Thursday, December 9, 2010

Blind Vice: TV Star Does Blow in Pepperoni Joint

New from Ted today-

Blind Vice: TV Star Does Blow in Pepperoni Joint

If anyone's been wondering why the very funny Coco Crack-Head, who used to have a most natural figure, has recently become bone-thin, we have a pretty good clue as to why:
The bitch is doing blow in public and not even being cool about it! Like, at all.
Coco, who genuinely does have a kind of goofy talent on her popular prime-time show, was recently out to dinner with her sister and friends. Over at Oak Fire Pizza in West Hollywood. Everybody was having pizza and beer, but, not our Coco—she was guzzling a martini and generally making a fool of herself while gushing nonsense about her "beautiful" sister.
Fellow diners thought the poor babe was just drunk until one of them followed Coco to the restroom.
The nosy pizza-eater waited her turn for Coco to come out of the stall, then went into the one Ms. Crack-Head had just exited.
Guess what Coco had left all over the toilet-paper dispenser? And, no, it wasn't remains of her dinner, which she'd just brought back up (though that's not a bad guess).
Coco had actually left behind the remnants of all the coke she'd just chopped up and snorted! For any one to see!
Jeez, is it so much trouble to take a little toilet paper and wipe it up, babe? Or were you just too high to notice?
We suspect Ms. Crack-Head wants people to know what a druggie she really is, because—much to her sister's dismay—Coco was showing her table mates (and those nearby) pictures of lines of coke on her I-phone, daring folks to guess what it was. Hmm...drug addicts amuse themselves so well, huh?
Jeez, how long is before Coco realizes she just becoming another Lindsay Lohan, already? Or is that what she wants, just for the notoriety?
And, for the record, Coco, nobody believes that accident you had awhile back was for the reason you stated. Guess we know now what caused it!
And It Ain't: Selena Gomez, Chelsea Handler, Yvonne Strahovski

Update 6/22/12 - Ted has eliminated Selena Gomez, Chelsea Handler, Yvonne Strahovski, Mischa Barton, Jenna Fischer, Amy Poehler, any SNL staple, Whitney Houston, Bijou Phillips, Sarah Hyland, Naya Rivera, Heather Morris, Demi Lovato

Top suspects: January Jones OR AnnaLynne McCord (see comments)


blurry vice said...

There are multiple guesses on the E site. Kaley Cuoco, AnnaLynne McCord, Busy Phillips. However I like the January Jones guess the best. She does have a sister according to imdb who works as a production assistant. And she seems to fit the description.

sarahp said...

Kaley Cuoco, Big Bang Theory. I'm so sure about this guess that I left it on Ted's site as well. She broke her leg in the last couple of months ('falling off a horse'), she's lost a ton of weight, she's on a prime-time comedy.

Unknown said...

If it weren't for the "funny" part, I would have guessed Ashlee Simpson.

Unknown said...

Or should it be "if it wasn't"? lol

Time to go to bed! :)

laur said...

January Jones popped into my mind right away.

Unknown said...

I totally thought January Jones too except this comment..."wondering why the very funny". She's not funny, not known for being funny, and not on a funny show. Im still perplexed on this one. Try googling recent celebrity accidents but only January Jones comes up. Hum.....

Sue T. said...

I agree w/gilda - January hosted SNL a year or so ago and was widely considered a flop. "Funny" and "goofy" seem to much better describe Kaley.

Unknown said...

One would think this would be easy since there has to be some sort of pap shot if this gal was at a popular pizza joint with her sister. I agree that aspects fit Kaley except she didn't look like she lost a lot of weight recently - just the opposite, maybe I haven't seen any recent shotsof her. Hmm I'm stumped

nini said...

Kaley Cuoco fa sho. She fell off a horse a few months ago and has a sister.

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Barrett said...

I'm throwing in my vote for January Jones.

Kaley Cuoco ain't that skinny. She's more like a "before" picture of a Hollywood eating disorder starlet. January Jones is frightening.

Also, the accident? She FLED THE SCENE claiming paparazzi were chasing her. I think Ted is saying that nobody believes paparazzi caused it, and that she fled because she had drugs.

She has done some comedy. She had a small part in Love Actually, American Wedding (slapstick), and Pirate Radio.

And I think "goofy" might refer to Betty Draper being slightly batty.

Rita, Montreal said...

Not sure January is considered funny. Plus, in the biginning, Ted states that she had a most "Natural Figure", that is definitely not January Jones, she had always had an un-naturally skinny figure.

