Saturday, March 31, 2012

Blind Vice! TV Crew Wants Demanding Diva Killed Off!

New BV from Ted yesterday, Friday March 30 -

Blind Vice! TV Crew Wants Demanding Diva Killed Off!

Are you all ready for some end-of-the-week coworker catfighting?!
Have you ever despised another employee so dearly that you hoped against hope that one day they'd be canned, allowing you to lay claim to their cubicle and freeing you from the burden of their watercooler blabber?
Meet Harriet Talons—and rest easy knowing she won't be occupying your office anytime soon. She's a popular boob-tube babe on one of those hit series that's always being talked about…which would so not be the case if her coworkers had a say in it:
Because they want her character killed.
Dead. Six feet under. Never to be heard from again. And they want Harriet banished from set, thrown out on her perfectly toned toosh to fend for herself in cold, cruel Hollywood. Yep, Harriet's entire crew wants her fired.
And badly.
In fact, it's all pretty much anyone ever talks about anymore. The problem is, Ms. Talon's safety is all but secured—while another character's life hangs in the balance, Harriet knows her onscreen alter ego won't bite it anytime soon.
Probably not ever, actually.
Sorry, crew folk, looks like the wrath of Harriet will live on. I would normally suggest the people who truly despise her quit…but then there'd be no one left to work on the show (and some of H.T.'s castmates are pretty sweet, I wouldn't want them to be punished).
If it makes you feel better, know that it's not just at work that she's a total nightmare.
Heck, even Harriet's neighbor—who's a big-screen heartthrob as well as a juicy Vice star—can't stand the chick. Maybe it's because she's always begging for him to date her, which, FYI, he wouldn't do in a billion years.
AND IT AIN'T: Ellen Pompeo, Emily VanCamp, Jessica Lange

Update: As of 6/8/12, Ted has eliminated: Ellen Pompeo, Emily VanCamp, Jessica Lange, January Jones, Christina Hendricks, Anna Paquin, Candice Accola, Juliana Marguiles, Madeline Stowe, Naya Rivera, Eva Longoria, Kristin Bauer, Elisabeth Moss, anyone from Pretty Little Liars, Mindy Kaling, Katherine Heigl, Jane Lynch, Nina Dobrev, Jennifer Morrison, Felicity Huffman, Joan Rivers, Betty White, Julie Bowen, Claire Danes, anyone from Grey's Anatomy, Kate Walsh, Amy Brenneman

Top suspect: Teri Hatcher

Friday, March 30, 2012

Bonus Blind! Another Gay Star Bites the Closeted Dust

Catching up from a crazy week!  New from Ted on Monday March 26. Barry Wanger-Banger returns -

Bonus Blind!  Another Gay Star Bites the Closeted Dust

It takes a lot to shock us here at AT.
That said, we were pretty taken aback recently by some personal plans announced by the hunky Barry Wanger-Banger, a pretty cool gay dude who's never made a point of hauling out the beard factor for his career.
Until now, that is. So color us plum, then, when Barry just revealed…
He's taken the "relationship" he's got going with his latest "girlfriend" to the next level.
Barry's certainly intimating he's going to marry this poor woman (who we seriously doubt knows the full extent of what her man prefers to do between the sheets when she's not around), and the tabloids are certainly biting this possible-engagement line hook, line and sink-her.
Come again? This is the same guy who in the past has proven so pathetically inept at the dating-a-female thing, his idea of a hot time at home is playing basketball out back with the guys? This is with the chick hanging around inside the house, mind you, wondering what the ef she's even doing there in the first place.
Even George Clooney knows not to invite the gals over while he's playing B-ball with the boys! Why can't Barry figure this simple rule out?
Well, because being with the women—and certainly getting engaged to them—was never really his idea in the first place. Nope, we've got a real Jackie Bouffant situation going on here, babes, where Barry's creative team decided it was high time Wanger-Banger's career got, well, bangin' again.
And what better way to do that than with fake matrimony?
Well, fake babies. And that very well may be the next step.
AND IT AIN'T: Jonah Hill, Justin Timberlake, Alex Pettyfer

Here is a link to our post discussing the previous Bary Wanger Banger Blind Vice, including a full list of who has been eliminated.

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Blind Vice: Toothy Gets Slutty With Room Service

New from Ted yesterday -

Blind Vice: Toothy Gets Slutty With Room Service!

