Thursday, September 18, 2008

Lainey-Star Treatment

Star Treatment
How does he roll? Private plane on someone else’s dime with specific requests about the type of aircraft…like it’s not enough to bypass commercial flying, you need to fly in a particular model. But that’s just the beginning. He can only travel in matching (like MATCHING!) SUVs with police escort. Three of them. One left empty. And then a sedan. Why the sedan? Because his lower level staff are not allowed to ride in SUVs. They are beneath SUVs. His staff must also stay in a hotel separate from his.Then there’s eye contact. No eye contact under any circumstances. If his driver happens to have to idle for more than 15 seconds with him in the car – say they’re packing up gear, or waiting for a delivery – the driver must exit the vehicle until the fleet is ready to move. Speaking to him of course is out of the question. Speaking in his vicinity is even worse. The only voice he wants to hear is his own. You can talk…but only when he gives you permission. There’s actually a hand signal for that. It comes from his manager. Hotel staff learn this lesson quickly. Imagine asking someone if he wants fresh towels and have him stare back at you, behind sunglasses, not answering, the silence filling up the room like a flood, how small that person must feel, that person who works and busts her ass for minimum wage, not even to be acknowledged, to feel the message from a millionaire that she is not worth engaging? Not even a nod? If he walks past you in the hall, you must turn your back. If you don’t turn your back he’ll stop walking. His team will stand in a wall around him for fear that you might breathe on him. Worse still, they will harass you. They will intimidate you. They will treat you like a criminal and report you to make sure you are punished.All of this and more, communicated without shame, without embarrassment, executed as though it’s the most natural way to behave … these are His Rules.
Posted on Thursday, September 18, 2008 at 9:03 AM

Update Sept 24: Lainey has eliminated Prince, Justin Timberlake, Tom Cruise, Mike Myers, Snoop Dogg.

**
Update Oct 29 - Lainey has basically outed this to be Diddy... (P-Diddy.. or Puff Daddy, or Puffy, AKA Sean Combs).
* And again revealed here on Nov 26!!!

53 comments:

duffgrl said...

I think it could be the GMD

Traci Anne said...

GMD?

I'm thinking it's the overinflated ego of Puffy or Kanye.

Anonymous said...

Sean Connery?

Anonymous said...

I was thinking Michael Jackson

Anonymous said...

You all do realize that her bi's are about people she has posted about recently right? I personally agree with duffgrl and think it's Tom Cruise

Anonymous said...

We would have heard about this behavior before now if it was Tom Cruise. Unless it is a new thing and he has gotten even crazier.
Would guess P. Diddy except he has vowed to fly commercial until fuel prices drop.
"Packing up gear" sounds like a musician.

blurry vice said...

I agree Tom Cruise.

NikkiB said...

My first thought was Kanye, but since he was just arrested before getting on an American flight, I guess not. I have friends who have worked with GMD and they say he's lovely. Like, a really good guy. I think he's batshit crazy and def gay, but have heard you can't deny his charisma.

Has Lainey talked about Jay Z anytime recently?

Anonymous said...

This is totally KANYE WEST...the dude is rarely if ever seen without his shades!!!

Anonymous said...

I am literally DYING to know who this is. He sounds absolutely awful.

Anonymous said...

i heard similar things about prince LONG AGO so it's either him or a newbie him.

kanye may be bad, but in that incident at LAX the other day he only had one or two people with him and was in line himself.

Melly said...

Not sure, but I can totally see this being Diddy. Anyone who has a "personal umbrella holder" really doesn't regard the little folks very highly.

Tommy likes the adulation too much and wants everyone to worship him, so
I don't think this is him.

Anonymous said...

What about Marc Anthony? He's a huge star in other parts of the world and he was in Lainey's recent post about J-Lo doing that triathlon thing... I've heard in the past that he is a very "difficult" person.

sistah2 said...

Wow whoever this is sounds really horrible.
Dont think its Tom C for all the reasons cited above.
Its probably someone like Kanye West, a somewhat "new" star with overinflated ego - someone very big right now. The description is too vague on details though, as to actor/young/old/married etc.

Anonymous said...

Maybe Justin Timberlake? He and Britney sang a duet "What It's Like To Be Me" that that had the lyrics "this is my game, my rules".

Anonymous said...

Whats the skinny guy with the pony tail? Karl Langfield or something. Has to be that guy.

Anonymous said...

