Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Vintage Ted: Stealth Stud-Poof

Here is another vintage Blind Vice from Ted Casablanca's Awful Truth. Digging this up because someone mentioned it, with all the talk of Hugh Jackman's close friend living in his guest house - read that post here. Could be him?

From Dec 2005 - One Overly Cozy Blind Vice
Hugh Jackman 2010 Wall Calendar #IMACA370
Stealth Stud-Poof has it all. He's got a decent bod; a procreating, talented gal; and a well-respected and sizzling career. Not to mention a great ass and a boyfriend who knows what to do with it. The butt, that is, not the job stuff.

See, Toothy Tile is not (by far) the only homo in Hollywood who likes to push the fruitcake-covered envelope. Uh-uh, no way.

Whereas our loveable, somewhat confused Tooth is constantly trying to figure out just what the hell he wants to do with his life--sexuality being not the least of his concerns--Stealth has known from his relatively flashy get-go what he wanted in life: a glitzy career, a wife and family and--most definitely--a b-f on the side.

And he got it all--plus more money and job accolades than he ever expected. But here's what S.S.-P. wasn't counting on: a lover so bossy Leona Helmsley looks like Snow White by comparison.

At first it was fine and cute. The side-screw was sufficiently content to be relegated to where mistresses usually are: wink-wink, off in a discreet corner, where only certain in-the-know members of Stealth's inner sanctum were aware. Everybody got along. This was before said boy-mistress decided his very convincing reincarnation of Eva Perón was in order. And so, the dictator-channeling upstart began (with Stealth's quasi-reluctant approval) ridding Mr. Stud-Poof's life of all that didn't please the new Eva.

Which meant off with anybody's head who didn't approve of Queen Boyfriend becoming a royal attachment to Stealth's increasingly more visible side, wife included.

And now? The unlikely ménage à tricky trois is living together. Or not. Stealth's got a few pads round the globe. And his Hollywood place? Well, gosh, doesn't seem to be too much room for the missus here, now does there?

So, Stealth's rather horrified friends are now waiting for the wife-unit to blow the cover on the whole mess. Don't count on it. I find in these prickly, often legally complex scenarios, the tryst-seeking tabloids usually beat the crossed housewife to the proverbial punch.



And it ain't: Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, Will Smith


Also excluded: Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, Will Smith, John Travolta, Taye Diggs, Tom Cruise, Heath Ledger, Brad Pitt, Orlando Bloom, Matthew McConaughey

Top suspect: Hugh Jackman

26 comments:

kanonymous said...

"procreating gal"??? There's a giveaway in the second sentence that this is NOT Hugh Jackman!

Anonymous said...

they don't have children right?
i guess hugh Jackman is too obvious

Anonymous said...

The Jackmans have two kids (a boy and girl).

Anonymous said...

Stealth Stud-Proof is Eddie Murphy. This one came out before his divorce from Nicole, when some friend of his was living in the guest house. I don't remember the name, but it was a former boy-bander. Eddie and Nicole have 5 children together.

Anonymous said...

Johnny Gill lives with Eddie Murphy, in his guest house, I think

Mary said...

Yeah, this is Eddie Murphy. A few black sites outed him ages ago.

Hugh Jackman's wife is much older and their children are adopted, not biological.

Anonymous said...

I think this is Hugh Jackman - the BI is from late 2005 - and HJ formed his production company with Palermo in 2005. . . the only thing that is slightly off is the fact that Ted calls the wife "pro-creating" but they do have 2 adopted kids, so I think that still fits.

kanonymous said...

I disagree. Adopting your kids does NOT fit. Being a parent has nothing to do with procreating. Procreating is the act of creating a human being. Adopting a child means parenting a child, not creating a child.
Ted is indicating that the wife is someone young enough and fertile, neither of which would describe Deborra-Lee Furness Jackman.
The only way I can see this as being Jackman is if Ted is hinting that Jackman's wife CAN procreate, she just hasn't because he won't have sex with her. This may be true, although Deborra-Lee has given several interviews where she has said she can't get pregnant.

But still, Deborra-Lee, at 53, is too old to be considered fertile, even if at one point she once was (she claims she is 48, but since she graduated high school in 1973, her birth year is more likely 1955). She was already 40 when she married.

kanonymous said...

This makes sense as Eddie Murphy. Procreating could refer to the fact that his wife gave birth to five of their children. Also, the boyfriend keeps getting referred to in a very feminine way (queen, Eva, etc.)--Murphy got in trouble for taking home a male transvestite prostitute, which indicates he likes feminine men.

Also, he and his wife split up around the time this blind item appeared. I think when they divorced she wasn't allowed to talk about the details to the public, including the transvestite scandal.

Anonymous said...

Eddie Murphy is not "increasingly more visible" - he has been visible for a long time. I do not think its him.

Anonymous said...

Also, in Ted's recent post about HJ's weird setup, he notes his "internationally located homes." In the older BI, he also refers to the several pads around the globe. Australia, LA, I think this is HJ.

Anonymous said...

No this is NOT Hugh Jackman. It was proven long ago to be Eddie Murphy. Why are some of you ignoring the fact that Hugh & wife ADOPTED and did not PROCREATE those children?? Murphy was also "increasingly more visible" when this blind first came out...he was in the midst of a career revival. This is YEARS old, people.
Proven to be EM back then. End of story.

