Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Comment on your fave Kathy-Andy moments.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Friday, December 26, 2008
One Not Knocked Up Blind Vice
Hot couples earnestly trying to procreate in Hollywood usually get such great, fawning press, just as Marcia Cross and her man, or Josh Holloway and his gal, if you don't believe. But, what about when it all goes...wrong?
That's the certainly less celebrated coverage you hear about, and for good reason: Smokey Shooter and Mimi Kitten are one smokin' celeb couple—literally. And even though the multitalented lovebirds have a bunch of differences between them (namely, their ages), there's one thing they can settle on: They want a kid. Badly.
But there are two problemos in this offspring sitch:
First up, Mimi's had some issues with her ovaries—they ain't working. So M.K. and Smokey hightailed over to their friendly neighborhood fertility clinic to work it all out with a bit of help from their doc.
A baby would be a better possibility if it wasn't for the second dilemma—Smokey's dabbling in drugs has gone from a weekend hobby to a nearly full-time day gig, and it's messing with the dude's sperm. Too bad, 'cause a baby between these two could give Suri and Shiloh a run for their parents' money.
Get clean, you dopehead! Your woman's got enough probs as it is!
And It Ain't: Calista Flockhart & Harrison Ford, Jennifer Aniston & John Mayer, Katie Lee Joel & Billy Joel
Eliminated as of 12/2/11: Calista Flockhart & Harrison Ford, Jennifer Aniston & John Mayer, Katie Lee Joel & Billy Joel, Eva Longoria Parker & Tony Parker, Mariah Carey & Nick Cannon, Josh Brolin & Diane Lane, Ryan Reynolds, Hugh Hefner, Leonardo DiCaprio
** Top suspects: Demi Moore & Ashton Kutcher (? - they are top suspects for another BV, see labels)
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Monday, December 22, 2008
Which Oscar-winning actress always must be a drain on hotel maids? The now-taken beauty always asked her former flames to perform a golden shower during romantic interludes, and we hear she had a few takers.
Has Jennifer Aniston ever been the subject of a Blind Vice? I am so sick of her Goody Two-shoes act. Always the victim, it is getting old!
Dear Good Girl:
Actually, no, not interesting enough!
UPDATE FEB 18 2011 -
I KNEW IT! TED ANSWERED MY QUESTION. I BELIEVE SHE IS BOTH DIANDRA DOPE AND DIVELLA SNIFFELLA!!!
"Dear Ted:Here is the link to the bitch-back.
Regarding Jennifer Aniston's supporting role in a few Blind Vices: Was she given a nickname? Was it the same nickname for all of these supporting roles, or more than one since it wasn't a starring role?
Dear Friendly Friend:
In order you asked, yes, yes, two."
SO MUCH FOR SAYING #1 THAT JENNIFER ANISTON IS NOT A BV, AND THEN #2 SAYING THAT EVERYONE GETS ONE NICKNAME, TED! BOTH OF HIS "RULES" HAVE NOW BEEN CONTRADICTED AND HE IS ADMITTING TO THIS.
Update Feb 28 2011
Can you please clarify something for the readers? Based on the revelation that Jennifer Aniston has been a supporting character in a couple of Blinds, can you please tell us, did she or did she not have two separate Blind Vice names for each of the two roles? Or do the rules of starring role B.V.s (i.e., one moniker per person, not per Blind) not apply to supportive roles? This is creating an uproar among your most loyal fans!
Jennifer Aniston has never had more than one name, supporting or otherwise, in the Blind Vice annals, does that help?"
--- Whatever Ted! You keep making up exceptions to your rules and we'll try and keep up.
Friday, December 19, 2008
One Gag Me With Cocaine Blind Vice
Toothy Tile, we hardly knew ya. Last week it was signed confidentiality agreements with your male paramours (other than your main man); this week it's far, far, far worse: pretend, horrible sex with a member of the opposite sex, in hopes that your studly reputation will somehow be fixed. Ain't gonnna work—here's why:
Repeat Blind Vice offender Toothy has a former fling running her (yes, her) mouth around town about a drug-infested hookup with Mr. Tile. Do tell, babes! Apparently, T.T. banged said blabber to try to prove to himself—or more importantly, the powers that be (managers, publicists, the public) that he isn't gay. See, the more chicks he hooks, the farther back in the closet he goes; just how his handlers want it.
Eh, not really the best plan, as Tooth's last female "lover," if you could call her that, has been yapping away about her evening with the now A-list famous type. But it wasn't exactly candles and cuddles like you'd think.
Try tons of coke. Toothy would make this lady blow lines all over his tight bod until he was “numb,” bitched the gal who did the blowing. Then they could get down to business in what we're told were very "interesting" positions, i.e., painfully unnatural and not exactly enjoyable.
