Lainey - 2 days and 20 years

1 of 3 Lainey riddles from Dec 31:

2 Days and 20 Years

She’s married and they have a child. And these days she’s much more visible -- all over -- than he is. There have been rumours, since they seem to be apart so often, that their relationship has been unstable. Though they’ve recently been seen together, and appear to be happy, he might not feel so secure if he were to find out who she’s sleeping with behind his back, and so indiscriminately.

My sources confirm that there was a boy, a very young, very famous, pop boy with his own fragile love situation who she f-cked for sh-ts and giggles. Just 2 nights later, it was another very famous former pop boy (of sorts) 20 years older who, obviously, specifically targets her small demographic. One night only. Those would be her more famous indiscretions. But they say she’s been cheating all over the place and all the time.

Top suspects: Miranda Kerr, Justin Bieber, Leonardo DiCaprio

Timberbiel & Homeless

It's been a while, readers!  We are alive.  On Tuesday Lainey posted this blind riddle.  Then on Wednesday she revealed it to be about Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel.  Here they are.  Pretty low class if you ask me.  What is the point of picking on people who are poor?  To show off that you have millions?  Whatever.

The Worst Wedding Gift Ever - October 23, 2012

This is a blind riddle.
When Duana got married in July we all got together to surprise her and produce a video of us, her friends, re-enacting her favourite scene from Sister Act 2. When this celebrity couple got married, a few members of their friends and family produced a video too, intending to play it at the wedding. They took to the streets, interviewing homeless people and various other citizens who can barely afford pasta let alone a vacation, to express how sorry they were not to be able to make it to the wedding and offer their well wishes.
This was supposed to be... funny?
Again, let’s stress that the two famous people involved here did not conceive of this idea. And I don’t know yet if it was actually broadcast at the event. Hopefully their family and friends realised it was a dick move at best, and profoundly offensive and disgusting overall. Hopefully they realised they were being assholes, walking around making fun of those who are suffering and hungry. Hopefully they buried it and made a contribution for good, in honour of the happy couple, instead of using the homeless to entertain, while everyone else sipped champagne and ate olives. Hopefully.
Because who needs friends like that? Who needs family like that? Do you believe that the people you spend time with you reflect who you are? And if so, what does that say about these two stars?

This is not about Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds.

Then here is Lainey's update:

Justin Timberlake's Homeless Wedding Gift - October 24, 2012

It’s Pippy Day on LaineyGossip.com! Just what he wanted!
I posted a blind riddle yesterday -- click here if you missed it. Gawker has the video. The video is exactly how I described it. Homeless people taped AS A JOKE wishing Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel a happy wedding...you know, because they couldn’t make it.
The video was produced by Justin Huchel who is also close to Rachael Yarbrough who is Pippy’s cousin and apparently his personal assistant.
ALL CLASS, motherf-ckers. That is ALL CLASS.
I noted in the blind that I wasn’t sure if the video ended up getting played at the wedding.
Gawker confirms that it was.
They laughed at a disadvantaged segment of society to celebrate their marriage.
HILARIOUS!!!
Isn’t it SO FUNNY to see people struggling and without teeth and probably smelly and definitely hungry presented as the butt of the joke?
Don’t you want to toast to that?
Of course Huchel is now trying to save JT’s ass. His lawyer sent a letter to Gawker threatening a lawsuit and clarifying that:
"Mr. Huchel made [the] video to be used and exhibited privately at Justin Timberlake's wedding as a private joke without Mr. Timberlake's knowledge."
I’m willing to believe that JT had no idea about the video. But I’m not sure he would have been offended by the video -- which is the ONLY APPROPRIATE reaction. And here’s the thing ...
Wouldn’t your friend and YOUR COUSIN who also works for you know you well enough not to show something so disgusting if you wouldn’t appreciate it? Is Justin Huchel, one of JT’s closest confidantes, so off base about his boy that he totally miscalculated on his own? Or... did Justin Huchel know exactly what to do to amuse his friend?
What a pleasant way to kick off a marriage, non?
By sh-tting on homeless people, kicking down those less fortunate, as you jump up and down on your bride’s head on the cover of a magazine during your SIX MILLION DOLLAR wedding.
Congratulations!
Click here to watch the video -- over 8 minutes of entertainment at the expense of the poor.

As I said, just pointless and lame!  Which is typical of Justin T.  Let's move on and stop talking about them now, okay?

Lainey- One more couple to mourn

One more couple to mourn - 8/29/12

Nothing to laugh about here -- this one we will all be sad about. All of us. Because it’s almost over for them. After rising together and stabilising together and conveniently finding a home together, where you’d think work would be so much easier, and having the babies too, they’re close to formally ending it, and there may be an announcement soon...which, well, if you look at him it doesn’t seem to have affected him physically. Everyone says he really cares about his appearance these days, more than ever, and is looking hotter than ever. Or, as one person put it, “hot all of a sudden”. Emotionally too he hasn’t let on that there’s anything wrong. For what it’s worth, I’m told there was no third party involvement. Perhaps that means it’s amicable, just the end of their story. Perhaps we’ll be more choked about it than they are. As I drench my waffles in more maple syrup.

Revealed to be: Will Arnett and Amy Poehler

Enquirer - 8.22.12

From the National Enquirer Aug 22nd-

Which one time blonde A-list hottie has MORE than “exhaustion” issues? Plus:  who’s the mistress for the prosecution who’s NOW turning tricks in Bangkok?
THIS 50-something former A-lister has been partying way too much, dating much younger guys and canceling gigs at the last minute – and now her team is so concerned that they’re making a list of rehab facilities for her to check out. The blonde movie star has been very vocal about her willingness to fire anyone who suggests she has a problem, but she’s finally agreed to get some help for her “exhaustion” issues.

WHICH TV actress has secretly broken up with her hunky sitcom co-star – she never owned up to the romance publicly – and is going through a massive midlife crisis? The rail-thin single mom doesn’t think she can keep a good man, so she’s actually contemplating taking back her wacky ex!

WHICH early ’90s badboy reality star, who’s now married with children, has found love away from his manipulative and cheating wife...with another MAN? The hard-partying personality, whose cast mates once referred to as “homophobic,” is this close to coming out as gay! Who is he?

