Saturday, February 25, 2012

Blind Vice: Hall of Fame Party This Weekend!

New from Ted yesterday -

Blind Vice: Hall of Fame Party This Weekend!

They'll all be there! Well, almost all: Fake à la Ferocity, Topher Hairy-Tuchus, Charlotte "Chuck" Finger-Dingle and even one of my personal oldie-faves, Trent Spent!
What fun the Academy Awards will be, after all (since we all pretty much know who's going to take home gold, right?), sniffing out all that award-winning private Hollywood Vicing:
Let's see, here are a few things to look out for while you're so busy judging (and cheering!) what everybody's wearing.
Take note:
  • Fake à la Ferocity has not completely gotten off the synthetic heroin she gets prescribed to her by various fancy doctors round town, but she is indulging less than she used to. I guess that's progress, right? Absolutely! Her head's in the right place—and direction—and her family's way happy about this news, trust.
  • Topher Hairy-Tuchus, after much finger-pointing and bitching from his peeps, has pretty much given up online hooking up. Just not entirely. And between you and mean and a million other folks, let's just say Fake à la, above, stands a much better chance of ultimately cleaning the Vice outta her life than does our eternally horny Topher. Poor thing (or not).
  • Trent Spent sold his Vice soul to the domestic devil years ago—news that saddens us every day. After all, nobody had more naughty and mischievous sexual potential than the gorgeous, often insecure bisexual star. But then he met his match and got all cleaned up, dammit! Total waste for everybody except his Trent's lucky S-O-B S.O., ‘course.
  • Chuck Finger-Dingle is in so many ways the new Fake à la Ferocity. Bitchy and bossy for days, more talent than she really knows what to do with—and a completely equal-opportunity sexual ladder climber. Only thing is, most likely Chuck's going to keep treating her conquests like the crap she so often does and we see a major, major backfiring in the babe's life sooner than later—and we don't just mean professionally.
  • Oh, and guess what? Fey Oiled-Tush will also be on hand for the super-exciting Oscar Sunday, cannot wait. But the thing is, Fey, who's so busy reheating his career, has gotten overwhelmingly caught up in the A-list projects he's totally busy with that he's completely forgotten that we'd all prefer to be gossiping about his kinky-on-the-floor activities. So don't forget to have some fun with all that podium banter you've been so busy with lately, Fey!
All work and no same-sex play a boring movie star makes!
And They Ain't: Nicole Kidman, Jennifer Lawrence, George Clooney

Good stuff, Ted! Great mashup of classics from the past.

Newbies, please use the label below for a link to our posts on the previous BVs about each name, including a full discussion and lists of who has been eliminated for each.

Top suspects:
Fake-a-la Ferocity: Angelina Jolie
Trent Spent: Brad Pitt
Fey Oiled Tush: Tom Cruise 
Chuck Finger Dingle - ?
Topher Hairy Tuchus - ?

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Lainey - Thin For Nothing

Sorry this is late!  New riddle from Lainey, from Tuesday 2/21 -

Thin For Nothing

Lower tier actress - you know her name - is desperate for a big(ger) break. When she heard The Director was working on a new blockbuster, she begged and begged for a meeting. And he repeatedly kept dicking her around, cancelling at the last minute, making her wait for a couple of hours before sending the assistant  out to tell her he wasn’t showing. I mean, he’s a legendary misogynist. And there’s nothing he likes more than playing mind games with young actresses.

Though he has no intention of putting her in his movies, he’s having a great time f-cking up her head. So he sent word that he might agree to see her but only if she loses some weight. This girl was fit to begin with. Like really fit. So she’s starving herself to let go of an extra 10, even though there’s not much there to begin with. But it’s not like it would help. Again, he’s just doing this because he can, for sh-ts and giggles, because he’s a twisted f-ck. As he explained to a colleague, “That girl is regular person pretty, and not even really regular person pretty. Definitely not hot enough for one of my movies.” And it’s like he’s almost insulted that she thought she was. Which is why this game, this game is just his way of putting her in her place, of punishing her for actually thinking she’d be good enough, sexy enough, to be his new model muse. He justifies it by saying he’s giving her a “life lesson”. Oh, and “if she offers me a blowjob, I’ll take it. One of these days, maybe I’ll throw her a favour”. Sad part is...she’s coming close to it. She’s coming very close.

Update Lainey has eliminated: Kate Upton

Top suspect:

Friday, February 17, 2012

Blind Vice: Hothead Actor Flaunts Fists, Taunts Costar!

New BV from Ted today.  An old character returns...

Blind Vice: Hothead Actor Flaunts Fists, Taunts Costar!

Just in case you were wondering if Sock-It-To-You Sleazewad likes to get his fists up for somebody other than his partner, we have the first-hand answer for you: Yes.

