Friday, February 29, 2008

One Showered n' Deflowered Blind Vice

The latest BV from the Awful Truth:


Which "straight" TV star's the latest to take a (painful) hike up Action Alley?
Look up, but don't unzip!
Oh, babycakes, if you’ve ever had a first-time sex story gone awry, this is the Blind Vice for you! Poor closeted TV star Chumpy "Shepp" Impaled...He finally decides to sate his boy-on-boy curiosities, and—unbeknownst to Chumpy—he picks a friggin’ journalist for his inaugural boink, horrors!

One Showered n' Deflowered Blind Vice

What did we say last week, that H-town’s full of nervous Nellies too ‘fraid to come outta the closet? Yep, that’s what we declared. And now, darlings, we’ve got Chumpy "Shepp" Impaled to prove it. Poor thing, he just doesn’t have any idea whatsoever he’s helping us with our little goss class project. Too bad.
Now, Chumpy’s not predictably handsome, but he is—we assure you—wholly doable in the sack (not that many folks would know, really). Terribly shy and certainly not out, this lad is. Kinda dorky, too. But like, girlfriends, when you nuzzle that boy’s neck and work the tasty dough down below just right, this baby’s slightly pudgy cookies are yours for the taking, trust!
Case in point: A terribly untrustworthy journalist, who shall remain nameless in this already anon tally of salaciousness, befriended CSI at a fairly small but awfully popular Hell-Ay gym. Chump-babe and the journo—let’s call him Schlong Wad, just for good measure—befriended each other in—get this—the showers. How romantic, eh? Let’s leave the dropped-soap analogies (they’re unnecessary, just read on) and mosey on over to the most fascinating fact. It’s that Chumpy, known for his lovable character work on the boob-tube, had never before had sex with a dude, though he’d always been curious. Oh, who the hell isn’t? (Shut up right now, B. Pitt, we so know you are.)
Next thing ya know, Schlong’s workin’ overtime with the compliments on Red’s many talents, which are, to be true, average. What a fabulous actor! How handsome! Such a gorgeous smile! All this poopy-cock that you chicks have been seein’ through for centuries, but Chump nevertheless totally bit, pickup line and sinker.
Right into S.W.’s Hollywood Hills digs and onto Mr. Wad’s mattress, which is precisely where Chumpy found out what it’s like to be the pea in Wad’s pod. Ouch! But Yum-O, declared Chumpy, like some sort of Rachael Ray orgasmic new naughty discovery. Such the shame that Wad, prick he be, is busy telling everybody he can.
And it ain't: David Schwimmer, Kevin Connolly, Jimmy Kimmell

What do you think? Do you think the initials CSI has anything to do with it? David Caruso is on CSI and has RED hair.

As for the AIA's: David Schwimmer is from a sitcom, sometimes directs. Kevin Connolly is on cable, and Jimmy Kimmell is a talk show host/comedian.

I was thinking Zach Braff but I don't think he could be labeled "shy", because supposedly he tries to pick up chicks left and right. Right now I guess it is David Caruso, for reasons above. Thoughts?

* Update - This BI is suspected to be: David Caruso.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

NY Post Page Six - from 2/26

We missed this one the other day...
February 26, 2008 --
WHICH gossipeuse is about to get the ax? She probably should have told her bosses she was shooting a reality show before just going out and doing it on the sly . . .
WHICH local reporter got sick to his stomach after he found out the Penthouse Pet with whom he'd been making out had just had sex with another man?

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Lainey - No Looking, No Talking, No Breathing

Another one from Lainey today! :)

Diva antics are rather pedestrian these days so it takes a super bitch and her ass attitude to really push the envelope.

A photo shoot with a major artist. Much is riding on her new project. Everyone is busting their balls to make her look good. But it’s hard with these instructions:

Don’t talk to her, don’t look at her, and … don’t even breathe in her direction.

Don’t breathe in her direction!