THIS former famous mistress, who helped send her ex-lover to jail for murdering his wife by testifying for the prosecution at his trial, is now turning tricks for money in Thailand! She’s so broke that she’s telling friends she had to turn to the world’s oldest profession just to make ends meet.
WHICH closeted TV chef is carrying on a down-low romance with an openly gay actor/comedian from a popular sketch comedy show? The handsome cook refuses to come out of the closet – he has a gorgeous girlfriend – but his gay secret is about to explode because his new lover is yapping all over town about his celebrity boyfriend!

Top suspects:

Lainey - Who Did Your Eyes?

Yeah, this is way late.  Sorry!  From Lainey August 10 -

Who Did Your Eyes?

One of the best pieces of gossip I’ve heard lately. I wish I could have watched it go down. Wait, but now I’ve built it up too much. So I’ll pull it back first: this does not involve sex or cheating or secret gays or garden vegetables which means some of you may find it boring. But it does involve two celebrated actors, super powerful, super respected, neither of whom seem to be particularly vain physically beyond staying trim.
A few months ago, one wrote the other asking for some advice:
Actor A: I was just wondering...who did your eyes?
Actor B: I don’t know, I’ve never had my eyes done.
Actor A: Yeah, ok, sure. Merry Christmas.
And then they spent the rest of the season sh-t talking each other while smiling down the carpets at all the events during the season because one suspects the other of holding out on him for a good surgeon. In Hollywood, you’re never too mature to be pretty...and petty!

Top suspects:
Actor A:
Actor B:

Lainey - Cucumber

New from Lainey from Wed July 25.  Sorry for the delay, was on a vacay.

Cucumber

Let’s take a break from the Twilight despair to get into some sexual produce.
They’ve been together a while now. They’re beautiful and fashionable and they’ve travelled the world. This sense of adventure extends beyond geography. After so many years, it would appear that these two are still super hot for each other.
At a party very recently, they wandered into the garden. They started kissing, rubbing, grinding. He went between her thighs...with his hands...and an accessory.
A cucumber.
In the garden.
At a party.
With a cucumber.
She enjoyed it.
They didn’t know at the time but there was an audience. When they figured that out they were obviously mortified. They’re a lot luckier than Kristen Stewart though. The evidence in this case will not be published.

Top suspects: Joshua Jackson and Diane Kruger

National Enquirer - Guess Who? - 7.11.12

Alright peeps, we have been having Blind Vice withdrawal.  Going for some National Enquirer "Guess Who?"s from yesterday -

THIS prominent lady politico is frantic to keep news of her recent tummy tuck and liposuction procedures out of the media. The conservative mom wants her fans to believe she’s all natural and stays trim by exercising daily! Can you name her?
WHICH newlywed talk-show host has her husband on pins and needles with cheating fears? She’s admitted to blacking out after taking the sleep aid Ambien, and then waking up to find herself on dating websites! Her two kids are even aware of her sleep-chatting habits and have threatened to password
WHICH comedic actor in his early 40s – who plays a gay man on an award-winning sitcom – desperately wants to have a baby with his live-in girlfriend because he’s afraid of being an old dad? The guy has even given her an ultimatum: Get pregnant this year – or get out!
WHICH country singer – who’s had a tumultuous relationship with her duet partner over the years – recently married a man who she stole from her best friend? The singer’s new hubby is not only a serial cheater, he was also verbally and physically abusive to his ex-wife!

Top suspects: 

Lainey - He turned out to be the cliche

OK, in answer to yesterday's post on Lainey, who left us wondering who she meant, today we have more.  Here is her new riddle today, to follow up to the "one who can no longer be trusted" comment from yesterday -

He turned out to be the cliche

He was the one we trusted who can’t actually be trusted. He used to be my answer to the question - is there anyone in Hollywood who DOESN’T cheat? Yes, I’d say, and excitedly too! Art does not imitate life! He’s faithful!
Well, no. He isn’t.
He hits on the young funny pretty ones at parties. Very typical behaviour - he loosens up with a few drinks and he turns into a pig; two of his more famous targets, both under 30, turned him down. He did however spend a few nights with a frequent co-star, over 30. They’ve worked together on major and minor projects. As for his long suffering partner? The woman we thought was the love of his life? Well, sometimes when he gets drunk and smears himself all over other ladies, she’s actually right there. She turns away. She pretends she doesn’t see. Which... kind of explains why she looks the way she does.
That said, it is a partnership. It’s not like she’s getting nothing out of it. He has used his influence to help her, certainly. Perhaps she’s decided it’s worth it.
An actor cheating on his partner is nothing new and doesn’t make for the most intriguing blind, sure. But like I said earlier, he was the one who was supposed to not be like the others. He’s the one who’s enjoyed almost unanimous popularity. And he turned out to be the cliché. I was surprised about this one. And very, very disappointed.

Update 7/13: Lainey has eliminated Tom Hanks, Hugh Jackman, Antonio Banderas.

Top suspect: Jon Hamm
Frequent co-star: Kristen Wiig

Lainey - The one who can't be trusted

How excited are we for Lainey's traveling gossip school?  Right now I wish I was Canadian, that's how!  Hopefully she comes down the the US!  Lainey... Philly loves you, are you listening?

Anyway, in her July 10 Intro where she discusses her traveling Faculty of Celebrity Studies, Rumer Est Immortalis, she throws in a little something.  A very small thing which we sparks our interest.

Discussion topics include Tom, Katie, Scientology, Blind Riddles, the one we trusted who, as it turns out, can’t actually be trusted, and more. Students will be graded on participation and preparation. A basic understanding of smut principles and theory is recommended.

The one who we trusted who can't actually be trusted?  One of my dear sisters (sistah2) thinks this is about Ted and his departure.  I don't like that but she has a point.  Thoughts?

Update 7/12: Lainey wrote a new riddle to expand on this (see separate post on 7/12).  That riddle is believed to be about Jon Hamm.
 

