Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Bonus Blind Vice! Nude Dork 's Sexting Strikeout

Bonus from Ted yesterday... sorry for the delay.

Bonus Blind Vice! Nude Dork's Sexting Strikeout

Think most of our homo Vices have totally effed-up ways of pursuing love? Well, don't rule out the horny-ass heteros, cause Adam Pounce-Prick is at the top of the heap when it comes to humiliating ways of getting off.
P.S. I Love YouAdam P.P. dated a few other celebs once becoming a recognizable name—some honeys way out of his league, but they seem to fall for this funny fella's charm, if not his somewhat-appealing looks. But Adam, like every other swell-headed male out there, wants what he can't get.
Cue violins now, please.
Specifically, APP has his randy eye on one particular lady not in the business, not into casual stuff in the boudoir, either. Too bad for Pouncey, cause that's all he's looking for nowadays, and with this gal, he kept getting outright (and painfully) rejected. Did he finally prevail?
Well, listen up:
Those close to the lady of our dear Ad's affections don't say she has high standards or morals when it comes to bedding guys—they say she's a "prude." Because how dare a dude, and a famous one at that, get denied! What an icy bitch this girl is!
Adam has been incessantly texting Miss Priss late at night to thrill her with sweet nothings. Such as? Asking her if she wanted to "suck face," or "roll under the covers with me." We're not kiddin', folks, we couldn't dream up these lame one-liners (that still live in the femme's phone so she can whip 'em out at parties and give everybody a good laugh).
APP's totally horrible pickup lines for a booty call show just how immature he is in real life, not just the man-children he plays onscreen. (Though we give the dude some respect for not flat-out telling her to sit on his face or some other crude Piven-like crap.)
Well after a few weeks, Pouncey finally got the girl to come over by asking if she wanted to watch a movie. Right. Not sure why Miss Priss fell for this dork's see-through excuse, but she came over to his pad. "Door's open," he shouted from inside, and she sauntered in. And there Ad was, standing completely in the buff.
Miss Priss screamed, as any normal babe would who was being flashed (and sexually harassed) by Pouncey's paunchy bod, and flew the ef out of there, leaving Ad cold, alone and with a fab drop-dead line:
"I've already seen your movie."
What a way to woo a girl, man. It's a wonder you get laid at all.
And it ain't: Paul Rudd, Bradley Cooper, Jonah Hill

Update - as of 11/19/11, Ted has eliminated Jason Segel

Top suspect: Gerard Butler

[The top suspect was previously Jason Segel.  See comments for discussion on both this BV and which one could be JS's.]


blurry vice said...

Weds from Ted -

"Blab Blab Blab: Who's a George Clooney in Training?

Leslie: "Jason."
Judd: "None of them. They'll all be married within three years."
Leslie: "Really?"

—Hubby and wife Judd Apatow and Leslie Mann, when we asked them at the Fulfillment Stars Benefit Gala which of their three funny amigos, Jason Segal, Jonah Hill or Seth Rogan, is going to be a perpetual bachelor like our boy George Clooney.

From things we've been hearing behind closed doors, we're siding with Leslie.

Not only do we trust a gal's opinion on this kinda Q, but Segal is hardly acting like he wants to get serious anytime soon, trust. "

blurry vice said...

Also of course the hint about him being naked in a movie... Forgetting Sarah Marshall he was full frontal.

Pretty obvious I guess!

Brittany said...

If this is Segel then who are celebs that he used to date.
My guess is for David Spade.

Unknown said...

He's dated Linda Cardellini and Drew Barrymore! And rumored to date Evan Rachel Wood.

sarahj said...

My guess is Jason Segel too. The line about "I've already seen your movie" definitely seems to be referring to the full frontal scene in Sarah Marshall.

Just as a side note, I just discovered this site, and wow. It's so addictive! I love it. I'm so glad I found it, and I'll be coming back to spend many more hours browsing your archives!

duffgrl said...

I agree w/ Jason Segel. I think he dated Chloe Sevigny recently,too.

-Thanks Sarah, welcome!

Anonymous said...

Also, all the "dork" clues lead me to believe this ties into his role in "Freaks and Geeks."

I too just discovered this site! Love it!

Leslie said...