Worse still – not sure if you know what it’s like at a photo shoot but the lighting, the set, the hair, the makeup, the equipment, it can all get pretty technical, especially for someone this important. Unfortunately, she couldn’t pose with people standing around. Girl has filled stadiums and she can’t have her photo taken with a room full of staff? Please.

So after lining up every shot, everyone but the photographer had to leave the room. Needless to say, things need tweaking from minute to minute. Literally, he would take one frame and have to call out to bring someone back in for an adjustment before moving on. Imagine – every move required another callback to have someone else run in to make a quick fix only to dash back out.

Needless to say, this extended the shoot time exponentially. And under those conditions, people are not going to be inspired to put out their best work.

Why is this such a mystery anyway? The nicer you are, the nicer you get back! Is it so hard? Is is physically difficult to be nice?

And seriously…who is she anymore anyway? She needs it more than they do. The way she’s acting though, she’ll be staring another failure straight in the face.

Update 3/3 - Lainey says it's NOT Madonna, Katherine Heigl, Jennifer Lopez, Whitney Houston, Erykah Badu, Jessica Simpson, Carrie Underwood.

* Top suspect: Janet Jackson

Lainey - Eggs in Public

Here's an Oscar weekend riddle from Lainey -

Eggs in Public: at an Oscar party on Sunday night, he's been drinking, she's been nagging. Turns into a huge, embarrassingly loud argument about the most personal of matters: she wants babies, he doesn't, and they proceed to yell at each other about it in front of a large audience.

Update 2/28 - Lainey reveals this is Calista Flockhart and Harrison Ford.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Crazy Days and Nights - Feb 22

These were posted on Friday on Crazy Days and Nights:

Four for Friday
The great thing about today's four items is they all come from the same apartment building in New York.

#1 The summer this B list film actress who I love to rag on as of late was in Shakespeare in the Park, she lived in the building. The building is in Manhattan that was home to many celebs on a permanent basis or just while they were doing a stint in a play or something. So, our actress lived in the building that summer under an assumed name because she didn't want to be bothered. Fine...who cares. No one in the building really cared about famous people living there. There was no mail room at this building, but rather a concierge who gave out mail. All of the mail was in pigeon holes and generally, the concierge knew you and got your mail as you came to the desk. Sometimes there were a few people there so you had to wait. Fine...well, not fine for our actress. Once, while a person was getting their mail and chatting with the concierge for a moment, he got the mail and told the person they had a package in the back so he was going to get it. Before he went to get the package, our actress came up and asked for her stuff. She was told to wait since there was another person there ahead of her. She didn't like that at all. So she said, I can't wait and I want my stuff now. The concierge ignored her. She was so steamed and unfortunately, the person ahead of our actress in line had to ride in the elevator together. She had previously asked the security guard if she could have the elevator to herself. He promptly told her that that is not how things work in the building...but in a really nice way.

#2 This former A list child actor lived in the building. He actually got kicked out of the building. He was renting...spending about 14k a month on rent. That included a studio apt that was made into a gym. This is when he was married. They rescued a lot of animals but never took them out...they also smoked pot incessantly so the halls reeked. That's why they were asked to leave. He NEVER held the door for anyone. There was a fire in the building where his mom and siblings lived...well, they all moved in with him. There were siblings ALL over the place. They would run down the halls banging on the walls. It was annoying as hell to say the least.

#3 The Paper was also filmed in the building. Ron Howard was scouting out the location so everyone on the floor which was used for filming got to see him. A few days later, he was back and invited several residents to see what was going on. He was incredibly nice. One of the male stars was not friendly at all. Apparently he was being stalked at the time so he had an armed guard, who was really nice, but our actor was an ass. He refused to take the elevator if anyone was in it. He also refused to talk to ANYONE.

