Friday, April 29, 2011

Blind Vice! Special Royal Scandal Edition

Happy Royal Wedding Day!  The 4 sisters were up at 5 am for the wedding coverage and loved every minute of it!  It's been a crazy week but we are getting caught up with the blinds in time for the weekend.  Now here's a Royal-themed BV from Ted today.  Enjoy!

Blind Vice!  Special Royal Scandal Edition

Kate Middleton's Replica Engagement Ring, The Most Famous Royal Engagement RingAs fabulous as our Royal Name Generator may be, let's face it: We debauched Americans at the Awful Truth were dressing up salacious celebs with our Blind Vice Superstars (and lesser Vice mortals) ages ago. And not to rain on William and Kate's happy day, but we simply cannot leave out the Vice-lovin' Brits!
The very shady HRH the Duke of Schlongsbury is like millionth in line to the British throne, but, babes, the law-breaking stud is legally entitled to rule the country, should it come to that. Which is why members of Parliament are super nervous.
Hmmm. What's the handsome duke's crime?
You know how often Queen Elizabeth II purses her lips or changes hats? Triple that figure and you've got the number of times Duke Schlongsbury beds underage girls.
And the very good-looking heir pays these women, on top of it—adding even more law-breaking badassness to his royal résumé!
Queen Liz knows all about it. So, too, do most of the country's elite, who are positively dead-set on gossiping about these things, but rarely doing anything about it.
Only this time, certain members of Parliament feel they're legally bound to try and stop the throne-line naughtiness. And the duke, who's quite used to getting whatever his horny heart desires, is royally pissed.
Hey, not nearly as peeved as Schlongbury's line-up of lovelies! Not only does he pay them extravagantly, he's got the biggest set of family jewels in all of England!
And we're not talking diamonds.

AND IT AIN'T: Viscount Linley (Princess Margaret's son), Peter Phillips (Princess Anne's son) or Prince Michael (Princess Michael of Kent's husband).

Top suspect: Prince Andrew, Duke of York

Friday, April 22, 2011

Blind Vice: Pokie Gets Dumped, Drunk, and High!

New from Ted today -

Blind Vice: Pokie Gets Dumped, Drunk, and High!

Poor Pokie McPillster. The cute celeb has fought addictions for years (and not everybody knows how many), but while the girl's busy telling everybody she's a clean-living machine, trust us, she's not.
Pokie's pals were already increasingly worried about their famous friend's increased boozing and drugging, but then Pokie hit Coachella, and it got worse:
"We already knew she was using," says one of Pokie's confidantes, "but then at Coachella, it was really obvious."
Tribute To The Music Of Coachella 2011 [Explicit]Wandering around aimless, bumping into everything and everybody, slurring her every word, Pokie was a damn mess!
Pokie's various jobs could be jeopardized, fear these amigas. Plus, what concerns Ms. McPillster's friends even moreso, is how Pokie's family will take it once they learn the sad news (if they don't already know).
You see, others in McPillster's immediate family are desperately fighting to stay sober, and so Pokie's posse is not only worried as crap about their girl, but they also think those who love Pokie the most will now go out and start getting high again, as well.
Oh, come on, people. Nobody gets high unless they want to get high. Of course, it doesn't help if your wife or brother or whomever is getting plastered while you're trying to clean up your act, but it still ultimately shouldn't matter.
We're all responsible for ourselves. Too bad Poke's not that interested in such a sentiment—as she's currently blaming all her troubles on that damn man who did her wrong.
And It Ain't: Ashley Greene, Nicky Hilton, Paris Hilton

Top suspect:

Friday, April 15, 2011

Blind Vice: Girl-Thirsty Star Denied Tasty Lady Dish!

New from Ted today...

Blind Vice: Girl-Thirsty Star Denied Tasty Lady Dish!

