Friday, June 17, 2011

Blind Vice! Crotch Uh-Lastic Takes to the Sexy Skies

James Franco 11x17 HD Photo Poster Hot Actor #02 HDQAaaah, crashing laptop!  Delays and more delays.  Here is today's Blind Vice from Ted.

Blind Vice!  Crotch Uh-Lastic Takes to the Sexy Skies
Must admit: we've been pretty worried about one par-tick Vicer lately. See, we adore Crotch Uh-Lastic and his hump-happy ways, but the dude's been tweaking out of his mind lately. Believe us, we so much preferred dishing on his skanky sexcapades than his dubious mindset.

Which is why we're très thrilled that CU-L has put the cuckoo crap on hold and is making a sexy splash with his many boy-toys these days. But he's not into the poolside scene like he once was. No, Crotch has upgraded to...

Yep, Crotch has taken his fagola flair to the friendly skies. But he's not picking up horny hunks in Virgin's first-class cabin—'cause like any celeb worth his superstar status, C racks up his frequent-flier miles on a private plane.

Sound familiar?

It's like Crotch took a page right out of Fey Oiled-Tush's guide to being a dude on the D.L.
Remember, Fey likes to take his plethora of handpicked young studs into the clouds and explore the cockpit, if you know what we mean (and we're pretty sure you do)—all while his poor, bitched-at pilot watches on.

The good news is that C-UL's personal sky captain isn't dissatisfied with his closeted clientele. In fact he likes Crotchy quite a bit—in a strictly platonic, hetero way, of course...for now, at least.

The bad news? He's still spilling secrets about Crotch's sexy vacays to anyone who will listen—tho the news that C is bedding boys is shocking to one.

But Crotch isn't just in it for the nookie, he likes taking his pseudo-BFs on trips for two around the globe. First they do the deed and then go on a cutesie date in some far-off foreign local,e away from the bright lights and paparazzi lens of Hollywood.

Now isn't that just the most romantic thing you've ever heard?

And It Ain't: Garrett Hedlund, Stephen Moyer, Chris Colfer

Please refer to the label below for a link to our previous posts on the MANY CUL BVs.

Top suspect: as always, James Franco


blurry vice said...

aaand... here's the corresponding recent mention.

Cait said... James Franco really making private jet kinda money?? Not so sure. Also, all gossip I've heard has had him extremely busy with tons of projects lately in addition to school. When is he finding time for these many trips around the world?

Anonymous said...

I'm beginning to think that James Franco is planting all of the rumors himself. There's no way he'd actually have time for all of the things that blind items say he's doing, but planting gossip seems like just the sort of thing he might do in the name of art.

pikespeak said...

Cait: He has more money than you would think...not $50 million or anything, but he has made some cash. Plus, studios, or admirers of his, or businessmen he's fuck can also pay for the flights. Ask Paris Hilton. She rarely pays for her airfare.

My friends know the guy and they all agree he doesn't sleep and you can never find him in the same place for long.

Kat said...

Celebrity Net Worth estimates Franco is worth approx. $22 million, definitely enough for private plane trips!

Unknown said...

meh, gay flights and pool parties or not, I would still totally hit that

blurry vice said...

Dear Ted:
It's been pretty dry out there, so I thought we should play a game. So far this summer, which of our Blind Vices has been the most scandalous? Most

surprising? Most annoying? Sexiest?

Dear Summer Entertainment:
Hmmm, after much deliberation, here's my Vicer vote:
Most Scandalous: Sally Pearlsmyth
Most Surprising: Toothy Tile
Most Annoying: Shafterella Shoshstein
Sexiest: Crotch Uh-Lastic

blurry vice said...

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I have always believed that James Franco was a favorite of yours. Yet, you haven't covered Rise of the Planet of the Apes. What are your expectations of the

film? And has he been up to anything Vicey lately?

Dear Planet of the Vice:
I'm sure the flick will do fine, babe. Franco's got big-screen cred and the franchise is well-known. That said, the flick actually looks pretty decent—and

has cutie Tom Felton in it, to boot! As for the Vice stuff, of course James (who's naturally one of my all-time faves) is still up to his naughty

extracurricular activities. Would you expect anything less?

Dear Ted:
I can think of an A-lister who would possibly be up for Dancing With the Stars: James Franco! He does pretty much whatever projects he feels like without

much regard for his movie star status. How great would that be if they could get him? I've never seen the show, but would totally watch if he was on it.
Dear Franco Fiasco:
Franco may be an A-lister, but I don't know if the DWTS execs would want to go there. Jamesy goes a tad too far with what he calls "art projects" these days.

