Blind Vice! Slutty Star Sleeps Her Way to the Middle!
Everyone in Hollywood is wondering who Portia Vajazzle is dating.
She flies solo when she's strutting her stuff on whatever red carpet she happens to be walking that week, and even though she's been linked up to some of the hottest hunks this side of Beverly Hills, she remains (shockingly) single.
Or so she says. You see, Ms. Portia is plenty busy behind closed doors...
"She sleeps with everyone," a pal very in the know about Portia's lusty life tells us.
Well, she won't sleep with just anyone. She's got certain standards that must be met, but we'll get to that in a moment.
So who did this young, gorgeous gal bed most recently?
Blind Vicer Stinky Carrot-Crotch, who is known more for his sometimes-silly jokes than his skills between the sheets.
Um, what gives, Porsh? You can totally do better than that dud.
Thing is, P.V. knows exactly what she's doing. She's a crafty chica and digs men with power. Well, uses men with power is more like it.
See, Stinky was more than happy to have her on the set of his latest flick when he knew how easy it was to get into her panties (ya know, if she's even wearing any to begin with).
It's the same stint Portia pulled with the movie before Mr. Carrot-Crotch's. And the one before that too.
We're not positive if Portia's been bedding these dudes to land the roles or just sleeping around once she's gotten the gig, but if we know anything about this town, we're guessing it's the former.
And It Ain't: Ashley Greene, Blake Lively, Jennifer Lawrence
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Blind Vice! Slutty Star Sleeps Her Way to the Middle!
New from Ted on Friday Sept 16 -
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I read a guess on another site of January Jones - I could get behind that.
Jennifer Love Hewitt? Hmm need more info. Remember people the list of who has already been a BV. Saw some names thrown around E that are not possibly this one due to a past BV.
This seems strange to be January Jones since she's so hugely pregnant and doesn't have any movies currently in production.
What about Maggie Grace? I think this is a legitimate guess, even though she's not super famous, because she's in Breaking Dawn and we all know Ted loves him some Twilight.
Or maybe Leighton Meester? She's been notted for other blinds and there is lots of speculation about who she is sleeping with (though that would be sad because I'd like to think she gets movies on her own merits).
Olivia Wilde?
Or Emma Stone?? I saw this guess on E! Boards also... She is the topic of speculation lately... Especially with her possible Andrew Garfield romance.
So is the Carrot guy supposed to be Seth MacFarlane? Or who else? anyone know who MacFarlane has been spotted with lately or working with lately?
I would believe this to be about Emma Stone before "The Help" came out, but not now. If she is sleeping with people to get roles, it's not "to the middle" because I think she would be considered a star now.
What about Minka Kelly?
Don't believe this to be about emma stone. I can't find a link to anyone who's a funny guy who has enough power to get her a part in any of her recent films.
Minka Kelly/Adam Sandler (Friends with Benefits)
And here's something interesting...
Leighton Meester is filming a new movie with Adam Sandler,too...which he is also executive producer on. I noticed Andy Sanberg is also in this film.
I'm throwing my guess behind Leighton Meester for Portia and I'm interested to see
what others think about my guesses on SCC.
Yeah I don't think it's Minka Kelly because until very recently she was dating Jeter. Meester makes sense though! Need to read Stinky Carrot-crotch...
jessica stroup? he says "this side of beverly hills" --90210 reference? and she was just in ted with seth...
Olivia Wilde came to mind when I first read this - she has been in a whole string of films recently and has never really been any good in them. Was also linked to Ryan Gosling, Justin Timberlake and Jake Gyllenhaal since she split with her husband.
Not too sure about the Seth Macfarlane issue but will look around
First time I read this, I immediately thought of Jennifer Love Hewitt.
Simply because of all her desperation, to simply end up making mediocre tv. Although her most recent ex was a disgusting perv, she had dated the best looking men in Hollywood, and got engaged to quite a few, thus the surprise of her still not being married. Also, who else Vajazzles their Vajayjay?