#4 Here's another ass. This involves an Academy Award winning actress/supporting actress. The building was set up such that there was a doorway that went from the elevator bank to the hall. One day a resident was going from the elevator to the hall and our actress was going the other way. Well, they didn't see each other and our actress bashed through the door and hit the resident in the head. Ok, mistake...fine...well...not so fine..our actress said "get out of my way." Yeah, not ok. So, the resident told her to watch it because the resident lived there etc etc and the resident thought that our actress was really rude. The woman with her apologized profusely. The resident told her there was NO reason for her to apologize because she didn't do anything. The resident pointed to our actress and said "She's the one who should be apologizing." The resident kept being ignored by our actress while the assistant just kept apologizing.

Friday, February 22, 2008

NY Post Just Asking - Feb 21

From the NY Post yesterday -

WHICH pop diva goes to great lengths to keep her entire body glowing? When she spray-tans, she demands her nether regions get the treatment as well . . .
WHICH producer who's well known for his voracious appetite for women has a funny modus operandi? He asks actresses seeking roles to come up to his hotel suite, then excuses himself to go use the restroom and comes back wearing only a robe?

One Do Not Go There Blind Vice

From Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth Feb 22, 2008 -

Plus, guess which gay director type's gettin' lawyerly with it? That's right, it's Blind Vice Friday!

Cress Finesse is one of those multitalented, multitasking gay dudes at one of the studios that's known for making classy flicks. But C.F.'s personal life is slightly less, uh, classy. Result: Dude got fired! But hold on, HR department, Mr. F's threatening suit—and boy, did it pay off in this week's Blind Vice.

One Do Not Go There Blind Vice
Yep, it’s yet another fagola Blind tale. Get used to it, is all I have say—this town’s friggin’ filled to the brim with boy-lovin’ boys who don’t exactly want the world to know that’s how they swing. Except perhaps when their sexuality supposedly prevents them from employment. Take the case with Cress Finesse, one of those hybrid dudes who does it all at one of the studios, including directing films known for their mucho classy ambition.
Howev, Cress’ deal (C.F. has other gigs elsewhere, to be sure) was not picked up at that par-tick place of employment. Understandably, this did not please Cress. In fact, Cress, a handsome enough guy who knows his way around fine-tuning his appearance, felt especially uglied by the unfortunate sitch. So much so that Mr. F went to the powers that be who dismissed him and threatened legal action—sexual-orientation discrimination, to be exact—for not picking up the big entertainment deal at hand.

Cress’ employers were more than taken aback. They claimed they just wanted to start moving in a "different direction" than the type of work Cress was famous for. But both parties knew the score: C.F.’s frolicking—and sometimes messy—bedroom habits did play a part in the end. It remained a fella fact the studio higher-ups just weren’t too kosher with, such fools. And even though the reticent execs never thought C.F. would follow through suitwise, they did settle.

Which pleased Cress enormously. So would he have sued? Prolly. After all, Cress is getting on a bit. He’s growing tired of the facade. Gosh, must be the only homo in town who is.

And it ain't: Ron Howard, Mel Gibson, Daniel Futterman

I'm not as familiar with directors.... I have some ideas but this is one for duffgrl to research. We shall discuss in comments!

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Ted hints that Paris is Slurpa Pop-Off

In today's Awful Truth, he went on and on about Paris Hilton and her 17 dogs. This really hints to us that she is Slurpa Pop-Off, subject of at least three Blind Vices. One of the most recent Slurpa BV was about her abusing her dog. Now read what Ted said today:

Kitty Litter
Pare-poo Hilton is under investigation for letting it slip to Ellen D that she’s the owner of no less than 17 pooches—about as many people who saw The Hottie and the Nottie. But all of Princess P’s problemos aren’t entirely canine related. Back in '07, Paris was kitten-smitten with a feisty little feline she affectionately named—what else?—Prada. What, you were expecting P.H. to name any pet of hers Old Navy or American Eagle? Girl’s too snotty-class for any of that. The mouth-talented heiress collected the cat from the Kris Kelly Foundation and was told to neuter the kitty ASAP. Too bad for Prada, since Pare picked up the pussy about a week before she was sent to spend some tucked-away time in Lynwood. “Immediately” became “eight months later” in Standard Paris Time, as pretty Prada was properly handed over to the vet this past January.

