Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Bonus Blind Vice! Nude Dork 's Sexting Strikeout

Bonus from Ted yesterday... sorry for the delay.

Bonus Blind Vice! Nude Dork's Sexting Strikeout

Think most of our homo Vices have totally effed-up ways of pursuing love? Well, don't rule out the horny-ass heteros, cause Adam Pounce-Prick is at the top of the heap when it comes to humiliating ways of getting off.
P.S. I Love YouAdam P.P. dated a few other celebs once becoming a recognizable name—some honeys way out of his league, but they seem to fall for this funny fella's charm, if not his somewhat-appealing looks. But Adam, like every other swell-headed male out there, wants what he can't get.
Cue violins now, please.
Specifically, APP has his randy eye on one particular lady not in the business, not into casual stuff in the boudoir, either. Too bad for Pouncey, cause that's all he's looking for nowadays, and with this gal, he kept getting outright (and painfully) rejected. Did he finally prevail?
Well, listen up:
Those close to the lady of our dear Ad's affections don't say she has high standards or morals when it comes to bedding guys—they say she's a "prude." Because how dare a dude, and a famous one at that, get denied! What an icy bitch this girl is!
Adam has been incessantly texting Miss Priss late at night to thrill her with sweet nothings. Such as? Asking her if she wanted to "suck face," or "roll under the covers with me." We're not kiddin', folks, we couldn't dream up these lame one-liners (that still live in the femme's phone so she can whip 'em out at parties and give everybody a good laugh).
APP's totally horrible pickup lines for a booty call show just how immature he is in real life, not just the man-children he plays onscreen. (Though we give the dude some respect for not flat-out telling her to sit on his face or some other crude Piven-like crap.)
Well after a few weeks, Pouncey finally got the girl to come over by asking if she wanted to watch a movie. Right. Not sure why Miss Priss fell for this dork's see-through excuse, but she came over to his pad. "Door's open," he shouted from inside, and she sauntered in. And there Ad was, standing completely in the buff.
Miss Priss screamed, as any normal babe would who was being flashed (and sexually harassed) by Pouncey's paunchy bod, and flew the ef out of there, leaving Ad cold, alone and with a fab drop-dead line:
"I've already seen your movie."
What a way to woo a girl, man. It's a wonder you get laid at all.
And it ain't: Paul Rudd, Bradley Cooper, Jonah Hill

Update - as of 11/19/11, Ted has eliminated Jason Segel

Top suspect: Gerard Butler

[The top suspect was previously Jason Segel.  See comments for discussion on both this BV and which one could be JS's.]

Friday, October 23, 2009

Blind Vice: Meet Another Bisexual Twilight Star!

New from Ted today:

Blind Vice: Meet Another Bisexual Twilight Star!

Good news! Terry Tush-Trade has a sexually uninhibited companion on the Twilight set—and how.
No, not in that way, you dirty-minded A.T. readers (for the record, Terry seems to have calmed down from when we last checked in). What we mean is that another member of the Twilight franchise is getting all kinds of frisky across the gender borders.
Meet Rocky Trailer, a good-lookin' young thing who really embraces the sex card, and deliciously (and loudly) so!
Oh, except there's one huge difference between Rocky and Terry:
Rocky doesn't give a s--t about keeping this bisexuality thing a secret.
See, R.T. is a free-loving, we're-all-young-and-horny-let's-have-fun-while-we-can kinda person (cast loves Rocky, big-time). Think more like Angelina Jolienot Toothy Tile, Crotch Uh-Lastic or Nevis Divine (nowadays, that is).
Rocky finds sexuality empowering. Although Roc may not have a gay partner now, or who knows if there was actually a really, really serious one in the past, Trailer's unapologetic about the au naturel horny feelings felt for both men and women.
And guess what? This person's identity is going to be revealed sooner rather than later!
That's right: revealed. We're told Rocky T.'s going to talk freely about it all, possibly during press for New Moon, although in the end, that's really Rock's decision, isn't it?
For the record, this isn't some gimmick publicity stunt (like New Moon really needs it). We hear that it's really because Trailer doesn't give an ef who knows the score. Labels are so overrated.
So, reporters, ya ready to ask the right questions? Sure know we are.
And it ain't: Jackson Rathbone, Anna Kendrick, Dakota Fanning

Update Dec 17 - Ted has eliminated Jackson Rathbone, Anna Kendrick, Dakota Fanning, Nikki Reed, Christian Serratos, Michael Sheen, Ashley Greene, Elizabeth Reaser, Kellan Lutz.