Lainey mini-riddle - Demonic/Sweethart

I read this the other day but it seemed insignificant by the time I was done reading it... but a fan on twitter asked us to post it to discuss.  So here is Lainey's latest riddle, a small one stuck in the middle of this Jena Malone article from July 5.

Something about the way this was worded...
It reminded me of a similar situation that went down a few years ago surrounding the casting process for a superhero movie. Several actresses were up for the part including one with a demonic reputation, and the other a small town un-American girl who’d quickly become a fan sweetheart. The sweetheart had the edge, and she was on her way to LA to close the deal. At the airport, her phone goes off. It’s her agents. They told her not to get on the plane. Demonic leaked a story to Variety that she’d confirmed the role when she hadn’t. It was a bold move to throw off the other candidates. And it worked. (But both movies sucked and really didn’t do anything for her in the long run.)

Update - Only July 8 Lainey dropped some big hints in this article. Pretty much a reveal.  Here is an excerpt:

Meanwhile over in London yesterday, Rachel McAdams played pregnant, apparently going into labour on the set of the new Richard Curtis movie About Time. I’m assuming that Bill Weasley is the father. Yes, Rachel and Michael Sheen are still together and solid. Photos of them at Wimbledon in London on the weekend are attached. They’re both working but they’re trying to see each other as often as possible. After the success of The Vow, Rachel has pretty much cemented her position as romantic movie girl. Though she can be a lot more, and I’m sure that’s in the plan, sometimes things work out as they should. Sometimes you miss out on an opportunity because some other actress was a f-cking bitch and it turns out it wouldn’t have been right for you anyway and now that girl is off writing articles about hemp diapers because she can’t get a proper acting job. The Hollywood fates do get it right on occasion.

Demonic: Jessica Alba
Sweethart: Rachel McAdams

Goodbye, Awful Truth

So sad.  Yesterday Ted Casablanca wrote this Thank You article on his column.  We've seen for the past few weeks now that there were less columns and no new Blind Vices for the past few weeks.  So we saw it coming but am still upset.  We will miss you so much, Ted!  Us four sisters have been reading this column for so long... for me it's been since at least 2003.
We'll not only miss the witty Blind Vices, but also Ted's viewpoint on everything!  I always trusted that Ted knew what was going on and loved reading his opinions on things.  We will miss you Ted and the Awful Truth.  Good luck on your new endeavors!

Lainey - beloved gay actor

Today Lainey wrote an article about John Travolta and Kelly Preston here.  In the middle of discussing their ridiculous fake relationship, she snuck in a mini-blind (I placed the blind part in italics below):

This is for your parents

It’s your parents who don’t know. And their parents. That’s who this is for.
Thank you for explaining it to me the last few weeks. Many of you have emailed to confirm that, indeed, there are people out there, A LOT of people, who still think John Travolta is straight. That it would be impossible for him to be un-straight considering he has a beautiful wife and children. So when John and Kelly Preston show up at the premiere of Savages, nuzzling each other for the cameras, suggesting that they do have man and woman sex, it’s for the benefit of your parents.
But is it unfair of us? They’re not the only ones. 

Why am I so kind to the beloved gay actor who adores his wife, who is his life partner, while loving his serious boyfriend? In public they front like theirs is a legit hetero situation too. In that case they are honest in private. She knows, they all know, their friends know, an entire community knows, and no one is trying to suppress or change it; they just stop short of the press release.

That’s what’s uncomfortable about Travolta’s predicament. The more they try to push it out of him, the  less control he has of who he is. Which is why his boner keeps getting in the way of his massage therapy. It’s been over 25 years of boners and massage therapy. He won’t be able to discredit them all.
 

I am thinking Hugh Jackman.  You?

Blind Vice! Franchise Star's Late-Night Secret!

New from Ted today -

Blind Vice!  Franchise Star's Late-Night Secret!


Oh, the luxurious lifestyles of those rich and famous franchise stars!
They basically run Hollywood these days, what with their movies making gajillions of dollars at the box office and all that. But it's when they step out of that limelight that their perfect little facades fade away and their naughty little secrets come to light.
Like, say, Sammy Sniffles and a late night secret that's yet to be exposed...
Until now.
Sammy recently appeared in a mucho-hyped big screen flick, Three Cheers for the Underdog. One of those million dollar popcorn flicks that comes with action figures, legions of devoted fans and instant A-list credit.
And Sam does not disappoint when it comes to living the franchise lifestyle.
For one, S2 is into that whole fakey romance thing (complete with lovey-dovey paparazzi pics, natch), and, while that's one secret Sam would not want revealed, there's a nastier Vice that's starting to draw even more attention:
Cocaine! And loads of it!
Yep, like so many stars of yesteryear (or even yesterday), as soon as Sammy made it big in Tinseltown, the drugs started flowing. Now, Sam—discreetly, of course—will spend the whole night snorting lines of blow.
So when does the party end? Well, it doesn't, really.
Sammy does enough coke to stay awake through the wee hours of the morning, then heads directly from the party to whatever sort of work Sniffles has that day.
So far though, Sam hasn't slipped. But we're assuming it's only a matter of time.
AND IT AIN'T: Kristen Stewart, Josh Hutcherson, Chris Hemsworth

Eliminated as of 6/16/12: Kristen Stewart, Josh Hutcherson, Chris Hemsworth, Cobie Smulders, Andrew Garfield, Michael Fassbender, Scarelett Johansson, Anne Hathaway, Zoe Saldana, Rob Pattinson, (Tom Hiddleston "hardly... not a bad guess"),

Top suspect: 

Blind Vice: Chiquita's Latest Party Trick Titillates!

New BV from Ted today -

Blind Vice!  Chiquita's Latest Party Trick Titillates!

