Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Blind Vice! Crotch Uh-Lastic's Getting Careless

New from Ted today -

Blind Vice!  Crotch Uh-Lastic's Getting Careless

Crotch Uh-Lastic is continuing his downward, totally bizarre spiral.

HowlAs if tweaking out in the day and running on zero sleep wasn't damaging enough to that pretty bod of his, now Crotch is tampering with something we never used to worry about: his career.


Seems those concerned friend's of his have reason to worry after all...


Recently CUL agreed to make a guest appearance on a friend's website. Crotch is really quite funny, especially in skits like this. At least he used to be.


A source on the scene dishes that Lastic strolled in, totally unprepared and was completely unprofessional: "He shows up, and he hadn't read the script yet—which he had agreed to already have done. In the show he was supposed to be parodying his own persona. It was nothing too offensive, but he did one take, didn't think it was funny, and walked off set."


Apparently on his way out he called everyone on the crew "a bunch of nerds" and left his professional acquaintances high and dry.
There was another celebrity involved in the clip, and he had to pick up all of Crotch's slack.
This is so disturbing! Crotchy is one freaking talented dude, whether he's making us laugh or cry.
And to top it off, he's a totally nice guy. At least he was. We never heard of him being unprofessional in the many years he has been in this business. It's clear that no sleep is affecting this hunk muffin in a major way.
Wake up, dude, you've been given a great opportunity. To throw your talent and reputation away like this is a total copout. Just come out already! It's clear your guy on guy dalliances are taking a major toll on you.
Plus, it's not that damaging of a secret. Tons of people in H'wood know you're into guys and don't friggin' care!

And It Ain't: 50 Cent, Will Smith, Sean Penn

Refer to the label below for our other posts on the previous CUL BVs, including a full list of who has been elimianted.

Top suspect: James Franco

29 comments:

HKCCRCLC said...

This is getting sadder and sadder. Lainey's reporting on Franco's unprofessional behaviour too.

http://www.laineygossip.com/James_Franco_cry_baby_on_Twitter_re_Bruce_Vilanch_22mar11.aspx?CatID=0&CelID=0

blurry vice said...

Hmph.... seems similar to the previous one. This doesnt even seem like a BV. Why can't TEd just write an article about James Franco in this situation?

Rita said...

Yep, Lainey is on the same boat... unless something is up between Lainey and Ted.

Has anyone noticed in the last few months how Lainey would post, and an hour later Ted would post on exactly the same subject? Repeating almost word for word what Lainey was reporting on, and sightings, etc.

This could mean one of 2 things: Lainey and Ted are supporting each other and thus trying to give each other more credibility to their stories. Or the absolute opposite. Ted is bluntly copying from Lainey (like he accused Perez for doing), and this is Lainey's revenge: outing bluntly one of Ted's blinds today.

Has anyone noticed the same thing happening lately, or am I overreaching...

lelale said...

I honestly think Ted is scrambling right now. There is too much competition and he doesn't have as much new information, especially not on his favorite targets. Lately his blinds have been barely blind and not very juicy.

HKCCRCLC said...

I agree with @lelale

Lainey & Ted know of each other, but they don't always agree, and at least some of their sources are different. Lainey is convinced Jake Gyllenhall & Bradley Cooper are heterosexual, for instance, and that their relationships with women are the real deal. Ted not so much.

pikespeak said...

The item said he referred to the crew "a bunch of nerds" and as we all know that reeks of Franco. In some of his older movies, on the Oscars and even in person, he has this animosity to "nerds." He still has this high school joke elitism that oozes out of him.

Rita said...

HKCC... Lainey and Ted met finally face to face on one of the red carpets last year. Lainey wrote about it. Ted also wrote about it. will try and find the links for you. Also that is why I was theorizing that either they are working with each other, or somehow now working against each other (see first comment I posted).

crila16 said...

This is so sad. I really like James Franco. I couldn't care less if he were gay or straight. He's cute, he's a good actor, he's funny and that's all that matters. I had heard he was a really nice guy, but apparently something has really gotten to him lately and made him incredibly bitter and it seems like he's almost given up on everything and is thinking "what's the point". It's not because he's a pot smoker either. It's something deep routed. I hope he snaps out of it and find whatever help he needs.

I said...

Now that's pretty funny that Franco has an animosity towards nerds b/c, to me, that is EXACTLY who he is.

He strikes me as the perennial nerd trying to escape his nerdiness via humour and being likable (which he is).