Would go with Cuoco too, but she has rep for being clean and super sweet. Remember when she got pranked on Ashton Kutcher's show? No diva-esque attitude whatsoever, on the contrary, was super sweet and apologized for a set-up accident she didn't cause.

Was wondering though about the more Natural figures on goofy shows: America Ferrara (spelling?) or that girly who lost tons of weight on Jenny Craig, young, goofy, used to play chubby on a comedy series... Sara Rue.

Anonymous said...

Didn't kaley recently announce on Ellen that's she's pregnant? If u watch big bang, you'll see that she put on weight. They are hiding her belly....

Anonymous said...

oh, Bijou Phillips, you can't fool us anymore. (her fiance Danny Masterson is a known drug dealer, even though he was born a Scientologist)

Unknown said...

I thought Kaley too, mostly because of the "Coco" in the name. But if she is pregnant then its improbable its her. January does not fit the description of this woman.

Stacey said...

I would have guessed Amanda Bynes but I think her show was canceled. I wouldn't know cause I've never watched it. I feel like it's someone we'll know but I just can't place it yet.

sistah2 said...

January Jones is my vote.

Anonymous said...

what about julie bowen? she was on conan lately looking CRAZY thin. she has a sister. she's funny on "modern family". and she admitted to her twins having an "accident" when one twin put the other in the dryer.

Unknown said...

Julie is crazy thin and hyper too.

Karen said...

I'm just going to throw my initial thought in here... What about Courtney Cox? The CC in the initials would fit, she has a daughter named Coco, she's on Cougartown which is a primetime comedy and she's more or less a comedic actress. Ted never said that Coco Crack Head wasn't skinny to begin with, just that her figure was natural. He seems to call out the curvier girls as such, which leads me to believe this Vicer wasn't too curvy or big to begin with but, like Cox, she was just naturally small. Courtney Cox looks super skinny to me these days. Also, one of the AIAs is Chelsea Handler, new bff of Courtney Cox's bff Jennifer Anniston.

Finally, the part about the "accident" could be a coded way of referring to her divorce. Obviously, he couldn't say that straight out since that would narrow it down like crazy.

Just another thought..

Anonymous said...

The Phillips girl is a good guess but (& I hate saying this because I love her) but what about Kristen Wiig on SNL?

Anonymous said...

Kelly Ripa?

steph148 said...

I'd be shocked if this weren't Kaley Cuoco. Everything fits: the popular primetime comedy, the sister, the recent accident, the weight loss, even the name "Coco".

Here's a picture of Kaley in July 2010:

And here she is on December 6:

Her arms noticeably look thinner.

steph148 said...

*Oops, typo: Her arms ARE noticeably thinner.

Anonymous said...

I'm wrong! Kaley is not pregnant! I totally misread something online!

Unknown said...

This might be totally off...but what about Jenna Fischer? Funny (on the Office)...had an accident in a restaurant a few years back where she broke her back...has a sister? Just a thought!

PrincessTiff said...

To me the "goofy talent" doesn't refer to her being on a comedy per se. It sounds more like a weird talent like someone who can touch their tongue to their nose or something like that. Don't know what show it would refer to in that aspect, but that's just how it read to me.

Unknown said...

Ashlee Simpson - she's gotten SO skinny!

freckles said...

i'm not sure its ashlee simpson... the bv said:

"Coco, who genuinely does have a kind of goofy talent on her popular prime-time show"

not sure if ashlee is doing much of anything right now....i dunno, is she? (I could be wrong).

Anonymous said...

it also could be Juliette Lewis:
-known druggie (despite her pr team churning out stories about her still being a Scientologist)
-has a sister
-was in a car crash this year

Caz1310 said...

To me this reads as someone maybe newer to drugs who thinks it's really cool and hip to be a druggie. Juliette is not a bad guess however she has been around drugs for years and has seen her career go up & down and is enjoying success in her band (they're actually quite good). The accident she was in was caused by someone else, not her. She often does play kooky characters (nice to see her in Whip It) not sure she's in a series right now?

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Unknown said...

i think this is annalynne mccord. the part about lindsay lohan makes me think this is someone a little bit younger and she is photographed a lot with her sister. Also, the show that yvonne s. is on is in the same time slot as 90210...

Unknown said...

and heres an article from TMZ about a car accident that annalynne mccord got in to in her sisters car and the guy was pissed and posted her phone number on FB.

blurry vice said...

Interesting on AnnaLynne McCord. So either her or January Jones in my opinion.

Maybe someone should ask if Coco Crack HEad and Brock Rock Buns are dating.

Unknown said...

to be honest, i was thinking maybe ted was looking for some dirt on Annalynne Mccord to match with Brock Rock Buns and thats how he came across this blind.