Have we mentioned that Chiquita is, well, bananas?
If her using her man-trapping nether regions to sleep her way to the top (or at least to primetime) or that outrageous diva 'tude (seriously, who does this broad think she is?) wasn't enough to convince you, well, maybe you're just as kooky as Chicky is!
Which means you'll love her latest party trick:
Not only does Chiquita make it a habit to hook up with at least one costar per party, natch, but she's taken to a stripping routine of sorts.
At a recent A-list fête attended by our brassy babe and her coworkers, partygoers were left shocked when Chiquita cut a line for the bathroom and disappeared inside.
Well, the cutting wasn't actually what had jaws dropping—Chiquita is way too famous to wait in lines, of course—it was what she revealed when she left the powder room.
Which was her lingerie.
Yep, Chiquita hit the bathroom, stripped off some clothing and returned to the party in her hot pants like it was totally normal. And that's how she entertained for the rest of the evening: in her pseudo-birthday suit.
On second thought, guess I'm not too surprised. She's always been more likely to bare her body than her soul.
AND IT AIN'T: Blake Lively, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Emily VanCamp

Please use the label below for a link to our posts on the previous Chiquita BVs, including a full list of who has been eliminated.

Top suspect: Naya Rivera

Blind Vice: Veronica Bee-Stings Has Been Stung!

New from Ted Friday May 11 -

Blind Vice: Veronica Bee-Stings Has Been Stung!

If sometimes trampy, always crafty Veronica Bee-Stings can find love, then we all can, right?!
That's what Awful Truth's broken hearted club is hoping, at least. Because we recently caught wind that our dear VBS—who never met a husband she couldn't steal or a lie she wouldn't tell—isn't just hooking up with her current beefcake B-Lister.
Nope, Ronnie has been bitten by the love bug. And how!
"She's telling everyone she knows that she's in love," a close pal of Veronica's dishes about the surgically enhanced starlet and her boy toy of the moment, who (if you believe Ms. Bee-Stings) might be "the one."
How trés romantic, no?! Sounds like someone's ready to get wifed up!
Actually, on second thought, that's not saying much, as Veronica has always been known to fall hard and fast for the many men in her life. At least that's what she wants you to believe...she values the paparazzi pictures of her and her famous beaus far more than any TLC they give her.
That is, until now.
"She's changed her ways. Really!" her friend promises. "She's not interested in setting up tabloid pictures or flaunting him on the red carpet. She actually likes spending time with him. It helps that he's crazy about her too."
All her ways except one.
We have a feeling she isn't exactly revealing her nasty secrets to this dude either, ya know, in case her rather risqué past makes him want to cut and run.
So instead she'll keep those sexy skeletons buried in the back of her closet, behind all those Hervé mini-dresses and designer pumps.
AND IT AIN'T: Katy Perry, Charlize Theron, Lea Michele

Please use the label below for a link to our posts on the previous Veronica Bee-Stings BVs, including a full list of who has been eliminated.

Top suspect: Blake Lively

Blind Vice: Double Devious Doings!

New from Ted today... kickin' it old school with two random Vices in one -

Blind Vice: Double Devious Doings!

Oh, what a tangled website we weave, when at first we practice to deceive. That's what one of those crusty writer guys said, right?
OK, maybe not exactly, but conniving, breasty Harriet Talons sure had that in mind when she backstabbed so many people on her current hit show, her own network's New York website is currently weighing whether or not to write a scathing exposé on Harriet's behind-the-scenes shenanigans—they're that damn impressive.
Back in Hollywood, but equally as stealth—and to far more sexy results—would be an Oscar-nominated star's party behavior. Want to hear what Freddie Friction picked up along with his cocktail?
A date!
And it's weird on so many levels: Just like Harriet, who tells the world constantly (mostly in women's magazines) how down-to-earth and shy and humble she is, Jeremy's been busy spinning a similar ersatz media presence. For instance, he often talks about how "straight" he is. Like, a lot.
Isn't it fascinating how very unlike Crescent Cumquat and Topher Hairy-Tuchus—who often depend on extravagant online shenanigans to hook up with guys they fancy—Freddie is. He just asked a guy home at a recent N.Y. party! Right in front of everybody!
And even though the party dude who Freddie asked back to his place was completely shocked, he did manage to say yes, in case you were wondering.
Yeah, maybe it was kinda stupid for Freddie (who we hear is a tad on the old-fashioned side) to let this all go down in the open, but hey, makes more sense than Craigslist, huh? Less of a trail…
I think Freddie's gonna be a crafty one, just like Harriet. In fact, I'm sure of it!
AND IT AIN'T: Felicity Huffman and Chord Overstreet, Joan Rivers and Zac Efron, Betty White and Robert Pattinson

Please use the label below for the links to our previous Harriet Talons BVs, including a full list of who has been eliminated.

Top suspect for Harriet Talons:  Teri Hatcher

Top suspect for Freddie Friction: Jeremy Renner

Blind Vice! Hot Celeb Thinks Different to Get Lucky

New from Ted on Friday May 4 -

Blind Vice!  Hot Celeb Thinks Different to Get Lucky!

Traylor McMuff is the kind of celeb dude who enjoys many of the trappings of Hollywood life. But the guy will probably never go home with an Oscar, that's just a cold hard fact.

Instead, Traylor gets to take back to his bicoastal abodes many other things, mainly lots of money, tons of friends who love his outgoing personality, and, um, just about every woman who he comes in contact with, both married and not.

What's his secret?

Traylor hangs out almost exclusively with gay men!

See, Traylor knows that despite his killer abs and face, both L.A. and New York are chock-full of gorgeous young men who are dying to show almost any woman a good time. And even though Traylor's bod is drop-dead tight (still) and his face is chiseled as they come, he is not, how shall we say, getting any younger.

He therefore loves nothing more than going out—sometimes several times in one week—with his friends to gay bars. Because Traylor knows full well that often where gay men go, also go their straight best girlfriends.

And these gals are usually so taken aback to find out Traylor isn't secretly gay (as many folks think) they're willing to do just about anything the McMuff asks.

Which just happens to always include taking them back to his pad and—how shall I put this?—having nooky that's not exactly great for everybody.

Just Traylor.

What a naughty boy in more ways than one!

AND IT AIN'T: Matthew McConaughey, Mark Wahlberg, Kanye West

Update 5/11/12 Ted has eliminated: Matthew McConaughey, Mark Wahlberg, Kanye West, Jeremy Renner.

Top suspect: 

Blind Vice! Cash-Strapped Caesar Rewrites History!

New BV from Ted today -

Blind Vice!  Cash-Strapped Caesar Rewrites History!

