Blind Vice: Which TV Costars Secretly Hate Each Other?
Fake à la Ferocity has nothing on wholesome TV and movie actress Trixie Twinkle-Twat, whose new series, Family Values, was renewed recently.
And, trust us, that's saying a whole helluva backstabbing lot.
Trixie's current crime?
Telling her bosses—and, consequently, the world—that she not only adores her famous costar, Vander Van Der Butt, but she wouldn't considering doing anything other than their show, professionally speaking.
When the truth is Trixie, who's got a reputation for sending homemade cookies to people she loathes, will not even look Vander in the eye when they're alone, much less speak to him. She detests him, curses him ever opportunity she can—and the feeling is mutual.
Trix just faked liking him because she knew it would get her a big family boob-tube job.
And it gets even more ironic! Not only did execs approve Trixie and Vander's current cozy show based on the fact they were (supposedly) real-life friends, but also because Ms. Twinkle-Twit's made an entire career out of folks thinking she'd prefer to bake cookies instead of bitch people out like the truck driver she is at heart.
AND IT AIN'T: Nancy Travis and Tim Allen, Julie Bowen and Ty Burrell, Patricia Heaton and Neil Flynn
Saturday, October 29, 2011
New from Ted yesterday -
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
New riddle from Lainey -
colleague: Natalie Morales
cheating husband: Matt Lauer
Wife Confronts Colleague
A popular married television personality who’s also a chronic cheater had an affair a few years ago with a woman (also married with kids) who’s now become his colleague. The colleague ran into his wife recently. The wife decided they would have a little conversation. There were no pleasantries. The wife pretty much opened with - who did you have to f-ck to get this new position? How many people have you f-cked to get to where you are now? The colleague, obviously mortified, as they’re actually in a place crawling with parents and children, frequented by their own children, tried to be civil, tried to downplay the hostilities. No, the wife wasn’t interested in having a dignified discussion in public. She kept up her line of questioning about the colleague’s career mobility with pointed questions about how much time she’d spent on her back to get to where she is. The badgering continued, the wife was relentless, until the colleague rushed away. The wife is now boasting about the incident to all the ladies in the circle and beyond, convinced that the reason the colleague is getting so much play on the network these days is because she’s willing to give up so much play for the executives, the way she gave it up for her husband.
This isn’t the first time the wife has behaved aggressively. Her husband has pleaded with her to chill out when they’re in public as it could affect his reputation, like his constant dicking isn’t the major contributor to that. Still, her target right now is his colleague and the colleague’s reputation and she seems to be willing, happily willing, to share with anyone who asks how this colleague is earning all her jobs ...though I wonder if all that casting couching is enough since, you know, Julia Roberts didn’t seem to be aware.
colleague: Natalie Morales
cheating husband: Matt Lauer
Saturday, October 22, 2011
On Tuesday Oct 18 Ted did a reveal... one that we already figured out, of course! Read on...
Blind Vice Revealed! Kirkland Dogmatic is...
It isn't a crime to be gay and in love, so why should we keep it a secret? Which is why we're tres tickled to reveal one of our fave lovey dovey Vicers: Kirkland Dogmatic. Even tho his tale isn't exactly debauched, we're sure you remember Kirk, right?
He's one of the successful stars of that futuristic franchise Invasion From Planet OctopusTeddy Big-Treat. But since Kirk is ready to bust out of the closet, we might as well just tell you... and also happens to have a hunky out and proud BF on the side,
It's Zachary Quinto. Duh.Most of the savvier Vice guessers were able to peg Star Trek star Zach from the start, and we say kudos to you. The dude was never too far in the closet (i.e. he never played the beard game) but it was still nice to hear him finally—and officially—come out this weekend.
So who's his knight in rainbow armor?
Well if you didn't get it from the massive hint we gave you in the original Vice, then you deserve to have your Awful Truth membership card revoked. We tipped you off that Teddy was super tight with Ms. Lea Michele. Ya know, like BFF tight.
Yep, Teddy is none other than Glee guy Jonathan Groff. But you figured that out yourself, yes?
The twosome have been spotted on the town in the past and were even rumored to have gone on a few double dates with Lea and her now ex-boyfriend. So now that Zach is officially out and proud, will we see some PDA between the two.
Not so fast.
'Cause tho we reached out for comment from both boys' reps and have yet to hear back from either, we hear from other sources that as formerly tight as these two were, they're no longer quite as tight as they used to be. Tell us it ain't so!
Oh well, guess we'll just wait to see who
KirklandZach links up with next...if we're forced to.
New from Ted Friday Oct 21 -
Blind Vice! Barbie Snorts Her Way to Cancellation!
I live for a gal who's survived in the movies—shown she has what it takes to star in many of them, some even successful—and then totally reinvents herself afterwards.
That's right, for a second career as a TV star! Of course, where else is there for movie chicks who age, but, that's beside the point.