But I have to check if she hadn't already been confirmed a BV, as Olivia Wilde and Munn have already been.
Could "Carrot Crotch" implicate that he is a natural redhead?
i second the Jessica Stroup guess. She starred in Seth McFarland's new movie who is the top suspect for Stinky. She also was a guest star on Family Guy. Ted said today that Portia is known primary as a tv actress. Also she seems like someone who is at a "middle" level of fame. Emma Stone and Olivia Wilde are definitely higher.
Where can we talk about the Ed Westwick BV?? He is confirmed to have a vice long before Chase Crawford. Would love to figure out which one!
would love to try and solve the westwick vice as well. ted has been answering a lot of q's about it lately. i too was surprised to hear he viced before crawford. according to the timeline on this site, ed did not have a vice as of june 2009. yet, the first crescent vice (widely assumed to be chace), was first written in january of 2009. thus, either ted made a mistake (likely) or chace isn't crescent (pretty unlikely). so i'm stumped. if ted did in fact make a mistake, the only vice that i found that might fit westwick between june 09 and now was the horace hum-brow vice. thoughts?
Based on ages of the AIA's, I'd get behind the Jessica Stroup guess over JLove.
Mila Kunis?
I'm not seeing anywhere any mention of Jennifer Love-Hewitt. No mention in the updated are they/or not list.
Anyone else seen a mention of Jennifer Love-Hewitt in the blind vices?
Odd, usually her name gets mentioned on the Bitch Backs from time to time. If only for her desperation for attention.
Will see if I can find anything on her on the AT, see if anyone ever asked is she has a moniker.
it has to be Jessica Stroup. Stinky Carrot-Crotch is described in another BV as a TV dude. She's filming Ted with Seth McFarlane.
What about Shenae Grimes? Today Ted revealed that she has a BV and this is the second time he's mentioned her in recent BB's.
Ooh, I think Shenae Grimes is a GREAT guess, except that I don't know who would be Crotch-Catch. And, according to IMDB, she doesn't have any comedy projects coming up.
I really don't think Crotch-Catch is Seth McFarlane. Someone in the Crotch-Catch comments pointed out that people wouldn't "recognize" him from his show, since it's animated. I think that's important to remember.
I'm sorry-- I meant Carrot-Crotch, not Crotch-Catch. Sometimes the ridiculous similarities in the names drives me crazy! (I mean, Cubby Asparagus AND CHubby Asparagus?! Puhleeze!)
@Dr.DuckyDuck - You're so right! It is tough to keep up with all of the close names. Ted's new blind from today is a perfect example of that.
Anyway, I'm not totally sold on Seth MacFarlane for Stinky either. However, after doing some digging, the only way I think Shenae Grimes can fit for this blind would be for Stinky Carrot-Crotch to be David Arquette (they were both in Scream 4 recently). Unfortunately, he doesn't seem to fit the clues from that blind due to the fact that he was married at the time. Then there is the whole TV actor thing...
Back to the drawing board, I guess.
Who the hell is Jessica Stroup? I read Awful Truth and am generally pretty 'up' on Hollywood gossip and I had no idea who she was. All she's done is 90210 and "everyone" is Hollywood wants to know who she's dating? I doubt it. Portia has to be more famous. I think this BV screams January Jones. Everyone wants to know who her babydaddy is, the babydaddy is rumored to be the director of X-men (a "high-powered man"), in a Bitch Back Ted said Portia has done more TV than she's done movies, AND January just had her baby.
While it's true that actresses like Jessica Stroup and Shenae Grimes may not be on everyone's radar, the blind is about someone who has slept her way to the "middle." I think January Jones is doing pretty well for herself these days. And with former flames like Jason Sudeikis (would you call him "powerful" or a "hunk"?), I'm not sure she fits any better than lesser known actresses.
I could be wrong, but I'm not sure we've put our collective finger on the right girl yet.
"Dear Ted:
Has Portia Vajazzle done any television, or is she strictly a film actress?
—Evelyn
Dear Gotta Start Somewhere:
She's done both, more of the former."