Caesar Anchovy-Arse has always been known for being a fairly talented man. But what the world doesn't know about him really does remain his best (unknown) achievement: Preventing the world from learning just how poorly he's treated his partner, Strippa Rip-Ya.
But Caesar's latest shenanigans really do trump all his past debauched behavior, and that's saying something:

Because fooling around or getting high is nothing compared to actually hurting your woman and then claiming you were helping her along in her career path...which is exactly what Caesar's latest line is all about.
"He's claiming he made her," says a pal to the put-upon couple, regarding Strippa's professional success (which, admittedly, has been quite mixed). "Can you believe that?" asks the friend, rhetorically.
The famous couple's pal is shocked mostly because Caesar's form of supporting his wife in the past has usually consisted of verbally abusing her. Or worse. He's been an unacceptable husband, in every sense of the word.
But now, Mr. Anchovy-Arse is claiming otherwise, just so he can be assured of spending Strippa's paychecks—for now, and forever.
Jeez, is it Hollywood that creates these men, or have they always been around?
AND IT AIN'T: Peter Facinelli, David Beckham, Ashton Kutcher

Please use the labels below to read our posts on the previous Ceasar and Strippa BVs, including full lists of who has been eliminated.

Top suspects: Jennifer Lopez & Marc Anthony

Blind Vice! Match Made in Hot Star Heaven

New from Ted today -

Blind Vice!  Match Made in Hot Star Heaven

Where art thou, heartthrob Nelly Fang?
Hooking up with the most stunning partner in his fairly impressive past, that's what!
The fact that Nelly's currently smitten with golden celeb Queen Djibouti is such great news because…
As we all know, Nelly hasn't always made the wisest (or safest) romance choices in the past.
And besides, Nelly has such an impressive everything—face, career, personality, etc.—isn't it about time he settle down with somebody who's as beautifully put together, not to mentioned gifted, as he is? Totally!
Queen, who's not quite as romantically experimental as Nelly, is still probably a pretty perfect fit for her new man, as she's all about the work (just like Fang) and is totally easygoing in her private life. Which is probably why she used to date a guy just like Nelly, who also likes to do his own thing.
In other words, Fang and Queen's exes are probably each other's types! Or certainly were at one time.
But that's then. Now is all about Nelly and Queen slowly cementing their hotness for each other, which appears to be the real thing.
Kind of a shocker for Mr. Fang, who's not unused to the fake-partner P.R. thing.
We actually dig this new Nelly.
True love's always hot, right?
It Ain't: Tim Tebow and Taylor Swift, Taylor Kinney and Lady Gaga, Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively

Please use the label below to read our posts on the previous Nelly Fang BVs, including a full list of who has been eliminated.

Top suspects:  

Nelly Fang = Alexander Skarsgard
Queen Dijibouti - Charlize Theron

Blind Vice! Will Harriet Talons Ever Work Again?

New from Ted yesterday April 13 -

Blind Vice!   Will Harriet Talons Ever Work Again?


You certainly all remember Harriet Talons, right? Our Blind Vice maven was just inducted into monikered infamy and is already back for another round of d-r-a-m-a. Would you expect anything less from someone wanted killed off her own show?
Well, apparently, horrible Harriet isn't as confident in her job security as we think she should be, because the boob-tube broad has been secretly trying to book another gig...ya know, just in case!
Apparently Harriet is supremely nervous about her future—or so say people within her camp.
While we already told you Ms. Talons probably won't be canned from her juicy hit series anytime soon (or ever), she has caught whiff of the hostility directed her way and is worried that sooner or later her attitude may lead to her demise.
Hey, we're just shocked she had enough self-awareness to realize everyone thought her stuff actually did stink.
But instead of, we don't know, simply being nicer to her costars and hard-working crew, or being less of a diva at the office (that would make far too much sense), H.T. has been aggressively pushing her agents to find other work.
That way she'll stay one step ahead of any potential firing. We told you she was a crafty devil, didn't we?
Here's the thing: She can't find any jobs!
You might think producers would be eager beavers to book the seemingly so talented Harriet for their gig, but her pushy reputation precedes her. And no one wants to have Harriet's talons unleashed on their set, heaven forbid!
But really, can you blame them?!
AND IT AIN'T: Naya Rivera, Eva Longoria, Kristin Bauer

Please use the label below for a link to our post on the previous Harriet Talons BV, including a full list of who has been eliminated.

Top suspect:  Teri Hatcher

Bonus Blind! Studio Takes Revenge on Naughty Star!

New BV from Ted on Monday April 9 -

Bonus Blind!  Studio Takes Revenge on Naughty Star!

Forget the old adage about hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. It's a bitter production studio that residents of Hollywood apparently need to watch out for!
Especially if you're a featured player from a glossy new pic and you directly oppose what the studio has told you to do on the press line. Look out, Blake Barbina, who was recently made to pay the price heavily for misspeaking to the media:
Blake, who has a pretty decent fan base, was told to only talk about the new movie Blake was busy promoting for Siren Pictures, Life After Teenage Lust. Siren was adamant that Barbina only talk about Lust, and not the many other projects Blake had in the works.
But, of course, what Hollywood actor thinks he or she can't do what he or she wants, especially if a large fandom is involved? That's right. Probably close to zero.
So, when doing press recently, B.B. went ahead and blabbed all about the other projects coming up, giving second-shrift to Lust. Siren was apoplectic.
So much so, they decided to release to the press some not so valiant activities of Blake's. And Barbina was shocked, to say the least—not to mention totally caught off guard, which had been Siren's precise intent.
In other words, Blake's personal life will never again be the same, but Siren's assured compliance with their stars in the press is now pretty much assured. For the time being, at least.
Way to go, Siren, it's like you've been taking lessons from Nikki Reed or something!
AND IT AINT: Nikki Reed, Zac Effron, Jennifer Lawrence

Top suspect:

Blind Vice! Brash Young Nobody Paws the Help and Hollers!

New BV from Ted yesterday -

Blind Vice!  Brash Young Nobody Paws the Help and Hollers!