Oh, merde. The cute kitty was finally fixed...but was never picked up, as you may well have heard. (Kelly ended up with the full-circle honors.) Poor Prada’s still meowing away the minutes for her owner to pull out her pink extensions and put herself together as the responsible animal advocate she always claims she is.

Prada’s predicament ain’t nothing compared to that of Pare’s pups, trust. How much love can one split between 17 dogs? I admit I’m impressed how P-Hil manages to volley back and forth between lovers without anyone feeling left out in the cold. But as far as the animal kingdom goes, she needs to take a few steps back and see if she can support a simple goldfish. She simply has not had an at-all perfect track record with pooches in the past. Care to fess up now, Ms. H? No, shall we do it for you?

Hey, we hear pet rocks don’t require too much work. Tho' with Pare-poo’s luck, poor thing would up and turn to dust in about a week.

Gay But Broke - Lainey 2/20/08

From Laineygossip - 2/20/08 -
Heterosexually attached for a long, long time, he recently faced his inner gay and admitted the truth. His partner apparently took it well. As well as any woman can under the circumstances. She felt much better when she found out how much of the bank account she was entitled to. And given that he was the one walking, and he is the one who’s famous, he’s also the one who has to pay. A lot.

So now he’s broke – relatively speaking. In Hollywood terms, I mean. Lost his job, no work on the horizon, he seriously considered coming out as a way of “reinventing his image”, not for gay rights but because he needs the money. Only problem is, he was told over and over again that “no one will care if you’re gay”.

On the flipside, a fake Hollywood romance with a famewhore like Denise Richards for example won’t fly either since the ex will flip her sh*t and out her himself, preferring to be passed over for a mo over another woman. Me too!

He was encouraged to do Dancing with the Stars but pride got in the way. If things don’t turn around, it’ll be a last resort next season.
Update 5/1/08 - it's NOT The Rock, Brendan Fraser, Matt LeBlanc, David Hasselhoff, Sean Penn, Babyface Edmonds, Eddie Murphy, Tate Donovan, Antonio Sabato Jr, John Travolta, Don Johnson, Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, James Van Der Beek, Scott Wolfe, Robert Downey Jr, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Jerry O'Connell, Johnny Knoxville.
See our guesses in comments!

* This BI is suspected to be Dylan McDermott.

Monday, February 18, 2008

NY Post - Just Asking - Feb 18th

There are two from NY Post today...

WHICH recently divorced fashion editor is rumored to be spending more time in Los Angeles these days? Word is she's taken up with the recently jailed Kiefer Sutherland . . .
WHICH movie star recently suffered a miscarriage? The heartbroken actress is now talking about adopting.
Kiefer was so nice in person! Even though he is fresh out of jail for a DUI, I don't blame this divorced chick... he bought me a shot once so he's an OK guy in my book. I don't know who either of these are though. We need duffgrl's research.

Crazy Days and Nights BI - Feb 18th

Here is today's blind items from Crazy Days and Nights...

Quite honestly this is one of the best pieces of gossip I have heard in the past six months. I actually heard about it on Friday and was so jazzed by it that I almost posted over the weekend because I didn't want to wait until today.

These A+ list female film actresses (when I say A+, there is no wishy washy, they are A+) are really different, but they do have one very big thing in common. A woman. That's right. While one of the A+ listers is no stranger to women, the other A+ lister is, or would have the world believe she is. However, each of our A+ listers separately spent several months with a woman who must be magnificent or beautiful or extremely talented in the bedroom to attract the interest of these A+ listers. The only thing these two A+ listers have in common is the huge amount of money they get for making films. The fact that these two completely different personalities and looks could both fall for the same woman just boggles the mind. That, and the fact that at least one of the A+ listers has never shown a propensity to spend time with the same team. This one blew me away.