If this is Jason Segal, then he is especially lame because this was one of the stories on his TV show How I Met Your Mother last season. If you didn't see it: Robin went on a blind date with a less-than-studly guy who employed something called "The Move." Robin left the room and when she came back, he was sitting on her couch completely naked. She was so disarmed by that that she slept with him. The guy said "The Move" worked in his favor 2 out of 3 times.

blurry vice said...

Gerard Butler reveal???

"Dear Ted:
Do you think that since Gerard Butler hit the big 40 he will finally come out of the closet, or will he keep the door closed and keep eating fries?

Dear Big Butt:
Gerard is known for his 3 a.m. booty texts, and not to dudes."

happybunny said...

Well Jonah Hill does a voice in the same animated movie, How to Train a Dragon, as GB, just coming out and Paul Rudd and Bradley Cooper have also starred in movies with/rumoured attached to Jennifer Anniston just like GB. Wouldn't consider him paunchy though, not currently, so I might have to think twice if I were Miss Priss but yeah they don't have body condoms out yet, so.....but he admitted to greeting a woman applying for an asssistant's job in his tighty whiteys to "test whether she could handle it" and he is seemingly addicted to his Blackberry.

I wouldn't call most of his roles man-children though. King Leonidas? Not the two out of the three movies this year, Gamer, Law Abiding Citizen. Ugly Truth maybe.

Eating fries ha ha, refers to Fry Guy, the male friend that seems to be with GB everywhere, Nick Boyle. No one knows if he is on the payroll or what. Called FryGuy because there is a photo of him stealing a french fry off GB's plate and GB's looking none too pleased. Sounds like TC might be dismissing those gay-bi rumours though if it is GB.

Kayla Bakes said...

Now reading this, Ted made a comment about GB "booty texting at 3:00am" in one of his Bitch Backs this week....awesome.

Brittany said...

Ted also mentioned in 11/20 BB that Butler has problems getting women. Maybe another clue towards him.

fearless_nadia said...

Gerard Butler has _other_ problems getting women.

See BB from Nov. 23:
Dear Ted:
John Mayer and Gerard Butler are sleazy hot. They're the guys you don't take home to meet mama, that you would never want as a boyfriend but who you have dirty, hot sex in the back alley with.

Dear Good Observation:
Yes, yes they are, but you won't be happy about it when you have to visit the doctor after.


And one from Oct 27th:

Dear Ted:
Hi from Sweden! I've just fallen in love with Gerard Butler—you think you could help me hook up with him? You think he'd like me, a brunette petite Swedish nurse?

Dear Hey, Butler:
Honey, you could catch him with your eyes closed. But you might be catching something else, too.


Anonymous said...

Ted today: "Jase seemed in good spirits as he hung with Neil, his How I Met Your Mother costar, for a bit, and shockingly wasn't creeping on any of the ladies there. Segel is notorious for his awkwardly forward pickup ways,"

That fits this.

Anonymous said...

I found this

"That ain't what we heard! (Our own stargazing sources from months ago told us not only is Butler the type to use pickup lines, he uses bad ones!)"

That could kinda fit with those late night texts he was sending.

blurry vice said...

Leslie - I know, LOL... that epiode was "the naked man" or something, I thought of that too. HA!

Anonymous said...

Jason recently made that plea for sex to the whole Swell Season audience and then a couple mornings later was escorting LiLo out of his house. I choose Jason all the way. But still think he's hilarious and cute.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I just started reading your blog a couple of months ago, and I am now utterly addicted. I swear, I recommend it to pretty much anyone who comes within 5 feet of me. Care to return the favor? I would love some dirt on the cast of How I Met Your Mother! Specifically—is Neil Patrick Harris as kind and funny as he seems? Is Jason Segel really a bit of a sleaze, as some recent rumors have suggested? Thanks so much!

Dear Consider It Returned:
NPH is a gem, and even cuter in person, BTW. As for Jason, yes, he is known for his quasi-sleazy rep around town, but we dig him. Glad he doesn't hide it like Miley Cyrus does."

Viking Girl said...

After reading todays Bitch Back, this one looks like JS to me, not GB.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I love Jason Segel! He seems like such a sincere and awesome person. Any chance he's hiding some Vicey secrets? Love from me and my rescue mutt, Tobey.

Dear Love You Man:
Big fan of Jason's, too! Yes he has a Vice...but he's practically already outted it himself. It's more on the funny side, so rest easy."

- OHH SPIE.... we need a timeline confirmation. As of Aug 20 2009 was NOT a BV. Then as of Jan 20 2011 IS A BV. On the funny side.

