One Father Knows Breasts Blind Vice

New BV from Ted...

One Father Knows Breasts Blind Vice

Schlong Sleaze-Wad has been in the news on and off, and as with most of the tabloid targets—it ain't good. Schlong's a somewhat happily taken hetero (too hetero) dude who just can't keep it in his trousers. Lotsa folks in Tinseltown know it, including Schlong's wife.

And even though notorious Schlongy appears to be residing back on Domesticity Lane, something he's been trying so-so hard to get everybody to believe, we ain't buying it. See, aside from luring at costars or any female with ta-tas on the set, we know S2's past (and present). He likes 'em young. Almost the kind of young that'll legally get ya in trouble, which surely very nearly happened when...

Mr. Sleaze-Wad struck yet again.

Clearly, Schlongy thinks that just because he's famous, endowed and not butt ugly, this means every woman within spitting distance of his constantly semierect package should break down, bow and submit to his every nasty desire.

Like when he just tricked a barely legal babe who works in entertainment, offering to go out to lunch with him so he could further "mentor" her career. Before she knew it, they were sneaking around on the job, making out in every dark corner they could find. But once the quasi-brain-dead babe came to her senses, she realized the man in her arms was (a) married, (b) probably diseased in some sort or another and (c) not at all interested in discussing Rob Pattinson's next career move or Britney's way better extensions.

So she ended the somewhat heated fling, which had, thus far, only included heavy French smooching, serious groping and no mentoring whatsoever, quelle surprise.

Gosh, Professor Prick, how could you let one of your students down so?

And it ain't: Kevin Dillon, Peter Facinelli, Chris Brown

.Update April 20 - Ted has eliminated Kevin Costner, Warren Beatty, Ben Affleck, Bruce Willis, Will Smith, Mel Gibson.