Anonymous said...

i agree with the last anonymous, i don't think it's HJ but most people do, also because Ted did the other day a post about the weird relationship between HJ and Palermo and how the three of them are always together so everything pointed at him but my guess is Ted just did that on purpose just how he likes it that people think Toothy is Gyllenhall

blurry vice said...

Hmm that's right, I do remember speculating this was Eddie Murphy too.

anonymous at 9:17 pm - we do know this is years old. I posted this vintage item because one of my co-authors brought up this specific blind item in another post recently, speculating about Hugh Jackman and friend, and could not remember the details. There is no reason to get angry with us.

kanonymous said...

I agree with Anonymous 9:17. I don't think he/she's angry, just a little frustrated that people keep guessing Jackman when there's one obvious reason why it can't be him. Ted is very careful about the words he chooses. He wouldn't say the wife procreates if she adopted all of her kids.

Eddie Murphy fits because not only did his wife give birth to all his kids, but she gave birth to five of them. I don't think Ted would bother to mention procreating if she gave birth to only 1 or 2 because it just wouldn't be as significant.

Anonymous said...

The strange thing is I remember reading a blind vice incredibly similiar to this - maybe the same one but I doubt it - not that long ago. Then when Ted did the story on HJ's strange set up, it jogged my memory of the blind vice. Does anyone remember any blind vices on HJ that Ted has done?

Anonymous said...

I still think it is Hugh. The Palermo thing is too weird and apt ..

Anonymous said...

I love it that you guys post these old Ted items, it's fun to go back and look at them. Thanks!

Mary said...

Did anyone see Lainey's post about Eddie Murphy today (12/30)? She basically called Eddie gay and mentions he is not with Johnny Gill on his boat. It was a very interesting post.

Anonymous said...

I can tell you for a fact that Hugh Jackman is NOT gay. He played a gay guy in one Broadway show...and the rumors just spread. One of my close gay guy friends worked on Boy from Oz with Hugh. He told me how much he wished Hugh was gay, because he was such a good looking nice guy. He said, unfortunately, Hugh is one of the straightest guys he knows and very much in love with his wife.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
What happened to Hugh Jackman lately? He doesn't look happy and seems to have lost one of his rings. And he and the wife are seen everywhere together.
—Lilian

Dear Watchmen:
Babe, Hugh's a professional, he would never air his behind-the-scenes problems so publicly. He'll be the last Aussie to do that, promise."

agossip said...

As much as this blind item sounds like Hugh, Ted did another blind in 2007 is most definitely Hugh. Here it is:

Oh! Oh! Oh! I dare say Toothy Tile is certainly preparing to meet his match in the I want to come out/Actually, I don’t tabloid dance. See, there’s a megahunky, big-ass star who’s long known (by many, fer sure) to prefer the same sex, despite the presence of a well-regarded wife-unit. Said big-butt boy is also famous for a bitchy permanent boyfriend, who’s now cheating on the fabulously muscled movie star, fool that he be. Very Hugh Grant stuff, really. I mean, would you step out on Liz Hurley for Divine Brown? Eddie Murphy, quit screaming in the affirmative right now, nobody wants your opinion in this dame department, trust. Anyway, we were saying. The above cheated-upon star is so upset by the aforementioned mattress meanderings, well, we dare say, he’s about to crack that famous hetero front of his (think, uh, a little less Lance Bass, more Neil Patrick Harris here). Tooth, see, we declare, you’re simply gonna be irrelevant by the damn time you come outta the friggin’ closet! Or is that the point? (10/31/2007)

Pasted from

pikespeak said...

I don't remember that blind at all, agossip.

FUNNY.

John been creeping on Hugh for years it seems.

What a push-over LOL

blurry vice said...

agossip -

That was an excerpt from Ted's column the Awful Truth I take it? However that was not an actual "Blind Vice" where the subject was given a nickname. I don't see a nickname there. Ted said that Hugh JAckman was definitely given a nickname and has starred in a Blind Vice.

I'm not saying this little excerpt can't be about him ... but I am staying that he could be a Blind Vice subject, along with this little clip possibly being about him. Just sayin'.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Hugh Jackman really the great guy that he seems to be? The all-around great husband and great father. Does he have any skeletons or Vices? Also has Toothy

Tile ever been photographed with his beard?
—Italia

Dear Naughty and Nice:
Just because the X-Men star may also be a Vice star—which he is—doesn't mean he's not the nice dude he appears to be. Trust me, I adore Mr. Jackman and I've

known about his Vice since like...forever. As for Toothy, T.T. has been snapped with beards, of course. That's the point!"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
First time writer, and just wanted to let you know how much I love AT! I've gotten all my fellow Canadian friends addicted to you too! Yesterday was

Australia Day (Jan. 26) and it got me thinking: We all know that Mel Gibson's Vices are hardly blind, and your loyal followers know that Nicole Kidman is a

hall-of-famer. But what about hunky and debonair Aussie Hugh Jackman? He's the stuff dreams are made of, but we don't hear a lot about him. Any Viciness

going on there? Also, what's the deal with his wife? Lotsa love from the great white north!
—Vanessa


Dear Vicing Down Under:
Hugh and his wife are anything but a traditional couple, I will admit. But Deborra-Lee Furness is not only older-chick sexy, she's a remarkably talented

actor, something else that leads to hotness, no? And while Hugh's definitely a Blind Vicer, that doesn't mean his Vice is necessarily related to his

marriage. And thanks for the love, doll! Right back atcha!"

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