As disturbing as this news is, we must say we feel a bit sorry for our beloved Tooth (not to mention the used honey). This all took place, we're told, before Tile hooked up with his current beard, right when he was adamantly told not to come out, so it's no wonder he turned to drugs.
What's next? Meth with Morgan Mayhem? Pray not.
And It Ain't: All 3 Jonas Bros
Once again here is the link with a list of everyone Ted has eliminated as Toothy. Please share your thoughts!
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
WHICH Olympic champion smoked pot for the first time recently at a Michigan hotel? The stoned athlete broke the TVs in his room, but later bought exact replicas so he could replace them before anybody at the hotel was the wiser . . . WHICH lifestyle diva used a hand model for close-up shots in her latest book? She deemed her own hands too wrinkled . . . WHICH still-sexy actress, who has a daughter now getting ingenue roles, is facing reality? She finally had her first face-lift last week.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
From Dec 2005 - One Overly Cozy Blind Vice
Stealth Stud-Poof has it all. He's got a decent bod; a procreating, talented gal; and a well-respected and sizzling career. Not to mention a great ass and a boyfriend who knows what to do with it. The butt, that is, not the job stuff.
See, Toothy Tile is not (by far) the only homo in Hollywood who likes to push the fruitcake-covered envelope. Uh-uh, no way.
Whereas our loveable, somewhat confused Tooth is constantly trying to figure out just what the hell he wants to do with his life--sexuality being not the least of his concerns--Stealth has known from his relatively flashy get-go what he wanted in life: a glitzy career, a wife and family and--most definitely--a b-f on the side.
And he got it all--plus more money and job accolades than he ever expected. But here's what S.S.-P. wasn't counting on: a lover so bossy Leona Helmsley looks like Snow White by comparison.
At first it was fine and cute. The side-screw was sufficiently content to be relegated to where mistresses usually are: wink-wink, off in a discreet corner, where only certain in-the-know members of Stealth's inner sanctum were aware. Everybody got along. This was before said boy-mistress decided his very convincing reincarnation of Eva Perón was in order. And so, the dictator-channeling upstart began (with Stealth's quasi-reluctant approval) ridding Mr. Stud-Poof's life of all that didn't please the new Eva.
Which meant off with anybody's head who didn't approve of Queen Boyfriend becoming a royal attachment to Stealth's increasingly more visible side, wife included.
And now? The unlikely ménage à tricky trois is living together. Or not. Stealth's got a few pads round the globe. And his Hollywood place? Well, gosh, doesn't seem to be too much room for the missus here, now does there?
So, Stealth's rather horrified friends are now waiting for the wife-unit to blow the cover on the whole mess. Don't count on it. I find in these prickly, often legally complex scenarios, the tryst-seeking tabloids usually beat the crossed housewife to the proverbial punch.
And it ain't: Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, Will Smith
Also excluded: Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, Will Smith, John Travolta, Taye Diggs, Tom Cruise, Heath Ledger, Brad Pitt, Orlando Bloom, Matthew McConaughey
Top suspect: Hugh Jackman
Monday, December 15, 2008
Cuba and Chocolate
Two different megastars, two different preferences, but in the end, the act is the same.
The first is a happy father, settled down and reformed, bankable and respected at the same time… a major player. Which is why it’s so important that he keeps his Cuban male lover hidden away to be enjoyed when he’s not on location. It might seem risqué, having his secret stashed so close to home and his official partner, but he’s hot and horny, and it’s not like he’s not living in a freestyling environment, although I have to tell you, this one really, really surprised me. He plays it so well. And in the end, if it wasn’t such a fraud, it totally wouldn’t matter. He is the nicest, nicest person. Kind and considerate and generous… makes me sad he’s forced to live a lie.
The other is much less attached, but just as heterosexually pressured, perhaps even more so. While he’s best known for his female pursuits, and so many females need to believe it that way, it would seem that women are not his only pleasures. When he decides he has a yearning for the other sex however, his flavour is decidedly darker. Sweet chocolate is what they call it? Yes. Black men are his weakness. On occasion, his hankering for it can get him into trouble. He was recently captivated by a fine black man working security at an event who was, unfortunately, not a homosexual. Apparently our star doesn’t have a very sophisticated gaydar because he hit up the wrong dude who did not appreciate the attention, even coming from such a powerful and coveted celebrity. He almost had his ass kicked. His people had to intervene, placate the man, pay off the man… although if he did end up getting the beat-down, he probably would have liked it. Because word is, as time goes on, he’s leaning towards picking a side. Like playing exclusively for the boys team.