He'd certainly draw in viewers, but I predict it would be a giant trainwreck à la Kate Gosselin's stint on the show."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Does James Franco have a new girlfriend? What was the real story behind his split with Ahna O'Reilly?

Dear Still Flying Solo:
Blame the split on their time apart and competing schedules. And no, there's no new girlfriend in the picture for Franco. Who do you think he should date

next, R.?"

Rob said...
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Rob said...
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blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I feel that eccentric and talented James Franco is connected to Barrington Bang-Me and Nevis Divine. If not, please give me a clue to his moniker. Also, I

will donate $25 to the Humane Society (in your nom de plume) if Lindsay Lohan doesn't claim to be bipolar by Easter 2012. I just hope for her sake, she can

get her career back on track like Robert Downey Jr.
—Love from Hell's Kitchen

Dear Let's Be Franc:
I'm not surprised you'd think James would be part of the Divine Bang-Me coupling, which is why he so obviously is not. Sure, he might be into all sorts of

weirdo art, but James is an actor first and he plays his part well. You'll have to think harder on his Vice. As for LiLo? Too risky a bet, sorry, babe.

Dear Ted:
Two questions. One, assuming zero repercussions, your birthday wish is granted and you get one sinful night with one of your favorite Blind Vice players, who

would it be? Two, again assuming zero repercussions, you get to expose a nasty Blind Vice player for who they really are as an additional birthday gift, who

would it be? Regardless, hope your special day is sinful in all the right ways!

Dear A Blind Vice Kind of Birthday:
For a sinful night? I'd go with Crotch Uh-Lastic. And to expose? Cruella St. Shackles, of course! But since neither wish is destined to come true, I'll just

take a birthday cake. Thanks, doll!"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
What's going on with Crotch Uh-Lastic? Has he worked out his issues he was having? Any new romances?

Dear No and No:
Crotch is as hopeless as always, both in the love and sanity departments. I'm actually surprised he hasn't snapped yet for all the world to see. It's really only a matter of time. Better start the countdown, Billy!"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Which Vicers do you think will try to shake their habits in 2012 and who do you think will be Vicing harder than ever?

Dear Naughty and Nice:
Tough Q, M. I think Morgan Mayhem will continue to try to clean up her act this year (or at least make people think she has), while sometimes-bestie

Strawberry Snort 'Em will be wilder than ever. And you can quote me on that last one. As for closeted dudes, I'm not expecting any of them to come out of the

closet this year, but if I had to pick one, maybe Crotch Uh-Lastic? Ha! Probably not, but who knows."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Crotch Uh-Lastic coming out of the closet any time soon?

Dear Snapped:
Not if he has anything to say about it. Though, these days it's looking like he might not…"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
In the past couple of years there have been so many celebs caught on video that have gone viral (salvia, anyone?). On that note, how long until one of your

closeted Blind Vicers is caught and outed? And who would you think it would be? It's hard to believe that someone like Seymour Plow-Me-More can stay behind

the beard for too much longer, even if he does make everyone sign an agreement to keep quiet.

Dear Sex, Lies and Cell-Phone Pics:
I actually am surprised that a few Vicers haven't been caught, especially the likes of Sey who enjoys getting it on in public places where any old witness

could very easily snap a photo that would spread across the Internet like a bad case of crabs. But if I had to make a guess? I'd say Crotch Uh-Lastic."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
What have my two favorite Blinds, Crotch Uh-Lastic and King Schlong, been up to? Oh, and is my new favorite hottie Chris Evans a Blind?

Dear Down and Out:
King is down—well, on the down low, that is (and even more so than ususal)—and Crotch is out…as in strung out. But at this point that's typical for him. His

Vice behavior these days is strictly of the nonsexy variety.

Dear Ted:
So with Crotch Uh-Lastic being "strung out" is he just a stoner or is he into harder drugs these days?
—Concerned Fan

Dear Gateway Vicer:
Stoner biz would be a blessing at this point. Whereas Crotch used to love going out with pals—and coming home with a boy or two—he's moved on to the harder

stuff. And it's showing. Hate to say it, but I think Hollywood has definitely gotten to CU-L."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I think there are 4 types of closet actors in Hollywood: The one who will come out when he feels like it, the one who comes out when his career is

over/established, the one who will take it to his grave and the one who will get outed by others. Could you add 4 B.V. names to those categories for me?

