Sunday, April 26, 2009

Blind Vice: Star Couple Showdown!

New from Ted on Friday Apr 24 -

Blind Vice: Star Couple Showdown!
Hard-Nipple Nick is the hottest star, both bod-wise and at the box office. His wife's figure and professional goings-on aren't too shabby, either, as both Mr. and Mrs. Nick enjoy fame and fortune regularly up on the big screen—though his paychecks dwarf hers, big-time.
Greatest HitsYep, everything's pretty cozy Chez Nick, even the bisexual couple's agreement to have lovers outside the marriage. Instead of his-and-hers towels, they have his-and-hers sex partners!
And you guessed it, there's a girl for Mrs. Nick and...
A boy for Mr. Nick! And like the smart have-it-all couple they are, the Nicks chose other famous people to be their closeted lovers. Too crafty! Only problem being Hard-Nipple's boyfriend is married to an established actress who's growing increasingly peeved over the clandestine arrangement.
"He's starting to go out and fly him with him everywhere," a good friend to the Nicks told yours truly about Hard-Nipple taking the BF a few too many places as of late. "They're turning up everywhere together, and [the boyfriend's wife] is getting really pissed about it. It's going too far. It's only a matter of time before she spills."
Guess all those pricey little gifties to the wife for borrowing her hubby aren't as attractive as they once were?
Must say I'm a tad surprised to hear this latest development, as H.-N'.s always been one of the best in the Biz about keeping his preferred love life on the down-low. And now that it's flyin' high, guess a tabloid revelation is only seconds away from takeoff!
And It Ain't: John Travolta, David Beckham, Jerry O'Connell

* Update 8/26/11- Ted has eliminated John Travolta, David Beckham, Jerry O'Connell, Ashton Kutcher, Tom Hanks, Ryan Reynolds, Zac Efron, Brad Pitt, Hugh Jackman, Sean Penn, Mel Gibson, Robert Downey Jr., Jensen Ackles, Matthew McConaughey, Ben Affleck

Please see the label below for a link to our post on the most recent Hard-Nipple Nick BV from August 2011.

* Our top guess: was Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith. (Now under dispute because on April 2 Ted said that Will was already a subject of a BV.)


blurry vice said...

Will and Jada... or Tom and Katie.

blurry vice said...

Ted's Clues on Twitter:

"#hard-nipple nick talks about his marriage a lot. way too much."

"and #hard-nipplenick knows how to kill it in his other pro endeavor, too"

"@lillieboo certainly a type of royalty that's for sure"

"@jessicaclarke just for you sweetheart Nick isn't exactly traditionally hot, just hot, like way hot"

"@answerbitch think on something hotter like Hard-Nipple Nick in my latest #Blindvice, his thighs firmer than your #Robbie hate!"

"oh and Hard-Nipple Nick's wife and @answerbitch have lot in common, mainly the bitch part! Own what you are @answerbitch!"

blurry vice said...

I think this is clearly Will and Jada! I know they have been suspected as past blind vices, but it's never been sure. This one screams them! They are always talking about marriage/their love life.

I wonder who the married bf is?

blurry vice said...

ooh he also siad this yesterday on twitter-

"so tomorrow's #Vice about Hard-Nipple Nick puts the #tomcruise conspiracy theories to shame! delish! clues coming..."

Unknown said...

Will Smith is totally Hard Nipple Nick! Especially the other pro endeavor part, he is an established rapper/performer, and had alot of success with his music career.

Now the BF, I am going to guess its Tom Cruise. It just makes so much sense why everything is so staged in his life, and this whole nonsense with Katie Holmes. She looks like she got way in over her head.

crila16 said...

Hard-Nipple Nick: Will Smith (one of hollywood's biggest, hottest stars)

Hard N N's wife: Jada Pinkett (makes a much smaller paycheck)

The rumour has also always been out there that they have dishes on the side...her's female, his male.

H NN's boyfriend: Tom Cruise (has a plane collection and it's known he loves to fly.