I'm with Ka Dixon Law - Shenae Grimes just revealed to be aBV... this one on TV. Bingo.
I'm definitely thinking Jennifer Love Hewitt. I'm not sure if she's in Seth's new movie, but she may be, and they definitely know each other. Also, based off of the question about whether or not she did more television or movies, I'd say Jen definitely has done more TV.
If Stinky is Seth, his most recent project could be "Ted", so Portia can be Mila Kunis! She's definitely known more for her work in TV (70's Show), and she's attached to some famous guys, people always want to know who she's dating...maybe that's how she got her role in Black Swan too
Jackie - I think so too! (see my guess on JLH a bit higher up in the posts).
Jennifer has 'dated' so many men in Hollywood, and had never had really a proper career. Always mediocre TV.
Even though in the beginning her career looked promising, especially around the time she was dating Freddie Prinze Jr. It never really amounted to much. I personally think it took a dive when she publicly started dating that awful douchebag galore: Jamie Kennedy.
"Dear Ted:
Who is Olivia Wilde dating after all? Is she Portia Vajazzle?
—Lao
Dear Vice Vixen:
Olivia isn't this par-tick Vicer. She was a (not so shockingly) popular guess though, just not the right one this time. As for any romancing in her life, O
may be linked up with every hunk in this town, but she isn't dating anyone. At least not seriously."
I'm all over the place with this one. Now thinking January Jones. Since everyone's talking about the baby daddy.
Suspects at this point:
January Jones
Jennifer Love Hewitt
Shenae Grimes
Jessica Stroup
Quite easy, we should ask if Vajazzle has a baby, and still with the baby daddy. Should eliminate JJ, and would be also nice to get a bit of an age frame.
I think it's January. Rita is right, we need to get an age range.
Ted answered my question about Portia this morning. I'm officially retiring my Jennifer Love Hewitt guess, after this:
"...Nor is Portia, who's only begun to earn her battle scars, dear, only begun."
To me this means that Portia has only begun her career.
Hi Rita! I was wondering if that BB question was you. : )
I read his answer the same way. I think Portia is probably a little younger and relatively new on the scene.
yep. Was moi. My name was hidden under the videos on the left side of the screen.
So back to them 90210 and Gossip Girl ladies. Which I don't know much about unless they're dating Leo.
What was the best guess so far? Jessica Stroup?
Rita - I think Jessica Stroup may have been in a project with Seth MacFarlane; but Ted recently revealed that Shenae Grimes has a BV. I don't know anything about those girls either, so I don't have a strong opinion either way. Maybe we should try to figure out a way to ask a question to differentiate between those two...?
KaDixon - I think Ted had confirmed that Shenae has a bv moniker before the Portia blind got out... Will check the list and get back to you.
Rita - I checked my comment from earlier in this thread, and he confirmed Shenae Grimes as a BV on 9/23/11. This blind came out on 9/16/11. I also noted that he had mentioned Shenae in a BB about a week before this one came out. It struck me as odd, at the time, because she's not really well-known.
I'm not sure that we can make a connection between Shenae and Seth MacFarlane, though. So we're either off on the Stinky guess, or perhaps she's another unsolved BV from earlier in the year.
I think it's more likely that Seth McFarlane isn't Stinky. Maybe we should ask more questions about him?
I am SO thankful for that question, Rita! I feel like there were two camps: those who believed Portia to be at the beginning of her career and those who thought she was January Jones. :)
I think "only begun to earn her battle scars, dear, only begun." maybe refers to a movie career, or perhaps dating since she may have been in a long relationship before? I'm obsessed with this vice because I think it's Mila Kunis and that would shock me so much!
And also from this morning:
"Dear Ted:
Seeing him rock the Charlie Sheen roast made me wonder what's up with my fave funny man, Seth MacFarlane. Is he single? Or is that rumor that he's dating Real World-er Trisha Cummings true? Or are they just, as Seth's pal Mila Kunis would say, FWB? Thanks for gossiping!
