Friday, December 23, 2011

Blind Vice! Rockstar Reeks of Playboy Ways!

New from Ted today -

Blind Vice!  Rockstar Reeks of Playboy Ways!

You'd think that buckets of moolah, tons of adoring fans and a hot chick at your side would be enough.

Not so for Lesley Grotto, one of those swoon-worthy rock star types with the slick moves and killer abs. See, Les has all of that (including a knockout gal most dudes would kill to canoodle with) but—surprise! surprise!—he wants more, more, more.
Especially when it comes to chicks. ‘Cause let's be honest...
Lesley is a straight up dawg!
You wouldn't know it though because when he's around his "special" lady (especially when there are cameras around) Lesley is the image of a doting boyfriend—ya know, lovey dovey kisses and all the "awwww"-inducing crapola.
But when she's out of sight, she's definitely out of mind too.
Which leaves Lesley to do what he does best: sweet talking the panties off of any (and every) chick in sight.
"He's a total d-bag," one of the pretty party gals who attended one of the many booze-soaked event that Grotto frequents bitched to us. "He's all over chicks at these parties and flirts with everyone."
Continues our blabbermouth babe: "But as soon as he's with his woman he's a whole different man, all committed and monogamous."
Sounds smarmy. Well, actually, that totally sounds like half the other dudes in Tinseltown.
Here's the real Q though: If his lady found out would be really even care? We kinda think not.
AND IT AIN'T: Jason Mraz, Kanye West, Bruno Mars

Top suspect: Adam Levine

Friday, December 16, 2011

Blind Vice: During Awards Season, the King Forgets His Queen Days

New BV from Ted today.  Schlong returns...

Blind Vice: During Awards Season, the King Forgets His Queen Days

Some dudes like Crotch Uh-Lastic and Toothy Tile, we really feel for. These are movie stars who truly do only like other guys, even though they also (just as much) want to be renowned film actors. So they play the game (well, Toothy does).
But then there's mischievous bisexual King Schlong, who can take boys—or go without them.
So, what's King's current sexual bent? And could the dog-eat-dog awards season have something to do with King's choice?
Girls, girls, girls and yes, yes, yes.

You see, truth be known, King's always fooled around with both sexes (as recently as this year, too!). But it's really not what drives King ultimately romantically—and certainly not come the career-defining months from Emmys to Oscars.
"That boy will no sooner go around boys when these awards are still out than Alec Baldwin will apologize to American Airlines," said one of King's myriad Biz colleagues, who knows full well that Schlong has long been a free spirit and doesn't want to be tied down to either sex, in any capacity.
But this maverick sensibility, we're told, is wholly heterosexually infused, at this time of the year because what King wants more than domestic happiness is...big ol' trophy-time recognition. "Like, bad," is how it was put to us.
Jeez. Kinda sounds like that old stereotype people are always applying to women only in this town, like, she slept her way to the top.
Apparently, King's desperately trying it out, too.
But will it work?
And It Ain't: Alex Pettyfer, Kellan Lutz, Alec Baldwin

Please refer to the label below for a link to our posts on the previous King Schlong BVs, including a full list of who has been eliminated.

Top suspect: still Leo

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Blind Vice! Crafty Carol Anne Sausage-Snatcher Plans For a Surprise Baby!

New from Ted Monday Dec 12 -

Blind Vice!  Crafty Carol Anne Sausage-Snatcher Plans For a Surprise Baby!

You all remember Carol Anne Sausage-Snatcher, right?
She was the chick who couldn't quite keep her hands to herself despite the fact that she has an oh-so-loving (and pretty damn hunky) guy at home.
Well, Car has had a change of heart. And it all has to do with her best gal-pal, Carmelita Salami-Climber.
Let's back up a bit: Remember how Carm's close friends were worried that her dude wasn't up to snuff?

Well they were right and he hit the road, leaving Carmelita to nurse her broken heart (trust us, that split is so not worth a Vice in itself).
Here's the thing: While Carol Anne lets her bestie cry on her shoulder, she's secretly scheming how to keep her own relationship together...ya know, so she doesn't end up like her forever alone amigo.
That's right: Carol Anne is getting her s--t together!
And the first plan of action? Get herself knocked up pronto.
Carol Anne has convinced herself that if she can get her man to get her preggo, everything will shape up in their sometimes rocky relaysh. As in, she'll stop parting and then they'll stop fighting.
How terribly old fashioned of her, no?!
And It Ain't: Naya Rivera, Jennifer Aniston, Blake Lively

Please refer to the label below for a link to our previous C.A.S.S. BV, including a full list of who has been eliminated.