Interesting! Discussion in comments...

Thursday, February 14, 2008

One Wasted Waist Blind Vice

TERI HATCHER 16X20 COLOR PHOTOFrom the Awful Truth Feb 14:

First Lead-in:
Snits Stink
Oh, merde, in today's frightening appearance Blind Vice, which middle-aged hon is makin' 'em weep in H-town (it ain't me).

Second Lead-in:
Eat My Morass
Uh-oh, have Death-Mint Myrtle's hideous dieting ways gotten her into a prime-time sitch that's causing her hit show's worker bees an alarming amount of cover-up time? Certainly seems so, check it out in this week's Blind Vice, calorie counters!
One Wasted Waist Blind Vice

Death-Mint Myrtle is the successful star of small and big screen. But it’s her addicting show, At Home with Hate, that—even though some jealous bitches say is past its prime, à la DMM—it’s really put Deathy back on the glossier maps. Hate is still a ratings force to be reckoned with on prime time, no BS. Now, Death-Mint might be enjoying the spotlight, but she’s still got a slew of secrets up her size-zero sleeves that are slowly slipping out. This actress’ apparently hideous eating habits are getting to be such a prob, not only for her feeble frame but for her fellow coworkers on the hit show.
See, the crew is quite inconvenienced whenever DMM has a scene, since it takes an extralong time to stage the camera angles just so—so that Ms. Myrtle’s obvious dubious health isn’t so noticeable to the naive TV viewer at home. “We have to make it look like she actually has a chest, sometimes,” bitched one totally in the know Hate worker-bee, and he wasn’t talkin’ boobs, honey-pies.
Howev, Myrtle might be battling an unfortunate mastication sitch, along with some unfair double standards. Despite her skinny skeleton, our girl’s handling the aging process quite well—offscreen. But in TV land, normal lifelines don’t fly. Wrinkles and creases in Myrtle’s forehead, due to her wilting frame, are blurred out in postprod of the show, since makeup sure can’t cover every little unwanted bit. The question to ponder is why the show’s producers are even trying so hard, when DMM is always being upstaged by her cuter costars.
Oh, of course, guess they like the tension on camera. What a doofus question. Forget we asked.

AND IT AIN'T: Joely Fisher, Mariska Hargitay, Tina Fey

Oh... right away I am thinking of the Desperate Housewives ladies. Discussion in comments!

UPDATE 3/18: Ted has revealed this to be TERI HATCHER. Just as we guessed originally, but we thought it was too predictable!

Lainey's E-mail to Blind Items Exposed!

I wrote to a few of our favorite gossip columnists whose blind items we write about. And Lainey has written us back!


Thanks for sending along – congratulations on your blog! Am honoured that my riddles are making the cut.

Can’t tell you how thrilled I am to know you’re enjoying my site. Hope you always keep coming back!



How cool! :) I wonder if Ted likes us too.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Other hints from Ted's letters 2/12/08

two letters in Ted's column today provided hints to recent blind items:
#1: Is Über-Cool Unzipped from One Pigskin-Poked Blind Vice Kevin Spacey? Randy Thousand Oaks, California
Dear Unusual Suspect:Kevin Spacey likes to think his love life’s an enigma to everyone...but we know for certain Über-Cool ain’t this American pose—or rose or whatever—although they have worked together on a past project.
-This backs up my guess of Bryan Singer- he directed The Usual Suspects, w/ Kevin Spacey.

