Sunday, July 20, 2008

One Rent-A-Wreck Blind Vice

From Ted July 10-

Oh, this is a cruel town, and I can be an equally snitty columnist, sorry. You try growing up a fruit in Texas and get back to me. Until then, let’s dish up Pickled Fickle, shall we? See, Mr. F’s not in a great way these days. Career ain’t what it used to be, and his bedroom notches certainly aren’t what they used to tally up to, either. And take it from moi, all this mattress and life sadness has nothin’ to do with P.F.’s split with his honey recently. Ol’ P-man was certainly stepping out on his lady long before their recent bust up, I assure you. But like a lot of closeted stars in this town, P.F.got used to having it his way—meaning the gal and all the guys he wanted. Until...gravity and genes set in. And I’m not only talkin’ getting old here, hons, I’m talking the whole he-bang, as in the ever-awful three W’s: weight, wrinkles and wondering (as in what went wrong).

P.F.’s got those so big time right now—in fact, he’s very nearly delirious with the three W’s. He actually said to a pal whose shoulder he was crying on not long ago, “Maybe I should just go back to hooking.” Oh, darlin’. I dare say you’re in the category now where you have to dole out the green, babycakes. You been smokin’ somethin’ you picked up below the border? Damn, Sweets. Look in the friggin’ mirror.

And it ain't: Mike Myers, Russell Simmons, David Duchovny


Update 7/29 - Ted has eliminated Val Kilmer, Matt LeBlanc, Heather Locklear.

Comment away...

29 comments:

blurry vice said...

I was thinking Robin Williams.

Anonymous said...

Hmm... was Robin Williams ever pretty enough to be selling it?

Colts#1Filly said...

Brendan Fraser?

Anonymous said...

Dylan McDermott. Me thinks

Anonymous said...

Owen Wilson. Hello! From Texas. Career and love life a mess.

--bossbunny

sassafrass said...

What about Vince Vaughn?

blurry vice said...

more actor-of-the-moment than Val Kilmer

blurry vice said...

In Truth, Lies and Ted recently Ted was going on and on about Brendan Fraser's weight gain since after his breakup. Could be him.

blurry vice said...

How about Ted's elimination of Heather Locklear today for this BV? Then saying no, Pickled Fickle is a man. Why even waste his time on that letter? Maybe this BV is an ex of hers - Richie Sambora or David Spade?

Colts#1Filly said...

What about Scott Baio? Heather dated him before marrying Tommy Lee. He was a known playboy. He's getting old(er) but definitely years of partying have made age prematurely (wrinkles). The only thing is I don't necessarily think of him as overweight and I know he had a child recently but don't know if he split with the mom or not.

BUT! I found this on IMDB:
"In 2007, VH1 played this reputation into a reality series called Scott Baio is 45...and Single. On the show, he meets with a life coach to try and find reasons why he is still single. In order to accomplish this, he must revisit his ex-girlfriends (including Erin Moran and Julie McCullough) to find out what went right and what went wrong in the relationships."

NOTE: The last sentence says "what went wrong" exactly what Ted says in his BV.

Boss Bunny said...

But Scott Baio certainly isn't more actor-of-the-moment than Val Kilmer. And he says "recent bustup." Although, truth be told, I could see SB in this basket.

Boss Bunny said...

Ryan Gosling?

Colts#1Filly said...

The "more actor of the moment" but original post of "career ain't what it used be" frustrates me b/c it makes no sense. How can it be both? Sassafrass could be on to something w/ Vince Vaughn. He's popular but still doesn't have much going on career-wise at the moment. Hmmm.....

Boss Bunny said...

I'm wondering if this one could be Brendan Fraser too. It kinda fits. TC was going on about the weight he'd gained.

sistah2 said...

what is the actor of the moment clue? I dont see that here.

Colts#1Filly said...

It was in his mailbag...when he eliminated Val Kilmer.

Colts#1Filly said...

BB, I think you're right. He's sort of actor of the moment (Mummy) but he, personally, is not what he used to be....definitely bloated, wrinkled, ugh. And he recently split with his wife.

blurry vice said...

sistah2, that's the updating that we need done! Ted's mailbag is on Tuesdays. I have been working a lot for the past 4 days so nothing gets updated. Sorry readers. Will do when I get a chance!

sistah2 said...

the val kilmer mailbag thing was on 7/29 I see from your update blurry.....that particular comment was not in the past 4 days anyway.

Colts#1Filly said...

So, you mean you have an actual job and don't spend ALL your time on this fun lil site?!?! Hahaha....

No worries on the updates - I think you guys are doing a great job!

sistah2 said...

you know,Ted has contradicted himself..he says this guys more actor of the moment...but said"career not what it used to be" Wha?
I am thinkin' robin Williams

sistah2 said...

but still..what is the Heather L
clue? maybe it is Scott Baio

Anonymous said...

What about Eddie Murphy? Meet Dave was just in theaters (briefly) and he recently busted up with Tracy Edmonds.

Colts#1Filly said...

I don't think its Eddie. I don't really think of him as the 3 "W"s. But mostly because Forbes listed him as Hollywoods 3rd highest paid actor right behind Will Smith and Johnny Depp. He made $55mil last year. That's not someone who's desperate for a career.

The contradiction from Ted is still bugging me too. I think Robin Williams and Brendan Fraser are good guesses but its impossible to know what Ted means by the "career aint what it used to be" and then saying he's an "actor of the moment". Sometimes I wonder if he just makes this stuff up as he goes....

Anonymous said...

Eddie Murphy..."delirious:" gave it away

Colts#1Filly said...

But he doesn't fit any of the direct clues...he's not overweight, wrinkly, or have an issue with his career or money (therefore needing to start hooking again).

Boss Bunny said...

Even thought this doesn't mean anything Eddie made it big before he was 20, and Robin was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. Highly unlikely that either one of them is PF. I'll stick with Brendan.

Anonymous said...

Isn´t Mickey Rourke acting in a movie with Marilyn Manson's girlfriend?

cassandra said...

maybe this is vince vaughn?

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