Top suspect: Khloe Kardashian-Odom

Lainey - Cash Only

New from Lainey yesterday Dec 14 -

Cash Only

SO easy.

Who was paid $15,000 in cash this week in exchange for frolicking around in her bikini on the beach? That’s a lot of cash money for you and me, true. But for them? It’s change. It’s really, really not much. In that world, it’s almost nothing. Consider that Tori Spelling supposedly charges at least 4 times that for a photo op with her kids and you get a sense of how low this piece of sh-t is scraping these days. She used to be able to throw that much away on a night out.

Oh and by the way, it had to be cash. She was super hard up for the cash. What are some of the things one might pay for in cash only?

Top suspect: Lindsay Lohan

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Blind Vice: Brucey's Juicy Double Life!

New BV from Ted on Fri Dec 9.  A newcomer! -

Blind Vice: Brucey's Juicy Double Life!

Brucey Huskers is a gorgeous star. Brucey's hot. Brucey has a super-bitchin', manly body. Brucey hangs with other equally luscious-lookin' Tinseltown (and Blind Vice star) celebrities, who he's gotten mucho intimate with.
So, why is Brucey having trouble getting some lovin' lately?

Oh, wait. That rumor that he's not getting any since his big Hollywood split turns out to be...
Just that, a rumor!
"Don't you realize that this explains everything a little bit more clearly?" said one of the dudes who hangs thisclose alongside the humpy celebrity, who's gone back to getting it on with guys (something he did before his latest sexy starlet romance), since his latest publicized romance went sour.
"Ever stop to think why these 'relationships' of his don't last," asked Brucey's equally handsome bud, rhetorically. "Only a guy who's into guys would go out with the women this guy's gone out with," bitched the Huskers hanger-on.
Now, if you're able to follow the logic here, it pretty much makes sense: Brucey hooks up with Hollywood gals who are gorgeous but who he knows he has zilcho in common with. Everyone's shocked when it doesn't work out, as both parties are almost always super hot! Leaving the public breathless and waiting for the next hetero hook-up.
So, what gives?
Just that Brucey wants to keep getting in on with the guys even though he tells even himself it's the chickers he's really wanting.
Uh, so not the case.
But, Brucey will be the last to know this.
AND IT AIN'T: Ashton Kutcher, Sean Penn, Charlie Sheen
Update 12/17/11 - Ted has eliminated Ashton Kutcher, Sean Penn, Charlie Sheen, Ryan Gosling, Derek Jeter

Top suspect: Kris Humphries

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Blind Vice: Why Are Gals Passing On Well Equipped Player?

New BV from Ted Friday...

Blind Vice: Why Are Gals Passing On Well Equipped Player?

Poor, poor Smokey Shooter. First, he and his gal couldn't really work out the domestic thing, then he and his honey called it quits, oh, no!
They were such a cute couple. But you'll either be really sad or really happy to hear Smokey's wasted no time in moving on from his ex lady-love. Only problem being his new love interests all seem to have the same two complaints about the good-lookin' actor with a fair amount of movie cred:

Actually, make that one and a half complaints, because some gals aren't so bothered by one of this dude's, uh, problems, as it were. Namely, that he's just too big. And we're not talkin' just the guy's ego, honeys.
Add to that sometime painful attribute the fact that Smokey has a fondness for solving his flatulence issues while in bed with his various women.
Result? Some gals pretend not to notice. Others scold Smokey with mock disbelief. Few are so upset they don't give Smokey another go. In fact, make that all.
Which is probably why Smokey's never seemed to really care about giving his women warning, once he finds himself on the verge of breaking wind.
OK, I understand why a lotta gals put up with crap like not lifting the toilet seat, but, why more babes don't give this babe grief for acting like he's in a Jim Carrey movie is beyond me.
Does size really matter that much?
And It Ain't: Ryan Reynolds, Hugh Hefner, Leonardo DiCaprio

Please use the label below to see our post on the previous Smokey Shooter BV, including a full list of who has been eliminated.

Top suspect: Ashton Kutcher (however he is also a suspect for another BV, see label)