#2:Dear Ted:My first time emailing you. I'm thinking I may know who Bravado Boom-Cocks from One Remind Us Never to Sleep Over There Blind Vice is: Benicio Del Toro? Fits your descriptions. Diana Louisville, Kentucky
Dear Es Nada Del Toro:Benicio’s not one of the usual suspects in this Blind Vice. Try a different sort of accent other than Benny’s Puerto Rican one.
-This confirms our suspicion that BBC is probably British... Simon Cowell, Ricky Gervais, Sacha Baron Cohen, Or Craig Ferguson(he may be Scottish but is L.A. based) ????

A Toothy/Jake and Reese question for Ted...

In today's Awful Truth, a reader asks about Toothy Tile AKA Jake Gyllenhaal.

Dear Ted:
Is the woman Toothy Tile's currently using as a beard also using him as a beard? In Old Hollywood, there were "lavender" marriages and relationships between two gay people of the opposite gender to throw off the public's suspicions. Do these still exist?
Des Moines, Iowa
Dear Crack Addict:
Get high much?

I don't think Reese Witherspoon is gay, and neither does Ted I don't think... Or does he? I'm not quite sure of his response here.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Lainey - Take Coke for the Pain

I'm loving Lainey's BIs these days! Feb 11...

Take Coke for the Pain
Love hurts. Her pride hurts. Betrayed and humiliated, she’s taking a break from her relationship woes and has decided to dash off on holiday with friends.

Fun in the sun and a boozy vacay – perhaps what she needs to put things in perspective. But upon arrival, she decided alcohol was apparently not enough. And neither is marijuana. This kind of heartache requires the hard stuff.

Cocaine is the magic solution. Which is why she’s been blowing the pain away through her nose, a side of her that’s anathema to the squeaky clean, anti-drug image that’s been played out in the papers.

Update April 10 - Lainey has eliminated Robin Wright Penn , Pamela Anderson, Rachel McAdams, Hillary Duff, Kate Bosworth, Lily Allen, Natalie Portman.
I have a guess. See comments...

NY POST Page Six 2/11/08

February 11, 2008 -- WHICH teenage TV cutie was sharing cocktails with her permissive mom at a fashion party in New York? The mom - who favors short shirts and wears her hair just like her daughter - needs to grow up
This is an obvious one-Hayden Panetierre. See page six's column from 2/1/08. Looks like Hayden's mom could be the new Dina Lohan-(AKA the Orange Oprah)

Saturday, February 9, 2008

Lainey - Good Help is Hard to Find

We missed this one the other day. From Laineygossip Feb 5 -

Celebrities don’t always have it easy, you know. As is the case with Britney Spears, a competent assistant is a valuable commodity, especially one who won’t sell you out and will still pick up your dirty undies.

But picking up panties is one thing… picking up your drugs is another matter entirely. What’s a highly regarded actor to do when he can’t pay someone to pick up his drugs??? Especially when he has such a voracious appetite?

Given recent events, you’d think he’d know better… and while I can certainly sympathise with a serious addict, how can you sympathise with someone who would rather compromise an employee than risk getting caught?

At least own your own sh*t, you know?

But it’s all about the image isn’t it? He is an acclaimed artist, who is involved and informed and aware, idolised by some for his impish good looks – a selfish junkie isn’t usually what comes to mind. Those in the industry however have surely seen him openly spread his blow all over the dinner table, at any given party, and put half of it into his brain. So brazen is he that he used to carry his stash on his body while travelling, tucked into a coat pocket, cavalierly going through security.

Over the last three months or so however he’s suddenly become a lot more paranoid. And so the task of transporting his happy across borders has rested on his personal assistants. It took her three carries before she finally put her foot down and refused. And got fired for it. The girl who took her place made it only once before quitting herself.

He’s still looking for a replacement.

Substance abuse is one thing. Allowing someone else to take the fall for your addiction is another. Selfish prick.

