Saturday, April 4, 2009

Blind Vice: Chillin' Dude Does the Dude

From Ted yesterday...

Blind Vice: Chillin' Dude Does the Dude

I know what you're thinking: Is anybody in Hollywood straight? Skanky David Duchovny is. Brad Pitt maybe. I think that might be it!
But seriously, the town's full of pooftahs. Get friggin' used to it. Always has been that way—always will be. It's a community full of creative types, babe, that's just the way it goes!
Take Saucy Bossy, for ince. He's made a living by exuding the easy, cool side of powerful in his acting, his looks, his walk, all his endeavors. Ya know, he's just one of those handsome, effortless figures who command authority, with just a touch of kink on the side.
Well, doll-babes, I'm here to tell you...
It's a helluva lot more than just a damn "touch" for Saucy's libidinous bent! He sneaks dudes right and left into wherever he's hanging, whether it's his house in L.A. or whatever hotel room he happens to be partying in while on location.
Oh, and all those (female) big-butt babes Bossy's always feeling up in public, at events, in clubs, etc.? "It's all an act," said a member of S.B.'s management team, which is terrified somebody's gonna catch Saucy getting vroom service from the guys.
Jeez, I swear.
It's one thing for a single guy to live a lie like this. But should a dad being doing this? What a horrible message of deceit this sends to Bossy's kid! (I mean, it's only a matter of time before the kiddo discovers pops is a down-low kinda man).
And It Ain't: Colin Farrell, Kiefer Sutherland, Denzel Washington

* Update 5/14/11 - Ted has eliminated: Alec Baldwin, Vin Diesel, Terrence Howard.

* Top suspect: Jamie Foxx (Runners-up Tracy Morgan, Elton John)


Unknown said...

Robert Downey, Jr? Dude playing a dude reference?

duffgrl said...

Jamie Foxx? I never see him w/ women..."kiddo" could refer to his daughter who is about 13.

sistah2 said...

Lotsa clues here! Guy is single, with one child. Seen with "big butt" gals - the 'down low' reference means African american (IMO). Jamie Foxx good guess. Any other black actors fitting this descrip?

gingergrl68 said...

How about Ice T? He's got bootylicious Coco whose butt he feels in most pics of them at clubs. It also makes sense with the name Ice=Chillin Dude.. He plays a very cool swaggering cop on TV, and throwing Denzel in there opens up the African American hint to this one. I felt like it was so obvious, I thought for sure everyone would get it immediately. Ice Cube doesn't fit that description, and Vanilla Ice, well nobody cares.

Unknown said...

Ice-T is a good guess. He use to be a pimp. He was in an HBO documentary about that. This is definitely an African-American actor with the "down low" reference. Jamie Foxx is a good guess too.

duffgrl said...

I don't know about Ice-T- it says "all those big butt babes" and Ice-T has been married for 4 years-it's not like he is out feeling up (plural) women.
Also-he has a couple of kids. Sounds like CD has just one (?)

Liz said...

It's got to be Jaime Foxx. Notice the BV says he has a kid but not that he's married. Jamie Foxx has one daughter who is 13. It also has to be an African American because of the down low reference. AND it mentions that the actor has "other" endeavors as well, (singing).

Marcy said...

Gotta be Jamie Fox. I think it was during last year's Oscar after parties, a big deal was made about him hitting ladies on the backside or making loud comments about big butts.

duffgrl said... I wrote above in my 1st post he was the first person who came to mind! Our top suspect(Jamie Foxx)!!!

Gingerpop said...

After finding out Ice T has three Kids I am on the Jamie Foxx train..My gaydar can be off but I definitely get it from Foxx.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Saucy Bossy the commanding Mr. Alec Baldwin? I remember reading something interesting about him during the Oscars, very much along these lines...

Dear Homo Sniffer:
So close, my darling, so very muscled close!"

RocketQueen said...

I think this one has pretty much already been revealed as Vin Diesel - vroom!

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Saucy Bossy just has to be Vin Diesel, right? He's got a delightful case of the gay face.
—Paul , Calif.

Dear Roughed-Up:
Gay face he might have, but wrong ethnicity for Mr. Boss!"

Anonymous said...

When I read "Ya know" it made me think of Cuba Gooding Jr. in "Jerry McGuire". He said that a few times in the movie, "Ya know..." Just guessing - he's a husband (or ex?) and has children.

Original Unknown skeptic said...

With you saying Alec Baldwin was so close I have to think it is Tracy Morgan? He is Alec Baldwin's co star in 30 Rock Am I right Ted is it Tracy Morgan? He is black and you did say Vin Diesel was the wrong ethnicity, plus on the DL always refers to black guys, so am I right Tracy Morgan? He does use "Saucy" a lot on 30 Rock.

Original Unknown skeptic said...

With you saying Alec Baldwin was so close I have to think it is Tracy Morgan? He is Alec Baldwin's co star in 30 Rock Am I right Ted is it Tracy Morgan? He is black and you did say Vin Diesel was the wrong ethnicity, plus on the DL always refers to black guys, so am I right Tracy Morgan? He does use "Saucy" a lot on 30 Rock.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Love your column. I never miss it. Is Saucy Bossy Terrence Howard? Keep 'em coming!
—Becky, New York

Dear Saucy Tee:
Nope, but S.B. is also a big award nominee. "

blurry vice said...

Gotta be Tracy Morgan or Jamie Foxx

Unknown said...

Tracy Morgan has 3 sons. And they aren't that little.

mo said...