—Kristina
Dear Where's The Punch Line:
Ick, no. Tho Seth certainly isn't lonely these days. But that's a story for a different Vice."
My knee-jerk reaction to his answer in this morning's BB is that Seth MacFarlane (aka Stinky?) makes an appearance in a recent vice with someone else. Kind of like this one. Though, I wonder if I read it that way because I was looking for that answer.
"Dear Ted:
I love your casting of Lindsay Lohan in Valley of the Dolls. It is crazy with potential, and LiLo used to be crazy with acting chops. However, I don't think
any television show has the manpower to keep Lindsay from being...well Lindsay! If I'm not mistaken, a TV star needs to be on time, memorize her lines, look
good under constant harsh lighting, and depending on the budget, she might need to make do with a very small trailer that might be shared with a costar.
Still think Linds could make it on a TV series? Speaking of desperate choices, your Portia Vajazzle Blind Vice has me really confused. My guesses are all
over the board. Could you please narrow it down, grace us with a kindly hint oh-mighty Ted, is Portia actually a battle-scarred know-it-all in her 30s, and
does she have children?
—Rita
Dear Desperation:
Something tells me our gal Lindz would make do with a fifth of a trailer if she got cast in a highly visible project at this point—don't think the girl's
that far gone yet. Nor is Portia, who's only begun to earn her battle scars, dear, only begun.
Dear Ted:
Does Portia Vajazzle have any offspring? Seems like with all her sleeping around, she is bound to get knocked up. Am I right?
—Liz
Dear Mommy Dearest:
Heavens no! She's is way more careful than that. She just wants movie roles, not mini Portias."
NOT JANUARY JONES
"
Dear Ted:
Seeing him rock the Charlie Sheen roast made me wonder what's up with my fave funny man, Seth MacFarlane. Is he single? Or is that rumor that he's dating
Real World-er Trisha Cummings true? Or are they just, as Seth's pal Mila Kunis would say, FWB? Thanks for gossiping!
—Kristina
Dear Where's The Punch Line:
Ick, no. Tho Seth certainly isn't lonely these days. But that's a story for a different Vice."
Dear Ted:
Have Portia Vajazzle and Stinky Carrot-Crotch worked together before?
—M
Dear Bedroom Buddies:
But of course!
Jessica Stroup worked with Seth on Family guy before
So has Mila Kunis!
"Dear Ted:
Have Portia Vajazzle and Stinky Carrot-Crotch worked together before?
—M
Dear Bedroom Buddies:
But of course!
Dear Ted:
I'm curious about what's going on with my crush, Seth MacFarlane. I saw you said something about him not being lonely these days. What's that about?
—klmacpherson
Dear MacConcerned:
Honey, trust us, he's not. You should see the measurements on that lack o' loneliness."
But I would think Mila Kunis does not have to sleep with Seth just to get a movie role especially after being in Black Swan with all the Oscar hype.
True, but I don't know I just find this one so weird! I really hope he eliminates her & gives some more clues so we can find out who she is!
Today Ted said that Vanessa Hudgens was close. How does that help?
Could this be Christina Ricci? She's on tha Pan Am show right now.
"Dear Ted:
Speaking of Seth MacFarlane, on the Comedy Central roasts people keep saying he's gay. Sure, I get they're roasts, but there's a little truth in every joke,
right? I'm not asking you to out him, obviously. With that said, is he even in the closet? I've never actually heard him deny being gay. I mean if it walks
like a duck, talks like a duck chances are it likes to duck other ducks.
—Wanda
Dear Ducky:
Seth's Vice has nothing to do with homosexuality. Nor does any rumor I've ever heard about the man.
Dear Ted:
Is Ryan Gosling cheater Chubster Hunkster? And is Vanessa Hudgens skanky Portia Vajazzle?
—MooKinda
Dear Vice Try:
No and no. Closer on the latter tho."
What about Olivia Munn? Brett Ratner just admitted that he used to get down and funky with her when she went by the name "Lisa".
Hmm I think she fits this but I she's suspected to be She-Devil Dees.
if stinky = seth macfarlane then mila kunis would totally fit for this!