N NN's boyfriend's wife: Katie Holmes. (Established enough actress and she and Tom have been fighting alot lately, and apparently are going to counseling.)

Is she the only person on the earth who doesn't know Tom Cruise is gay???

crila16 said...

Jerry O'Connell did a great impression of Tom Cruise on a Scientology...they say he looked sounded and acted like him, which I think is also why a nobody like Jerry O'Connel was used as an "It's not".

mo said...

This is quite a Blind Vice. Seems too outrageous to be true, but... okay. I had thought maybe Hugh Jackman at first, but it all does seem to fit with Will & Jada. I would believe it about Jada but not Will!

crila16 said...

Just for the record, I know someone who is good friends, gay and worked with Hugh Jackman on Boy from Oz. He told me Hugh Jackman is 100% straight. He loves women and has never been with a man, which really bummed my friend out. He said he is the nicest guy and all the gay guys had a crush on him. He told me Hugh laughs at the gay rumors and finds it funny, because he's so secure with his masculinity.

Hugh took the role on Broadway, because he wanted to do something totally different with his acting. Unfortunately, it sparked gay rumors. That's how good of an actor he is.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Do you ever read the postings after your blogs and think, "Holy crap, these people are ridiculous?" OK, so my guess for Hard-Nipple Nick is Ashton Kutcher. Am I right? Or in right field?
—Cathy, Texas

Dear Crazy Commenting:
Define ridiculous. All colors of the whacked-out rainbow love their goss—all are welcome here! And as for HN2? Way, way off. Think much more box-office hits than blog hits."

blurry vice said...

To the use who used profanity, your post was deleted!

BTW - hello the biggest clue form Ted was "definitely a type of royalty thats for sure"... Fresh Prince of Bel Air!!!

kmt said...

First time blogger, the Royalty clue screams Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Going with Will Smith

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I always try to guess the identity of your Blind Vices but always fail. Will I be able to be right this time? Cause Hard-Nipple Nick sure is Tom Hanks, right?

Dear Forrest Hump:
How dare you! Presently clean-cut Tom got all his vices out in the '80s. Think more studly."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Hard-Nipple Nick is Ryan Reynolds?

Dear No:
Would you be into anyone else if you were married to ScarJo's boobs?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Two questions, is Hard-Nipple Nick an established Hollywood A-lister, and what age group does he fall under?

Dear So Specific:
Yes, and older than Efron!"

Anonymous said...

He eliminated Hugh Jackman today.

sistah2 said...

I also think its WS. the David Beckham hint = WS/TC. He's a good buddy to both of them.

blurry vice said...


"Dear Ted:
Is Hard-Nippled Nick Ryan Reynolds?

Dear Dimpled Curious:
Wrong hard-nippled dude for Nick, sorry."

blurry vice said...

may 8

"Dear Ted:
Is Hard-Nipple Nick Brad Pitt? The clues fit, and everyone knows about the George Clooney-Brad Pitt rumors and the Angelina lesbian rumors.

Dear Pitt Pick:
Makes perf sense, don't it? Too bad it's not Brad! And we're pretty sure Clooney's sexual preference only includes anonymous models and biker babes."

blurry vice said...

may 6

"Dear Ted:
Is Hugh Jackman Hard-Nipple Nick?! I just saw that his wife also has a career in the Biz, so it makes complete sense. Also, he does have hard-looking nipples, both children are adopted and there's been gay rumors about him and his Biz partner! I'm know I'm right, but I love H.J. just the same!
—C Sutherland

Dear Jacked Up Man:
Glad to see you'd love Hugh if he was HNN or not. But isn't that kinda implying there's something's wrong with being a closeted self-hating gay man? Uh that's way more than half of Hollywood. But relax, Hugh ain't HNN; he's really quite better-looking."

blurry vice said...

may 6

"Dear Ted:
For some strange reason, everyone is pointing to Sean Penn for your last Blind Vice. While I'm certain Sean has been the subject of one of your more scathing Vices (you don't appear to be a big personal fan), I seriously doubt he is HNN. Am I right?
—Big Mama

Dear Right Turn:
Correct on Nipple Nick—not Penn, who I'm not a fan of, at least not with his treatment of women."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Hard-Nipple Nick Mel Gibson?