Do we have any Blind Vice couples with happy endings? Stealth Stud-Poof and his BF? Eh. Judas Jack-Off and Dashed Dingle-Dream? Definitely not.
So it was with naïve, battered hope we were all holding out for a Toothy Tile and Grey Goose's happy ending, right?
Don't think we're getting it:
Because even though put-upon Grey has looked the other way during Toothy's pastindiscretions this latest one's a little harder to stomach.
T2 had the nerve to not exactly discreetly hole up in a fancy hotel room recently with a coworker. From one of his movies, no less.
It did not go unnoticed by the posh inn's even more posh clientele.
This is a far cry from one of Toothy's back-alley pretty-boy quickies, and it's a situation Grey's finding it much harder to not let bug him.
We say why try? Isn't enough enough?
Come on, true love's one thing (especially when you have family together), but unending masochistic devotion's entirely another.
Grey, stop pretending you're Saint Suck-Up and completely move on, already.
AND IT AIN'T: Brandon Routh, Lenny Kravitz, Jon Hamm

Please refer to the link below for posts on our previous posts on Toothy Tile and Grey Goose, including complete lists of who has been eliminated for each. 
* HERE is our list of who Ted has eliminated as Toothy.

Top suspects:  
Toothy Tile = Jake Gyllenhaal  
Grey Goose = Austin Nichols

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Lainey 3/21/12: Scared Straight

Both are acclaimed actors. One’s an actor you find super cute. He’s popular and adorable, like dimples and old fashioned dresses. The other’s an actor I find super gross. And dramatic. And full of his own sh-t. He fronts like he’s dark. He’s difficult. The work is often beneath him. The work is often taken away from him because the attitude that it is beneath him is so often intolerable The two had a torrid affair. Which is nothing unusual, of course not. Except that dimples broke up with drama and drama practically had a psychotic break. There was a month-long spiral. A couple of times he came close to really hurting himself. He also threatened to expose them both, though no one is taking that seriously. As a result, his heartbreaker is trying, ignorantly, to go back to the other side of his bisexuality.

 Lainey has eliminated Jake G, James Franco, Matt Morrison

At her smut soiree, Lainey revealed this to be about Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Michael Pitt.

Friday, March 16, 2012

Robert Downey Jr. stirring up blind items?

Of all people, our one brother sent us this article from the Daily Beast -

Rep: Robery Downey Jr. Isn't Online Commenter

Is Robert Downey Jr. the anonymous blog commenter who’s been rocking the Internet chattering class with scandalous allegations about beloved Hollywood celebrities? Speculation came to a head last week about a frequent guest to the comments section of the gossip website Crazy Days and Nights identifying himself as “Himmmm” who dropped vividly detailed, insider-y blind items about a secret call-girl ring alleged to include Hayden Panettiere and Amanda Bynes. Citing a number of telltale clues, the website Jezebel was first to ponder Downey’s involvement, and from there it became a parlor game among celeb-loving Web users to prove it. Asked point-blank whether the anonymous commenter is in fact Downey, the star’s publicist, Alan Nierob, told The Daily Beast, “Of course it’s not.”

Interesting!  Although we have boycotted CDAN ever since that loser called us "bored housewives" (AS IF!).  The article on Jezebel really sums it up.... the prostitution ring sounds disgusting.  RDJ if you post on here too, HI and please don't leave! ;)

Vintage BV: Thelma Turnip

Since a reader from Ted's mailbag brought up this vintage BV, we realized that we didn't have it here!  So here it is... Thelma Turnip from 2007!

One Stalled Comeback Blind Vice - April 20, 2007

Thelma Turnip is looking rather like, well, a turnip these days.

Hardly the secret, really, as T2's puss-ravaging lifestyle has left her cover-ready looks a little worse for the wear these past few years. Not even my Aunt Martha in Texas is surprised to see T.T. looking like a slightly younger version of Barbara Bush at myriad H-town events.

But Thelma-doll's looks ain't exactly the point of this item—it's her career, which everyone from the fruit sprayer at Gelson's to CAA honchos is debating whether or not is salvageable. My guess? No way.

Why? Because the top spinmeisters in town (ya know, the crowd that's known for darling little campaigns such as convincing the American public that Eddie Murphy is a "Good Samaritan" because he gave a peeyem ride to a transvestite) are turning down T.T. right 'n' leery left. Jeez, that says somethin', I'm tellin' ya.

"She's not ready," one of T-town's premier Machiavellian types told me after she had been asked to raise Ms. Turnip's chances for a professional resurgence. When pressed, the wizard at reinventing fallen entertainment idols told me Ms. Turnip is still—you guessed it—not exactly cleaned up, as everyone currently thinks.

