Blind Vice! Chutney Jones Gets the Last Laugh!

This was Ted's BV from Monday... Chutney Jones returns...

Blind Vice!  Chutney Jones Gets the Last Laugh!


You ready for a game of six degrees of Blind Vice separation?
Poor vanilla Chutney Jones never has any fun, right?
Right. Except that she did, for like one second there after slutty Jerry Rock-Butt dumped her snooze-worthy (but expertly toned) tush to bed a more sexually adventurous T-town chick—Kiki Doheny, of course. So what did old Chut do?
Skanked it up with another Vice star!
We already told you that Chutney was getting her flirt on with Saucy Bossy, a bisexual superstar who's about as horny as he is famous (which is, very). Well things don't stay in the flirty stage with Saucy for long.
‘Cause he wanted action. And Chutney wanted to show she can live on the wild side.
A dangerous combo, no?
Meanwhile, Jerr was out trying to woo Kiki, who used him and abused him while smiling for the cameras the whole time, leaving Jerry to drown his sorrows in a string of waiting hussies. Don't take it too hard, J—it's what she does to all her men.
Thing is (and, trust, we didn't expect this), Jerry ran back to Chutney with his tail between his legs.
And as stupid as she is, she took him back! But Saucy Bossy has a nasty little STD that Chutney could have easily picked up. Guess only time (and some mysterious itching) will tell.
AND IT AIN'T: Minka Kelly, Jennifer Lopez, Ashley Greene

Please refer to the label below for links to our posts on the previous Chutney, Jerry, Saucy, and Kiki BVs, including full lists of who has been eliminated for Jerry and Saucy.

Top suspects:

Chutney Jones - Jessica Biel

Saucy Bossy - Jamie Foxx
Jerry Rock Butt - Justin Timberlake
Kiki Doheny - Olivia Wilde

Blind Vice! Who Whipped Jerry Rock-Butt So Easily?

New from Ted today.  I have to say, Ted is being very obvious lately.  Also re-using a lot of existing BV names.  Just sayin'...

Blind Vice!  Who Whipped Jerry Rock-Butt So Easily?


Does Jerry Rock-Butt have monogamy in him, after all?
Jerry had a permanent hall pass—you know, cheat whenever he likes but come home to the missus at night and on red carpets—with Chutney Jones. Nice deal, right? But it turns out he's traded it in for a shot at someone he thinks is the real thing.
So who is JRB's potential new leading lady?
Meet Kiki Doheny, the object of Jerry's desire.
Kiki and Rock-Butt have known each other for a while and have kept it friendly until recently.
See, Jerry thought he could make Ms. Doheny another notch on his heavy belt just by batting those pretty lashes of his.
Not with this broad.
She has deftly blue-balled him every step of their friendship, so this, of course, only makes Kiki more desirable.
Finally he couldn't take it anymore and asked what he can do to win her affections?
K.D. demanded he completely break up with Chutney like stat or else she would never give it up.
So what did Jerry Rock-Butt do? Babes, it wasn't even a question.
He ditched his long-time love and hasn't looked back.
Wonder how long it took until Kiki and Jerry had mattress playtime?
Actually, the real question is whether they can sustain a new A-list relationship purely on the fact they are so hot for each other.
Or will Chutney Jones get the final laugh?
We hear she's been flirting up a storm with Saucy Bossy, remember him? A B.V. star who has an award Jerry Rock-Butt would kill for.
Ms. Jones sure does have a thing for the bisexual ones, I swear.
And it Ain't: Tom Sturridge, Jay-Z, Mark Ruffalo

Please see our label below for the previous Jerry Rock-Butt and Chutney Jones BVs; also the previous Saucy Bossy BV;  including a full list of who has been eliminated for each.

Eliminated for Kiki Doheny as of 6/1/12: Mila Kunis

Top suspects:

Jerry Rock-Butt - Justin Timberlake

Chutney Jones - Jessica Biel

Kiki Doheny - Olivia Wilde

Saucy Bossy -Jamie Foxx

Blind Vice: Chillin' Dude Does the Dude

From Ted yesterday...