We're on a lesbian roll, love it! We've always thought girls know better how to have a really sexy time (guys are just too damn bam-bam-oriented, right?), and Butter Pussy and Cookie Muncher are proving us right.
Their Eyes Were Watching GodTake Sheila Horn E., for instance. Now, they just don't come any more gorgeous than the luscious, exotically beautiful Sheila. Ms. Horn E.'s also pretty gifted in her chosen profession. But what Sheila's fans may not know (in fact, we're sure they don't), is that Sheila also has a knack for making other chicks quiver and quake:
But not always for the right reasons!
Just like Butter is wont to do, Sheila lives for taking a chance on gals who may—or may not—be interested in having a good time with her. For the record, most babes say yes to Sheila's advances. Not only is the multi-talent strikingly beautiful, but usually the women are so overwhelmed by Sheila's charm and fame, they pretty much just do whatever the Industry-respected honey asks them to.
Such was not the case in the Hollywood Hills at a recent A-list party, where Sheila—she ironically is in yet another happy "straight" relationship—put the moves on a striking, slender brunette with vibrant green eyes.
Those eyes darted, dug and may well have blurted, I don't care who you are, get the ef off me, bitch, which is precisely what a very shocked Sheila then did.
It was a major set-back for Ms. Horn E., who's always gotten what she wanted in the past—at least, as far as her lesbian love-life goes. Sheila's heterosexual romance history, on the other hand, is an entirely different subject, and one that's been covered to great extremes in the media, which is always so busy singing some poor-me song for the beautiful broad.
Well, if all these ass-kissing reporters knew Sheila loves to get it on with girls (maybe more so than she does with guys?), then maybe they'd a have a different approach next time they file one of their inevitable break-up stories on the star?
Oh, yeah.
AND IT AIN'T: Reese Witherspoon, Blake Lively, Taylor Swift

Update 7/7/11 - Ted has eliminated Reese Witherspoon, Blake Lively, Taylor Swift, Chelsea Handler, Anne Hathaway, Dianna Agron, Chelsea Handler, Shakira, Rihanna, Uma Thurman, Eva Longoria, Rosie Huntington-Whitely.

Current top suspect: Halle Berry

Friday, April 8, 2011

Blind Vice: Bitchy TV Cast Raises Hell, Nobody Cares

New from Ted today -

Blind Vice: Bitchy TV Cast Raises Hell, Nobody Cares
We're gonna do something completely different today. We've got a whole group of naughties we're gonna blab about, instead of our usual one or two scandalous contenders. Besides, last week's Vice was so depressing, I think we all need something a little a little sillier to gasp about.
Like this extremely popular TV show's bitchy little cast, not to mention the dumbest season finale we've ever heard:
Mulholland Estates is wildly popular, we really don't see why. Granted, the highly rated oddball series has a couple of super-talented celebs, but every time we tune in to watch them, we're usually so horrified by the plotlines they're forced to play out, it's impossible to make it through a full episode.
Could this be why several big names on the show are beyond bitchy over the upcoming shooting schedule for the show's finale, which is being filmed later this month?
"Everyone wants a different day off," says a reliable source on the show, "and they're all being told no, and they're very unhappy about it."
Apparently, this finale is such a grand denouement and so intricately planned, all hands on deck are required during the whole operation—with none of the cushy wrap-around shooting windows that have been permitted for the cast's varying outside projects in the past.
"They're raising hell about it," snapped the Mulholland vet.
Jeez, all we have to say is that the spoiled cast's bitching about totally the wrong thing.
You see, the grand final show that's being planned will be...are you ready?
A floating dinner party.
Whereas each cast member hosts a course for said dinner in his or her home.
This is what's supposed to leave Mullholland Estates' massive audience in cliff-hanger type suspense until the show comes back next season?
Well, maybe if one of the hosts had an orgy to go with her lemon meringue pie, then, maybe, we'd watch.
But trust, that ain't happenin', and, for that, we say this bland drivel is what the performers should be in a near-riot about, not some silly day off here and there.
And It Ain't: Modern Family, The Real Housewives of Orange County, Parks and Recreation

Top suspects: Desperate Housewives cast

Update April 14 - Ted has revealed this BV as the Desperate Housewives cast, and states that it was particularly normally nice cast member Kathryn Joosten that was joining in.

Page Six - Just Asking - 4.5.11

This was from the NY Post Page Six on Tuesday -

Which Hollywood power duo should keep iPhones out of the bedroom when they're swinging? The fit couple, who already have a reputation for inviting others into their sex life, were recently the subject of a camera-phone photo shoot that's being passed around at swanky New York dinner parties. Hopefully for them their compromising pictures aren't coming soon to a computer near you . . . WHICH singer's team is desperately trying to cover up the fact that a recent nose job has totally altered the voice?