Anonymous said...

Read this on my phone last night and first person I thought of was Kaley Cuoco.

Stacey said...

AnnaLynne McCord is a really great guess, my top one right now. Kaley Cuoco, Julie Bowen could work too. January Jones, I don't think she fits because she's not a "goofy talent." Much more serious.

Stacey said...

Also like Cassandra said, AnnaLynne is always out with her sister...the more I think about it the more it fits...

Jessi said...

In todays BB Ted said "think more good girl persona at least off screen". To mean that points to someone who is maybe not as nice in their steady role like AnnaLynne.

Anonymous said...

Elisabeth Moss?

Jolene Jolene said...

Okay, can someone please give me more reason as to why January Jones is a top guess? Except for the accident, she doesn't fit the few clues here AT ALL:

She hasn't gotten bone thin. She has always looked the same. Since she was in American Pie 3 a million years ago. In interviews she even talks about how Matthew Weiner doesn't want her to get too thin or with muscle definition because that's not how women looked in the 60s.

It says she has a "goofy" talent on her prime-time show (Mad Men). Betty Draper is a cold, cold biatch who never EVER smiles. And I don't think she's considered crazy, either. She's a very serious, troubled, harsh bitch. But she's not crazy. And I don't think her talent is "weird" either. I'm not a huge fan, but she is really good in that character.

It says she's very funny. I don't know of one part in which January Jones has played funny. Yes, she's been in a couple comedies, but has she been funny (or weird/goofy) in them? I'd say no.

I'm sorry, I get that it's a guess, but I don't understand how one fit clue makes her a top guess when the rest do not fit. Okay, I'm done.

Tara said...

AnnaLynne is not the nice girl on the show, Naomi Clark is the spoiled bitchy character who just recently began softening. I think she is a great guess for this, and she totally is always with her sisters (she has 2 I believe). Kaley was my original thought too because of her broken leg. Like Jamee, I don't really like JJ for this.

Unknown said...

I admit to only watching the new 90210 a couple of times, but is Annalynne McChord known for a "goofy talent"? I feel like Kaley Cuoco seems to fit better.

Barrett said...

I don't understand why Kaley Cuoco is a great guess. She's not bone thin, and her riding accident does not sound coke-involved. Who gets coked up before a horseback riding lesson? I don't think so.

The woman OWNS a horse named Falcon that she stables outside LA and rides routinely. It's not like her horseback riding accident is some crazy cover story that came out of nowhere. She was taking a lesson, fell, and the horse was scared and stepped on her. She had major surgery to put her ankle back together.

Having spent over a week in the hospital after a horseback riding accident, myself, and having one of my friends get clipped by a hoof after a fall, this is not at ALL a strange scenario. What would be strange is for an equestrian to get HIGH before a riding lesson.

Tara said...

Rachel I think AnnaLynne is awkward on her show and off, but not goofy I guess, like Kaley could be considered.

Georgia, I think, if it were Kaley, Ted would merely be mocking her accident and blaming it on the coke--like joking that she was probably high when it happened because she is such a cokehead and must always be high. I am not saying I disagree with some of your argument, just that this was how I read it when I pictured Kaley as Coco.

I would like to see if Coco has ever gotten friendly with Brock Rock Butt....

Tara said...

Excusez-moi, I mean "Buns" not Butt. And does anyone else think Coco and Brock being back to back BVs is weird, and top guesses for both are Annalynne and Kellan, who are dating/were dating? Huh.

Stacey said...

Wait a second...didn't Ted say Blind Vices could be renamed once revealed? Could it be Lea Michele? Goofy talent, primtime show, getting bone thin, and she did get in a car accident:

I don't know about the sister though. I still like AnnaLynne McCord better as a guess but I thought this was worth bringing up.

Anonymous said...

this also could be Kelly Preston

-accident: son's death last year
-has a sister
-rumored to be a crack/cokehead (ex of druggie Charlie Sheen, former supermodel)

a lot of the Scientology celebs are using the cult as a smokescreen for their drug habits... which haven't stopped.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
My rescue pug Donner and I would like to know; is Coco Crack-Head Mischa Barton?

Dear Crack is Whack:
Please, Coco is way more subtle about her Vice than Mischa is or ever was (and that's not saying much). Think more "good girl" persona, at least off screen."

"Dear Ted:
Is Coco Crack-Head Jenna Fischer? I hope not! Jenna seems so sweet and down-to-earth. I love her blogs on MySpace. She's the only reason my MySpace account is open. If Jenna isn't Coco, has she ever been a B.V?