Which is that Barbie Sinatra started reinventing herself long before she dipped into TV fare by...
Totally changing her appearance. We mean totally.
Whereas many folks guessed about Barbie's nips here and tucks there, we're here to tell you it was all due to nose-candy, baby!
That's right, Barbie, who got famous with an entirely different figure than the one she possesses now, decided she wanted what the rest of the chicas had in Hollywood, i.e., lots more acting opportunities. And Barbie's more natural appearance she got famous with just wasn't cutting it enough.
The drugged-out Pygmalion stuff worked pretty well for awhile, too.
But, just like all addictions, Barbie's coke habit eventually got the better of her and that primo TV gig she landed as a result of her new-found frame is about to be cancelled—not in the least because Barbie's coke-fuelled scenes of over-acting. I mean, Barb gives new meaning to the term scenery-chewing, as she also eats her costars alive, too, hysterical stuff!
Only it's not a comedy she's starring in, dearies!
And It Ain't: Teri Hatcher, Eva Longoria, Jessica Lange
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
New riddle from Lainey today -
Top suspect: Gwyneth Paltrow
Her kids were watching
Film set. Recently. She’s shooting a sex scene. Walking around set in her bra, no shirt on, panties, standard attire, nothing unusual about it...
Except that her children were there that day. They were visiting. And it was no thing, you know? That was her costume. They saw her in his costume while they were there. And then she sat them behind the monitor so that they could see her work and they watched while mom worked with another actor - she rubbed up against him, he returned the rubbing, she made love for pretend, for the movies, to a man that was not the father of her children, in front of her children.
I’m sure over 90% of you are all huffy and tutty about this and have been since the start of the 2nd paragraph. “It’s so inappropriate, it’s so bizarre, these people are sick f-cks”, etc etc etc. Me I’m still trying to decide. Part of me understands the huffing and the tutting. And the other part, well, it’s worth huffing and tutting over in real life, for civilians, because that’s simply not part of that world.
But take Kate Winslet for example - and this is NOT about Kate Winslet - who’s already been naked on screen several times, and her kids go to school with other kids whose parents have seen their mother’s breasts, and you realise, theirs is a totally different reality. And, given that that is the reality, if you are the subject of this riddle, do you prepare your children for it by bringing them with you, by showing them that this is not real, that this is what happens in filmmaking, that this is part of the process, that this is part of what’s considered their craft or their art, or whatever fancy word they’re using for it these days, that this is not dirty, that there’s nothing shady about it, in the hopes of removing or addressing in advance any stigma/embarrassment that might arise later...
Mommy is an Actor and this is what Acting is...
A part of me doesn’t disagree with that either, you know?
Anyway, I look forward to reading your emails.
Top suspect: Gwyneth Paltrow
This was Lainey's riddle from Monday -
Action HomewreckerTop suspect:
A marriage is over. A one year old baby will now grow up in a broken home. Because the dickhead of a father couldn’t resist the action star. He’s a crew member on her show, no one famous. She is the star of the show. And a major bitch. Was hated before she decided to f-ck up a family. Is even more hated now. Because she decided she had to have him, that’s it, never mind that he’s married and his wife had a baby not too long ago. They’d been carrying on for a while. Then, one day about a month ago, they were fooling around and his wife walked in. She ended it right away. And, well, being that she also works in the industry, she didn’t bother hiding why.
He, of course, thinks he’s in love. She on the other hand is still dealing occasionally with a number of past and current co-stars. This is not the first time she’s taken what she wants when it’s supposed to be unavailable. And every time she leaves a mess behind. I’m told she truly believes there’s a hierarchy in the business. That those who are on camera, as she is, and look the way she does - really, really beautiful - are unquestionably entitled to things, and that those who choose to work in the same field, lower on the food chain, in doing so also implicitly buy into the same ideology. One night, at a Hollywood party, when she was on hiatus, she apparently shared this with several people over dinner, speaking only to the men and not their wives who sat there open-mouthed as this bitch pretty much told them that if she decided to f-ck their husbands, they’d have to accept it as part of the world order. It’s not Scarlett Johansson.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
New from Ted on Friday -
Blind Vice! Cheating Chubster Lawyers Up!
Forget Ashton Kutcher and whatever tabloid allegations have him tweeting mad today.
'Cause we've got a Vice star that we know can't keep it in his pants, much to the dismay of his poor partner and kiddos. Yep, Chubster Hunkster—who's looking less hunkster and far more chubster these days—is back and still sneaking around.
Thing is, he's starting to get nervous. Real nervous:
'Cause one of his chicks on the side is ready to blab.
So Chub did what every good stud worth his star power would do: he lawyered up. And Mr. Hunkster's legal team told that gal if she even breathed in the way of the tabloids, they'd sue her for every penny she's worth.