As of 3/24: She has eliminated Colin Farell, P Diddy, Ryan Gosling, Leonardo DiCaprio, Orlando Bloom, George Clooney, Elijah Wood, Jack Nicholson, Tobey Maguire, Sean Penn, Jake Gyllenhaal, Christian Bale, Jude Law, John Cusack, Justin Timberlake, Sting, Josh Hartnett, Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Jamie Fox, Daniel Craig.
Our guesses in comments...

Friday, February 8, 2008

Update from Crazy days and Nights Item 11/12

This was one of our first posts!! Story was about the A+ list actress who does a whole band at a music festival last summer. Given new info about an A+ band-loving actress who's gone into rehab....? Could it be? See comments...

Thursday, February 7, 2008

One Muscle Matchmaker Blind Vice

From The Awful Truth, February 8th column

First Lead-In:
In a shameless sexual Blind Vice, which major entertainment-type dude is having his straight trainer scour gyms for his gay dates?

Second Lead In:
The Trapezoid Trap
This week’s Blind Vice has Furrowed Frank, an enormously popular entertainment figure, and his wily flat-bellied trainer picking up handsome boys with bulging muscles and desire for Frank, not so discreetly. How long before F.F.’s gym-floor whoring becomes public? Raunchy readers, place your bets and read on!

Blind Vice
Furrowed Frank is such a mainstay in contemporary entertainment, visible everywhere on screens big and small. ‘Course, many a pop culture aficionado insists what F2 does is definitely not entertainment, but it is. Indeed, the dude’s whole life is as meticulously written as his hair is coiffed. And that ain’t just my big-hair Texas exaggeration shootin’ off, trust.

Here’s how F2’s love life plays out, for ince. Oh, and need you even guess? Yes, bien sûr, F.F. is a closeted gay man, do they not make any other kind in this biz any more? I swear, I really do think we’re regressing since the time of Rock Hudson and that ersatz marriage to his secretary. I mean, get real. Andy Dick and his dubious hangers-on are practically the only friggin’ tier of boy-swingin’ guys to come clean, save a few souls like T.R. Knight, who was forced outta the closet, anyway.

Look, Furrowed had a b-f for a while, all fairly discreet 'n' stuff, never really got out there that much in the gay-sniffing zeitgeist that’s so increasingly prevalent...our apologies if this Vice department’s only expedited that dynamic, but I think it would have happened anyway. Now, F2 and his man have busted up. And since since Frank is under such tremendous pressure to perform before his mouthwatering public, Franky-poo’s needs must not go unmet, correct?

Furrowed’s trainer sure seems to think so. The big ol’ cut and ab-perf hunk has taken it upon himself to procure dates for Furrowed. And the damn guy’s straight! But that doesn’t stop him from interviewing potential exquisitely muscled men on the floor of the gym where he trains F.F., usually beginning with a query such as, “How would you feel if a big celebrity found you attractive and wanted to go out with you?”

Initial response is key here. If the boy’s dark eyes (as they almost always are, as Mr. F loves him some Latino lovin’) light up instantly, that’s usually a signal to go to the next step, which is either making the intro right there on the gym floor, or an almost immediate dinner or coffee setup. See, F ain’t got much time.

We could blame it on his pressing and highly visible work schedule, s'pose, but that wouldn’t really be accurate. More to the nooky-crazed point would be that Frank is much more interested in moving on to the next bulging find his trainer procures for him—rather than getting to know any of the fixed-up fellas, at all.

How long will it be before one of the quickly discarded dudes gets supersteamed and goes to the tabs, we wonder? Not very.

And it ain't: Justin Timberlake, Ty Pennington, Alec Baldwin

To see our guesses and to discuss, visit the comments below! I will say one thing... the AIA's are all very different from each other and random...

* Here is the link to the newer Furrowed Frank blind vice from May '08.

* Top Suspect: Anderson Cooper

Monday, February 4, 2008

Perez BI Feb 4

From Perez Hilton...

It's Not Me, It's YouWhat pregnant singer was recently dumped by her boyfriend after she [insert] and
now she's not with child. Frown!