Dear Bathroom Stall Babe:
Don't delete your MySpace account just yet—even though, uh, maybe you should anyway. But Jenna is not our not-so-secretive sniffer. Very good guess though."

"Dear Ted:
Is Coco Crack-Head Amy Poehler? I hate to think it, since (a) she's a fairly new mom, and (b) I love Will Arnett to death. Yay or nay?

Dear Nay:
You can nix any SNL staple as Coco, hon."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Was Coco Crack-Head's "accident" completely fabricated or do you think her powdering her nose caused the accident?

Dear Cuckoo for Crack:
When you're sniffing as much nose candy as Coco's been snorting, accidents are bound to happen. We just figured she'd learn her lesson, but that is so not the case with this one."

Unknown said...

Hi, love this place, and I am sorry I haven't looked up the BB, but there was, a bit ago, a BV about a "hot show" where the lead female would smoke pot and be much nicer, and I instantly thought of Shenae Grimes.

Maybe we could ask Ted, if anyone else remembers this, if Coco Crack-Head is on the same show?

Sorry I don't have time to do the research! Please don't grill me too hard!

Tara said...

Hi Renee, welcome:) Are you talking about the Drew Smolder n' Such, Buella Bland, and Kelly Guten Shoes blind? About the cast who likes to smoke weed after work and that she is usually super bitchy/uptight? I really pushed for 90210 and Shenae for Buella early on, but the sleuthers have come to the agreement that this is probably Vamp Diaries (Nina, Ian & Paul).

I don't hate the Shenae guess though, it was a big rumor the year after she started on the show because she lost so much weight. Has she had an accident to speak of? I really do like AnnaLynne for Coco, but Ted does sometimes have a way of making everyone focus on the more obvious choice and it ends up being someone linked to our suspect, like these two are.

Jolene Jolene said...

The BB today hints that someone from the cast of the Big Bang Theory has a vice. He said "just because the cast stays relatively under the radar in HW, don't think all those babes are without their demons." Note that the letter writer didn't even ask if they had a vice and he threw that out there! Yeah, that just happened.

Someone just said in a different thread that they look at the timing of posts just as much, if not more, than the post itself. So can we take note that the Big Bang Theory cast rarely EVER (if at all) gets written about by Ted, and here they pop up, talking about demons and whatnot! Huge hint in my book for Kaley whatever being this chick...

Liz said...

Dear Ted:
Now that Johnny Galecki and Kaley Cuoco aren't dating anymore, how are things on the set? Actually, any gossip about the cast of The Big Bang Theory would be welcome!

Dear Big Bang Indeed:
Come on, things are always awkward when you split with someone you work with. Nothing too unusual there. Why do you think Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart hooking up was so damn terrifying to the suits? And just because the Big Bang cast stays relatively under the radar in Hollywood, don't think all of those babes are without their demons.

Tara said...

Liz, hi! Thanks for the reference, however, the sisters alone post the Bitch Back comments so the threads don't get too clogged with duplicate posts. Just so you know, for next time:)

You did remind me, however, that Ted refers to the BBT cast as BABES. None of them are babes except Penny (ie Kaley Cuoco). They are all nerdy and average looking (by Hollywood standards). So I don't think we have to look any further than Kaley being a BVer....for now.

Unknown said...

Yup, I took the BB post about BBT a huge hint on this one being Kaley. Especially the reference to "demons", which usually refers to addiction of some sort.

blurry vice said...

kaley cuoco

"Dear Ted:
Now that Johnny Galecki and Kaley Cuoco aren't dating anymore, how are things on the set? Actually, any gossip about the cast of The Big Bang Theory would be


Dear Big Bang Indeed:
Come on, things are always awkward when you split with someone you work with. Nothing too unusual there. Why do you think Robert Pattinson and Kristen

Stewart hooking up was so damn terrifying to the suits? And just because the Big Bang cast stays relatively under the radar in Hollywood, don't think all of

those babes are without their demons."

Jessica said...

The one problem I have with the current "top suspects" is that the first line of the blind calls her "very funny."

xodettex said...

my first time guessing [and arriving via CDAN], i want to guess: Jaime Pressly

does anyone else remember that incident at the bachelorette party or whatever where she was caught on camera peeing in public... she claimed is was some dare or something at the time...

my 2 cents

Anonymous said...

I feel awful bringing this up, but Jane Krakowski is so skinny now.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is miss crack is whack Whitney Houston our beloved Coco Crackhead?