Stars new to the scene can be so stupid. They haul outta town and they think they can act all diva-like and nobody's gonna be the wiser.
Uh, wrong! And perhaps no one's realizing this right now better than Consuela Conveyor-Belt, a newly minted star who thinks her stuff don't stink just because she went to the Oscars.
Gosh, what did Consuela do, exactly?
She ditched that boyfriend's she's so busy pretending to be all hot 'n' bothered with and went to a resort popular with disco-eyed Angelinos. With some girlfriends.
And when the partying gals hit a club which just happened to have a cocktail waitress who caught Consuela's eye, that's when things really got interesting.

Consuela made a pass at the waitress. The server then got all offended and stuff. Probably had something to do with Ms. Conveyor-Belt sticking her hand up the waitress's skirt, ya know?
The gorgeous worker-bee screamed bloody murder, at which point Consuela screamed even louder bloody murder! How dare you accuse me, don't you know who I am, and all that self-important crap.
There was a scuffle and then management swept the whole thing under the carpet, as it were.
Lesson learned: Sanctimonious B-listers who scream enough always get their way.
Until their beards who don't like the unnecessary attention drop them faster than you can say, "Who's next on the conveyor belt?"
AND IT AIN'T: Lauren Conrad, Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Love Hewitt

Update 4/14/12 - Ted has also eliminated Zoe Saldana.

Top suspect: 

Four Sisters Blind Item #2

Here is our second blind item of our own.  Like last time, there will be no reveal.

Four Sisters Blind Item #2 

This married comedian just wrapped up filming a movie.  While we've heard he was neurotic, we were surprised to hear he was sexting a young woman on the set.  When she told a well-known producer on set about his antics, she was told this was nothing out of the ordinary.  In fact, he said that ordering strippers is more his thing.  

It's NOT: Paul Rudd, Vince Vaughn.

Blind Vice! TV Crew Wants Demanding Diva Killed Off!

New BV from Ted yesterday, Friday March 30 -

Blind Vice! TV Crew Wants Demanding Diva Killed Off!


Are you all ready for some end-of-the-week coworker catfighting?!
Have you ever despised another employee so dearly that you hoped against hope that one day they'd be canned, allowing you to lay claim to their cubicle and freeing you from the burden of their watercooler blabber?
Meet Harriet Talons—and rest easy knowing she won't be occupying your office anytime soon. She's a popular boob-tube babe on one of those hit series that's always being talked about…which would so not be the case if her coworkers had a say in it:
Because they want her character killed.
Dead. Six feet under. Never to be heard from again. And they want Harriet banished from set, thrown out on her perfectly toned toosh to fend for herself in cold, cruel Hollywood. Yep, Harriet's entire crew wants her fired.

And badly.
In fact, it's all pretty much anyone ever talks about anymore. The problem is, Ms. Talon's safety is all but secured—while another character's life hangs in the balance, Harriet knows her onscreen alter ego won't bite it anytime soon.
Probably not ever, actually.
Sorry, crew folk, looks like the wrath of Harriet will live on. I would normally suggest the people who truly despise her quit…but then there'd be no one left to work on the show (and some of H.T.'s castmates are pretty sweet, I wouldn't want them to be punished).
If it makes you feel better, know that it's not just at work that she's a total nightmare.
Heck, even Harriet's neighbor—who's a big-screen heartthrob as well as a juicy Vice star—can't stand the chick. Maybe it's because she's always begging for him to date her, which, FYI, he wouldn't do in a billion years.
AND IT AIN'T: Ellen Pompeo, Emily VanCamp, Jessica Lange

Update: As of 6/8/12, Ted has eliminated: Ellen Pompeo, Emily VanCamp, Jessica Lange, January Jones, Christina Hendricks, Anna Paquin, Candice Accola, Juliana Marguiles, Madeline Stowe, Naya Rivera, Eva Longoria, Kristin Bauer, Elisabeth Moss, anyone from Pretty Little Liars, Mindy Kaling, Katherine Heigl, Jane Lynch, Nina Dobrev, Jennifer Morrison, Felicity Huffman, Joan Rivers, Betty White, Julie Bowen, Claire Danes, anyone from Grey's Anatomy, Kate Walsh, Amy Brenneman


Top suspect: Teri Hatcher

Bonus Blind! Another Gay Star Bites the Closeted Dust

Catching up from a crazy week!  New from Ted on Monday March 26. Barry Wanger-Banger returns -

Bonus Blind!  Another Gay Star Bites the Closeted Dust


It takes a lot to shock us here at AT.
That said, we were pretty taken aback recently by some personal plans announced by the hunky Barry Wanger-Banger, a pretty cool gay dude who's never made a point of hauling out the beard factor for his career.
Until now, that is. So color us plum, then, when Barry just revealed…

He's taken the "relationship" he's got going with his latest "girlfriend" to the next level.
Barry's certainly intimating he's going to marry this poor woman (who we seriously doubt knows the full extent of what her man prefers to do between the sheets when she's not around), and the tabloids are certainly biting this possible-engagement line hook, line and sink-her.
Come again? This is the same guy who in the past has proven so pathetically inept at the dating-a-female thing, his idea of a hot time at home is playing basketball out back with the guys? This is with the chick hanging around inside the house, mind you, wondering what the ef she's even doing there in the first place.
Even George Clooney knows not to invite the gals over while he's playing B-ball with the boys! Why can't Barry figure this simple rule out?
Well, because being with the women—and certainly getting engaged to them—was never really his idea in the first place. Nope, we've got a real Jackie Bouffant situation going on here, babes, where Barry's creative team decided it was high time Wanger-Banger's career got, well, bangin' again.
And what better way to do that than with fake matrimony?
Well, fake babies. And that very well may be the next step.
AND IT AIN'T: Jonah Hill, Justin Timberlake, Alex Pettyfer

Here is a link to our post discussing the previous Bary Wanger Banger Blind Vice, including a full list of who has been eliminated.

Blind Vice: Toothy Gets Slutty With Room Service

New from Ted yesterday -

Blind Vice: Toothy Gets Slutty With Room Service!


