Lainey - He likes them big & buff

New from Lainey yesterday -

He likes them big & buff

He took off for the desert recently. To relax. And party. Without his girl. And gets high and hooks up with random men online (he likes them super pretty and super jacked), inviting them to his hotel room for a night of drugs and sex.
Two problems here. First, he’s a recovering addict and second, when he goes on these tears, he doesn’t use condoms. It’s the kind of reckless behaviour he’s been able to control through much of his success and for many years now. Curiously though, the last time this happened it was also during one of his transformations. Back then though, there was no explosion of social media and everyone taking pictures. Considering that he’s been hooking up with dudes who are on the young side (but totally legal), he’s risking being exposed by someone who’s out to show off and exploit.

Update 5/15- Lainey has eliminated Ben Affleck

Top suspect:  Bradley Cooper

Lainey - Single up in the air

Oops sorry, missed this one From Lainey from April 3 -

Single up in the air

He might not get a lot of attention on this blog but when he does, you always respond. He’s a well- respected actor who is friends with a lot of other actors and while he’s known to be sometimes temperamental with studios and executives, his work is always solid. Though he’s enjoyed a couple of high profile relationships, for the last several years, he’s settled down with a civilian. They married and had a child. They said he was happy and committed. That he’s not that guy.
So…how come he was all over a flight attendant recently on a flight from LA to NYC? He was hitting on her hard. And kept going behind the curtain to spend time with her. And kept asking for her number. He was supposed to be doing some work on his laptop but he couldn’t help himself – over and over again, hitting up the flight attendant station to try to get in there. Didn’t give a sh-t that the other passengers in first class knew exactly what he was doing. I guess it’s OK then that we talk about the Mile High Club. Even when he’s a cheater. Especially if he’s a cheater.

Top suspects:  Edward Norton

Chris Martin's Skinny Fashion It Girl?

While discussing Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin's "conscious uncoupling" today, Lainey gives us a hidden blind riddle...

Gwyneth isn’t JLO. Gwyneth aims high. Brad Pitt, Ben Affleck, and the leader singer of Coldplay? That’s all status right there. The side pieces she keeps hidden. Lawyers and showrunners are not out in the open. When it’s out in the open it has to be A Name. Why did I keep thinking Jake Gyllenhaal last night? Jake Gyllenhaal could certainly ease the sting from a fashion It Girl who’s skinnier than she is. She just… never expected he would fall in love. And that he wouldn’t be able to fall out of love even after he ended it.

Update: Lainey revealed on 3/28 that this is Alexa Chung.

Lainey: Not pregnant but painkillers?

New Lainey riddle today -

Not pregnant but painkillers?

He recently had to pause on work obligations citing health reasons. But this superstar didn’t seem all that sick. That’s because the health reasons were related to his wife. She’s been keeping a surprisingly low profile the last few months. Which is unusual because, well, the wife is rather pap-friendly. The immediate speculation was pregnancy and bump-hiding. But there was no bump when she showed up at a major event so it definitely wasn’t pregnancy.

Apparently there’s a painkiller addiction going on. And that’s the reason he couldn’t make it that time. She had an episode and it was serious enough that he had to bail on work and help her out. Not a side of him we see very often – you know, putting her before him. Something she must have enjoyed, though probably for the wrong reasons. Still, she seems to be getting off on his attention. And that’s worrying for those around her too. She’s addicted to the pills and also addicted to his care.

Top suspects: Justin Timberlake, Jessica Biel

Lainey- His ups and downs

From Lainey March 10 -

His Ups and Downs

It’s hard to stay up. Every time he’s gone up, he’s always come back down. It was thought that that was only because he was young. And now, with children and a devoted wife, he was supposed to be able to hold it together. So far, sure, but just barely.

There were signs before Christmas but during the holidays, he injured his back on a ski trip. This was not widely disclosed and kept out of the press. Painkillers were prescribed. The big movie was pushed back. Cocktails were consumed in combination at events. No one remembers he actually went to rehab several years ago. Still, so far, he’s functioning. And things are great with his wife. She really tries to take care of him but she’s not always with him. When he’s out on his own, it gets messy. There have been times lately where he’s been so drunk, he’s the dude passed out on the couch when everyone else has gone home. Either that or he’s the dude who’s all over the tall, attractive model type at the Oscar party that his wife decided to skip. Oh yeah, that happened. It keeps happening. They were talking nose to nose. He gave her the full charm. A “later on” was definitely implied, while everyone around him just shrugged. Because it’s not the first time and it’s not the last time and it’s the secret they’re all expected to keep. Not because he doesn’t love the mother of his children, because he does, he really, really does. But between the pills and the alcohol, he’s losing control of that side of himself that’s been held in check for too long.

