Tuesday, June 30, 2009

One Messy, Meth-Powered Blind Vice

From Ted last Friday 6/26/09 -

One Messy, Meth-Powered Blind Vice

Emma Uh-Oh
was such the hot, writhing babe for a while not all that long ago really. All supersexy, superskinny, superglossy gal power, mainly on the small screen, Ms. U-O was indeed a major player on some of the boob tube's hottest shows (and she had the hot curves to match). We could totally see her making all the straight menfolk drool on red carpets had she not taken herself off them.

How? The worst way, folks—she wasn't lazy or unmotivated. She was on...

...meth, the fastest career-ruining (hell, not to mention life-ruining) substance out there.

Now, this ain't like heroin-addicted Brain-Fry Noodlestein, who totally gives everyone the skeeves wherever he goes nowadays. This is a far less for-camera checking out of one's capabilities. Really, you'd never know Em was hooked on the hard stuff, most likely, since she's still totally doable. Great skin and a great stylist can totally cover up anything, even a supernasty meth habit.

The producers for Em's last high-profile gig totally loved her and offered to keep her on, even if she went the rehabilitation route. No go. She didn't buy it. I mean, she might as well have starting humming a few "no, no, no" lines from Amy Winehouse's "Rehab" to those suits. In fact, I think she did!

But then, Em changed her mind about rehab. She tried it out to appease her employers, but in the end, EUO just didn't want to quit and went back to getting high. She was axed from her latest popular show and, sorry, but Em's chances of sustaining any smoldering It babe status and taking it to the next level went right out along with her trailer's contents.

And not only did Em get fired from her last hot job for refusing, ultimately, to give up the nastyass stuff, she lost her last hottie boyfriend, another TV player who's currently gallivanting around town with yet another small-screen honey from a hit teen show.

It's all so sadly incestuous, ain't it?

And it ain't: Nicolette Sheridan, Shannen Doherty, Jessica Biel

* Update 12/23/09 - Ted has also eliminated Mischa Barton, Heather Locklear, Autumn Reeser, Brittany Snow, Paris Hilton, Brittany Murphy.

* Top suspect: Samaire Armstrong.

26 comments:

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Emma Uh-Oh Mischa Barton?
—Amanda F., NYC

Dear Oh No:
Sorry, ain't Misch. But excellent guess. Wrong hair color. "

Gracie said...

Lucy Lu?

mike said...

Heather Locklear

mike said...

Pam Anderson

Kristy Wisty said...

Alexis Bledel?

Kristy Wisty said...

Alexis Bledel?

blurry vice said...

Alyssa Milano

or Jennifer Love Hewitt

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Melinda Miscreant the extremely obnoxious Lisa Rinna? Don't you (and most people) think she is incredibly annoying? And the meth user you spoke of, is that Heather Locklear? (I hope not—she seems very sweet.)
—Wormadette

Dear Two-for-One Special:
No, not really. Sorry, no more for you.

Dear Ted:
Love your column. Is Melinda Miscreant Linda Hogan?
—Cristal

Dear Another One, Doc:
You're one shot of Botox too many, babe. Way too old. "

A-face said...

Was Ted saying, no not really as a "two for one" to both guesses? Or no not really, to the first comment about LR being annoying and 'sorry no more for you' to her second guess? I was thinking HL is a great guess! She has a rocker edge that she barley let's on to... But I am new to deciphering Ted, so I don't know how to read that response.

Jillian said...

Samiare Armstrong

alana said...

Brown or Blonde? I really don't know which Mischa falls under, so I am not sure how much of a clue his ***** Back response was. My first guess was Heather Locklear... she totally fits the description and her mug shot looks rough! BUT, after reading the other comments on Ted's page and finding out who Samarie actually is, IT HAS TO BE HER!!! The sad thing is now I know her for this and not for her minor supporting roles on a few hit shows where she blends into the background... you live the Hollywood dream meth head! Oh, now I think Ted's non-descriptive clue makes sense, that Samarie girls hair changes color a lot so I am not sure what she falls under either.

Shamá said...

Dear Ted:
I love your Blind Vices, and your further clues—without them, B.V.s would be a lost cause most of the time! But Emma Uh-Oh is just so hard! Could she be Autumn Reeser? And if not, has she ever worked with Mischa Barton? Hope you can answer! Kisses!
—Shamavm

Dear Reeser Teaser:
Autumn she is not! Think sexier, blonder.

Shamá said...

Don´t you guys think Heather is a bit too old? And if it was her, how come Misha would be a great guess? I think it´s the same age range as Misha.. The same tipe of tv series, also

asa said...

sophia bush!

crila16 said...

It's Samaire Armstrong. They have it as a definite on one of the sites, along with the below pic.

http://cache.gawker.com/hollywood/samaire-armstrong-neworlean.jpg

nissivm said...

It´s not so definitive. Samaire was always very skinny, and this is just the most unflattering pic ever. Besides, she can´t be considered super sexy, and has never been a heavy character in several teen shows. She´s still working AND has the same boyfriend for ages now. So.. I don´t think she´s the perfect fit at all (Also, she has NO connection of any kind with any of the AIAs!)

Dayna said...

What about AnnaLynn McCord? She was incredibly sexy on Nip/Tuck and I haven't watched the new 90210 but I'm assuming she hasn't changed too much... plus i've seen some pictures of her looking ROUGH...

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I love your Blind Vices, and your further clues—without them, B.V.s would be a lost cause most of the time! But Emma Uh-Oh is just so hard! Could she be Autumn Reeser? And if not, has she ever worked with Mischa Barton? Hope you can answer! Kisses!
—Shamavm

Dear Reeser Teaser:
Autumn she is not! Think sexier, blonder."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Emma Uh-Oh Brittany Snow?
—Esther

Dear Snow Flake:
Terrific guess, but no. Right look, right age though. "

CrazySister said...

elisha cuthbert

duffgrl said...

I think all of Elisha Cuthbert's botfriends have been hockey players not Tv actors...could be Samaire Armstrong-wasn't there a rumor when she left Entourage??? Not sure though.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Emma Uh-Oh's ex-boyfriend into meth too? I have a feeling thA.T. he knows how "bad" it is and decided "breaking" up with her was his only choice. Thanks for keeping me informed!
—Alana

Dear Methed Up:
Tho he's certainly surrounded by the stuff while dealing in H'wood, he knows better than Em. ThA.T.'s why he couldn't put up with her anymore."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I know she's known more for partying 24 hours a day than for being an actress, but she has managed to squeeze in reality shows and movie gems like House of Wax...Is Emma Uh-Oh Paris Hilton?
–Maebe B., N.Y., N.Y.

Dear Hiltonian:
Nope, but you can bet that Paris is the subject of another B.V. altogether. Often. "

(Paris of course is Slurpa Pop-Off)

lauren said...

I know she's could also be dommy do rightly ,as it sounds more like her,but something abut this screams Hayden Panetierre.it says she was axed from her show and hayds not on heroes anymore,and it says she lost her bf,who is also a tv player who is now dating someone from a hit teen show.Milo is now apparently dating one of the actresses from kyle xy,which i don't know if its a hot,but its a teen show?

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I was so sad to hear about Brittany Murphy's death. As some people have eluded to, it seemed she had her problems. Is it possible she was Emma Uh-Oh?
–Ella

Dear Super Close:
But Brittany is not Emma. They look similar though."

Anonymous said...

milo is with the sister of jordana brewster.. i think she is a talent agent. i clicked on that pic of samire armstrong in the above link... yikes

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