* Top guesses:
CUBA - Matt Damon
CHOCOLATE - George Clooney
** Update January 29: Lainey has eliminated:
- For BOTH: not Johnny Depp, Robert Downey Jr., Jude Law, Brad Pitt, Ewan McGregor.
- Cuba: not Christian Bale, Russell Crowe, Tiger Woods, Tom Hanks, Rob Lowe, Tim McGraw, Liam Neeson, Denzel Washington, Will Smith, Dennis Quaid, Kevin Bacon, Ben Affleck, Matthew McConaughey, Bruce Willis, Tobey Maguire, Forrest Whitaker, Hugh Jackman (debatable exclusion).
- Chocolate: not Keith Urban, Daniel Craig, Justin Timberlake, Josh Brolin, Hugh Grant, Josh Brolin, Jim Carrey, Keanu Reeves, Leonardo DiCaprio, Alec Baldwin.
WHICH actor who played a cheating husband on TV has been cheating on his wife in real life? At an annual charity golf tournament on Long Island last summer, he spotted an attractive beautician, got her number, and found out she was willing.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Toothy Tile Returns in... One Signed-Sex Blind Vice!
Another one bites the romantic dust. Sure, it's no secret that lots of Hollywood movie stars require confidentiality contracts—from their house cleaners, their assistants, their cooks and, yes, sometimes, even their lovers. We've mentioned this before.
Heartless as it may seem, some folks can't even get close to getting off unless they feel they'll be protected from any morning-after spills to the tabloids, thanks to whichever partner they happened to hook up with. Not really such the shocker there, once you think about it. But what's truly unusual is who we're told has now used this cold-as-ice, fine-print safeguard, you'll never guess...
Yes, it's our very own beloved closet cutie, Toothy Tile!
Love it, he's not so dumb after all, eh? I remember Toothy back from when he was getting it on in West Hollywood parking lots, for any cop to see. In fact one did see, but, of course, the Tooth got off, thanks to his powerful reps—sheesh, so predictable. But now comes word that Toothy's not only stepping out on the B.F. (unless this was done with his approval, perchance?), but he's doing it smartly, like, every other bigass, closeted dude in town does—contracts to sign, in hand.
Nice one, Tooth! The publicist-powered group you hang with nowadays musta taught you a thing or two, eh?
Oh, and you want the dirt from the guy who took his very own confidentiality agreement in hand and spilled the deets just the same? It was all lovely, we're told...the kind of loveliness that grows on ya, if you catch my naughty drift.
Oh, and that Toothy has something in common with Ryan Gosling: Such a cool demeanor, you'd have no idea the fire burning down below. None.
It Ain't: Ryan Gosling, Shia LaBeouf, John Krasinski
Another one for the Toothy files! :) Here is the post with our ongoing list of people Ted has excluded. Toothy Tile is, of course, Jake Gyllenhaal in case you have been living under a rock for the past few years.
Hugh Jackman's Strange Setup
What the ef's up with Hugh Jackman, his wife, Deborra-Lee Furness, and Hugh's always-around biz, partner, John Palermo? Jeez, folks are talking!
But first, a little background: H.J. recently gave an interview to People in which Jackman himself brought up the "gay, gay and gay" rumors, only to shoot them right back down, saying he's straight. And then, buried in some inedible copy about Jackman's diet (fish, salad, protein shakes), was the most delicious little morsel: Jackman explained to the People reporter the origin of the band he wears opposite his wife's wedding band: "It was given to me by John when we started our production company," revealed H.J. "In Sanskrit is written the basic principles of our company."
In Sanskrit, no less. Very clubby. Very inside. Very mysterious.
And since John's gone from being Bryan Singer's assistant on X-Men to Hugh's publicist to living partner (they all live on the same grounds at some of their internationally located homes) to producing partner, and since they always go out together, I asked around.
Here's what some of H.J.'s buds said:
"Uh, can't the public see that has to be one of the closest business relationships in the world?" asked a biz pal to Jackman. "I mean, John sits right next to him and Deborra on the other side for every awards ceremony. She's years his senior, they have two adopted children, he lived in a bungalow on their property in L.A. There's nothing ordinary about that troupe."
True enough. But one of Jackman's close Australian buds tells me that any weirdness is with John alone:
"Deb has the same ring, it's to commemorate Seed Productions—not his love for Palermo, who I must say is looking more and more bizarre these days. He was in full makeup the other night!"
Another close bud to Jackman simply says: "I don't know what the hell's going on with Hugh. He's his own man, that's for sure."
Which is why we love him, right? And after all, if Angie Jolie can screw with the lot of us as to what's really cookin' down below for her (despite this current clan of all things Pitt), why the hell can't Hugh?