But WHAT IS IT with Ted thinking that all problems and missteps stem from denying one's homosexuality. So tired of this. Some bisexuals actually ENJOY being bisexual and don't suffer deep, dark problems b/c of it. Perhaps (gasp) something else is bothering sweet nerdy Franco?

pikespeak said...

@I:"But WHAT IS IT with Ted thinking that all problems and missteps stem from denying one's homosexuality. So tired of this. Some bisexuals actually ENJOY being bisexual and don't suffer deep, dark problems b/c of it. Perhaps (gasp) something else is bothering sweet nerdy Franco?"

Ted isn't saying some bisexuals can't enjoy being happy bisexuals, but usually what happens here in Hollywood, you spend so much time hiding, keeping it under-wraps, lying etc it does end up creating these dark spots in these stars' lives and they end up self-medicating in the most strange and in some cases tragic or ways. True story.

Rita said...

Pikespeak, how true and sad. We only need to see Toothy Tile's history, as well as that Taylor guy from Twilight. The pressure that their people put on them for not giving a hint of homosexuality is tremendous!

rynthetyn said...

I'd really like to know the tone and context for a comment about people being a bunch of nerds because I'll make comments about nerds all the time and if people didn't know me they might reach the conclusion that it was an insult when it's not.

In any case, I'm not exactly sure how we're supposed to conclude that what looks to be bad behavior because of sleep deprivation is supposed to be connected to being closeted. People can be plenty rude and cranky because of lack of sleep alone.

Kelly said...

Another "nerd" hint is that one of Franco's only funny moments during the Oscars was calling the winners of the tech awards "nerds." It was a brief glimpse of the James Franco I have come to adore.

In addition, I don't know about you guys, but I think a meth addiction (tweaking) could definitely be his bigger problem. Meth may be an escape from the pressure of hiding his secret and it just as well could have very little to do with why he self-medicates. I just hope he pulls it together soon because I love his wit and talent and hope he's around for years to come.

-KADixonLaw

. said...

This is so sad, clearly this is about Mr. Franco.

I don't care if he's gay, at this point everyone has pretty much figured it out. He's so talented but I see him having a Charlie or Britney meltdown soon.

Something's going on behind the scenes. Hopefully he can get it together before he messes up his career.

I said...

@Kelly: Agree. You can like the heck out of Franco but he's definitely got a problem.

One of my ex's was a Silicon Valley tech nerd addicted to meth. And so I can definitely see why people think Franco's tweaking...same sleep deprivation/manic energy...lots of balls up in the air at once (no pun intended).

My ex said meth was the only thing that could get him to meet all his deadlines and take care of everything on his plate. He said the Silicon Valley bosses were handing out cocaine as bonuses to their favored employees. And Franco's got so much on his plate....I wouldn't be surprised if he was using something but, again, people are adamant that he is straight-edge. Weird.

What I think Franco's problem is...he's trying to be Superman. I just do not see Franco as the deeply tormented closeted homosexual who turn to meth to deal with his homosexuality...no matter how Ted tries to sell it. James Franco? Who has no probs putting on wigs and acting like Chrissy Snow? Please. Out of all the Hollywood stars out there, Franco strikes me as the least likely to worry and obsess about what people think of him.

Kelly said...

@I... "Too many balls in the air," is the perfect analogy. Funny too!

I've heard Franco compared to James Dean and I think he, more than anyone else, fits that comparison. I have a feeling that he thrives on living on the edge. So I think you're dead on when you say that you don't think he cares what other people think about him. On the contrary, I think he WANTS to leave people wondering about everything he does. I don't think it's a gimmick with him. I suspect that he has always lived that way.

I have to say, though, that it feels like Ted is doing a little more than his typical exaggeration lately. He seems to be dragging things out (*cough* King Schlong) and all of his blinds are starting to feel like a re-hash of blinds past. That said, I question the reference to drugs here. We all know that Hollywood takes sex, drugs and rock n roll to a whole new level, but, come on, Ted is making it seem like each male is suffering from closetitis, etc.

-KADixonLaw

rynthetyn said...

Adderall will do a lot of the same things if you're taking it and don't actually have ADD, and since it's legal with a prescription, people don't generally consider it "doing drugs".

Rita said...

runthetyn - it is now sadly called the Michael Jackson syndrom. Taking denial to a whole new level. At the end though, you still lose your mind, your perception of reality shifts, and then you lose your life. Drugs are drugs, whether your pusher wears a white coat, or a leather one. It is always buggles the mind how someone as intelligent as James could still fall for this.

I said...