Do we have any Blind Vice couples with happy endings? Stealth Stud-Poof and his BF? Eh. Judas Jack-Off and Dashed Dingle-Dream? Definitely not.
So it was with naïve, battered hope we were all holding out for a Toothy Tile and Grey Goose's happy ending, right?
Don't think we're getting it:
Because even though put-upon Grey has looked the other way during Toothy's pastindiscretions this latest one's a little harder to stomach.
T2 had the nerve to not exactly discreetly hole up in a fancy hotel room recently with a coworker. From one of his movies, no less.
It did not go unnoticed by the posh inn's even more posh clientele.
This is a far cry from one of Toothy's back-alley pretty-boy quickies, and it's a situation Grey's finding it much harder to not let bug him.
We say why try? Isn't enough enough?
Come on, true love's one thing (especially when you have family together), but unending masochistic devotion's entirely another.
Grey, stop pretending you're Saint Suck-Up and completely move on, already.
AND IT AIN'T: Brandon Routh, Lenny Kravitz, Jon Hamm

Please refer to the link below for posts on our previous posts on Toothy Tile and Grey Goose, including complete lists of who has been eliminated for each. 
* HERE is our list of who Ted has eliminated as Toothy.

Top suspects:  
Toothy Tile = Jake Gyllenhaal  
Grey Goose = Austin Nichols

Lainey 3/21/12: Scared Straight

Both are acclaimed actors. One’s an actor you find super cute. He’s popular and adorable, like dimples and old fashioned dresses. The other’s an actor I find super gross. And dramatic. And full of his own sh-t. He fronts like he’s dark. He’s difficult. The work is often beneath him. The work is often taken away from him because the attitude that it is beneath him is so often intolerable The two had a torrid affair. Which is nothing unusual, of course not. Except that dimples broke up with drama and drama practically had a psychotic break. There was a month-long spiral. A couple of times he came close to really hurting himself. He also threatened to expose them both, though no one is taking that seriously. As a result, his heartbreaker is trying, ignorantly, to go back to the other side of his bisexuality.

Updates:
 Lainey has eliminated Jake G, James Franco, Matt Morrison

At her smut soiree, Lainey revealed this to be about Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Michael Pitt.

Robert Downey Jr. stirring up blind items?

Of all people, our one brother sent us this article from the Daily Beast -

Rep: Robery Downey Jr. Isn't Online Commenter

Is Robert Downey Jr. the anonymous blog commenter who’s been rocking the Internet chattering class with scandalous allegations about beloved Hollywood celebrities? Speculation came to a head last week about a frequent guest to the comments section of the gossip website Crazy Days and Nights identifying himself as “Himmmm” who dropped vividly detailed, insider-y blind items about a secret call-girl ring alleged to include Hayden Panettiere and Amanda Bynes. Citing a number of telltale clues, the website Jezebel was first to ponder Downey’s involvement, and from there it became a parlor game among celeb-loving Web users to prove it. Asked point-blank whether the anonymous commenter is in fact Downey, the star’s publicist, Alan Nierob, told The Daily Beast, “Of course it’s not.”

Interesting!  Although we have boycotted CDAN ever since that loser called us "bored housewives" (AS IF!).  The article on Jezebel really sums it up.... the prostitution ring sounds disgusting.  RDJ if you post on here too, HI and please don't leave! ;)

Vintage BV: Thelma Turnip

Since a reader from Ted's mailbag brought up this vintage BV, we realized that we didn't have it here!  So here it is... Thelma Turnip from 2007!

One Stalled Comeback Blind Vice - April 20, 2007


Thelma Turnip is looking rather like, well, a turnip these days.

Hardly the secret, really, as T2's puss-ravaging lifestyle has left her cover-ready looks a little worse for the wear these past few years. Not even my Aunt Martha in Texas is surprised to see T.T. looking like a slightly younger version of Barbara Bush at myriad H-town events.

But Thelma-doll's looks ain't exactly the point of this item—it's her career, which everyone from the fruit sprayer at Gelson's to CAA honchos is debating whether or not is salvageable. My guess? No way.

Why? Because the top spinmeisters in town (ya know, the crowd that's known for darling little campaigns such as convincing the American public that Eddie Murphy is a "Good Samaritan" because he gave a peeyem ride to a transvestite) are turning down T.T. right 'n' leery left. Jeez, that says somethin', I'm tellin' ya.

"She's not ready," one of T-town's premier Machiavellian types told me after she had been asked to raise Ms. Turnip's chances for a professional resurgence. When pressed, the wizard at reinventing fallen entertainment idols told me Ms. Turnip is still—you guessed it—not exactly cleaned up, as everyone currently thinks.

Hey, I used to be addicted to that crap, I know how tough it is—good luck, Thelma! We're prayin' for ya, you gonzo g-friend!

And It Ain't: Courtney Love, Heather Locklear, Sarah Ferguson

Eliminated:  Courtney Love, Heather Locklear, Sarah Ferguson, Whitney Houston, Sharon Stone, Kate Moss, Britney Spears, Farrah Fawcett, Diana Ross, Juliette Lewis, Stevie Nicks

Top suspect:

Blind Vice! Family Man Hides Casting Couch Past!

New from Ted today -

Blind Vice!  Family Man Hides Casting Couch Past!


Happy Friday, sexy Awful readers! Before you go off and do all those naughty things you have planned for the weekend (and I know you’re going to be up to no good), let me introduce you to pretty and pure Billy Bend-Over.
He’s got rosy cheeks, luscious locks and a bubble butt to boot—all the perfect makings of a movie star, no? Especially with his "aw, shucks" 'tude that America loves. But Bill has a little secret about how he got to the top…

By getting on bottom! We’ll get to that in one sec though.
See, Billy is no stranger to gay rumors. Homolicious rumors have followed him during his time in the limelight (which big-screen star worth his box office hasn’t had his sexuality questioned?), but the thing is…

Billy is straight. Or so say his pals.
But that never stopped Billy from doing whatever he needed to do to land a role. You didn’t think casting couch biz was exclusively for gals like Portia Vajazzle and Bernadine Couch-Butt, did ya?
Nope! Billy’s toosh is quite cozy with those par-tick couches. Or beds. Or wherever it may be that he needs to perform certain, uh, “auditions” to prove exactly how much he wants a role.
Like he did to land his most iconic big-screen role, when he bedded the director—who was very much a man—to score the gig.
Wonder if it was worth it. And I wonder if it’d be worth it if his fans found out…or worse, his significant other, future 2.5 kiddos and that picket friggin’ fence he so cherishes.
AND IT AIN’T: Peter Facinelli, Alex Pettyfer, Jon Hamm

Eliminated as of 6/16/12: Peter Facinelli, Alex Pettyfer, Jon Hamm, Ryan Gosling, Matthew McConaughey, Chris Hemsworth, Henry Cavill, Armie Hammer,

Top suspect: ?

