Thursday, June 9, 2011

Bonus Blind! Hot Athlete Gets His Game on While Girlfriend is Away

This was from Monday, a few days late...

Bonus Blind!  Hot Athlete Gets His Game on While Girlfriend is Away

Despite a commitment in the offing, Greta Gatsby's fairytale happily-ever-after to Taller Baller isn't all that it appears to be. 
KRISTIN CAVALLARI 24X36 COLOUR POSTER PRINTWhile Greta frequently travels, her BF is left alone to his own devices and is apparently hitting on every gal that walks into his favorite bar, where he spends much of his free time.
And though the muscle man's flirtfests may be innocent enough for now (and not by his design), we doubt his main mama would think highly of his player past.
Taller Baller has quite the drive!
Turns out T.B. would get very angry if any girl he brought home refused to, well, give it up.
In one noteworthy incident, T.B. even kicked a gal out of his house after she refused to seal the deal after their second date.
And he never called her again!
If these gals only knew how lucky they really are not to have this already-taken schmuck off their hands.
‘Cause  it sounds like when Baller doesn't get what he wants when he wants it, he can turn into quite the pissy missy.
We hope Greta tightens up the leash on this spoiled puppy before it's too late!
But like so many women, we fear Greta just doesn't want to know. Get it?
AND IT AIN'T: Derek Jeter, Rick Fox, Kris Humphries

Top suspects: Kristin Cavallari & Jay Cutler

Update 6/20/11 - Ted has also eliminated Shakira & Gerard Pique


blurry vice said...

Sounds like Cameron Diaz and Alex Rodriguez. Although Cam has already been a BV. A-Rod has not.

blurry vice said...

Although all of AIAs are only men... so that means that the man in this BV is the main star and I assume that the female is the supporting role. Ted has violated his own rules many times by saying people have "supporting roles"... that his rules only apply to the main star of the BV. So, that means this could be about A-Rod (star) and he can claim its OK he violated his rule bc Cam is the supporting role.

And here is the mention of them in the column, as all of his BVs have -

Anonymous said...

Jay Cutler and Kristen Cavallari. They are recently engaged, so that fits with the commitment in the offing comment. She is a frequent traveler back and forth to LA, leaving Jay in Chicago to hang out at his favorite bar and flirt with women. Supposedly he was a big womanizer before Kristen. Also, there may be a clue in the name Greta Gatsby.... the main character in the Great Gatsby is named "Jay" Gatsby (I can't take credit for that, someone on the E! boards pointed it out).

Fayetteville said...

I agree with the Cutler/Cavallari guess.

"Commitment in the offing" refers to their recent engagement, as well as the "fairytale happily-ever-after," since Kristin's gave that interview about how even though they've only been dating for like 8 months, they "just knew" it was right after 2 months and they were they only people the other one wanted. Riiiiiight.

She also spends a lot of time in LA, as opposed to Chicago.

I think the Greta Gatsby refers to them both. Gatsby's name was Jay. Daisy and Tom Buchanan were both based on real-life people from Chicago. Taller Baller? He's about a foot taller than her.

The muscle man reference might be a hint to the fact that if you Google Jay Cutler and do an image search, you get a lot of pics of "Jay Cutler" the body builder, before you get Jay Cutler, the football player.

blurry vice said...

OK sounds convincing! I have to say though, that I did not know about Kristin's engagement nor that she had an athlete bf, nor had I ever heard his name before. Ted always says he doesn't write about d-listers or people we don't care about. But OK!

blurry vice said...

If we going down that route, with lesser known athletes: what about Hillary Duff and Mike Comrie? Carrie Underwood and Mike Fisher?

Sam said...

Jay Cutler is a huge star in the NFL. I definitely wouldn't consider him "lesser known" (at least to people who know football).

Ted talks about a commitment but then calls him her boyfriend which sounds to me like they aren't married yet. He is also a pretty big dbag according to a lot of people who meet/work with him. And he acts like a spoiled "pissy missy" if things don't go his way.

"Drive" could also be referring to football and possibly a quarterback, since they're the ones leading the "drives".

Fayetteville said...

Commitment "in the offing" refers to an impending commitment, or one that's got a future date. So we're definitely looking for an unmarried couple. Probably one that's engaged.

Hilary Duff and Carrie Underwood are both already married.