Hey, I used to be addicted to that crap, I know how tough it is—good luck, Thelma! We're prayin' for ya, you gonzo g-friend!

And It Ain't: Courtney Love, Heather Locklear, Sarah Ferguson

Eliminated:  Courtney Love, Heather Locklear, Sarah Ferguson, Whitney Houston, Sharon Stone, Kate Moss, Britney Spears, Farrah Fawcett, Diana Ross, Juliette Lewis, Stevie Nicks

Top suspect:

Blind Vice! Family Man Hides Casting Couch Past!

New from Ted today -

Blind Vice!  Family Man Hides Casting Couch Past!

Happy Friday, sexy Awful readers! Before you go off and do all those naughty things you have planned for the weekend (and I know you’re going to be up to no good), let me introduce you to pretty and pure Billy Bend-Over.
He’s got rosy cheeks, luscious locks and a bubble butt to boot—all the perfect makings of a movie star, no? Especially with his "aw, shucks" 'tude that America loves. But Bill has a little secret about how he got to the top…

By getting on bottom! We’ll get to that in one sec though.
See, Billy is no stranger to gay rumors. Homolicious rumors have followed him during his time in the limelight (which big-screen star worth his box office hasn’t had his sexuality questioned?), but the thing is…
Billy is straight. Or so say his pals.
But that never stopped Billy from doing whatever he needed to do to land a role. You didn’t think casting couch biz was exclusively for gals like Portia Vajazzle and Bernadine Couch-Butt, did ya?
Nope! Billy’s toosh is quite cozy with those par-tick couches. Or beds. Or wherever it may be that he needs to perform certain, uh, “auditions” to prove exactly how much he wants a role.
Like he did to land his most iconic big-screen role, when he bedded the director—who was very much a man—to score the gig.
Wonder if it was worth it. And I wonder if it’d be worth it if his fans found out…or worse, his significant other, future 2.5 kiddos and that picket friggin’ fence he so cherishes.
AND IT AIN’T: Peter Facinelli, Alex PettyferJon Hamm

Eliminated as of 6/16/12: Peter Facinelli, Alex PettyferJon Hamm, Ryan Gosling, Matthew McConaughey, Chris Hemsworth, Henry Cavill, Armie Hammer,

Top suspect: ?

Friday, March 9, 2012

Bonus Blind - Stealth Stud-Poof returns

This was a bonus BV from Ted on Monday March 5 -

Bonus Blind!  Stealth Stud-Poof Slips Up on Sneaky Ways

It's been awhile since we've heard from beefcake boy-lovah Stealth Stud-Poof.
See, SS-P knows expertly how to play the Hollywood closeted-star game and he's been busy maintaining his A-list status, landing super-sexy roles, buffing up his stellar bod, and ya know, banging his über-hot BF on the side!
Sounds like the perfect life, no? Heck, he didn't even have to hide his same-sex shenanigans: Everyone in Poof's camp was in on the sitch (even the Mrs.). He just had to keep things under wraps from the public, which, of course, he always has.

Until now.
Mr. Poof seems to have developed a habit of forgetting to close the shades on those big ol' windows at his place (which he pretty much keeps separate from the pad with the wife), giving many passing looky-loos quite the shocking show!
See, Stealth purchased a swanky apartment for his loverboy where the two dudes can get it on for days on end without any prying paps trying to home in on their love nest.
But on one of the recent visits with the BF (one of Stealth's favorite ways to relax and indulge), he seemed not to notice the exclusive complex has turned into quite the celebrity hot spot.
Which means fans. Lots of 'em, all hoping to catch a sighting of one of the many stars living in this A-list building.

But here's what they weren't expecting to see:
Stealth and his pal getting it on. Not in the entirely raunchy way you might think (or want). But sure enough, Stealth was hugging and kissing his man with years of affection behind those sparkling eyes. You know, the kind of open-mouth kisses that take you straight to the bedroom—which is precisely what happened.
Adorable…but homo-licious, none the less. And oozing with passion that could destroy Stealth's career of playing badass ladies' men—at least, that's what his people tell him.
So tread carefully, Stud-Poof, and get some damn curtains—or we may soon be removing the Stealth from your moniker. Unless, of course, you're just waiting for someone to snitch so you can turn your fab domestic life with your dude into a full-time sitch?
AND IT AIN'T: Brad Pitt, Orlando Bloom, Matthew McConaughey

Please refer to the label below for the previous Stealth Stud Poof BVs, including a full list of who has been eliminated.

Top suspect: Hugh Jackman

New Blind Vice: Sissi Sparkle

New BV from Ted today -

Blind Vice: Will Dazzling Sissi Sparkle's Secrets Come Out?

