Blind Vice: Married Hit Man's Horrible Path
Enough with the retardalicious closeted gay movies stars. They're so two movie-weekend openings ago! Now, it's back to the straights being as predictably sleazy as only het (men, mainly) can be! 'Cause, let's just be honest here, the real creepsters are you opposite-sex folk out there.
And not the single ones, either: The ultimately dangerous dudes to watch are those who have wedding rings on their left hands. You'd think that piece of jewelry would remind Sock-It-to-You Sleazewad to not go and grope female private parts that don't belong to his wife.
Yep, the incredibly sexy Sock-It isn't just an incredible actor on screen, but off, as well. He makes you believe that all things are perf in that marriage of his—particularly when chatting to an equally talented and beautiful honey (how sorta Sean Penn of him).
But as usual in Hollywood, life is not as it's portrayed:
Sock-It isn't only sticking it to his wife (painfully so), but other babes in town, as well. And he likes 'em young, too. Legal of course, but youthful, vibrant and frisky. Maybe that's because that way, these conquests of Sock-It's are too naïve to know that a married alcoholic with a coke fetish and a penchant for slapping up his women isn't exactly a winner.
As for Sleaze's wife? Oh she knows what's going on. But this babe has such history with her man she's not going anywhere. Besides, she's caught in that hideous trap. The one Rihanna had hopes of climbing out of. Maybe she still does?
All women run when you see Sock-It lurching your way...to the police if you have to!
And it Ain't: Sean Penn, David Duchovny, Ben Affleck
Update 2/17/12 - Ted has eliminated David Boreanaz, Jensen Ackles, Chris Brown, Robert Pattinson.
* Top suspect: Josh Brolin.
* Ted hints July 13 that Josh Brolin is cheating on Diane Lane.