Jay Cutler was a big star, but he got a TON of criticism in Chicago this year when he got pseudo-injured during a play-offs game and just walked off the field and sat down, or something. People in Chicago say he's not tough, and he doesn't care. Being with KCav hasn't really helped his image.

Ted has written about Kristin on a couple of occasions, though she's definitely a "Hills" girl. Most recently here, back in May:

Dear Ted:
Did you just out Carmelita Salami-Climber as Kristen Cavallari?

Dear Keep Climbing:
Did I? Don't think so. Cav has abandoned her naughty before for the domesticated life of a football fiancé. I've heard she's been on her best behavior. At least for now, that is.

medusa said...

I wasn't familiar with Cutler until I started researching for this, but a quick search turns up tons of stuff written about his attitudue, as Fayetteville mentioned.

"Drive" definitely works for football, but it also works for baseball, too, so that's not as crystal clear.

I tried the puppy route - and there's a lot of stuff out there about Kristin and her puppy starting a few years back. On the other hand, looks like Cameron is known for taking in rescue dogs. So that isn't too helpful, either.

But I am still leaning toward Cutler/Cavallari, as there have been too many suggestions that Cameron/A-Rod fit other blinds about the couple who like to pick up girls together.

Kirby said...

Jay Cutler doesn't look like the aggressive type, to be honest. I mean, he has diabetes, and that teaches temperance and humility more than a lot of things in life. And if anything, it's the famewhore Kristen Cavallari who needs to star in her own Vice; she is also not the type displayed here.

No Romo/Crawford here?

cornejos.2004 said...

Any chance this is Kendra and Hank Baskett?

Anonymous said...

I looked up the definition of "offing" since it seemed like an unusual word choice to me. Interestingly enough, it's actually a nautical term which means "the part of the sea that can be seen from the shore". It can also be used to describe something nearby or in the immediate future. Maybe its just a coincidence but Kristen Cavallari was on Laguna Beach and is definitely a beachy california girl.

Kirby said...

@cornejos, it may work (Hank is literally a "taller baller", and Kendra is blonde like Daisy in The Great Gatsby), but I pray it ain't so! I kinda like Hank as a husband/father.

@LMS130, I also thought West Coast after that ;)

Liz said...

Isn't Cameron Diaz Prius Crotch-Catch?

blurry vice said...

Dear Ted:
Can we have more hints on the identity of Greta Gatsby and Taller Baller? I think it is Shakira and Gerard Pique. Am I right/hot/cold? If it is not this couple, can you at least heal my ego and tell me if they have been a Blind Vice?

Dear Piqued Interest:
You're warmish, but not quite on the money. Taller is more known state-side than Gerard, at least by name. Which is funny 'cause Greta isn't as talented as Shakira, at least in my opinion.

blurry vice said...

Liz - yes. so she can't be this... but Ted has broken his own rules in the past.

Anonymous said...

Kristen Cavallari and Jay Cutler have ended their engagement. If this is them, I imagine we will be getting an update on this vice.

Anonymous said...

Ted just confirmed that Kristen and Jay both have BVs. Ding ding ding...we have a winner!

Cecilia00 said...

Ted also confirmed this morning their BV is a tag-team vice and is recent.

Ding ding ding indeed!

Cathy said...

Just came here to post the same thing! Definitely Kristen and Jay!

blurry vice said...

Dear Ted:
How is Greta Gatsby's fairy tale looking these days? Is it all sunshine and rainbows and Prince Charming? Or is it more frogs and torrents of rain?

Dear Happily Ever After:
The prince isn't sunshine and rainbows, tho the situation isn't frogs and torrents of rain anymore, either, get it?

blurry vice said...

Kristin Cavalleri and Jay Cutler

blurry vice said...

Dear Ted:
You said Kristin Cavallari has a Blind Vice and that might be why her engagement didn't work out. So I think I might know which Vice she is. Is she Shellack


Dear Bride T.B.D.:
Yes K.Cav is most definitely a recent member of our Blind Vice fam, but she is not Shelly. She's a tag-team Vice with hubby-no-more Jay Cutler, if that helps

you narrow down the suspects.

blurry vice said...

Updated the post with Kristin Cavallari and Jay Cutler as top suspects. Good gossiping everyone!