There's something to be said for gals—gay and straight—who have very religious upbringings. When it comes to sex, they tend to lean heavily in one direction or the other. Usually nothing vanilla or boring between the sheets with belting, church-going gals who call Jesus their BFF!
Certainly is the case with hugely talented star Sissi Sparkle, who has everybody wondering lately...

"Has she ever had a girlfriend?" many are starting to ask, since fans are just now (stupidly) waking up to the fact that Sissi never really has had much of a man in her life—apart from some silly flirtations here and there.
True, there was the one guy a long time ago, but, he was just a cover-up, people!
But recently, Sissi's been in the news in a pretty major way. She's big on the celeb radar again—very big.
So it's no wonder folks are starting to wonder—in some cases, not for the first time—where the hell is the man in this multitalented powerhouse's existence?
Answer: paid to further Sissi's fabulous-again career!
‘Cause it was always the ladies who did it for Sissi. Always.
And, damn, do the girls who lived to tell about their wild sex times have a lot to say about it!
(But they never will.)
AND IT AIN'T: Dolly Parton, Jennifer Hudson, Britney Spears
Also eliminated: Jennifer Love-Hewitt

Top suspect: Whitney Houston

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Blind Vice! Sex, Drugs and Deceit South of the Border!

New from Ted yesterday, March 2nd -

Blind Vice!  Sex, Drugs and Deceit South of the Border!

If anyone's ever wondered at least one of the reasons why Caesar Anchovy-Arse likes to abuse his stunning wife, Strippa Rip-Ya, who never has really figured out how best to confront her B-list hubby, we have a major clue comin' your way.
It's not just Caesar's "unbearable temper" (as mutual friends put it), or his penchant for guzzling beer instead of drinking up his wife's beautiful bod and personality, it's that Caesar has a penchant for other temptations. Pretty typically seedy, too. Wanna hear what they are?

"[Caesar] loves nothing more than to head down to Mexico, check into a place on the beach and do all the drugs he can," says a professional friend to the not exactly charming star. "And then when he's high enough, he'll have sex with anything and everything. Men, women, whatever, doesn't make a difference to him."
Wow. No wonder Caesar's always been so passive-aggressively hell-bent on making his wife's life major crapola. He's not that into her! Makes complete sense.
"I don't think he's ever really come to terms with the fact that he's bisexual," surmised the Anchovy-Arse source. "That's a major area of denial in his life. It's pretty consistent that he's treated [Strippa] like he has. He doesn't respect her. He doesn't respect himself."

Which is probably why Caesar goes out of his way to play the hetero-card, once he's back home in the States. Now, as tempting as it is to start feeling a pang o' sympathy for Caesar, we beg you not to:
Caesar went into his marriage knowing full he had other sexual needs. But he wanted a family.
And on top of that, it's not like Caesar's some huge-butt star with a massive following—he'd certainly survive if it became publicly known he swings both ways.
I mean, we're not talkin' George Clooney or Brad Pitt-level here.
And It Ain't: Matthew Broderick, Mark Consuelos, Josh Kelley

Please use the label below for a link to our previous posts on the previous Caesar and Strippa BVs, including a full list of who has been eliminated.

Top suspects: Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez

Friday, March 2, 2012

Lainey: Not a doting mother, not a kind employer

From Lainey - 3/2/12

Not a doting mother, not a kind employer

She’s supposed to be the doting mother. Ask the people who help her with her kids. They certainly don’t agree.

First of all she’s never around. And when she’s present she’s distant, not only not involved, but almost irresponsible about it. One of her children may have developmental challenges. As such, diet can exacerbate the issue. Since she can only spend so much time with her children, and often slotted in like appointments in her schedule, she doesn’t bother observing the food requirements that can help with the child’s behaviour. Mom supplies junk food because it’s quick and dirty so that she can get out of there that much faster. When the kid acts out because of the sh-t he’s just consumed, she’s incapable of dealing with it and takes off anyway.

It’s left then to the staff to raise her family. How does she treat them? Nannies’ cell phones are confiscated at 8am and not returned until 10pm. There’s a trusting and kind working environment, non? Totally encourages loyalty.

As you expect, bosses like this always play favourites. Her favourite? Curiously enough, it’s the bodyguard. He’s been seen rubbing her feet. Of course that had nothing to do with the separation ...even though the foot massages have been happening for a while now.

It’s not Gwyneth Paltrow.

Top suspect, which Lainey has revealed: Heidi Klum