Blind Vice: Chillin' Dude Does the Dude

I know what you're thinking: Is anybody in Hollywood straight? Skanky David Duchovny is. Brad Pitt maybe. I think that might be it!
But seriously, the town's full of pooftahs. Get friggin' used to it. Always has been that way—always will be. It's a community full of creative types, babe, that's just the way it goes!
Take Saucy Bossy, for ince. He's made a living by exuding the easy, cool side of powerful in his acting, his looks, his walk, all his endeavors. Ya know, he's just one of those handsome, effortless figures who command authority, with just a touch of kink on the side.
Well, doll-babes, I'm here to tell you...
It's a helluva lot more than just a damn "touch" for Saucy's libidinous bent! He sneaks dudes right and left into wherever he's hanging, whether it's his house in L.A. or whatever hotel room he happens to be partying in while on location.
Oh, and all those (female) big-butt babes Bossy's always feeling up in public, at events, in clubs, etc.? "It's all an act," said a member of S.B.'s management team, which is terrified somebody's gonna catch Saucy getting vroom service from the guys.
Jeez, I swear.
It's one thing for a single guy to live a lie like this. But should a dad being doing this? What a horrible message of deceit this sends to Bossy's kid! (I mean, it's only a matter of time before the kiddo discovers pops is a down-low kinda man).
And It Ain't: Colin Farrell, Kiefer Sutherland, Denzel Washington

* Update 5/14/11 - Ted has eliminated: Alec Baldwin, Vin Diesel, Terrence Howard.

* Top suspect: Jamie Foxx (Runners-up Tracy Morgan, Elton John)

Which celeb is involved in lawsuit?

Brought to our attention by Ted and the Awful team, we've learned about a lawsuit filed this week against a celeb.  Check it out!  Who could it be?  Here's what Ted said about it on Thursday -

Let's Guess the Super Rich Celeb Being Sued for Spreading Herpes!

Get a load of this: According to a seriously salacious lawsuit filed in Los Angeles Superior Court yesterday, an "A-list celebrity of substantial fame internationally" knowingly exposed a sex partner to the herpes virus, and that partner is now suing for $20 million.

So who is it? Here's what we know:

The culprit is male, worth in excess of $100 million and lied about not having V.D. On April 1, he lured the person (not ID'd as male of female, BTW) to his Las Vegas hotel room to watch porn and engage in "mutual oral copulation, mutual self-gratification, rubbing and massaging each other, play-wrestling, licking and (unprotected) intercourse."

Also, according to the suit, they did some drugs and, oh yeah, the celeb videotaped the whole thing.

We don't want to get too close to this story, but we're dying to find out which international celebrity is being targeted.

Surely it's not...

Leonardo DiCaprio, who's recently single and has been hitting the party scene extra hard lately? Leo notoriously loves Vegas, and his new film Hoover even had a sneak preview during CinemaCon (the official convention of the National Association of Theatre Owners) there on an overlapping date. But somehow, we suspect this is not something that helped lead to his breakup with poor Bar.

Also in Vegas a lot would be...

Elton John, but we simply have to refuse to believe the naughty culprit is the knighted, flamboyant singer. The new father and partner to devoted longtime love David Furnish wouldn't engage in such antics! Right? And lucky for this Vegas mainstay and Caesars Palace regular, Elton was in New York performing on Saturday Night Live at the time the accusations went down.

So, then, what, about...

Jeremy Piven, who frequents Vegas clubs and was definitely there a few weeks after the incident occurred, for a Mumford and Sons concert at the Cosmopolitan hotel? Word is Jerm has a thang for kinky sexcapades. But would we really consider him "an A-list celebrity of substantial fame internationally?" Uh, no.

So let's then move on to worldwide superstar...

Tom Cruise, who certainly has the bucks to pony up a payload like that. Not to mention it certainly wouldn't be the first time T.C. had been accused of some weird sexual peccadillo. But the point is, Tom and Katie are hardly debauched Sin City regulars, and besides, Tom sues faster than Scarlett Johansson asks Sean to smooch with her, and everybody knows this, so any loud legal action from somebody trying to get revenge: highly unlikely.

Hmmm, Vegas act and Caesars Palace cash cow....

Celine Dion is super wealthy and well known worldwide. We knew there had to be more going on than meets the eye with that grandpa hubby of hers! Open marriage? Conservative front for a kinky couple? Celine! Who knew? Oh, wait, the suit did say it was a guy, so, never mind. Too bad, it actually would have made us like you better!

But look, like we said, we don't think it's any of the folks mentioned above. CinemaCon and the Academy Country Music Awards both took place in Las Vegas around April 1, leaving tons of wealthy, raunchy A-list candidates.

So who the hell is it?!

Tell us who you think!

Then, Ted posted this update Friday, and gave the celeb a BV-like nickname: "Schmuck-Wad Stupid-Ass" -

Did a Blind Vice All-Star Give Someone $20 Million Herpes?