My guess would be Jamie Foxx or Cuba Gooding Jr. I just can't see this being Tracy Morgan! Plus, TM lives in NYC, and the clues say that Saucy lives in LA most of the time.

WBotW said...

This is probably that douchebag Jamie Foxx. I know it's wrong but I REALLY wish he'd catch a raging case of genital leprosy...

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
There's no better way to start my day than with a steaming hot cup of Truth of the most Awful kind. Please tell me, has Jamie Foxx been the subject of a Blind Vice?
—Another Robsten fan

Dear Hot To Trot:
Oh yeah."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I recently discovered your column and I love it. Please don't let people discourage you from running the gay Blind Vices—some of us are always hoping for those! As a bi person myself, it means a lot to me that some of the people who've helped shape our cultural imagination, like George Takei and La Lohan, are actually on the team. I just wish I knew who more of them were, and hopefully, someday people will be able to be more open. I was sure Vin Diesel was Saucy Bossy—until you ruled him out. How about Jensen Ackles, has he ever been a Blind Vice (of any type)?

Dear Fishing for Homos:
Thanks! Flattery will obviously get you everything you want: Yes to the last query."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I believe your friend Nevis Divine has to be Keanu Reeves. And Toothy Tile is Jamie Foxx.
—Pearl Mae

Dear Duuuuude:
Close, but no B.V. cigar, dollface. Nevis has a wee bit more personality than Keanu (or at least post-Bill & Ted Keanu). And Toothy is not the Foxx, although Jamie has been a B.V. of his very own of just-as-delicious variety."

blurry vice said...

Jamie Foxx made it to the Blind Vice Superstar Gallery -

Jamie Foxx

Winning an Oscar doesn't make ya immune to H'wood's underbelly. In fact, accolades and awards only make it more delicious when you do something scandalous and think you can get away with it. But the Academy (and the Awful Truth) knows all!

beatnik8tv said...

Totally jamie Foxx

blurry vice said...

just throwin this letter about tracy morgan... since he was a top guess too

"Dear Ted:
Why does Tina Fey still employ Tracy Morgan? He seems like he is the worst sort of douche bag. She seems so cool. Is she not really? I just don't get it. I'll take any Baldwin over Tracy! And that is saying a lot, because I think the Baldwins are douches, too.

Dear 30 Rockless:
No, Tina is as awesome as she seems. What's so bad about Tracy? Or the Baldwins?"

angie said...

Jaime Foxx for sure!

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I've been curious for a while if Jamie Foxx's Blind Vice has anything to do with Jake's. They are friends, but how close are they really?
—First timer

Dear Random Pairing:
Sorry, detective horny, Jamie and Jake have two separate B.V.s."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Did Jamie Foxx have a "Blind Vice party" that Page Six called a "pre-Grammy awards bash"? Love your column!

Dear Blame It:
Clever one you are."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Have Toothy Tile and Saucy Bossy ever worked on a film together? If so, did any extra-curricular kinky activities happen between the two down-low studs?

Dear Hollywood is Small:
They're acquainted, yes."

Molly said...

Jamie Foxx was in Jarhead with Jake Gyllenhaal...

Elle said...

Love this site...long time lurker, first time poster. I did some research and I think Tracy Morgan can be eliminated officially. Yes, Tracy Morgan was nominated for an Emmy in 2009, however according to Wikipedia the 2009 Emmy's were not even announced until July 2009...On 4/13/09 Ted said it wasn't Terrence Howard, but "S.B. is also a big award nominee" TM was nominated for an Image Award in 07 and 08, but I would hardly call an Image Award a big award nomination. Jamie Foxx it is!

Unknown said...
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Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

"Or will Chutney Jones get the final laugh? We hear she's been flirting up a storm with Saucy Bossy, remember him? A B.V. star who has an award Jerry Rock-Butt would kill for. Ms. Jones sure does have a thing for the bisexual ones, I swear." Jessica & Jamie have been photographed together and he won an Oscar for Ray (JT is dying to make it in the movie business). Only thing that pisses me off is that Ted clearly makes it sound like Saucy is a gay man yet again he contradicts himself saying now he is just bisexual?!?

blurry vice said...

Saucy = Gerard Butler?

Except Saucy has kids.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Your Vicers and real people guessers for the herpes passer are both four. Is this is a slick way of allowing us to play matching the celebrity with his Vice

name? If so, I guess Leo for Seymour, Tom for Toothy, Elton for Bossy and Jeremy for Fey.

Dear You've Lost Me:
I thought you were going to say so is it Alex Pettyfer from I Am Number Four. Which actually would have been a pretty good, crafty guess! Not him, however.

Nor is it Leo, Tom, Elton and Jeremy. Interesting note: But, all four guys have other Vices. Good luck!"

Michael Tomas said...

Blind Vice=Miami Vice

Jamie Foxx: comedian, singer, actor.

Two daughters: Corinne & a two year old. Identity of the mother(s) is unknown.

Listen to his radio show "The Foxxhole" as archived on YouTube. He makes a lot of homoerotic comments. He especially sounded uneasy when he responded to Howard Stern/Superhead's accusations of his supposed homosexuality.

Pacino said...

On the 9.24.10 episode of the Foxxhole, Jamie brings up that R&B singer Tank lived at home to recuperate after almost given up on his career.

Fast forward to Tank's appearance on the 9.16.11 show. Jamie leaves before Tank comes because he needed to exercise.

Is Tank's sugar daddy Jamie Foxx?