One Shooting Star Blind Vice
Brain-Fry Noodlestein's completely brilliant at what he does—or rather, did. Dude's throwing it all away—friends, family, well-respected career—'cause he's hooked on the hard stuff. Much harder stuff than Smokey Shooter would ever consider.
Heroin, babes. And lots of it.
Think the well-worn veins of lascivious ladies Fake à La Ferocity and Morgan Mayhem have the hard drug market cornered in H'wood? Please, Brain-Fry's beating them at their own miserable game, and he's barely even trying. But his buds sure as hell are:
BFN's best amigos, understandably, are up all night either worrying about their depressed friend or following his every move, just in case he hits even lower—an overdose? Jail time?
It's all a likely possibility with Noodle's don't-give-a-damn behavior. They thoughtnothing compared to seeing Brain-F injecting H right in front of 'em, which is now a matter, of course, for the iconoclast dude.
Makes us seriously suspect how much these so-called friends care about Brainy's livelihood—or life—they'd already seen him at his worst (professionally, at least, as did many others). But it was when they could easily nab the drugs out of his shaky hands. But knowing BFN, he'd just find it through some other fame hanger-on who doesn't give an ef. God knows there are enough of those in T-town to go around.
Brain-Fry really should know better, as he's seen this stuff happen before. Which is prolly what made him so depressed to begin with. Britney's public meltdown is just gonna seem like a hissy fit by the time B.F.'s done self-destructing. Believe us on this one.
And It Ain't: Billy Bob Thornton, Jared Leto, Kanye West
* Our top guess: Joaquin Phoenix.
* Update April 10: Ted has eliminated Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Luke Wilson, Jason Goldberg, Mickey Rourke, Jason Schwartzman.