Kristen said...

There was never any doubt in my mind that this was Jason Segel. "I've already seen your movie" cinched it for me. And Gerard Butler has a nice body. I can't see him being described as "paunchy". Plus, Ted is strongly hinting that Gerard's BV has something to do with an STD, which this doesn't.

Caz1310 said...

Agree with all who have made the connection with Segal's movie frontal nudity and the wording of Ted's BV. I love him (and all the others) on HIMYM!! Surprised he'd have trouble with the ladies.

Kristen said...

I saw Jason at a New York screening of Forgetting Sarah Marshall (great movie, by the way). It was kind of like a premiere, since it was a few days in advance of the official release, but without the red carpet stuff and much publicity. I can't speak for today, but at that time, I remember him being really good looking in person. I remember being a bit surprised because on TV, he's kind of average looking. But when the vast majority of your male peers look like models, I can see how it can be hard to get girls. Plus, he seems to be an awkward person. And having the right attitude when it comes to dating is often more important than what you look like.

hezilee said...

This blind always confused me because it was so NOT BLIND AT ALL (if it's supposed to be Jason Segal, which I believe it is.)

This is straight out of Forgetting Sarah Marshall, which Jason Segal has basically admitted is very autobiographical, right down to the full-frontal scene. So why bother with a blind when he has already admitted to using this "move" in the past?

Adrienne said...

This gave me an immediate visual of David Spade as he used to date Heather Locklear among several other way out of the league chicks. Plus- already seen your movie reminds me of his scene with Chris Farley when he is caught "red handed" during some alone time.

MISCH said...

There was a rumor when Butler was shooting RocknRolla, he either caught something or gave someone something...but that's all I've got...

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I realize that I'm really late to the party on this one, but I've recently become rather enthralled with Gerard Butler. How Vicey is he?
—Better Late Than Never

Dear Ger Bear:
Care to explain the fascination, babe? Not that it's completely unwarranted; the fella has something going on ‘cause he's caught the eye of some of

Hollywood's hottest A-list ladies. Maybe it's his Vice that has ‘em running for the door. Because he most definitely has a moniker, and boy is it a juicy one."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
"Care to explain the fascination?" You asked this of a newbie Gerard Butler fan, but I'll answer as one smitten early in his career. Of course, his physical attributes spark a reaction and he seems to have pheromones galore. I see real talent and staying power. Friends who have met him say he is charming, intelligent and focused, but also boyish with diva tendencies. In short, he's still, at 41, a kid from Paisley, Scotland, set loose in the Hollywood candy shop. Now, Ted, your turn. Rumors have always stalked him. How recent is his Vice moniker and just how shocked would I be if I knew his Vice? It would take something truly horrifying to end my support.
—A Sap for Gerry?

Dear Gag-Worthy Gushing:
You really do dig the dawg, babe. But even you might think twice about totally hearting the dude if you knew what his large closet of skeletons hid. That said, it's really not that shocking of a Vice. And, for the record, it's an older one (he's savvier now). So hope that helps!"

Viking Girl said...

Gerard Butler wasn't a Vice as of Aug 24 2009. So that narrows it down a bit. It all depends what an 'older one' means in Ted-Speak.

Viking Girl said...

So, if we are to take Ted at his word, this has to be Butler. He says his (not too vicey) vice was in the decade before 2010. Butler wasn't a Vice before Aug 24 2009. And nobody else within this time frame fits.

So which one is Jason Segal, then?

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I have recently given up smoking and I'm afraid I'm not doing very well—I'm weaker than I thought. A little project will help keep my mind off things, so I

have decided to get to the bottom of Gerard Butler's Vice. You said his Vice was an "older one." Does this mean I'm going to have to trawl through years and

years of your Vicey archives? I'm not sure how much my poor nicotine-starved brain can process. Should I be digging into this decades archives or the

previous decades vices?
—Viking girl

Dear Weary of Gerry:
Ger's Vice appeared last decade, doll (as in the millennium to 2010). But you can look much more recently to find a nameless appearance by him in another

Vicer's bizness. I'm sure that won't help your nicotine-starved brain, but good luck babe! Being smoke-free is so worth it, promise."

blurry vice said...