With today's clue still think it's Mila!
"Dear Ted:
Thanks for the clues on Vicey Charlotte! They were really helpful, but now, I've got to ask you, what has Portia Vajazzle been up to lately, any helpful
hints? You never answered many questions about her.
—M
Dear All That Glitters:
Portia hasn't really been up to anything lately, at least nothing too juicy. Maybe it's because she's between gigs right now. Usually she's up to her
naughtiest when she's got a movie to pimp or a gig to land."
Long time reader, first time poster here...and happy that my first ever post is in my complete confidence that Portia Vajazzle is Jennifer Love Hewitt!
I explain my reasoning in my response to today's afternoon mail below:
Ted handed this one to us. Thank you, TC, for the very telling use of the italics. Portia Vajazzle has to be Jennifer Love Hewitt. Not only did she, quite famously, Vajazzle herself, but in Ted's emphasizing the word "Hardly" in his latest afternoon mail, it all became clear. A holiday gift for us, indeed!
See below for my clues:
As of today, 12/19/11 Dear Ted:
Since you haven't answered my question as to whether Brucey Huskers is an athlete, I've decided to move on (or back) to Portia Vajazzle. Is she currently starring on a TV show?
—Cami
Dear Yes and No:
Portia dabbles in the small-screen stuff, but it's hardly what she's known for. At least not these days.
The way Ted answered his BB today, emphasizing the word "hardly" reminded me of Can't Hardly Wait with Jennifer Love Hewitt. I thought she was a suspect for someone else, but I didn't see her on teh list to the left of celebs and monikers. Anyone know if she has a confirmed name?
Guys, that was my question for Ted. Yeay, he finally answered!
The problem with Jennifer Love Hewitt is that she's basically known for TV: Party of Five and Ghost Whisperer, so it can't be her. It also can't be Leighton Meester and Jessica Stroup, as we originally thought. And Mila Kunis is Kiki Doheny. Where's Rita with her clever remarks when you need her?? Help us, Rita!
Btw, since Portia "only begun to earn her battle scars, dear, only begun.", she's a newbie, according to comments above...
Ah, I'm so curious!
I've always thought the "relatively new" may refer to new to movies, since before she was known for a tv show, and battle scars maybe for ending that long relationship. Olivia Wilde is also top guess for Kiki. I think it's Mila but I'm always wrong so yeah haha.
Ok, HM, now I'm convinced Portia Vajazzle may as well be Mila Kunis and Kiki Doheny, Olivia Wilde, since Ted answered my BB today:
Dear Ted:
Has Kiki Doheny ever been married?
—Cami
Dear Wedded Bliss:
Yes, gal's been married once before, but Ms. Doheny's been all over the Hollywood scene since the split—not really the grieving type.
"Dear Ted:
Since you haven't answered my question as to whether Brucey Huskers is an athlete, I've decided to move on (or back) to Portia Vajazzle. Is she currently
starring on a TV show?
—Cami
Dear Yes and No:
Portia dabbles in the small-screen stuff, but it's hardly what she's known for. At least not these days.
Dear Ted:
I was wondering if Super-Duper Cooper and Portia Vajazzle have ever canoodled?
—Tiffany
Dear Canoodling Vicers?:
No, the two don't run in the same Hollywood circle. Besides, though the dudes that Portia canoodles with are usually pretty big d-bags (at least in my humble
opinion), she usually gets something out of it. And I can't see Porsh gaining much from hitting the town with stinky SDC."
Any way that this could be Amanda Bynes? She was/is rumored to be with Seth Macfarlane..
This is obviously Mila Kunis. I don't believe it though because Ted obviously makes up his blinds now adays. Mila Kunis was Kiki Doheny but when her and Justin never hooked up he switched to Olivia Wilde since everyone was guessing her anyway.
You can go look back he basically outed Mila as kiki a bunch of times. He was pushing the Justin/Mila angle hard.
Laura Vandervoort?
