One Undivorced Blind Vice - Straights are Sluts tooOh, this is a tough one this week: Do we do the cable star who's pretending to have a stalker (she's sending herself all kinds of horrendous things at work, just so her contract-renewing bosses think the babe's got heat, as if package-sending retards, imagined or otherwise, are going to make a difference in their decisions, oh, please)?
Or the star who screws around like John McCain once did. Hey, it's political fever time out there, I vote for the latter! But first, gotta say something. You know, I really think a lot of you frisky folk out there are getting the wrong impression: That I think only gay guys pull the really self-hating, sleazy, deliciously kinky love crap. Hardly! You hets sure know how to get your skank on, too, hon-pies, of this, I am positive. Certainly, Gore-Me Garth proves this point excellently. A star of the screen's more, shall we say, gruesome tales, Garth-babe's been pulling some love exercises, off camera, that surely would make his wife's blood boil.
Zoom in on: A somewhat established Sunset Strip bar. It's empty, save the bartender (our source, like, duh), and Gore-Me and some chick he is not married to. She looks kind of exotic. GMG just looks horny. I think his pants are tenting, it's real under-the-bleachers kinda stuff. The couple who thinks they are so secretly flirting with each other orders buttloads of whiskey sours, which, perhaps—or not—explains why they then start acting like Toothy Tile in a West Hollywood parking lot, as they move to a couch and do what probably took John McCain at least a second date to do with Cindy. For hours. In front of the bartender!
Like, what, they thought booze-servers are priests or something? Did they think the uniformed type wouldn't blab? Now, I don't know how far, exactly, Gore-Me and his sultry lass went, but if we got another Reille Hunter type sitch in the works, wouldn't be at all surprised.
And it ain't: Will Smith, Dylan Walsh, Josh Brolin
Comments welcome!
* Update 9/28 - Ted has eliminated Matthew Fox, Tommy Lee Jones, Kevin Costner, David Boreanaz.
20 comments:
Freddie Prinze, Jr?
Good one! Married and horror movies both fit.
Yes, Freddie Prinze, Jr.
Sean Penn--he isn't in horror movies, but some of his have been pretty gruesome: 21 Grams, Mystic River, The Thin Red Line, Dead Men Walking. . .
"Undivorced" could refer to the fact that he and Robin split up for a while.
I remember seeing something about Robin and Sean getting back together ... with an understanding. So while something like this would make her blood boil, it wouldn't be that big a deal. Sarah Michelle Geller, on the other hand ...
How about David Boreanaz? It seems to fit...
Bones=gruesome tales
Gore-me-Garth sounds like last season's plot
Will Smith=Men in black... FBI type
It could fit.
Dear Ted:
Is Matthew Fox Gore-Me Garth from One Undivorced Blind Vice? Love your column!
—Ana
Dear Silver Fox:
It's not a column, it's a blolumn, and, apparently, one I'm too ripe to be writing in the first place, whatever. Guess-wise, right stardom level, wrong fox. I think M.F. is more honorable than that.
Dear Ted:
Is Gore-Me Garth Tommy Lee Jones?
—Bonanzamn
Dear DOA:
No way. Garth is far less critically acclaimed, fer sure. At least for now. Looks to be changing daily.
Dear Ted:
Is Gore-Me Garth Kevin Costner? He used to be quite a rounder.
—CherylS
Dear No:
GMG found his success on TV, not films.
I think David Boreanaz was a good guess; sounds like a tv star. He is on Bones and was also on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I really don't seee the Freddy Prinze guess at all(?)don't think he was in a lot of gruesome stuff.
Josh Brolin
Dear Ted:
Is Gore-Me Garth David Boreanaz? I'm dying to know if I'm right.
—Aholbrook
Dear Not So Angel-ic:
Fab guess, but no. Think even more doable, darling!
al gore? too obvious?
Micheal c Hall? He's separated
Johnny Depp
I think is Michael C. Hall, sounds like he fits perfectly. Stars on a show which tells "gruesome tales". His moniker is "Gore-Me"... all fits with his show Dexter.
I thought Michael C. Hall's blind was from before he was married.
Hmmm... Michael C. Hall is a great guess!
"Dear Ted:
I have a huge crush on Michael C. Hall. I really wish he wasn't married. Any hints as to what his Blind Vice is? Pretty please?
–Julie
Dear Det. Dex:
His Vice was pre-wedding. Doesn't mean he couldn't be featured again, though!"
- I guess this rules him out for this. His was pre-wedding. GMG is married.
Thanks for finding that bitch-back and clarifying that for us Blurry! Guess that clears it up! which I'm kind of relieved about; I don't want Michael C. Hall to be skanky lol.
maybe this is daniel craig?
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