Dear Fab Fouresome:
Respectively: Toothy Tile (hopefully...he's wanted to in the past but was always talked out of it). Crotch Uh-Lastic. Topher Hairy-Tuchus. And Parrish

Maguire. Has your Vicey thirst been quenched, B?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
What is going on with Crotch Uh-Lastic? Is his drug use getting worse? I have a feeling Crotch has been running with the wrong crowd. Has anyone tried to

stage an intervention to help him? Any new beards on the horizon?

Dear Question Overload:
In the order you asked: Nothing productive. Yes. No. No. It's not exactly like he's suffering from peer pressure these days, William, Crotch is self-

inflicting all the crapola that's going down in his life.

Dear Ted:
This might seem totally random, but have Crotch Uh-Lastic and Strawberry Snort’Em dated? If they have, then my current theory of who is who must be right. I

hope you answer this, if not I will know I finally guessed a Vicer correct! Love ya!

Dear Random Indeed:
Sorry, JaneJane, but looks like you’re still 0 for however many on Vice guesses, then. 'Cause though Crotch and Strawberry do have some similarities (like a

love of illicit drugs that have all their friends a bit worried) these two have never hit the town together."

Charlie said...

Dear Ted:
If you had to imagine James Franco mentoring his kid brother, Dave, on the ins and outs of Hollywood life and "lessons learned,' how do you think the conversation might go?

Dear Uh:
"Dude, don't ever host the Oscars."

^Could this be a hint? Or being Ted, just a tease?

Rob said...

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
It seems Toothy Tile has kind off disappeared! Does he have a major film coming out in 2012? And what did you think of Crotch-uh-lastic's last movie?

Dear Guess Who's Back:
Yes, Toothy has new projects in the mix, so prepare yourselves for some deliciously Vicey behavior in the very near future (expect some Vice action, like,

this Friday!). And I actually enjoyed Crotch's last film. Not sure about his par-tick performance, but I guess he held his own since no one really called him

out for it. A rare feat for Crotch to accomplish, if I dare say so."

Savannah said...

Yesterday in the Bitch Back Ted said Crotch and Toothy have never hooked up and that Crotch isn't as hot anymore because of too many drugs. That could just be Ted's opinion but I think most people would say James Franco is still very attractive. Could Crotch be Joaquin Phoenix???

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Has Toothy Tile ever hooked up with any other Vice stars…such as Crotch Uh-Lastic? Thanks.

Dear Incestuous Vicing:
Yes, but, not Crotch. I don't think anybody in his right mind (male or female) would hook up with Crotch these days, dude's what's known as a hot mess who's not so hot anymore. Too many chemicals!

Dear Ted:
Is Crotch Uh-Lastic currently working on any projects, or are his Vicey habits keeping him from getting roles?

Dear Making Money:
CU-L is always working on something, whether people think he's "losing it" or not. He's got it like that, he's able to pull it together on a moment's notice…whether he does the job well or not is another story.

Dear Ted:
We must start a campaign to get Alexander Skarsgård cast as Christian Grey! Seriously, who could be better? My only other thought is James Franco. Yay or
nay? He can pull off the smoldering, troubled look pretty well, but I seriously can't think of anyone he would have great chemistry with, can you? Forgetting
Franco for a moment, how about Katharine McPhee as Ana?
—KLM and Kitties

Dear Calm Down:
Actually, on second thought, do not calm down...I like your sexy style! Particularly A.Skars as Grey—brilliant, smoldering casting. Alex knows his way around naughty plotlines, too! McPhee's not a bad idea, either. But, honey, what are you smoking to think the out-of-it dude who single-handedly ruined the 2011 Oscars could possibly resurrect any kind of palpable sexuality for Grey? Did you see how dork-gone that guy was? And that's not an unusual occurrence for the man, from what I hear. You might as well look to cast Christian from the cast of The Office, if that's your take."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
There seem to be a lot of gay/bi actors who have fake relationships with women. Are there any gay/bi actors with a moniker you can name who haven't come out, but who don't beard?
—Don't Like Beards (Hairy or Otherwise)

Dear It's All Relative:
A completely beardless star? Well, that's like finding a unicorn! But there are stars that are less into the bearding game than others. Just look at, say, Jackie Bouffant vs. Crotch Uh-Lastic. Crotchy doesn't exactly love faking it for the cameras—or for anyone."