Here is the link to the more recent Rocky Trailer BV from Nov 23.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

NY Post - Page Six - 10.21.09

Just asking

Which married music mogul is said to have impregnated an unmarried woman who works for his label in marketing? She's on maternity leave while he's mulling options . . .

WHICH still gorgeous ex-supermodel doesn't use her own skin-care line, which she hawks on TV? She secretly uses Somme Institute's MDT5 regimen instead . . .

WHICH son of a rock icon used his name to score six free tickets to a Broadway show, but then never showed up?

Friday, October 16, 2009

Blind Vice: Lloyd Boy-Toyed Dares to be Outted!

From Ted!-

Blind Vice: Lloyd Boy-Toyed Dares to be Outed!

A Promise to Ourselves: A Journey Through Fatherhood and DivorceGood news: Ever since Toothy Tile decided to permanently bury himself in the proverbial Hollywood closet, it's almost as if Lloyd Boy-Toyed has decided to up his bent for dangerous, risk-taking sexual activities. No, not talkin' about getting it on without a condom—or in a car in a West Hollywood parking lot—but something almost as rebelliously mindless: like hitting on a reporter.
Now, even though Lloyd has always had a penchant for doing things like...
...getting his flirt on with other dudes—even with Toothy himself at the Globes, remember?—Lloyd's reserved his guy-on-guy action for behind closed doors, even if he paid for it.
I mean, let's just say up until now, the riskiest thing Lloyd's ever pulled is wondering if the call-boys will tattle or not. Strange he's not like some bigass stars who insist on confidentiality agreements with their mates (whether hired or not) before jumping between the sheets.
But now Lloyd's taken it to the next level and propositioned a pretty well-known reporter, who's interested. And the code was clear: Said hit-on dude was expected—not told—not to tell. It was a gamble. Will it pay off?
Isn't it odd how the older certain stars get, they simply don't seem to be as interested in the watery, come-on games such stealth gay players as Crotch Uh-Lastic prefer. Does that mean with age comes impatience? Or just lack of imagination?
Tough call, really, because if you ask me, it's pretty lively to ask a journo—who could blow your cover in seconds flat—to get it on. Maybe this is the kinkiest way of them all and Crotch and Toothy (ah, poor Toothy) should be taking notes?
Time will tell on this one.

It Ain't: Dean Cain, Billy Burke, George Clooney

There are two previous Lloyd Boy-Toyed blind vices. Here are the links so you can read them, from September '08 and January '09. On the original bv, you can also see a full list of who has been eliminated.

Top suspect: Alec Baldwin

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Grey Goose and beard

Yesterday, Ted discussed Austin Nichols and Sophia Bush -

Is Austin Lighting Sophia's Bush?

Even though we here at the A.T. may not understand the appeal of One Tree Hill, we found out that many of you are still eager to read about what this naughty cast is really up to when the cameras stop rolling.
Chad Michael Murray's unfortunate ex, Sophia Bush, showed up to the Sixth Annual Hollywood Style Awards last night with her other more-than-costar, Austin Nichols.
Uh, so is this now almost-official couple the hot new thing in Hollywood?
Hardly! The two are more on the Gyllenspoon track, if anything. I mean, should we get their new moniker ready? Bushnic?
Back to the do:
Sophia looked gorge in a sexy, black lace Max Azria dress and walked the carpet solo, dodging personal questions. However, once she got inside, she was quick to meet up with her "good friend" and costar Nichols, who just happened to be moonlighting as her date, we guess.
The two were not PDA-ish at all, but they were clearly there together. They chatted closely for a while before heading into the theater to watch the show, their goonish guard reps in tow everywhere they went, natch. Hands off the merchandise in every regard. Hello, isn't four a crowd?
Puppy-like Nichols followed Sophia around for most of the night, but when it was time to exit out the front, Sophia made a beeline for the door alone. A-L-O-N-E. Yeah, that makes a lotta sense: your first big outing as a brand-new couple, no coziness whatsoever, and separate exits. Sounds like a real burning love affair with those two already. They make Robsten look like friggin' Eric Dane and Rebecca Gayheart or somethin'.
Even though Bush referred to Nichols as her boyfriend to friends, Austin played coy when our own Party Girl asked him if they were dating.
"I'm not gonna say anything except that...I'm here to drink. We were talking before. We have a bunch of friends together—we work together," Austin said.
Looks like Nichols has taken a romance tip straight from BFF Jake Gyllenhaal's playbook: boring in public and saving the supposed spicy stuff for behind closed doors.
What, are you two studs too embarrassed to get frisky for all to see? Screw the proper Hollywood dating etiquette and do dumb, young-love stuff next time you're out with your significant other.
Sophia and Austin, we will be very disappointed if this coy stuff turns into coffee dates. Seriously, what's next, doubling up with Jake and Reese at Starbucks? Yeah, we're so sure that's about to happen.
(Big hints for Austin Nichols being Grey Goose.)

