Thursday, January 3, 2008

One Fagola-Addled Blind Vice

Ted's lastest BV...

Oh, sex and drugs and rock ‘n’ roll, what else is new in T-town, right? Just homosexual sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll, that’s what. (Like this is a news flash, but hey, I’m just the goss messenger here, ‘kay?) Sally Sedate Me has hooked up with her latest man. You saw that, didn’tcha? Yep, sure ya did. This latest guy is simply divine, so delish, much more so than the last loser the sweetie star hung out with. Indeed, fans are so relieved SSM has found herself a he-man worthy of her luscious locks, winning smile and utterly adorable personality. It’s a tabloid team made in heaven! Why? Well, because New Guy’s also got a killer grin, a fab sense of humor, a total do-me coif and—best of all—absolutely no desire whatsoever to make love to Sally, just like she likes it. See, Sally-Sweets lives for getting high, not orgasmic. But she likes the company, and she knows her career will suffer if she’s seen manless for too long. And New Guy, ‘course, wouldn’t even have a job if his homo ways were known. Or so he thinks. Sally really should get over her habit, already. Doesn’t she see it’s what’s marginalizing her career, not her male companionship (or lack thereof)? It’s a good flick that’s hard to find, not a fella or a fix.

And it ain't - Alicia Keys, Reese Witherspoon, Beyonce Knowles


[Here is what I am thinking. My first thought was what I just read in Ted's column was of Mena Suvari and her new man Simone Sestito. I don't know anything about this guy, but his name isn't particularly manly, is it? Anyway, I am also thinking about Jessica Simpson. Is Tony Romo gay?! I am also thinking of Kirsten Dunst for this person, she is rumored to be an IV drug abuser and has dated our fave closeted one Toothy/Jake. But who is Kirsten dating now, if anyone? There are also rumors that Jennifer Aniston is dating Jason Lewis, and even speculation that she is pregnant. Could be them!]

* Ted has also eliminated: Penelope Cruz/Javier Bardem, Jessica Simpson/Tony Romo, Carrie Underwood/Chace Crawford, Matthew McConaughey/Kate Hudson, Rachel Bilson

* * Update 12/22/08: Our top suspect WAS Jennifer Aniston for this, however Ted has revealed that J.A. has never been in a Blind Vice of his.

***
New top suspects: Sally Sedate Me - Cameron Diaz; New Guy - Bradley Cooper

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

My bet is on Jen Aniston.

Anonymous said...

This is my first time posting and I don't even know how I came across this site but I will say confidently that it is Jennifer Aniston and that new hottie Smith or whatever his real name is. I've heard rumblings before and he did refer to her locks which is truly what she's best known for.

duffgrl said...

My first thought was her too,(JA) but I can't see her being into any hard drugs(?)

Blind Item Exposer said...

Sorry it took a while for that comment to go through. I moderate them and do so as quickly as possible but that one was never e-malied to me, I just found it here today!

Anyway, looks like the general consensus is JA. I don't know about hard drugs, but I know it was rumored a while back that she and Brad were pot heads. Ted doesn't really specify which drugs.

If it's JA, this wouldn't be the first time she is rumored to be a beard. It was rumored that Vince Vaughn was gay back when they were having their PR-blitzed "realtionship".

Blind Item Exposer said...

Ted has excluded:

Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem - "Think more this side of the pond."

Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo -
"Think, uh, more talented. Both sides."

Carrie Underwood and Chace Crawford -
"Thou shalt not worship false Idols (in this Blind item, anyway!)."

Blind Item Exposer said...

Ted has eliminated:

MAtthew McConaughy and KAte Hudson -
"Good guess, but Matthew’s got a baby on the way, and it ain’t Kate’s."

blurry vice said...

Rachel Bilson eliminated - "Think older and less incredibly cute (though our girl was quite the head turner when she first started out on the scene)."

blurry vice said...

Not Jessica Simpson. "Our gay-gunnin’ gal’s more successful than this Simpson, and we’re not talkin’ hair-extension products or edible body lotions"

Anonymous said...

Cameron Diaz

blurry vice said...

We've updated this so that Cameron Diaz and Bradley Cooper are our top suspects.
Thanks readers!

cassandra said...

i think this is claire danes with the new guy as hugh dancy. she dated billy crudup (who left pregnant mary-louise parker) until the end of 2006 and immediately started dating dancy.

duffgrl said...

I do think this is Cameron Diaz but I think "new guy" was probably that model, Paul Sculfor. Bradley Cooper is Topher Hairy-Tuchus.

duffgrl said...

Kind of makes sense to give the no-name model a non-moniker like "new guy"

Mommyof1 said...

What about Ann Hathaway - she was dating that loser Italian guy (Raffaelo Somebody?? can't remember his exact name) who embezzled from everybody & their mother, she's succesful & dating someone new, she's older than Rachel Bilson & more successful than Jessica Simpson...I stumbled across this site & LOVE it. I'm fairly new to the blind vice guess game so please forgive me if I'm waaay off base :o)

Blind said...

Someone e-mailed that their guess is Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon. Not sure why they didn't comment but just putting it out there.

Caz1310 said...

Ted seems to think that Anne Hathaway isn't capable of BV worthy actions (recent post but I can't find it). I think she has a lot of potential - a recent article about celebrating her birthday was full of her raving about having an absinthe fountain (what the?). Normal boring people don't do that. I would like to think this is Jennifer Aniston. For someone who desperately and obviously wants all to believe she's America's sweetheart means she has a few things to hide.

blurry vice said...

caz - we thought this was jennifer aniston too, until ted said that she was never a bv.

Caz1310 said...

Blurry & everyone else:
Ted's clues are getting harder to decipher by the day and due to the huge number of us trying to decipher the BV clues he's being increasingly vague. He would know that Jen's lawyers would be onto him in a flash if he was too obvious about pinpointing her to any partcular BV. I think he's not being honest. Jen definitely has something (or a few things) to hide. I just find her so insincere, fake and untalented. Whilst Brad's halo and reputation has been tarnished since hooking up with Ange, Jen's continual poor-me, having PR relationships with every costar and general desperation irrationally annoys me. Phew, feel better now LOL. Still think this one may be her.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I was wondering if Cameron Diaz shares her vice with Leonardo DiCaprio. I remember seeing pictures of them promoting Gangs of New York back in the day. And you know, both of them like to have their share of fun. Am I close?
—Gi

Dear Hotness Alert:
Such a fab guess, babe! And while we're on the subject, I would totally approve of those two dating (or at least sexing). But no, Cammy shares her Vice with someone so random I doubt any of you would guess the mystery fella."

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