I just can't believe more people aren't talking about it. Probably because Hugh, who I've met socially but never interviewed, couldn't have been more the charmer. He knows how to work it.
Edited to add: We believe Hugh Jackman's Blind Vice is Stealth Stud-Poof from Dec 2005. You can find that item here.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Which A-list movie star and his Emmy-winning pal did a "'Scarface'-style mound of cocaine" before enjoying bedroom antics with two college girls? The big-screen actor managed to convince his bombshell that protection wasn't necessary, while the TV star tied up his lass with a bathrobe, before realizing that the blow had caused serious "equipment failure".
Whoa! have to think about this one. Any guesses???????
WHICH actress who plays a teen on a hit TV show incorrectly insists she's a size zero? Employees at a clothing line have to remove all the bigger-size labels from garments they send her to her to keep her happily deluded . . . WHICH handsome TV host is thought by patrons of at least one gay bar to be in the closet? As the stud discusses dating women, they hoot and holler, and hurl insults at the screen.
Friday, December 5, 2008
Drugged Starlet Blind Vice
There's a relentlessly infamous, many-talented star whose love life has been pretty notorious as of late. And for this reason alone, folks seem to have lost sense of the woman's far more dangerous goings-on: her drug intake. It's huge.
And like many reformed sisters in this chemically enhanced town, our mystery gal has tried to go cold turkey many times before. Never took, of course, even though she screamed to any tabloid that would listen that it did. Is it any wonder, then, that...
Morgan Mayhem is back in action, having advanced from the plain-Jane proclivities of booze and dope and coke? Yep, don't you know it, Morgan's right back where any addict goes, straight down: to smoking crystal meth.
M.M.'s beyond paranoid these days, too (at clubs, online, at events, never at a gig, natch, as the bitch is hardly working anymore), as is a common effect from crystal use. Her bodyguards know the drill, too, as they work double and triple shifts to make sure us commoners don't approach the strung-out babe in public, 'cause they know folks will know the drill once they have an interaction with her.
Too late. Morgan went off on some babes, including some who just happen to dish regularly at the Awful Truth. Bitch couldn't have been more methed out if she was playing Amy Winehouse in some kind of bad Lifetime job.
By the by, a psych teacher who used to work at a cushy, beachy drying-out tank teaches at LMU now. She was doing a whole segment about drugs and how they affect you, etc. She showed a picture of Morgan as an example of physical effects from using meth.
Now that's infamous. Not to mention pathetic, in the most academic sense of the word.
And it ain't: Ashley Olsen, Whitney Houston, Courtney Love
We know from past Morgan Mayhem blinds that this is Lindsay Lohan. Our past posts on these are here and here. Feel free to comment!
Thursday, December 4, 2008
* Also excluded as of 8/30/10 - Tobey Maguire, Leonardo DiCaprio, Gisele Bunchen, Joaquin Phoenix, John Krasinski, Ryan Reynolds, Jerry O'Connell, Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki.
OCT 2004 - One Boyishly Beyond Blind Vice
Oh, you thought we were done with the puerile penis set, didja? Hardly.
No, we still need to zero in on Grimy Gus and Harland Fuss (or as they're known to their most secretive of buds, Gussy 'n' Fussy). G. 'n' F. have been on location recently. Well, one of them has, at least. Don't think too many folks know that Fuss has joined his good bud Gus for a little mattress messin'.
But I do! (And now you vicarious folks do, too--how fab!)
Look, I'm the first to give a hearty shout-out to two guys who want to do what they want, sexually speaking. But when both--all right, make that one--of these men go to great lengths to make the public believe he's bedding down with rising supersweet starlet Eartha Bertha, well then, I get a little pissy.
Although it sure was romantic when Gus 'n' Fuss went to such a Secret Service-defying to-do while Gus was out of the States (in a film-friendly environment) making his latest butch-it-up celluloid job.
Public lobby and elevator trips at the sumptuous Springtime Suites hotel with Fuss 'n' Eartha were arranged. Photographers just happened to be around, sorta the same way Rock Hudson lived his whole fake life. But I'm getting terribly off the point here, aren't I?
Back to the boys: It really is a modern-day Romeo + Romeo + Juliet story, if ya think about it.
Only the gullible public's the one taking the poison...
And it ain't: Ben Affleck & Matt Damon, Robin Williams & Dustin Hoffman (dressed as Tootsie and Mrs. Doubtfire in the picture), George Clooney & Mark Wahlberg
* Top Suspects in 2004 were: Orlando Bloom/Viggo Mortensen/Kate Bosworth
* Here is the link to the new Harland Fuss BV from August 2010.