So Ted, having never seen Crotch take a single drug, opines that (1) not only is Crotch using but he is using the hard stuff (meth) and (2) he is doing so to deal with the deep torment of being a closeted gay man. Morbidly afraid of how his career will be affected if people find out that a man who dresses in drag and talks about sexuality being fluid is actually (gasp!) gay.

Sorry Ted, but not everyone is tormented by their sexuality.

And to compare Franco to Jake G and Taylor L is doing Franco a huge disservice. He seems to be nothing like them so would unlikely be "tormented" by their specific fears. If those two are even tormented...b/c let's not forget that not everyone even believes Jake G is necessarily gay.

And this aggressive Crotch opinion is coming from an openly gay gossip blogger who clearly crushes on many of the people he opines to be gay.

Knowing this, how can anyone take Ted's opinions to be entirely factual (and not even consider the source) and then propagate these opinions as facts?

I said...

Ted is becoming more and more like Perez Hilton. Now that's what's really sad.

rynthetyn said...

I wouldn't compare Adderall to the Michael Jackson situation because probably half of college students in America borrow their friends' Adderall to pull marathon studying sessions because it helps people be enormously productive. If you're trying to keep a bunch of different balls in the air, it works, and even people I know who would never use street drugs have done it because when you've got multiple deadlines and little time it definitely helps.

Of course, the whole thing is 100% speculation, but it makes a heck of a lot more sense than Ted's "he's using meth because he can't take the pressure of being closeted" speculation.

lisamedia said...

I really, really think that Ted is getting a lot of "help" from his assistants these days. I am not sure he's completely on top of the situation, job-wise.

kristin said...

I agree, lately his by lines are being shared and some of the stuff he publishes doesnt jive with other posts like its two or three people working on it...
I was suspicious that James was CUL but after the reference to sleep deprivation by multiple sources and the blind saying the same thing pretty much confirms it for me

Jasmine said...

Funny how James Franco actually played James Dean!! It was a tnt movie a few yrs back but i think he may have even won an award for the role. Its life imitating art. Sort of like Anna Nicole obsessing over Marylin Monroe (buying her home etc.
I almost think there is some sort of weird karma with stuff like this.

Did Ted ever specify or hint at which "hard stuff" CUL was on?? B/c to me this seems more like Heroin or speed balls. He seems to mellow for Meth, plus Meth heads show lots of outer symptoms- teeth fall out, huge pussy cysts on there face, constant scratching etc.

I said...

@Jasmine: In the prior BV about CUL, I believe Ted specifically used the term "tweaking" which is a meth term. One of my exs was on meth for a long time (on and off though) and he showed none of the symptoms you mention (he was mellow as well). The symptoms he clearly showed were being able to be up all night and so very tired during the day...and when he took a nap, the nap lasted for several days. However, the above symptoms could easily apply to people who are using Adderall, caffeine pills, diet pills (which is a form of speed anyway), or people who simply have insomnia.

Kelly said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kelly said...

@Jasmine... Here is the line @I was referring to:

"As if tweaking out in the day and running on zero sleep wasn't damaging enough..."

It's from this blind (3/22). There is another reference to tweaking in a previous CUL blind. I forgot to note the date, though. Oops!

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I've loved James Franco since his Freaks and Geeks days, but I'm a bit worried about him. Everyone knows he's been crazy busy with going to school and the

five movie projects he's working on this year. I thought the awkward Oscars might have been just nerves, but ever since then he seems frazzled every time we

see him. What's the deal with him lately? Does his Vice have anything to do with it?
—jade_blossom

Dear Fretting About Franco:
You're right, doll, James has got more than a full load right now, but that's his choice. His flop at the Oscars was, to say the least, uncalled for and

ridiculous. There comes a time for prioritizing, and Franco fails in that department. Maybe he should stick to school for a bit. Flying under the radar and

holding off on the tweet graffiti, would be a smart decision. Oh, and his Vice has everything to do with it, I'm sure."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
How's Crotch Uh-lastic doing now? Really hoping he's getting his act together. Do you think his upcoming movie will bring back his former (or turned-off)

fans? Thanks! My imaginary kitty kat, Snobby, says hello.
—Cancan

Dear Fantasy Crotch:
As long as he's not tweaking around, we're happy. I think the dude's gotten a semi-wakeup call after all his massive ef ups, but we never know with his

unpredictable arse. As long as the next flick doesn't bust at the box office I think he will be safe for a while. He's still talented, even when tweaking.

Imaginary kisses to your kitty!"

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