Top suspect: Ben Affleck
Update: Lainey has revealed this to be about Ben Affleck.

Lainey- Old Grudges

From Lainey Feb 19 - 

Old Grudges

Remember his big snub?
Turns out it had something to do with his perfect wife. You wouldn't think anyone could hold anything against her -- the ideal mother, the supportive spouse -- but this goes back years, when she was a candidate for a set-up. A very powerful man set her up with a single man who needed a girlfriend. A professional meeting turned into him knowing everything about her -- too much about her -- and a very strange gift: wildlife. She ran the f-ck away and didn't look back, offending the major Hollywood player who tried to broker the romance. He was so disappointed in her that he put out the word -- he won't work with her anymore. And eventually, when it came for her now-husband to rise to acclaim, and against his own project no less, he called in every contact he could to make sure that the husband's name wasn't included, though in the end, even he couldn't control the outcome.

Top suspects: Ben Affleck, Jennifer Garner, Tom Cruise

Connie Britton parents with Elimination Communication?

This isn't really a blind item.  This Lainey article links to a video of a Jimmy Kimmel interview with Katie Lowes from Scandal.  Apparently she used to be a Nanny for Connie Britton's son Yoby.  She told Jimmy Kimmel (and all of America) that she was a Nanny for a celebrity who didn't use diapers.  She had to take them to the potty and have the baby poop and pee.  This is called Elimination Communication (or "EC").  These parents are hard core potty training infants, basically.  Hey, I don't judge, but that does seem challenging for a parent let a lone a for babysitter to take care of.

Excerpts from the Lainey article -

Because Connie Britton mentioned yesterday that Katie Lowes – better known to you as Quinn on Scandal – used to be her nanny. For baby Yoby.   (Which you will now say all afternoon. Baby Yoby Baby Yoby Baby Yoby. It’s fun!)
... It has come to my attention that Katie Lowes told this story on Jimmy Kimmel about being a babysitter (nanny?) for a celebrity boss who needed her child not to wear diapers, but to be held over the toilet by his caregiver and "encouraged" to poop. The story is almost secondary to how much Lowes is freaking out that she shouldn’t have told it, and in fact signed an NDA about it. I don’t know if this is Britton but it’s definitely a male baby (I know, big surprise.)   The point against it being her, it seems, is that Kimmel (who is adorably fascinated by this) asks if it has a weird Hollywood name, she agrees (“super weird”) and I would like to believe that Yoby is seen as traditional from country of birth, not "celebrity weird".
But um – what if it is? It makes you feel like Tami Taylor is slipping further away every day, right?

So, we don't know if this was Connie Britton or not.  But possibly, since the baby had a crazy name.  Now I see Tami Taylor in a whole different way!  Anyway, it's interesting regardless, if you like crazy celebrity nanny stories.

Lainey - Not a happy day

New blind riddle from Lainey -

Not a happy day

It’s supposed to a happy day. Especially for a woman. Her wedding day recently was not a happy day. Unfortunately, she made it miserable, for herself and for everyone involved. And you make people miserable on a day that’s about celebration, you can’t really expect them not to talk sh-t about you, right?
She was raging all day. She was pissy about the flowers, she was pissy about the photos. She was so pissed she threatened to fire the florists and the photographers on the spot while they were shooting her in her wedding gown. It was the same with the wedding planner. Soon as she woke up that day, wedding day, she went nuclear on the wedding planner and started rearranging everything by herself. All her vendors were berated, the wedding planner was sobbing. Nothing was right that day. Not even her dress. She only wore it for an hour and then changed.
If you can’t help but be a hideous person on the day that’s supposed to be filled with love and joy… what does every other day look like? Is it too late to reconsider?

Top suspects:  Christina Ricci (based on Lainey hint)

Lainey - Two unfaithful wives

New from Lainey -

Two unfaithful wives

The First Wife is still trying to figure out if she wants to be one. She and her husband have been through a lot the last few years, on both sides. It was before the trouble though when she had an affair with a colleague -- still above the line, but with a smaller spotlight, both compared to First Wife and his own wife who's just as famous too, and should be just as acclaimed. The affair was intense, so intense that First Wife wanted to end her marriage and he was going to end his marriage but then her husband needed her in crisis. So she helped him recover, and as soon as he healed, she fell apart. By the time she got it together, her moment with her lover had passed. He happily reconnected with his own wife (though she has no idea) while First Wife is struggling with what would have been.
As for the Second Wife – everyone’s been speculating about her infidelity recently but they might be focusing on the wrong target. The right target isn’t a billionaire but he’s a pretty successful player too, albeit on a smaller screen. Their involvement led to an award for her, and a divorce for him. She was attracted to him because “he’s the hot geeky type like her husband”. Both insist that they never moved past suggestive texting and heavy flirting and never ended up consummating their attraction. Bullsh-t. There was at least one night and that’s why she’s so freaked out about the takedown that’s been coming to her. She’d be happy if they stayed on the current scene they’re on so long as she doesn’t get busted for this one.
PS. Everyone mentioned here is a major celebrity.