The "insert" part is unexplained. Anyway, everyone says this is Lily Allen. Poor Lily! She just suffered a miscarriage and was dumped by Ed Simons. Is Perez saying something else happened? :(

NYDN Gatecrasher - Feb 4

New York Daily News...

Don't Shoot the Messenger
Which famous New York athlete who used to date a
pint-size actress is still shaking his head about how she would never remove her
shoes during sex?

Guesses in comments...

Friday, February 1, 2008

Lainey BI from 1/28 - Just as She is

From Laineygossip:

Just as She is -

"I will always love that part in Bridget Jones’s Diary – when Mark Darcy tells her at the bottom of the stairs that she’s a mess but still he likes her “very much… just as you are.” And that little song is playing in the background, cut to Jude and Shazzer contemplating the profundity of his words…


Some men are perfect.

And many find this man perfect. Dashing, debonair, scandal-free, which is why some of late have been questioning his devotion to his wife, baffled by the attraction. Still… he remains happily married and committed, he loves her just as she is, but it turns out, what she is is a girl who likes other girls. With his permission.

A classic marriage of convenience... their commitment runs deep, they care for each other dearly, but they just don’t sleep in the same bed. As for his preferences – oddly enough, he doesn’t seem to have any. The easy assumption would be that he’s meanders about like John Travolta at a massage parlour, which isn’t the case. Not even close. No affairs, no gay hook ups, nothing. Just happy that his wife is happy… true love indeed.

And before you go there, it’s not Colin Firth."

So far she has excluded (updated 2/15): Hugh Jackman, Patrick Dempsey, James McAvoy, Matt Damon, Christian Bale, Ewan McGregor, Alan Rickman, Antonio Banderas, Johnny Depp, Keith Urban, Will Smith, Kevin Bacon, Harrison Ford, Ben Affleck, Ashton Kutcher, Eric Bana, Tom Selleck, Matthew Broderick, Eric Dane, Eric Bana

* * *
Top suspects: Clive Owen, Pierce Brosnan

One Pigskin-Poked Blind Vice

Today's Blind Vice from the Awful Truth...

First Lead-in
Grab some pom-poms and check out our campus-cruising Blind Vice to guess which mature auteur is keeping real warm inside a few freshman dorms.

Second Lead-in
R.A. Foray... Blind Vice op-quiz, hot shots: How’d you spend your college spring breaks? Baskin’ and bakin’ with your sorority sisses in sunny South Beach? Cavorting with your fellow coeds away from campus, right, brah? Well, fab filmmaker Über-Cool Unzipped likes to spend his vacay time off-set, stepping back into uninhibited university lodging. That’s one way for his barely legal lotharios to score a sweet internship!

Blind Vice

Über-Cool Unzipped is a feted filmmaker, romancer and Hollywood figure whose film finesse, more often than not, figures out how to please the critics and crowds alike—not to mention the college set. Way to score every demographic, dude! Now, don’t you know, just to keep it cute ‘n’ collegiatelike, Über likes to spend the successful movie weekends of his trademark flicks (not to mention other, less celebratory windows of horny opportunity) not by sipping a champagne flute with the Hollywood elite, but by throwing back a plethora of red plastic cups at a mostly frosh beer bash or three.

This is how our guy unwinds when off set. Although, for the tautly toned and well-bosomed record, Ü.C. always seems to surround himself with a like-minded staff. Appropriately, Mr. Ü knows his way around one California campus in particular—he’s been patrolling the hallways there for quite some time. Jeez, who needs H-town patting you on the back when you can pat the backs of two 18-year-old students in a ménage à trois? And myriad other such barely legal, delicious, salacious delights!

In fact, Unzipped’s so supersuave (and still rather semistudly) no one seems to mind his taste in ingenue gentlemen.

* And it aint: Mel Gibson, Zach Braff, Sean Penn

Guesses in comments...