Friday, October 9, 2009

Blind Vice: Big-Butt Wedding Woes!

New from Ted today -

Blind Vice: Big-Butt Wedding Woes!

Let's get something straight right now: Yes, I often write Blind Vices that are fairly obvious; this one isn't. That's a pretty big clue. And so, too, is Slink-a-Rella Jiggle's rear end.

See, it's the main thing that got her beautifully bodied man, Dumbo Pecs, to ask her to marry him (her boobs sure didn't hurt, either). Well, that and the fact that Slink-a-Rella wasn't exactly actually Dumbo's first choice to be his wife. So Pec thought, Well, I do like Slinky's big ol' bottom, so why the hell not give this a try, huh?

Aren't men funny? They make life decisions based on the most interesting things, like the notion that Dumbo also felt marriage to Slinky would... his career, which is the most stupidass thing I've ever heard.

What Dumbo wasn't really paying attention to (since he's not really great about heeding the advice of those he pays to give it to him) was the unavoidable fact that his career was doing, uh, doing quite nicely before he ever met Ms. Jiggle. And if anything, Dumbo's marriage to Slink-a-Rella has stalled his pro job, if only a bit.

Will Dumbo's day gig continue to sorta meander along, you think, until this kind of weirdo marriage of his suddenly busts up, as most of his friends think it will? And pretty messily, at that. Hard to say. And besides, a good pair of butt cheeks is hard to find in this town of starved women, so can't say I blame Mr. Pecs all that much.

And it ain't: Beyonce & Jay-Z, Kendra Wilkinson & Hank Baskett, Mariah Carey & Nick Cannon

Guesses please...

* Update 10/14/09 - Ted has eliminated Tom Brady, Josh Duhamel.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Page Six- Just Asking

WHICH reality show star refused to put a house keeper on the books, worked her like a slave and paid her spottily in cash with no regard to her Social Secu rity or her husband, who was being treated for cancer? . . . WHICH pouty actress was recently spotted acting like a complete lush? She "got drunk and then threw herself all over a clubowner," according to our spies . . . WHICH soon-to-be married heartthrob forced his wedding guests to sign confidentiality agreements before they got their wedding invitations?


Friday, October 2, 2009

Blind Vice: Toothy Trading Coke For Cracking Up?

New from Ted today-

Jake Gyllenhaal 2011 CalendarBlind Vice: Toothy Trading Coke For Cracking Up?

This is not a joke: Poor closeted movie star Toothy Tile, last caught pitifully fooling around with blow and broads, is more recently causing his friends to worry something fierce about his head.
And I don't mean the kind he prefers getting in West Hollywood parking lots.
As our beloved Mr. T's same-sex desires (and née partnership) have been cast as far back in the closet as Kevin Spacey appears to be, Toothy's extremely tight band of friends are fretting for the fella's emotional well-being?and rightfully so.
"We're wondering when he's going to crack," said one of the slightly lesser-inside chums to the notoriously private actor. "I keep hearing from everybody else that he's about to pop, but it's weird, whenever I see him, he acts like everything's cool. I think he only shows that side of himself to a couple of people."
And those people are telling other people who are telling me:
Toothy's current and arranged girlfriend is starting to "really get on his nerves," particularly when she cleans up after Toothy, who's apparently a bit of a clumsy eater.
Toothy's getting fed up with having to keep his (currently reinvented) relationship with Grey Goose in the dark and is threatening his publicists and hangers-on with outing both himself and Grey, which would then, ironically, ruin Grey's own beard relationship, not that anybody really cares, so never mind.
Toothy's been heard complaining to his advisers that the Biz angle they've chosen for him is not exactly panning out, so "what has it been for?," as Toothy has cried.
Toothy's so frustrated by being a nonperson, as it were (and how he deems it, quite unlike many other fellow Hollywood celebs who are perfectly happy to sell their empty souls to the tabloid devil), he's become unnaturally obsessed with his abs, a subject years prior, when he was happier with Grey, he didn't give an ef about.
Toothy, Toothy, Toothy!
Please give up this hideous fake life while you can?and before you turn into one of these six-packed prima donnas who have about as much to say in life as does Kristin Cavallari. We know the real Toothy's dying to come out.
Let him!
(Hey, Neil Patrick Harris still has an OK gig, ya know).

It Ain't: Kevin Spacey, Bradley Cooper, Robert Pattinson

I think we all know who it is....