That sure is a shocker! What really is a surprise is the public venue Sock-It chose for his latest display of cave-man-like taunting:
The dumbo good-looking dude actually chose the set of his latest picture, The Brooklyn Effect, to let people know just how much he loves talking with his fists, not just his mouth.
Sleazewad's handsome—and younger and fitter—Brooklyn costar is probably considered more of a method actor than is Sock-It, who is more out-there with his emotion. Mr. Costar is a bit more cerebral, keeps to himself, has been Oscar-nominated for his coolness, both personally and professionally. Which apparently drives Sock-It absolutely cuckoo!
"You think you're better than me?," Sock-It shouted to his fellow actor on set recently. "You have a problem with me?"
And while Sock-It was blasting the poor dude with questions (not giving him a chance to answer), Sleazewad kept slamming his fist into the palm of his hand, over and over, and then he kept striking the air wildly, as if a human target was going to be next in a matter of seconds.

But, even though Sock-It kept escalating his voice, and pounding his fists even harder, Mr Costar held steady, never quavered or said a word. Damn, that boy's got not just abs of steel, but, nerves, too!
Meanwhile, film's producers were terrified and ran to the hair and makeup trailers for cover.
All we have to say is that Sock-It's poor woman at home must have ear plugs permanently imbedded in her ears. Now, if only she'd dump this jerk!
And It Ain't: Jensen Ackles, Chris Brown, Robert Pattinson

Please use the label below for a link to our post on the previous SITYS BV, including a discussion full list of who has been eliminated.

Top suspect: Josh Brolin

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Bonus Blind! Hip Multi-Talent Makes as Ass of Himself ... Again

New BV from Ted yesterday -

Bonus Blind!  Hip Multi-Talent Makes as Ass of Himself ... Again

Ya know how there are those Vice stars that you just love to hate?
Well, Coco Bop-It isn't one of them. We actually just hate him. What with his cocky ‘tude and complete lack of respect for women—though he'll claim that's not at all the case, and merely a past problem. Well, apparently not…
Because Coco is still reigning as douchebag supreme.

Need proof? We'll give it to you twofold:
First, Coco was out on the town for those swanky Grammy afterparties this past weekend. Did we mention he's addicted to hipster parties? He is and he tends to actually get a decent amount of attention for his "craft."
But even more for his bad behavior. Especially when it involved chicks.
See, at this party—where the booze was flowing and babes came by the dozen—Coco (and his million-man posse) created their own VIP section in the back and his team made sure Coco had all the privacy he needed to do whatever it is that he does (actually, more on that in a sec).
Including manhandling a woman for taking a picture. One beefy member of his crew was so sure she was sneaking a pic of Coco that he shoved her, grabbed her camera and got in her face, calling her names and threatening her if she dared take another snapshot.
Funnily enough, if he'd just taken the time to look at the pic, he'd have seen it was a picture of the babe's friend. A close-up picture. But when she burst in to tears, Coco continued on with his night (for the record, he's all for this overly physical stance).
So what was Coco doing that was so secretive?
Cheating on his girlfriend. And not with a famous broad like some tabloids like to suspect from time to time. With some chickie with a low-cut neckline and high hemline that stayed inches from his crotch all night.
So, if you were wondering whether Coco ever changed, the answer is: Hell, no.
AND IT AIN'T: John Mayer, Adam Levine, Sean "Diddy" Combs

Top suspect: Chris Brown

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Lainey- When she conceived 2/15/12

New Lainey riddle

When she conceived...

She’s pregnant. It’s still early but she’ll start to show soon. And she’s happy, they’re both happy, but also really, really freaking out. Because around the time of conception, they were both using rather frequently. It’s just what they do together. Besides, she thought she was past the point of another child. So it was a surprise, to say the least. A pleasant one, yes, but she’s not sure if it’s one she wants to keep. She is convinced the child will not be right. She is convinced, in her mind, in her words, that she’ll “be paying for it” for the rest of her life, in the form of care and stress, and that this will be her punishment for such recklessness - to be attached to a kid that will need her, in ways she’s afraid to imagine, forever. She’s also super paranoid that if she does have their baby and the baby has health problems, he’ll turn and blame her, and be disgusted by her, and leave her. Without all his access, it’s a totally different life. And ultimately she still wants to be desired, she prioritises being desired. It’s a decision she is agonising over but she’s running out of time.

The good news? The drugs have stopped completely.