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
This "career" of Kristin Cavallari's. Um, what is it exactly? The newly unengaged Laguna Beacher hasn't been on TV since The Hills, and she's not exactly a

savvy, driven businesswoman like her nemesis Lauren Conrad. So, is Kristin still getting an allowance from her daddy to support her shopping and other

habits? Or does she really have some project in the works (as she's been claiming for the last two years)?
—Bright Star

Dear Questionable:
If her new project is staying fit, then yes, she's been working on that for years. Unless Kristin has got something brewing that has been kept very tightly

under wraps, it seems like this newly coined single lady's career as an actress is currently at a standstill. And it wouldn't surprise me if papa Cavallari

has been very generous with his little girl. But let's be a bit kinder to Kris for the immediate future: Jay Cutler was a dog to her, don't forget."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Kristin Cavallari better not ruin my Bears' football season like Jessica Simpson did to Tony Romo. Are these two back together? Do you think they'll make it
down the wedding aisle this time?

Dear Second Times the Charm:
Fat chance. Sure, they may be rekindling their canoodling now, but unless Chicago QB Jay Cutler changed his ways (which I'm sure he hasn't), this relaysh is
going to go the same way it did before: south.

blurry vice said...

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Thank you for starting to write about sports B.V.'s again instead of constant Twilight nonsense! Jay Cutler has to be Pepper Harthman, duh. There have been

rumors about why he and Kristin Cavallari split the first time. Maybe if these Twi-hards picked a (sports) team for goss, they'd learn about some real Vicey

behavior instead of obsessing over one relationship on your boards all day long. Boring!

Dear Pep Assembly:
Glad you're loving the sports stuff, Sue, I'll definitely try to keep it up for ya—especially since there's so much naughty dish to spill about those dudes

when they're off the field. And while Cutler might have a few secrets that have yet to come out (even from fiancée K.Cav), he's not Harthman.

Dear Ted:
I love me some hot players! That said, who is hotter, Taller Baller or Pepper Harthman? And which one of these guys is a crueler person?

Dear Touchdown!
Taller Baller is definitely hotter. And these days, I'd actually say he has the better abs and crueler personality."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Playoffs are almost here! And Taller Baller and Pepper Harthman have me all hot and bothered. Who will go farther in the playoffs this year?

Dear Playoff Predictor:
I can't predict the playoffs, but I can predict future Vicey behavior. So my vote's with Taller Baller—here's to a new year full of juicy Vices!"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Playoffs are officially starting! That means I have to get as much excitement out of my fave sport as I can now. And you can help! Are Pepper Harthman and

Taller Baller going to be watching the playoffs from the sidelines this year, or do their Vicey selves manage to excel in spite of the Vices?

Dear Peppering the Playoffs?
One of these Vicers may have a chance at the playoffs. The other? Not so much."

blurry vice said...

Dear Ted:
The Super Bowl is coming and I can't wait! Though I will miss all the hot and spicy footballers. Speaking of, were Taller Baller and Pepper Harthman's seasons more on the hot side, or did their game end up kind of bland?

Dear First and Downed:
Doll, I far prefer to keep up with these dude's off-field antics. And Taller has been up to so much more lately, if you're keeping Vice tally. But I did some sporty research and it looks like Pep has been having a much better season than Taller. And I do mean much.

Dear Ted:
I have to say I was pretty shocked to find out that Kristin Cavallari is pregnant. It seemed like a baby was the last thing she and Jay Cutler wanted in their already rocky relationship. Is there more to their story than we are being led to believe? By chance, could Kristin be Carol Anne Sausage-Snatcher?

Dear Det. Domestic:
No, not a chance! Carol's heaps more fun (and interesting) that Kristin. And all I gotta say here is that that Cutler kid better not mind a lotta noise in the household. Most babies sleep through that stuff, right?"

blurry vice said...

Dear Ted:
It sounds like Pepper Harthman has reviewed his plays and is cleaning up his Vicey ways. Sometimes big life events do that to people. Speaking of, you think

that creep Taller Baller will change his ways in the next several months? Unlike Pepper, he's got quite the rep for being a douche to his fans, not just his


Dear Jock Strapped:
You got it in reverse, baby doll! Taller's the dude who's attempting to clean up his jerk-wad ways, and it's Pepper who's most likely going to be unstoppable

in the next year. And that's an understatement."