Dear Wrong Generation:
Back up a few years, babe. A lot of ‘em!"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I need the word on Coco Crack-Head. Give me a clue, a hint, something to get me in the right direction...Has she straightened herself out? Are her

shenanigans beginning to affect her job on her hit TV show? We just adopted another kitty cat—poor guy lost one of his fangs, but he's sweet as can be and

doesn't let it bother him. Poe sends his love!

Dear Cuckoo for Coco:
Actually, Coco's career is taking a turn for the bigger, maybe not better, screen. But I mean, anything is better than doing lines in a bathroom stall, so we

are proud of her for now. She's still sticking to her hit show, but taking steps to make sure she'll have some sort of a movie career in case the show busts.

Ya know it happens, and Coco's prepared. Much love to you and your kitties!"

sarahp said...

I think that the clue on the 23rd really points to Kaley Couco...probably because it's still my guess and I'd still like to be right! :)

But, she is in the movie Hop that comes out very soon, which would explain the 'bigger but not better' vibe, since that movie looks pretty horrible.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
It is my rescue cat's 14th birthday today, and all she wants for a present is for you to tell her whether Coco Crack-Head has any children! Meow!

Dear Kidlets for Coco:
Nope, kitty! She's not a mother, or even close to being one yet. Good thing, too. Happy birthday, by the way! "

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Coco Crack-Head Bijou Phillips?

Dear Thisclose:
Nope, but such a buh-rilliant guess!"

blurry vice said...

What about Ginnifer Goodwin? She is on HBO's Big Love, and has a sister that is an animator.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Something tells me Big Bang geek Jim Parsons has been keeping a few secrets, so I can't help but wonder if he's made an appearance as a Vice.

Dear Vice Theory:
You're totally onto something, nerd luvah. There is a Big Bang star that's been inducted into the world of Vices, but it ain't Jimmy. It's much more

predictable, actually. Sexier, too!"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
What's going on with Coco Crack-Head recently? Has she tamed down her ways recently? Pippa (my stray German shepherd mix, not the Middleton sister) is


Dear Crack Is Whack:
If by tamed, you mean CCH is better about keeping her nasty little drug habit a secret, then yes, she's tamed down her ways. What's that old saying? Snort

coke in a pizza joint once, shame on us, snort coke in a pizza joint twice, shame on you, Coco!"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
My fave show is The Big Bang Theory, love the cast! Do they all get along well and any Vices onboard with that crew?

Dear Bang Bang:
Sure, they all get along and sure there's one Vice in the cast. Probably exactly who you're thinking of, too."

Unknown said...

I guess Kaley Cuoco can be eliminated since Ted has no said she has never been a BV.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Does Kaley Cuoco have a BV? What does her fiancé, an addictions specialist, think of it? Is he a participant in her Vicey behavior?

Dear Big Bangin' Vice:
Sorry J, but Ms. Cuoco's Vice-free. Did you really think a Vicey babe could last with an addiction specialist? That's crazier than Russell Brand and Katy


blurry vice said...

So it's either January Jones or AnnaLynne McCord?

Zara said...

How can January Jones or Annalynne McCord be describe as very funny, or as having a goofy talent? Something's off about this. We need someone more along the lines of Kaley Cuoco (but not her, since she was eliminated, obviously).

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
How is Coco Crack-Head doing? Still hitting up those pizzerias, or has she toned down her Vicing in the past year? Is her career still going strong?

Dear Extra Cheese:
Let's just say Coco isn't quite as stupid about her powdery pit stops anymore. And, to answer your second Q, it's because her career is as red hot as ever

and she doesn't want to put that whopping paycheck in jeopardy."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Coco Crack-Head Sarah Hyland? Am I close? Coco has me stumped!

Dear Modern Vice:
Sorry K, looks like Coco still has you stumped! But I will say you are right in guessing a gal on the boob tube.

Dear Ted:
Is Coco Crack-Head either Naya Rivera or Heather Morris? You said this person is on the boob tube, and Heather and Naya both got extremely skinny. Although
these two dance around all day, something doesn't seem right. Heather does have a wild side.
—Anonymous Gleek

Dear Good Girl Gone Glee:
Not a bad guess, babe, but you haven't fingered our pizzeria enthusiast. As for the Glee chickies, Heather (and her penchant for cell phone photography) may
have made more headlines lately, but she's hardly the wildest of the bunch. Heather hasn't even scored a moniker yet—Naya can't say the same."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I've been trying to figure out what Vice Demi Lovato could be. Is she Coco Crack-Head?

Dear Crack is Wack:
Not the worst guess ever, Katie, but Demi is not our pizzeria patroness. Think less obvious about her secrets—nowadays, at least."