And trust, these are not the kind of lawyers you wanna mess with.
So the broad did what most other sensible peeps would do: she shut up and disappeared. And Chub can keep on with his cheating ways.
But for how long?
This par-tick chick wasn't the only one whispering about Chubster's inclination towards infidelity. It's only a matter of time before his extramarital bed hopping gets back to his gorgeous honey.
Or worse, the press.
Stupid P.S.: Why do men cheat with not-exactly-knockout stripper types when they've got goddesses at home?
I know, I know, stupid question.
And It Ain't: Ben Affleck, Brad Pitt, Channing Tatum
This was new from Lainey on Friday -
Top suspect, as was revealed by Lainey: Paz de le Huerta from Boardwalk Empire
Here’s a gross one to kick off your weekend. If you’re prudey and squeamish, you may want to skip it.
We’re women. Sometimes the cycle, it’s hard to control. How many times have you heard someone complain that her holiday was happening right when the menses were too? (Menses is the MOST hilarious word to me, by the way. Because I’m immature enough to laugh about the fact that it’s so similar to Mensa. Anyway...)
Imagine then if your speciality was being naked on screen? And, you know, how that would work if you were on your period? And this is not a porn show. This, actually, is a critically acclaimed show. And one day, while shooting a nude scene, she walked on set with no clothes on and her tampon string clearly visible.
(I am warning you right now.If you just squealed, you need to stop reading this and move on. It’s about to get worse. Go.)
So of course they can’t shoot her with her tampon still inside her so, you know, in front of the entire crew, she pulls it out and drops it on the floor and asks the PA to pick it up and toss it for her. Which, um, is a biohazard, and you know, those PAs, their tolerance is high, but no, picking up used tampons is not part of the job. The bleeder reluctantly had to throw it out herself.
This is just one of many incidents that has resulted in her screen-time getting reduced. By the end of it, there’s a chance she could come back, but she’s certainly not being considered a mainstay regular anymore either.
Top suspect, as was revealed by Lainey: Paz de le Huerta from Boardwalk Empire
Friday, October 7, 2011
New from Ted today -
Blind Vice! Spineless Hubby Gets Too Kinky In Bed
Remember the overly timid (but good-looking) hubby, Pussy Gabor?
Poor thing never really found the nerve to stand up to his bossy wife, and most folks never thought he would.
Well, that was before Pussy discovered the magical benefits of a marital ménage à trois:
Both Pussy, as well as his wife, Shar-Shar Max, agreed that throwing another girl into the mix was perhaps a good idea at spicing up their ho-hum marriage.
Of course, Shar-Shar and Pussy never stopped to really analyze themselves. If they had, they would have discovered that's where problem lied: They're simply nice, boring people!
But, we digress.
The more these three-ways became a habit, the further and further Pussy and Shar-Shar fell away from a happy union. In fact, the swinging sex scene the attractive couple adopted just happened to be the beginning of the end of their relationship.
Three things: Why do couples (gay and straight) always expect screwing other parties not to effect their marriages? Almost always does—and not in a good way. Remember, somebody always gets kissed a little less in those uneven situations!
Secondly, maybe if they'd had both gals and guys, things would have turned out differently? Eh, probably not.
Lastly, a few of these third parties had recording equipment: huge problem.
And It Ain't: Diane Lane & Josh Brolin, Will Smith & Jada Pinkett Smith, Michael C. Hall & Jennifer Carpenter
Saturday, October 1, 2011
New from Ted yesterday Sept 30 -
Blind Vice! Boy Crazy Parrish Can't Keep a Beard!
Uh oh, Parrish Maguire is in hot water.
And we're not talking about a warm Jacuzzi—ya know, the place Parr likes to hook up with older, more experienced men while other partygoers watch (how devilishly naughty is that?).
No, we're talking trouble.
Parrish has a beard problem. As in, he needs one, pronto.
See, Parrish can't seem to find a H'wood chica willing to put up with him long enough to establish some straight cred.
Which means people are starting to talk. And not just in T-town (where Parr's pals have been whispering about his dude-on-dude sextivities since forever)—we're talking popcorn munchin', movie-ticket buying audiences, too.
And Parrish is freaked out, no matter how much PR his peeps put out to cover his homolicious tracks.
So why can't Parrish land a babe willing to stick by his side?
Well, he's a monster. He's got a horrible diva ‘tude that rivals the worst of the worst T-town be-yotches. And word is spreading through the B.A.H. (that'd be the Beard Association of Hollywood) not to link up with him—which is why you'll see him out and about with a bevy of ladies but nothing ever sticks.
Funnily enough, Parrish used to be a real sweetie (back when we had a long-term cutie boyfriend attached at the hip). But that's what happens when you let your head get out of control—and we ain't talking about the one on his shoulders.
And It Ain't: Chris Hemsworth, Justin Timberlake, Joe Manganiello