Top suspects:
First Wife: Catherine Zeta-Jones (with Bart Feundlich)
Second Wife: Gwyneth Paltrow  (with Brad Falchuk)

Lainey - Threesome and juice

Oh this is just gross in too many ways...

Lainey - Threesome and juice

What young stud recently had a threesome with a mother and her daughter? Hopefully it was enjoyable for all three of them considering he’s been juicing his muscles. Do youthful hormones counteract the supposed dick shrinking effects of steroids? If he doesn’t stop, ironically he might have to start putting his shirt on. Bacne doesn’t look good on Instagram.

Update: Top suspect is Justin Bieber

Lainey - The assistant at the border

New blind riddle from Lainey today -

The assistant at the border

This blind riddle is about a celebrity and his assistant, and what it might be like to work for a celebrity as an assistant. Some of the benefits? You get to be part of that culture and you’re surrounded by creativity – in this case, I guess – and you get to travel around the world. The downside? Sometimes, in travelling around the world, you’re asked to break the law. Not a big deal.
He flew to another country to start work on a new movie. His assistant came with him on the flight and he asked her to take his bags so he could save time. At customs they were curious as to why he didn’t have any luggage. And when he told them his belongings were with his assistant, they brought her in too. In his belongs – and remember she was the one transporting them – they found a few joints. Not a lot, and just for recreational use, and he certainly wasn’t dealing but you know the sh-t that can come down on your ass for taking drugs across a border, right? I don’t have to tell you this, right? They were detained for a couple of hours and the weed was confiscated, but in the end, they were released without drama, without incident. So they were lucky, or privileged, I can’t decide.
But the point is, that’s what’s asked of you as a celebrity assistant. If he wants you to carry his marijuana on your person, knowing that if you get busted, that could totally f-ck up your status, well, you do it anyway. Because you’re the subordinate and powerful and also because you’re so used to the special treatment he receives, you think it might extend to you. In this case, happily for her, it did. But it’s still a risk you have to be willing to take.
And as for the celebrity? I know people who feel bad just asking me for a ride to work, even though it’s on my way. They don’t want to be an inconvenience. When you’re famous? When you’re famous, sometimes you don’t even feel bad to ask an employee to hold your dope in violation of international law.

Update - 
 

Lainey - Doing it through the underwear hole

New Lainey riddle today -

Doing it through the underwear hole

Inexplicably, he’s been linked to some really hot, pretty famous women, even though he’s not exactly hot and he behaves, at least artistically, like a douchebag. What’s the attraction? Certainly not his sex moves. This won’t solve the mystery either.
When it’s time to f-ck, he doesn’t like doing it at home. Which is weird because, well, he’s really weird about germs and touching. And you’d think his house would be cleaner than a hotel, right? So he and whoever he’s about to do it with are at the hotel. They’re about to do it. Only he won’t take his clothes off. Instead, he’ll always keep his underwear on, looping his dick through the boxer hole so as to minimise as much skin-on-skin contact as possible.
Maybe that’s why it never lasts?

Update:

Lainey - She lost the cover

New Lainey blind riddle from Sept 5 -

She lost the cover

It’s an opportunity that’s been withheld from some of the most famous women in the world. It’s considered a major honour – to make the cover, THAT cover, a cover her predecessors had achieved and one that was being offered to her just as she was moving forward with the next stage in her career. It was to be a big deal.
The photo shoot happened. Everyone was happy with the pictures.
And then, well, she did her thing. She did her thing, for several minutes she did her thing, and the world gasped and they gasped and now those pictures, they might not be on the cover anymore.
They’ve told her that they are reconsidering her cover but that she’ll still show up in the pages, just not on the front page.
For prestige, this is definitely a setback. But for sales? And notoriety? And general headline-worthiness? There haven’t been any losses. It…just might be a couple of years before they ask her again. 