Dear Conspiracy Theory:
Mel is bigger scum than HNN. At least Nick and his babe have extramarital agreements that don't involve acrimony and millions of bucks."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Robert Downey Jr. Hard-Nipple Nick?

Dear Good Guess:
But wrong stud. RDJ's got his act somewhat together now."

GoddessNow said...

I recently heard RDJ was seen traking a bathroom break every 5 min. recently in NYC....Wonder if that is true and if so, does RDJ really have the "act" together?

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Good morning, sunshine! While my better half is still asleep, I've taken the opportunity to slip away and ask you a question that's had us rankled for a few weeks now, regarding "good guys" in the Biz. My boyfriend is convinced that ├╝ber-stars, like Will Smith in particular, are just normal dudes who schlep it out at work and then come home to a nice, normal family afterward. No drama, so sexual deviation. When I, being a natural skeptic, professed my doubts, tensions heightened. So what's your say on this, oh sagacious voice of Hollywood wisdom?

Dear Nosy:
There is nothing "normal" about the Pinkett-Smiths' personal lives. Nada. But that doesn't mean there's something wrong about their living sitch. What you might call "sexually deviant," they might consider totally cool, right? Weirdness is in the eye of the beholder, is it not?"

blurry vice said...

I know it is under dispute whether or not this one is WIll Smith ... but WS made it to the BV Superstar Gallery so I am posting this hint here...

Will Smith

Willy might be the biggest movie star in the world, but money can't keep you away from your natural-born bent—at least not all the time. Neither can a big mouth that simply loves to dish about (some parts of) your sex life.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Can you help me out with two questions please? Are Will Smith and Jada really as into each other as they pretend to be? Like 100 percent? Also David Beckham and Victoria; how is their marriage really coping since his alleged affair with Rebecca Loos? I don't believe for one minute that he has cleaned up his act that much!

Dear One Degree of Tom Cruise:
Interesting couples you picked there. Let's just say both marriages have their issues, but they are totally different. In many agreed-upon ways."

Unknown said...

what about ben affleck and jennifer gardner?

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
What's the deal with Will Smith? First, he refuses to play a gay man in Six Degrees of Separation. Then rumors persist that he and Jada have an open relationship. Plus, there are those gay rumors. P.S. I think it's funny that a photo of Jake G. is featured in the January edition of Glamour with the heading "The Man You Thought Was Gay But Wasn't." Interesting choice of actor, no?

Dear Funny, Indeed:
But isn't Glamour largely for women who aren't all that sexually active yet? Doesn't that kinda make sense? As far as Will and Jada goes, look, said it before, I'll say it again: for somebody who screams on press lines what great sex he and Jada have, well, talk, talk, talk."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I love six degrees of Awful Truth! I really wish you'd play this game more often. How 'bout if I start? Chet Chick Muncher and Strawberry Snort'Em—do they know each other very well? Carnally well? And Crotch Uh-Lastic and Crescent Kumquat—do you think Crescent would be scared of Crotch? I imagine CUL has a heck of a 'come-hither' smile. Fey Oiled Tush and Hard Nipple Nick—do you think Nick would lend Fey his pilot?

Dear Q&A:
No. Yes. Maybe"

lostathome said...

A new blind came out today and I think it's pretty obvious that it's the Smiths.

Gelfling said...

What about the little clue Ted gave of "Mr and Mrs Nick"? Mr and Mrs Smith?

Cassiopeia said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
theshlaay said...

NOOO will Smith is NOT bisexual. I won't believe it.

DreamOn said...

Will and Jada and the other couple is Duane Martin and Tisha Campbell Martin