What about Usher? He seems to have a huge ego.

Anonymous said...

I think it's Justin Timberlake. She included him in the Smutty Tingles same day.

Anonymous said...

She eliminated Prince today.

So far everyone has really good guesses. Personally I think it's either Justin Timberlake or Diddy.

Kanye is a jerk but he strikes me as someone who gets upset when he doesn't get adulation so it seems to me he would want the attention from the staff.

Anonymous said...

Isn't Kanye the one who always blogs in capital letters - I think the capitals are a clue.

Anonymous said...

def. Tommy Cruise. Does he bring his wrestling gear too?

Anonymous said...

If it is indeed Pdiddy, then this is pretty sweet:

http://dlisted.com/node/28350

...^_^

Anonymous said...

Richard Branson??

Anonymous said...

i worked for virgin mobile and richard branson was in and out of the offices all the time. he had no problem spending time with the little people.

you know, in his day, this sounds behaviour so would be jack nicholson. to some extent, he still behaves like this.

Anonymous said...

What about elton john? He recently played concerts in Regina where Lainey just was.

Anonymous said...

Help - Who/what is "GMD"?

Colts#1Filly said...

I'm wondering where the idea came that Lainey's BI's are about someone she has posted about recently. Did she say that? If so, then that would help with the guessing.

I also think the sunglasses point is a big clue - someone who wears them often....Diddy, Kanye, Elton, all good guesses!

Colts#1Filly said...

"Gay Midget Dwarf" (GMD) = Tom Cruise

Lainey's pet name for him.

Anonymous said...

It says in her FAQ part of her website that her BI's have follow up clues and are usually embedded in subsequent columns. She said that once you read every column and detail that you pretty much will figure out who it is. I still thinks it's Tom Cruise. I read something once that said he demanded hotels have pics of him and his family placed in the hotel room; and seriously who doesn't think Tom Cruise is a total nut job?

Anonymous said...

Obama?

Anonymous said...

Karl Lagerfeld has been quoted as saying he makes people send a plane for him. And he always wears those sunglasses.

Anonymous said...

She just eliminated Justin Timberlake and Tom Cruise. Now I TRULY have no idea who this is.

Anonymous said...

Mike Myers

Anonymous said...

OMG. Who said Obama? Would a presidential hopeful alienate potential voters a mere few months before election? What a moron you are.

duffgrl said...

Mike Myers is supposed to be a male diva but Lainey has already ran a blind item about him.

Nik said...

Either Eddie Murphy or Kanye West.

Anonymous said...

Please let it be Bono. Such an annoying individual with his stupid sunglasses all the time.

Anonymous said...

50 cent

Anonymous said...

Sorry, I meant to articulate on this a little more...

I heard a story once about someone being in a hotel elevator with 50 cent, and that person sneezed, and that nearly caused a riot in the hotel. His security team physically threatened him for daring to sneeze!

Sounds exactly like this.

Anonymous said...

Nicholas Cage

Anonymous said...

It obviously has to be P. Diddy, Puffy Daddy... whatever his name is nowadays. He's so smug it's ridiculous.

PDQ said...

Arnold Schwarzenegger? He'd have matching SUV's, he'd have security around him like a wall. I would imagine the State of California provides a plane for him too.

Anonymous said...

After Lainey's post today about Karl Lagerfield and Anna Wintour - I totally think this is Karl!

Anonymous said...

After Lainey's post today about Karl Lagerfield and Anna Wintour - I totally think this is Karl!

Anonymous said...

After Lainey's post today about Karl Lagerfield and Anna Wintour - I totally think this is Karl!

Anonymous said...

This is Diddy. He has a new fragrance called I Am King.....

bc said...

Karl Lagerfeld was in the column again, this time "judging" Salma Hayek wearing a dirndl on German TV. . . . this has just got to be him.

Anonymous said...

Nope, it is R. Kelly

Anonymous said...

I'm going back to Kanye, because of the "MATCHING". wasn't he the one that wrote his blog in all-caps?

Baited Breath said...

Brad Pitt

Anonymous said...

Today Lainey outted Diddy as the answer to this item (in the smutty tingles, she wonders if Diddy's daughters are allowed to look him in the eye).

PrettyTarheelFan said...

Dang Anon 2:@5 you beat me to it...
Lainey outed Diddy today.

blurry vice said...

About to post but you got it:
"Are his daughters allowed to look him in the eye?" - Diddy

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