Jennifer Love Hewitt! Ted mentioned about her interest in men being crystal clear. Crystal. She keeps talking about getting vajjazled in interviews all the time!
Dear Ted:
Is Portia Vajazzle carrying a baby in her belly?
—Marie
Dear Stork Stupid:
Nope, just a burger or two. Gal's as normal as they come.
Definitely thinking this is Mila. People were wondering lately if she was pregnant because of some pictures in a not so flattering shirt since she's put her weight back on after Black Swan
Yeah I asked Ted that because of that photo and he said the same thing about Mila so does that confirm her?
"Dear Ted:
Is Portia Vajazzle carrying a baby in her belly?
—Marie
Dear Stork Stupid:
Nope, just a burger or two. Gal's as normal as they come."
"Dear Ted:
What has Stinky Carrot-Crotch been up to lately? Have his bedroom skills improved since hooking up with Portia Vagazzle? Thanks!
—B
Dear Take a Whiff:
Probably not. But his career certainly has!"
"Dear Ted:
I have a question about Portia Vajazzle. Is she known primarily for movies or for television? Could she be Lea Michele?
—Katie
Dear Talent vs. T&A:
That's quite the interesting guess, Katie, but Lea is not our, uh, lady with the liberal loins. Portia dabbles in both the big and small screen, but these days she's
more known for flicks, whereas Rachel Berry hasn't quite cracked that market yet."
"Dear Ted:
I'm developing a pretty strong crush on Seth MacFarlane and can't wait to see his movie Ted this summer. Any Vicey behavior I should know about before I let my crush go any further? Thanks!
—Anastasia Beaverhausen
Dear Hell Yeah!
And how! Let's just say, if you knew his Vice, your crush might be—no pun intended—crushed. But then again, maybe not. It hasn't stopped him from landing babes in the past. Love your nomenclature, by the way, babe."
It's gotta be Mila.
After this morning's bitch-back, I'm on the Mila train for this too
This mornings bb definitely points to Mila. Her and Seth's movie its coming out really soon. This is so her.
I find it hard to believe this blind item is actually true, Mila and Seth have known each other for almost 15 years now, and Mila doesn't strike me as the slutty type. I guess that's what makes these things entertaining.
"Dear Ted:
Did Portia Vajazzle and Stinky Carrot-Crotch's movie come out yet?
—Sarey
Dear No:
Soon though. Real soon.
Dear Ted:
You'd mentioned that Portia Vajazzle and Stinky Carrot-Crotch have a movie coming out very soon. Is this movie Savages? I get the feeling there are definitely some
Vicers in this one. Thanks!
—Jilkabean
Dear Coming Attractions:
You're right and wrong. Yes, Savages has some A-list Vice stars onboard (hell-o, Blake Lively!) but none of that gang is Portia or Stinky. Though I'm sure their movies might draw the same type of crowd."
Yeah calling this as Mila Kunis after all. Thanks peeps. Ted is coming out soon.
"Dear Ted:
Has Portia Vajazzle given up on men of power for an old costar who's popular and wealthy?
—oldies but goodies
Dear Little of A, Little of B:
Not quite. And Portia is hardly one to tie herself down. That said, why can't she have someone who's powerful, popular and rich?! That's all P.V. is looking for, after all."
"Dear Ted:
Do Smokey Shooter and Portia Vajazzle know each other? If my hunch is correct, I'd love to see these two get together for a little more than work! Hottest. Babies.
Ever. Love you lots Teddy Bear!
—Jackie
Dear It's a Small World:
They do know each other, babe. Hollywood is a little town, after all. But what makes you think that Portia has stepped in to replace Mimi Kitten? Sure, the baby
business between those two led to some, uh, let's just say stress, but Portia is so not into the baby business."
"Dear Ted:
My question is about Portia Vajazzle. Do you think she could sleep her way to an Oscar?!
—XX
Dear No:
But that won't stop her from trying!"
Dear Ted, was Portia Vajazzle pregnant with somebody else's baby when she slept with Stinky Carrot-Crotch? Thx
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