Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Lainey - Two unfaithful wives

New from Lainey -

Two unfaithful wives

The First Wife is still trying to figure out if she wants to be one. She and her husband have been through a lot the last few years, on both sides. It was before the trouble though when she had an affair with a colleague -- still above the line, but with a smaller spotlight, both compared to First Wife and his own wife who's just as famous too, and should be just as acclaimed. The affair was intense, so intense that First Wife wanted to end her marriage and he was going to end his marriage but then her husband needed her in crisis. So she helped him recover, and as soon as he healed, she fell apart. By the time she got it together, her moment with her lover had passed. He happily reconnected with his own wife (though she has no idea) while First Wife is struggling with what would have been.
As for the Second Wife – everyone’s been speculating about her infidelity recently but they might be focusing on the wrong target. The right target isn’t a billionaire but he’s a pretty successful player too, albeit on a smaller screen. Their involvement led to an award for her, and a divorce for him. She was attracted to him because “he’s the hot geeky type like her husband”. Both insist that they never moved past suggestive texting and heavy flirting and never ended up consummating their attraction. Bullsh-t. There was at least one night and that’s why she’s so freaked out about the takedown that’s been coming to her. She’d be happy if they stayed on the current scene they’re on so long as she doesn’t get busted for this one.
PS. Everyone mentioned here is a major celebrity.

Top suspects:
First Wife: Catherine Zeta-Jones (with Bart Feundlich)
Second Wife: Gwyneth Paltrow  (with Brad Falchuk)

Friday, October 25, 2013

Lainey - Threesome and juice

Oh this is just gross in too many ways...

Lainey - Threesome and juice

What young stud recently had a threesome with a mother and her daughter? Hopefully it was enjoyable for all three of them considering he’s been juicing his muscles. Do youthful hormones counteract the supposed dick shrinking effects of steroids? If he doesn’t stop, ironically he might have to start putting his shirt on. Bacne doesn’t look good on Instagram.

Update: Top suspect is Justin Bieber

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Lainey - The assistant at the border

New blind riddle from Lainey today -

The assistant at the border

This blind riddle is about a celebrity and his assistant, and what it might be like to work for a celebrity as an assistant. Some of the benefits? You get to be part of that culture and you’re surrounded by creativity – in this case, I guess – and you get to travel around the world. The downside? Sometimes, in travelling around the world, you’re asked to break the law. Not a big deal.
He flew to another country to start work on a new movie. His assistant came with him on the flight and he asked her to take his bags so he could save time. At customs they were curious as to why he didn’t have any luggage. And when he told them his belongings were with his assistant, they brought her in too. In his belongs – and remember she was the one transporting them – they found a few joints. Not a lot, and just for recreational use, and he certainly wasn’t dealing but you know the sh-t that can come down on your ass for taking drugs across a border, right? I don’t have to tell you this, right? They were detained for a couple of hours and the weed was confiscated, but in the end, they were released without drama, without incident. So they were lucky, or privileged, I can’t decide.
But the point is, that’s what’s asked of you as a celebrity assistant. If he wants you to carry his marijuana on your person, knowing that if you get busted, that could totally f-ck up your status, well, you do it anyway. Because you’re the subordinate and powerful and also because you’re so used to the special treatment he receives, you think it might extend to you. In this case, happily for her, it did. But it’s still a risk you have to be willing to take.
And as for the celebrity? I know people who feel bad just asking me for a ride to work, even though it’s on my way. They don’t want to be an inconvenience. When you’re famous? When you’re famous, sometimes you don’t even feel bad to ask an employee to hold your dope in violation of international law.

Update - 
 
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