho macho aggression suggests otherwise. Slurpa’s been known to toe the bi-line herself. Maybe these two should replay the charade all over again?
And it ain't: Justin Timberlake, Kevin Federline, Jared Leto

OK this is what we know: We are pretty sure that Slurpa Pop-Off is Paris Hilton. She has many exes but the one I am thinking here is Nick Carter. Remember they dated, and he supposeldy punched her in the face? Anyway, I know he has lost weight recently (hitting the gym), usually has a "hairstyle" going on, and the Lance Bass and Justin Timberlake mentions, and "poster-boy days" are hints that he was in a boy-band. I am going to call this one as Purcell Poke Me = Nick Carter. Any other thoughts?
Ooh.. I just realized the three AIA's are Britney Spears exes. Has Britney been eliminated as SPO? Just in case, which one of her exes would fit this? I don't think SPO is her though. Still going with Paris/Nick!!!

** TOP SUSPECT: Nick Carter


duffgrl said...

I immediately thought of Paris/ Nick too. But, as I wrote in my comment last week on the Slurpa BI, I'm not convinced that Slurpa is Paris-defintely could be Britney; she hasn't been ruled out and fits.

blurry vice said...

I was thinking about the Britney thing. If SPO is Britney, PPM could be Wade Robson. He was a choreographer and Justin's friend, the guy she cheated on Justin with. He is now a music producer and still choreographer.

Another thought on the AIA's - Paris Hilton was rumored to have put the moves on Justin T, has been photographed recently with K-Fed, and just made out with Jared Leto at Sundance. So the AIA's are associated with her too.

blurry vice said...

Ted has eliminated Vin Diesel. "Deffo not Diesel, and our guy is nowhere near as manly as Vin. As if."

Also eliminated - Isaac Cohen (an ex of Britney's) - "No dice for this dicey music producer. Our guy’s more in the stage light than pulling the strings behind the scenes."

Also eliminated - Carmen Electra and DAve NAvarro - "Nope on this eyeliner-sharing ex-couple. Think less rock and more eye rolls."

blurry vice said...

Lance Armstrong also eliminated -
"You’re in the clear, 'cause it ain’t a sports star in the slightest."

All of today's hints further confirm Nick Carter.

blurry vice said...

I am proclaiming this one as EXPOSED: Paris Hilton and Nick Carter.

blurry vice said...

Slurpa is NOT britney, as Ted has eliminated Bryan Spears as Pork-Me.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Tell me you haven't noticed Purcell Poke-Me's comeback. Does a girl stand a chance, or is he strictly about the men?

Dear Uh, Think Again:
Purcell's career is hardly hot. You must be confused, babe. Though he sure is still super gorgeous!"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
A couple weeks ago I went to the NKOTB/BSB concert and fell back into the 14-year-old girl stage...They look better now! But I was wondering if any of them

have Vices? Now that Jonathan came out and Nick and A.J. are sober, do they have any other secrets?

Dear Backstreet Babe:
The larger-than-life crew may be getting their life back together, but I'm afraid that's kind of all there is to it with this crowd. No Vices for the boys!"

-- This is bull. Ted has #1 contradicted himself, because on May 24, 2010 Ted said that one of the NKOTB has a BV. And #2 TEd has forgotten that Nick Carter is Purcell Poke-Me. Hello!!!

Cecilia00 said...

Ted is really losing his touch...