Then Thursday Ted did a little write-up in the Awful Truth discussing who it could be... read on.

This is fun. Remember when we tried to guess the New York Post's "Just Asking" item about which married actor was waiting to ditch his wife until after the Oscars?
‘Course, that never turned out to be true, but maybe this one will? Page Six is now reporting that a certain athletically inclined, high-profile Hollywood couple have been spicing up their sex life by inviting others along for the ride. And an iPhone camera apparently recorded all the hot action!
The pictures, it turns out, are now making their way from famous cell phones to cell phones and are the talk of many a New York dinner party.
Gosh, who could it be?
Let's narrow this scandalous situation down together, kids. Surely, its not...
Fergie and Josh Duhamel, who although they fit the bill for "athletically inclined," have fought back against trouble-in-paradise rumors to recently appear stronger than ever. I mean, we've seen how Fergie shakes it onstage, and we know Joshy has a penchant for um, fun, girls, but these two seem totally into each other right now. Right?
And certainly it couldn't be...
David and Victoria Beckham, who are currently expecting their fourth child, so we don't think the pics are quite that kinky. We know Big D has an eye for the gals, but we don't think he's stupid enough to have some kind electronic swingers party like this—and even if he were, the dude would have his security team sweep the room for all gadgets, first, right?
And please, it mustn't be...
Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore. Remember how famous-man magnet Brittney Jonesclaimed to have had sex with Ashton on Demi's couch and then tried to sell a sex tape of herself using Ashton's name? And then she sold his alleged sweater on Ebay? Yeah, whether he is guilty or not, we think Brittney scared Ashton into never permitting any kind of documenting of his sexcapades. Like the boy above, pretty sure he'd take great measures to avert something were he to decide to swing with Demi (or not).
So, it's somebody else, then? Hmmm. Now that we think about it, pretty sure we know who this famous, frisky couple is! One of our Blind Vice superstars or at least one of the occasional starring members? Yep. The latter.

Any other thoughts?  Discuss in comments...

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Big elimination raises issues...

I know we are a few days behind on this... but Ted has given us a pretty big elimination the other day.

Dear Ted:
I know it's been a long time, but who are Judas Jack-Off and Dash Dingle-Dream, anyway? I miss you talking about them. I still think they are Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles, but whatever.
—I Miss JJO and DDD

Dear Keep On Missing:
There is nothing there, and I mean nothing new. And they still aren't your dream couple. Sorry about it. Some day when it hits you, you'll chuckle to yourself, promise.

So... #1 there goes our top suspects for JJO and DDD.  We had suspected in recent months that Ted was messing with Supernatural fans on that one.  Looking back to Hayden Christensen again.

And issue #2 - then who are Jared and Jensen's BVs?  Becuase Ted has repeatedly confirmed them as being BVs in the past.  We have a lot of re-thinking to do.

See labels below for related posts.

Bonus Blind: Morgan Mayhem Thinks We're Idiots!

Sorry for the delay.  It's been a crazy week so far.  This was new from Ted on Monday...

Bonus Blind: Morgan Mayhem Thinks We're Idiots!