Update Lainey has eliminated: Sienna Miller, Angelina Jolie, Kate Beckinsale, Leslie Mann, Claire Danes, Vanessa Paradis, Cindy Crawford, Drew Barrymore, Nicole Ritchie

UPATE 2/28: Lainey has revealed this to be Uma Thurman

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Blind Vice! Nevis Divine's Sad Past

New from Ted yesterday -

Blind Vice!  Nevis Divine's Sad Past

As we've established, the yummy ‘n' handsome star Nevis Devine likes both girls and boysmostly avoids little spats with costars and doesn't mind having some of his male BFFs double as daytime nookie partners, whenever Nevis is so inclined. (what fool who wants to keep all his options open doesn't?),

But basically, Nevis is as happy as he is horny in life! With one small exception…
Recently, Nevis has been giving some eyebrow-raising press interviews. It's not his usual jovial and aw-shucks stuff—which Nevis has always been most excellent at delivering.
Also, it's no secret Mr. D.'s been hitting the sauce a lot, as of late. Partying too much, as well.
And the latter reasons are why most folks seem to think Nevis has gotten more melancholy lately—publicly, at least.
But it ain't the reason.
The real culprit behind Nevis's more bummed-out moods these days has to do with a good friend becoming pregnant. It started getting Nevis much more sadface than he usually is.
Why? Well, not just because he loves kids and wants his own one day, but more specifically, because there was a private tragedy in his family a few years back involving a child—and few know about it. And Nevis doesn't like to think about this unfortunate chapter in his life—in fact he makes an absolute point not to. But his pal's good news has just brought it all crashing back down on him again, and N.D. just doesn't know what to do besides screw around and get high—and avoid it all.
Sorry you're feelin' down, Nevis. But cheer up, we're sure you'll have your own family one day soon!
AND IT AIN'T: Adrian Grenier, Patrick Dempsey, Josh Brolin

Please use the label below for a link to the many previous Nevis BVs, including a full list of who has been eliminated.

Top suspect: still Robert Pattinson

Bonus Blind Vice! Footballer's Secret to Success Revealed!

Missed this bonus BV from Sunday...

Bonus Blind Vice!  Footballer's Secret to Success Revealed!

You've got the chips and dip and buckets of beer…and I've got the Blind Vice, sports fans.
I know you adore our more athletic Vice stars (like scummy Pepper Harthman and scummier Taller Baller), so to celebrate the holiest of football days I want to introduce you to Albie Ass-Slapper, a stud whose been Vicing in front of your eyes the whole season:

You heard me: Albie is getting Vicey on the field.
Well, actually his Blind biz starts in the locker room before the game...but we'll get to that in a second.
Trust me, you've heard of Albie before: He's got a way with the old pigskin, which makes him mucho talked about on all those postgame sportscasts.
On top of that, his scruffy jawline and killer six-pack makes AAS very easy on the eyes.
But back to Albie's Vicey sports skills: He's got quite the arm and can Hail Mary with the best of ‘em, which has landed him in tons of big games. Not today's Super Bowl, but whatever.
So what's Albie's secret to success?
Icy Hot…on his junk.
Yep, before he hits the field, Albie likes to slather up his undercarriage with a gel that makes his stuff…well, we hear it burns like hell. But Albie is all about that "no pain, no gain" mentality and believes his pregame ritual makes him throw further.
So there you have it. Hmmm, wonder what kind of secrets the studs hitting the field today are hiding. Who knows, they all might be Icy Hotting it!
And as for Albie, well you've finally got a Vice moniker—just like all those H'wood chickies you're into.
AND IT AIN'T: Jay Cutler, Eli Manning, Tom Brady

Top suspect:

Friday, February 3, 2012

Blind Vice! Veronica Bee-Stings Hides Dirty Past to Land New Hunk

New from Ted today... Veronica Bee-Stings returns -

Blind Vice!  Veronica Bee-Stings Hides Dirty Past to Land New Hunk

Whoever said a woman scorned is the thing to fear never met Veronica Bee-Stings!  'Cause, baby, it is our experience that a woman in love is far more dangerous! 

Like the time Veronica was all smitten with that married dude, or the more available (but still shady) guy she had before him, the one she got the boob job for.
So, what's Veronica doing for her latest love?
Pretending none of the others ever existed.
Really, it's like she's Britney Spears or something getting some Vegas marriage annulled!
Veronica is so into her latest man—admittedly a catch of a guy who's possibly worth rewriting your past love life over—she's busy telling friends not to tell the current guy nothing much of anything went down with all those past loves of hers.
And, trust us, there are many, many past amorous hook-ups for VBS—and not all of them just to get acting roles, either. Some were actually just for fun!
But there's something about this new dude VBS has landed that doesn't—how shall we put this?—doesn't really click with reality. Or perhaps he chooses not to see things as they are because the nookie's so good?
Oh, yeah, that's it: completely forgot New Dude is still so steaming from his last nookie sitch (in which he got royally dumped), he'll do anything to make it look like he's immediately taken again by a hot young thang—even if he's that thang's millionth thang!
Hey, wouldn't be the first time the male animal took such an approach.
But, three cheers to Veronica for her ballsy moves, huh?
AND IT AIN'T: Eva Mendes, Carey Mulligan, Kate Winslet

Top suspect: Blake Lively
New Dude: Ryan Reynolds

Please use the label below to read our previous posts on the VBS BVs, including a list of who has been eliminated.