Friday, April 18, 2008

One Return-to-Debauched Blind Vice

Lead-ins

Bad Boys N' Girls Club
Oh, underage heavens, what will Hollywood's viler stars think of next? Find out in this week's frightening Blind Vice!
Do Tell Momma
OK, we all know there are certain bachelors in Hollywood, the ones who will never settle down with anything but booze 'n' their little black books. But Dangling Wrangler is taking it one illegal step further: with a chick who's hardly legal enough to fight back. What a nasty freak.


One Return-to-Debauched Blind Vice

Dangling Wrangler’s at it again. You know Dangle-babe: He’s the base-boy the whole world seems to love no matter how many episodes he efs up, (via himself, the law or the ladies). Indeed, the Dangle dude’s been in trouble myriad times with too many drugs, too many women who were married to other men or by just being a plain ol’ mean, drunk bastard.

Therefore, the publicist’s quick fix was required (rehab and several staged photo shoots with Dangling looking brow-furrowed and fine with fans and such). Worked for a bit. But, then—as usually happens when one cleans up for a press release instead of for a personal mission—Dangling’s not only back to the booze and slut races, he’s hitting the hard drugs more than ever. Looks like crap, too. But the gals don’t seem to mind—they actually like screwing a famous guy who’s good (for about five minutes these days) with his huge, never-washed zucchini.

Alas, even the quickie quickies don’t do it for D.W. any more. Could that be why he’s getting so bored with dumpee broad after dumpee babe that he’s now secretly courting his latest unluckiest girlfriend’s (very underage) daughter?

Why the hell don't people like this ever get caught? No, in Hollywood, they get Oscars, don’t they?

And it ain't: Robert Downey Jr., Christian Slater, Jack Nicholson


I have a guess. Comment!

* Update - Ted has also eliminated David Spade, Mel Gibson, Charlie Sheen, Scott Baio,

28 comments:

blurry vice said...

Right away I thought this seems to fit Owen Wilson.

duffgrl said...

I don't see it being Owen Wilson at all-he is apparently seriously dating Kate Hudson again. She doesn't have a teenage daughter either.He looks pretty good in pics for the movie he is shooting too.
I say Colin Farrell. He was in rehab in '06 and would definitely fit this BI.

Jgarvey32 said...

I agree, Colin Farrell popped into mind immediately ... skanky

sistah2 said...

could it be Luke Wilson? I know he was the subject of one of Lainey's bi's last year - he went into rehab did'nt he? he is here in philly now - why dont we ask him?

duffgrl said...

No no no sistah!!! Not Luke! I haven't heard anything like that about him. I think he is playing a lot of golf and not much else.(?) but who knows.
Sticking w/ Colin.

kellysirkus said...

eeeewwww! this scab needs to be revealed pronto!

Anonymous said...

"Episodes" seems like it would be TV. Keifer Sutherland?

blurry vice said...

Yeah I thought Collin Farrell too. But he seems too obvious. The reason I thought Owen Wilson, is the descriptions of the "Butterscotch Stallion" that ended up being about him were similar. Also, I know there was a BV about Owen Wilson in the past, where Ted hinted about the size of a certain body part. Now Ted is mentioning size again, so I immediately thought about that BV from the past, which was assumed to be Owen Wilson. I will look into archives and try to find it.

BTW, I don't think it is Kiefer Sutherland... he is deriously dating a fashion editor from Vogue or something ... I guess it could be him though. Ted LOVES to dish about Kiefer.

duffgrl said...

Ted's blinds ARE sometimes obvious(Teri Hatcher)-plus, isn't Owen Wilson dating Kate Hudson again?
-Still guessing Colin Farrell. After all, he was the cover boy of last year's famous(great) Radar magazine piece "toxic bachelors". And, there is that famous full-frontal nude scene cut from "A Home At The End Of The World" because his "manhood" was too "distracting".
If not Colin, I guess Matt Dillon; another on the list of toxic bachelors who poses w/ that "brow-furrowed" look mentioned in the BI.

Anonymous said...

I wonder if "Why the hell don't people like this ever get caught? No, in Hollywood, they get Oscars, don’t they?" is a reference to Roman Polanski (I'm not saying I think Polanski is Dangling Wrangler, just that this line is referring to him) and I wonder why. I wonder if Dangling Wrangler did a movie with Polanski or is somehow connected to him.

blurry vice said...

Here's a blurb that Ted made about Colin Farrell today - could be a hint.:

Stone-Cold Smolder
You know what day it is. You know what kind of mood we’re in (same as you, pal). So let’s get to it already: The weekly Pissed List, as welcome as a cold towel to Colin Farrell in the ayem!

Anonymous said...

I thought Colin Farrell was dating a 22 year old (childless) college student.

duffgrl said...

I think they broke up. there was a blurb in the post recently about him hitting on a model at the Rose Bar at Gramercy and the chick's boyfriend was right there.

Carmen said...

It really does sound like Keifer Sutherland!

duffgrl said...

Kiefer Sutherland's girlfriend is Siobhan Bonnouvrier (as blurry mentioned above she is a style director but at Allure) who does not have a teenage daughter...I don't think she has any kids.
-Again, if not Colin, I say Matt Dillon. He is said to have drinking/drug problems, big-time philanderer and prostitute fan; and fits some specifics of the BI as well as Colin does. And-starred in "Drugstore Cowboy" (dangling wrangler)

Carmen said...

Is Matt Dillon on an episodic show?

Anonymous said...

Sean Penn?

duffgrl said...

Sean Penn is back w/ his wife. And where does it say the actor is on an "episodic show"? It just mentions how many episodes he effs up- the law, the ladies, etc. Episodes meaning SITUATIONS.
Could be any skank, including the Pivert but he has some 22 year old g-friend. I still say Colin or Matt until they're ruled out.

Anonymous said...

Didn't Matt Dillon win an Oscar for Crash?

Florida Gator said...

My first thought was Nick Nolte. He has won awards, and has been in trouble w/ drugs and such. Besides, did you ever see his mug shot? Looked like Hell!

blurry vice said...

Not David Spade - "Way off. D.W.’s far more good looking and believably a ladies man."

blurry vice said...

Not Mel Gibson - "Gibbie’s already got enough problems. Ain't him, the little anti-Semitic saint."

duffgrl said...

Matt Dillon was nominated for an oscar for Crash-he didn't win but the movie did. I say he is a very close runner-up to Colin.

blurry vice said...

Not Charlie Sheen - "Hardly. Not even Charlie would pull something so stupidola as going after his current honey’s kid. "

blurry vice said...

Not Scott Baio - "Nope, think far more A-list, not to mention good-looking."

Anonymous said...

Joaquin

Anonymous said...

Could it be Alec Baldwin? He was the first person to pop into my mind, granted, I don't know if he's been in trouble with the law, but all the drama with Kim Basinger and his daughter? He always seems to do something bad but he's celebrated for being on 30 rock

cassandra said...

maybe this is colin farrell

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