Friday, May 8, 2009

Blind Vice: Married Hit Man's Horrible Path

From Fri May 8:

Blind Vice: Married Hit Man's Horrible Path

Enough with the retardalicious closeted gay movies stars. They're so two movie-weekend openings ago! Now, it's back to the straights being as predictably sleazy as only het (men, mainly) can be! 'Cause, let's just be honest here, the real creepsters are you opposite-sex folk out there.
Josh Brolin - October 18, 2008And not the single ones, either: The ultimately dangerous dudes to watch are those who have wedding rings on their left hands. You'd think that piece of jewelry would remind Sock-It-to-You Sleazewad to not go and grope female private parts that don't belong to his wife.
Yep, the incredibly sexy Sock-It isn't just an incredible actor on screen, but off, as well. He makes you believe that all things are perf in that marriage of his—particularly when chatting to an equally talented and beautiful honey (how sorta Sean Penn of him).
But as usual in Hollywood, life is not as it's portrayed:
Sock-It isn't only sticking it to his wife (painfully so), but other babes in town, as well. And he likes 'em young, too. Legal of course, but youthful, vibrant and frisky. Maybe that's because that way, these conquests of Sock-It's are too naïve to know that a married alcoholic with a coke fetish and a penchant for slapping up his women isn't exactly a winner.
As for Sleaze's wife? Oh she knows what's going on. But this babe has such history with her man she's not going anywhere. Besides, she's caught in that hideous trap. The one Rihanna had hopes of climbing out of. Maybe she still does?
All women run when you see Sock-It lurching your the police if you have to!
And it Ain't: Sean Penn, David Duchovny, Ben Affleck

Update 2/17/12 - Ted has eliminated David Boreanaz, Jensen Ackles, Chris Brown, Robert Pattinson.

* Top suspect: Josh Brolin.
* Ted hints July 13 that Josh Brolin is cheating on Diane Lane.


FrenchGirl said...

josh brolin with diane lane:he's married with a famous actress,he's a very good friend of sean penn,diane lane once called cops several years ago( for a fight),he had an alcohol trouble!

Steph said...

I was thinking Josh Brolin once he eliminiated Penn too...

GoddessNow said...

It is Mr. brolin....sad

FrenchGirl said...

and it's the first time i almost understood a Ted C blind item!

Anonymous said...

Josh Brolin was just photographed with a woman in NO -- probably is him.

crila16 said...

He hit Diane Lane years ago when he was drunk. She called the cops and then dropped charges and got back with him. It's definitely Lainey mentioned he and Sean used to tear up the town together, looking for chicks.

Unknown said...

Ted basically confirmed it was Josh Brolin:

Dear Ted:
Love your column. It's refreshing to read this stuff and not feel dumber for having done it. What is the scoop on Josh Brolin cheating on his wife, Diane Lane? Has Brolin been a past Blind Vice?

Dear Digging For Dirt:
You bet Brolin has been a Blind Vice. And kind of recently, too.

blurry vice said...

Big hint from Ted I think -

"Dear Ted:
Diane Lane, the sexy, classy, beautiful, talented, fun actress is being cheated on? Well I guess most people have to deal with that painful heartbreaker. Brigitte Bardot got cheated on too! Can you imagine that—even B.B., just to name one of the most beautiful women who got betrayed. What does it take to be faithful to a woman, Ted?

Dear It Breaks My Heart (and Theirs, Too):
Adultery is the oldest crime in the book, sweetheart, and it never gets any easier to explain why someone cheats. People do crazy things when they follow their hearts...or in some cases, just their hard-ons."

blurry vice said...

Throwing David Boreanaz into the mix for this one?

blurry vice said...


"Dear Ted:
Is Sock-It-to-You Sleazewad David Boreanaz? If not, does he have more than one entry? I like him. Hate what he has done, but I still watch Angelina's movies, too...

Dear Wrong Sleaze:
Nope, Sock-It isn't D.B. While Boreanaz is no angel, his temper hasn't quite hit Sleaze-Wad status yet."

blurry vice said...

Tara said...

Is there even the slightest possibility this could be Mel Gibson? I'd like to know if he has a BV.