Viking Girl - I agree! We will have to figure out if (a) there are no others that Gerard Butler fits into in that time frame (Aug 24 2009 to Dec 31 2009), and (b) once we pinpoint him for this, we will have to figure out which one is Jason Segel's since this can no longer be his!

Savannah said...

"Maybe it's his Vice that has ‘em running for the door. Because he most definitely has a moniker, and boy is it a juicy one."

'Run for the door' could be a clue because the girl in this BV literally runs for the door. But is being bad at wooing girls really a juicy BV? Ted has said that Gerard's vice is dirty and this BV is pretty tame.

Viking Girl said...

I've gone through all the B.V.'s in this time-frame, (there aren't that many) and this is the only one that fits Gerard Butler. The only one.

Still no idea on Jason Segal, though.

Savannah - I agree it's lame, but you know how Ted likes to over- egg the pudding!!

Lyn said...

"Dear Ted:
You gotta give me some goss on Jason Segel! With The Muppets coming out soon, I'm wondering what his Vice could be. Is he possibly the dorky, desperate Adam Pounce-Prick?

Dear Blast from the Past:
Think even more ancient than that. Jas hasn't been Vicey in a long time and even when he was it was lame-o compared to most of the juicy fodder that comedians are serving up. Segel's favorite BV season is fast approaching though, maybe this will be the year he returns to his no-good ways?"

Lyn said...

P.S. Long time reader, first comment. Love you gals!

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
You gotta give me some goss on Jason Segel! With The Muppets coming out soon, I'm wondering what his Vice could be. Is he possibly the dorky, desperate Adam


Dear Blast from the Past:
Think even more ancient than that. Jas hasn't been Vicey in a long time and even when he was it was lame-o compared to most of the juicy fodder that

comedians are serving up. Segel's favorite BV season is fast approaching though, maybe this will be the year he returns to his no-good ways?

blurry vice said...

So... this one has gotta be Gerard Butler. Not sure about Jason Segel's. Something to do with award season? Christmas? Thanksgiving? Which BV has to do with a season?

Lyn - thanks! :)

Viking Girl said...

So, like the Gerard Butler blind, the window for Jason Segals B.V is very narrow; as of Aug 20th 2009 he wasn't a B.V, and this blind is dated Oct 27th 2009.

There are very few candidates that fit within the timeline given. I'm leaning towards Horace Hum-Brow, by process of elimination as none of the others really fit. (Well, maybe Maxwell Meat-Mingle, but I really don't think so.)

Mikayla Marie said...

@VikingGirl - Horace Hum-Brow could work. Ted says his favorite season is coming up which could be a hint towards Christmas and Humbug. Humbug, Hum-Brow. Nice little link.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Wondering about two potential BV'ers: Adrien Brody and Gerard Butler. Saw AB on a commercial last night and he has this cool swagger that made me wonder what

he's got hiding beneath that cute smirk. He is not often in the tabs, so either he's clean or crafty. Which is it? As for GB, read he is in rehab. Obviously

has some kind of Vice, but has he ever been a feature or supporting player at AT?

Dear Support Gerard:
Firstly, Brody's just been a supporting player, he's not exactly that guy he plays on TV. Secondly, let's give a big hand to Butler for letting people in on the fact that he's trying to better his life and get off drugs. But, in that same vein, I must add that the private reasons Butler didn't elaborate on (apart from turning to drugs for pain management) almost certainly include some reasons behind why he's a Blind Vice star. There's a connection there."

blurry vice said...

Don't know where else to put this right now, but about Jason Segel's BV -

"Dear Ted:
So allegedly, Jason Segel and Michelle Williams hooked up at the Chateau Marmont. Are they really a couple?

Dear Isn't Love Funny:
I'll say this much: These two aren't ready for a couple nickname yet, but I totally approve of this par-tick pairing! The darling actress needs a funny man.
Plus, with everything she's endured in the past, his Vice is so mild that it hardly matters."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Have you seen the pics of Michelle Williams and Jason Segel? She seems so happy and, maybe it's because we are both single moms, but I am rooting for her

happiness. Please tell me, Ted, will Jason's B.V. be an issue to this budding relationship?

Dear Team Wegel:
That's the name we've officially decided on for these two. If only because it makes us chuckle—ya know, just like Jason does. But Team Truth loves this

coupling and the pics of Wegel strollin' around NYC were almost too friggin' adorable to handle. The fact that they were matched up by our fave lady Busy

Philipps just seals the deal. As for your last Q, no."