What's a party girl to do when she returns to the scene but isn't allowed to play like she used to? Hmmm. Poor over-indulged (and over-exposed) Morgan Mayhem is suffering such a dilemma.
But the good news is, she's back! On the club circuit! Where she belongs!
Lindsay Lohan: The BiographyProblem is, Morgan just can't lay off the booze—hard as she's tried. But our girl is making progress, promise. See, to help sorta try and clean up her incredibly filthy act,  M.M. has completely and totally sworn off...
But how long can this last? Morgan is putting herself in the exact same situations that led her down the path to rehab. And by surrounding herself with party friends from the past, Morgan barely has a shot at staying off the sauce. Or the powder.
Picture it: a dark Hollywood nightclub with music pumping through the speakers as heavily as air conditioning cools off the spoiled club rats who inhabit it. The party is already in full force as Morgan breezes past the paparazzi's flashbulbs on her way inside and tucks into a black leather booth in the back corner of the room.
Where there are...two bottles of Grey Goose, a pitcher of cranberry juice, one of tonic water and a bowl of limes. All chilled. All gratis. So, Morgan's friends immediately pop open the vodka and start pouring themselves doubles. Morgan's tall blonde girlfriend pours two drinks, one for her and one for Morgan, who obviously cannot be seen anywhere near the vodka bottles.
"It's water!" Morgan hisses at a college-age girl in a Bebe minidress ready to take a pic with her cell phone and send to the rest of her sorority.
But Morgan needs the extra liquid tonight, as she's got an ex in the room and everyone is feeling très awkward about it. So tonight, Morgan just pours herself some extra "clear liquid" and stays away from the powder that is being offered to her discreetly in friend's purses and during frequent trips to the bathroom.
Because Morgan's told her friends: It is her mission to keep those poor, damaged nostrils of hers blow-free.
Uh, then why hang in clubs where nose candy flows like Russell Brand's seminal fluid?
Unfortunately, it's only a matter of time before M is back to her old, jaded tricks. I mean, really, it's the equivalent of an Overeaters Anonymous member taking a cruise with 24/7 buffets on every level. Why torture yourself like this, Morgan?
Because you don't really want to clean up your act?
Yeah, we already knew that. 
AND IT AIN'T: Cristina Aguilera, Paris Hilton, Mischa Barton

Please refer to the label below for a link to our many previous posts on Morgan Mayhem.

Top suspect: Lindsay Lohan

Friday, April 1, 2011

Blind Vice: A Sad Story With an Even Sadder End

New from Ted today -

Blind Vice: A Sad Story With an Even Sadder End

Gorgeous star Sally Pearlsmyth and her equally stunning celeb partner, Percy DuBois, had a nasty breakup not long ago. That was enough to shed a tear over in itself, as they really did seem like the perfect, hot Hollywood couple. You know, when two lookers like Ryan Reynolds and Scarlet Johansson can't make it work, it puts more of an onus on folks like Sally and Percy to bring the sexy back to yummy couples.
And oh, how they tried. In fact, they tried so hard...
Sally ended up getting pregnant, even though neither star was trying to start a family just yet.
Both parents were shocked, to say the least.
However, one of the parents was more pleased by the news than the other: Percy. He was thrilled and delighted and didn't take crap from anybody who thought otherwise (like certain friends who questioned if this was a good time in his career to play pops).
Sally, on the other (less) domesticated hand, relied on countless people to help make up her mind about what to do. She asked all her representatives about it, and each one told the looker with the flowing mane the same thing: end the pregnancy. Not good timing, and all that job-oriented stuff. No one really seemed to care about Sally, the woman.
Like, maybe the answer should have been: "This is your business, not ours. It's your decision to make."
But when has anybody in Hollywood ever not taken advantage of a chance to force their way and opinion on somebody? Never!
So, over the great objections of Percy, Sally ended her pregnancy. And soon after, Percy and Sally ended their relationship, many blaming Percy for being, well, not exactly the ideal mate.
Yeah, as always, there's two sides to every story.
AND IT AIN'T: Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal, Vanessa Hudgens and Zac Efron, Eva Longoria and Tony Parker

Update: as of 7/3/11, Ted has eliminated Taylor Swift & Jake Gyllenhaal, Vanessa Hudgens & Zac Efron, Eva Longoria & Tony Parker, Blake Lively & Penn Badgley, Blake Lively, Jessica Biel & Justin Timberlake, Ashley Greene & Joe Jonas, Mila Kunis & Macaulay Culkin, Sophia Bush, Amanda Seyfried & Dominic Cooper, Ashley Olsen & Justin Bartha, Annalynne McCord & Kellan Lutz, Leighton Meester, Jessica Szohr & Ed Westwick, Katie Cassidy, Christina Aguilera, Demo Lovato, Taylor Swift, Carey Mulligan & Shia LaBeouf, Reese Witherspoon & Jake Gyllenhal, Demi Lovato, Selena Gomez, Jessica Biel, Jennifer Lawrence, Ryan Gosling & Rachel McAdams, Olivia Wilde.

Top suspects: Dianna Agron & Alex Pettyfer