Top suspect: Miley Cyrus

Lainey - Big super secret hookup

New Lainey riddle today:

Big super secret hookup

There’s a reason she recently decided to flaunt her brand new relationship so publicly. Suddenly she’d found true love behind the scenes? And they were telling magazines about it? And getting papped on holiday in Europe? It was because she was sending a message.
To the major Hollywood player with whom she’d been having an affair for 6 months. Only, at the time, he had a girlfriend. They were dealing with each other undercover. She would travel to see him while he was shooting on location overseas. No one, none of us, picked up on the fact that she showed up in the same city. He was sleeping with both the official girlfriend and the side job and telling the side job that he’d break up with the official one and make her the bonafide but, really, the side job, to him, was just a good f-ck and not a proper escort at the kinds of functions he usually needs an escort for. She continued to pressure him though and when he refused her demands, she showed up with a new man, jammed it in his face – and ours – and very shortly afterwards, he formally ended it with his gf, with a generous send-off.
Now? Impasse. She’s enjoying her summer hookup. And he’s all like, ok, I’m available, you can come to me, or don’t. It’s not like he can’t find a replacement, like, right away. Any woman becomes an instant star as soon as he takes her out. Given that she’s already a star, on a smaller scale, their reveal, should they figure out their situation, would be great for gossip though it could overshadow his work. And he has a lot of it coming up.

Top suspects: George Clooney and Eva Longoria

NY Post - Just Asking 6.10.13

New York Post, Just Asking

Which married star is cheating on his wife with every hot young girl he can get his hands on? At a recent boutique opening, he was getting frisky with a beautiful assistant, asking her to join him in the bathroom. But her dad threatened to sue, alleging he had molested his daughter, and it was all captured on CCTV. The star had enough money to make the angry dad go away quietly . . . 
WHICH top media executive accidentally butt-dialed a colleague and left a voice mail of himself booking a hooker for the night while on a business trip? The voice mail has made its rounds around the office . . . 
WHICH athlete begged a gal pal to come over one afternoon to have sex, and then asked her to find another girl so that they could have a threesome? 

Update:

Lainey-What he does in his room

Lainey riddle from yesterday, May 31-

What he does in his room

After a series of sh-tty relationships, she thought she’d finally found the one. He says the right things, he wants to be with her all the time, he isn’t embarrassed to be seen with her. And he’s not motivated to do much other than to be with her. Life is not particularly challenging for either of them...but every man needs his down time. Or, in his case, his down down time.

What does he do with his down, down time?

Not sure...exactly.

But you can smell it. You can always smell it from his office. So there’s one blend for when he needs to relax and then something else when he needs a hit of excitement. Which might explain why there are small mirrors on his desk with powdery white residue. Do they do it together? Surely not now, in her condition. But maybe later for a shortcut to skinny.

Top suspect: Jessica Simpson

Lainey - Deal with the paps

New Lainey riddle -

Deal with the paps

She hates the paps, and she’s been burned by the paps. So now she’s dealing with the paps and is working exclusively with one agency, agreeing to give them photos on a regular basis. The agreement started several months ago when she approached one agency in exchange for information on a paparazzo working for another agency. She wanted names, plates, any details available, presumably in hopes of either legal retribution, if possible, and illegal retribution, if necessary. Very gangster.
The only problem with making this kind of arrangement is that you have to deliver. And if you don’t deliver as often as the paps want, and on the kind of photos that are lucrative, they’ll take what they can get, show up when they’re not supposed to, and that compromises the control she was attempting to secure in the first place. Very Faustian.

Top suspect: January Jones

Lainey - Nanny Diaries

New Lainey riddle today May 3 -

Nanny Diaries

No one wants to work with Hollywood’s most difficult mother. She now has a reputation among child care agencies for being the most unpopular celebrity nanny employer and many now only send to her the nannies on their staff who specialise in dealing with mega bitch moms.
She is surprisingly less organised than you would think, often requesting services with no lead time and expecting to be offered priority treatment. When the nanny arrives, she often won’t speak to the person directly, communicating via her assistant, and often implying that the person isn’t attractive enough, and because of this, may or may not sell her out. Because only ugly people compromise confidentiality, I guess?
She confiscates cell phones. She also demands to go through the nanny’s private messages. After a dinner party once, when she and her friends were particularly mouthy, backstabbing several prominent actors and actresses, she demanded to search the nanny who had stayed late -- without prior notice -- so as to make sure she wasn’t bugged and threatened legal action for no reason. Speaking of working hours, she has been known to require extra time but isn’t willing to pay for it, rationalising her request by blaming the person for an imaginary offensive -- like missing diapers or a bent branch/stem in the garden. Ie. “I notice that the whatever bush over there looks a little trampled. You weren’t careful enough. You are staying an extra two hours.”
She is known to be verbally abusive and impatient. She once watched a nanny pick up spilled baby food all over the floor while tapping her hand on the counter and criticising the person’s physique and intellect as the reason for why it was taking so long. Many nannies in LA, hearing horror stories from their peers, have turned potential work placements with her because they don’t want to bother with the drama.
Not Jennifer Garner.

Update: Apparently Lainey revealed this was Reese Witherspoon at the Smut Soiree