UPDATE: We'll admit—we may have gotten our gay panties in a twist on this one. 'Cause we initially pegged the herp jerk as one of our fagalicious BV fellows, but it seems there's a clue in the lawsuit that most prying eyes overlooked—that the screwed-over someone is a chick! After pages and pages of trying to hide the Plantiff's gender, the unlucky clerk wraps by demanding "her claims" go to trial. Whoopsies! Clerical error? Or not?
In that case, our money is on previous long shot Saucy Bossy and his sometimes-womanizing ways. Or possibly Crescent Kumquat, who likes to boink a babe from time to time and isn't a stranger to STDS (or the Vegas party scene).
And we can't forget Super-Duper Cooper, whose sleazy sexcapades make us want to barf every time. This kind of gross-out garbage is the stuff that made him infamous behind closed doors.
Either way, it seems the lying lothario is quickly dishing out the dough to cover his scandalous tracks. Ha! Like something this scandalous will just get swept under the carpet. Lawyers may be trying to throw us off this perv's trouble-making track, but we think we've got him nailed. So who's your best guess?

We interrupt this regularly scheduled Blind Vice to weigh in on yesterday's scandalous celebrity lawsuit.
(We were planning on telling you Shellack Attack has already ditched that dude she was two-timing her much more famous bf with, because the guy was just too plebian, poor Shellack's climbing as fast as she can!)
Which megaceleb is getting slapped with a $20 million lawsuit because he gave his sex partner herpes, and videotaped the whole unsafe-sex act as it was going down?
Hmm. We're just going to call this guy Schmuck-Wad Stupid-Ass, and we might add, he sounds an awful lot like some contenders from our Blind Vice Hall of Fame, right?
At the top of our guessing game would have to be...
Seymour Plow-Me More, the Hollywood A-lister who keeps on (time after friggin' time) flagrantly putting his homo out there in semi-public places, all the while maintaining an ostensibly heterosexual life for the media.
I mean, this guy has plane-loads of dudes flown all over the world—by straight pilots who talk! And this is just one example of how Seymour lives to take chances, as is clear from the lawsuit itself, if you read every little dirty detail.
Now, also known to take dumb-butt chances, once in awhile, would have to be...
Toothy Tile, who we're simply praying isn't this arrogant Schmuck-Wad creep. Come on, there's a difference between wanting to just get your sex on in a dark alley, say, and filming it while giving somebody herpes! Now, Toothy's made some pretty moronic moves in his life, but not even he's this dim—or full of himself.
Probably not quite this insanely risky, either, would be...
Fey Oiled-Tush, who just lives to set up his elaborate flying harems (what is it with closeted gay actors and planes, what, they think it's not going to get back to anybody because it happened up in the air?). But he also abides—just as vigilantly—on having all his tracks covered. In other words, all these witnesses must sign non-disclosure agreements, not that that crap actually stops people from talking, but it does succeed in creating a certain chill somebody like Schmuck-Wad Stupid-Ass has no desire to create.
A less obvious choice, too, might just be...
Saucy Bossy, who even though he does prefer the down-low company of other men, does—from time to time (and certainly more often than Toothy, for instance) actually date and have sex with other women. And there's something peculiarly plausible, if you read the details just right, about this lawsuit that leaves the possibility the "mutual self-gratification" that went on, prior to the unsafe intercourse, etc., could have been between a man and a woman.
But we still guess it's between two men. And who shows up more often in the Vice annals that that combo?
Tellin' ya, we've probably written about Schmuck-Wad before.

Then Ted posted this newer update June 22, 2011 -

Poll: Who's Behind the Priciest Herpes Eva?!

Remember that mystery A-lister getting sued for giving someone herpes?
Well the STD host/big-time celeb quietly settled, for $5 million. Yes, $5,000,000. Let's drool over all those zeroes. The plaintiff even wanted $20 freakin' mil, but we're thinking "she's" pretty happy.
Anyhoo, TMZ, the gossip blog that broke this fabulously sheathed (just not penis-sheathed) item, is steering clear of even saying who they think might be the culprit:
Not even a friggin' hint! What the hell's up with that, babes? Much like the Awful Truth has done, don't ever recall Harvey Levin's TMZ outfit holding back when they had a celebrity opinion—in the least!
Maybe it's because H.L. has some connections with the infected him (or her!)? Maybe it's somebody who's not so A-list, after all—or maybe TMZ just doesn't know? Fair enough.
Or do we just have the ol' boys club network in action here, some slut-dude like Charlie Sheen who's being protected because that's just what guys do for each other?
Hmmm, let's find out:

(poll)

Top suspect: ?