Friday, May 15, 2009

One Come On In Blind Vice

New from Ted:

One Come On In Blind Vice
If you have a problem with yet another Blind Vice being about veiled same-sex goings-on, you really are reading about the wrong community. This is Hollywood, home of the unfree and the unbrave, a city where everybody pretends to be something they're not—and I don't just mean the gays.
But today's Blind Vice is all about a TV personality who not only goes commando when he's hanging at his buddy's apartment, but who hits on whoever walks through the damn front door!
Woody Drop-Hint's a total guy's guy. He struts around his nonscripted TV offering, helping run things, not only with considerable aplomb and charm, he's totally doable while doing it, too! Woody's a really approachable guy, for sure. So much so he approached a guy who just happens to be...
A very close friend of the Awful Truth, if Woody only knew! So, there Mr. Drop-Hint was, all studly, burly and hangin' loose in his gym shorts over at a friend's Hollywood apartment. But Woody's pal, who was out at the moment, needed Drop-Hint to do a favor for him: As he was moving soon, would Woody be so kind as to show the pad to a potential renter?
Sure thing, bro, no prob!
Buzzz. Flop. Flop. Flop. FOT (Friend of Truth) hears Woody coming to answer the door, just off the Sunset Strip, obviously barefoot. The posh apartment door swings open and Woody's eyes laser right through FOT's humpy and chiseled bod like he's something up on some porno website.
Woody says, "Hey..."
FOT, taken aback by the double whammy of Drop-Hint's fame, as well as the eyeballs so busy undressing him, says, "Oh, hi! I'm here to look at the apartment!"
Woody: "Yeah, that all?
FOT: "All what?"
Woody: "You want to look at?"
FOT [Awkwardly grimacing]: "Yes...?"
Our intrepid and pretty pumped source then toured the apartment as best he could, despite Woody getting an erection beneath his unstrung gym shorts, fondling it and asking FOT if he didn't "want to stay a while?"
FOT, for some reason I'm not entirely not sure I understand, declined. But suffice it to say, he's probably happier with himself today because of it. Toothy Tile he's obviously not.

It Ain't: Ashton Kutcher, Ryan Seacrest, Howie Mandel

Updates here.


duffgrl said...

Ty Pennington???

sistah2 said...

I have no guess..come on guys
Ty's a good one, did not think he was gay tho.

jeff ricker said...

mike rowe

Anonymous said...

How about Brody Jenner?

Unknown said...

How about Woody Harrelson?

itsmybiz said...

I have to agree with Duffgirl. the first person I thought of was Ty Pennington too!

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
How reliable is your source on Woody Drop-Hint? I saw this post on Dlisted on Friday, May 8, in which Michael K. guessed it was Ty Pennington: "Which network TV reality star told our source that he is considering coming out in order to boost his image and score some pricey interviews? If you've guessed that he isn't gay, you'd be right. He thinks at the very least being bisexual would cause a stir. He also told this source that his agent wasn't comfortable with the idea, and the star is thinking about going against the agent's advice and possibly getting a new agent."
—Diane Augusta, Ga.

Dear Buzzworthy:
You're giving this Vice way more credit than it's due: it was just a horny, closeted schmuck who wanted to get laid, babe, nothing more."

Steph said...

Jeff Probst?

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Does Woody Drop-Hint get really "dirty" while doing his TV job, or does he usually just have to brush off the sawdust?

Dear Nice One:
He's a dirty boy, but not that dirty."

Hilary said...

It doesn't have to be a reality show, what about a talk show like Conan O'Brien?

sistah2 said...

Jeff Probst great guess

Anonymous said...

i think is is matt from 'clean house.' he has always struck me as gay.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is the reality star you are referring to (getting with a boozy ex) Bret Michaels? First name that I thought of! I love the Awful Truth...I am a new fan!

Dear Bret Guess:
Welcome to the blolumn, babe! And great starter guess, but off. Think less, uh, bearable."

Anonymous said...

Wasn't the Bret Michaels guess about the boozy ex referring to the Booby Butt-Wipe and Myra Myspace BI?

blurry vice said...

Oh. yeah. will fix.

Unknown said...

mario lopez?

Unknown said...

or JC chasez

Anonymous said...

What about the male trainer from Biggest Loser. His name is escaping me at the moment... Bob Something?