Bonus Blind - Stealth Stud-Poof returns

This was a bonus BV from Ted on Monday March 5 -

Bonus Blind!  Stealth Stud-Poof Slips Up on Sneaky Ways

It's been awhile since we've heard from beefcake boy-lovah Stealth Stud-Poof.
See, SS-P knows expertly how to play the Hollywood closeted-star game and he's been busy maintaining his A-list status, landing super-sexy roles, buffing up his stellar bod, and ya know, banging his über-hot BF on the side!
Sounds like the perfect life, no? Heck, he didn't even have to hide his same-sex shenanigans: Everyone in Poof's camp was in on the sitch (even the Mrs.). He just had to keep things under wraps from the public, which, of course, he always has.

Until now.
Mr. Poof seems to have developed a habit of forgetting to close the shades on those big ol' windows at his place (which he pretty much keeps separate from the pad with the wife), giving many passing looky-loos quite the shocking show!
See, Stealth purchased a swanky apartment for his loverboy where the two dudes can get it on for days on end without any prying paps trying to home in on their love nest.
But on one of the recent visits with the BF (one of Stealth's favorite ways to relax and indulge), he seemed not to notice the exclusive complex has turned into quite the celebrity hot spot.
Which means fans. Lots of 'em, all hoping to catch a sighting of one of the many stars living in this A-list building.

But here's what they weren't expecting to see:
Stealth and his pal getting it on. Not in the entirely raunchy way you might think (or want). But sure enough, Stealth was hugging and kissing his man with years of affection behind those sparkling eyes. You know, the kind of open-mouth kisses that take you straight to the bedroom—which is precisely what happened.
Adorable…but homo-licious, none the less. And oozing with passion that could destroy Stealth's career of playing badass ladies' men—at least, that's what his people tell him.
So tread carefully, Stud-Poof, and get some damn curtains—or we may soon be removing the Stealth from your moniker. Unless, of course, you're just waiting for someone to snitch so you can turn your fab domestic life with your dude into a full-time sitch?
AND IT AIN'T: Brad Pitt, Orlando Bloom, Matthew McConaughey

Please refer to the label below for the previous Stealth Stud Poof BVs, including a full list of who has been eliminated.

Top suspect: Hugh Jackman

New Blind Vice: Sissi Sparkle

New BV from Ted today -

Blind Vice: Will Dazzling Sissi Sparkle's Secrets Come Out?

There's something to be said for gals—gay and straight—who have very religious upbringings. When it comes to sex, they tend to lean heavily in one direction or the other. Usually nothing vanilla or boring between the sheets with belting, church-going gals who call Jesus their BFF!
Certainly is the case with hugely talented star Sissi Sparkle, who has everybody wondering lately...

"Has she ever had a girlfriend?" many are starting to ask, since fans are just now (stupidly) waking up to the fact that Sissi never really has had much of a man in her life—apart from some silly flirtations here and there.
True, there was the one guy a long time ago, but, he was just a cover-up, people!

But recently, Sissi's been in the news in a pretty major way. She's big on the celeb radar again—very big.
So it's no wonder folks are starting to wonder—in some cases, not for the first time—where the hell is the man in this multitalented powerhouse's existence?
Answer: paid to further Sissi's fabulous-again career!
‘Cause it was always the ladies who did it for Sissi. Always.
And, damn, do the girls who lived to tell about their wild sex times have a lot to say about it!
(But they never will.)
AND IT AIN'T: Dolly Parton, Jennifer Hudson, Britney Spears

Also eliminated: Jennifer Love-Hewitt

Top suspect: Whitney Houston

Blind Vice! Sex, Drugs and Deceit South of the Border!

New from Ted yesterday, March 2nd -

Blind Vice!  Sex, Drugs and Deceit South of the Border!

If anyone's ever wondered at least one of the reasons why Caesar Anchovy-Arse likes to abuse his stunning wife, Strippa Rip-Ya, who never has really figured out how best to confront her B-list hubby, we have a major clue comin' your way.
It's not just Caesar's "unbearable temper" (as mutual friends put it), or his penchant for guzzling beer instead of drinking up his wife's beautiful bod and personality, it's that Caesar has a penchant for other temptations. Pretty typically seedy, too. Wanna hear what they are?

"[Caesar] loves nothing more than to head down to Mexico, check into a place on the beach and do all the drugs he can," says a professional friend to the not exactly charming star. "And then when he's high enough, he'll have sex with anything and everything. Men, women, whatever, doesn't make a difference to him."
Wow. No wonder Caesar's always been so passive-aggressively hell-bent on making his wife's life major crapola. He's not that into her! Makes complete sense.
"I don't think he's ever really come to terms with the fact that he's bisexual," surmised the Anchovy-Arse source. "That's a major area of denial in his life. It's pretty consistent that he's treated [Strippa] like he has. He doesn't respect her. He doesn't respect himself."

Which is probably why Caesar goes out of his way to play the hetero-card, once he's back home in the States. Now, as tempting as it is to start feeling a pang o' sympathy for Caesar, we beg you not to:
Caesar went into his marriage knowing full he had other sexual needs. But he wanted a family.
And on top of that, it's not like Caesar's some huge-butt star with a massive following—he'd certainly survive if it became publicly known he swings both ways.
I mean, we're not talkin' George Clooney or Brad Pitt-level here.
And It Ain't: Matthew Broderick, Mark Consuelos, Josh Kelley

Please use the label below for a link to our previous posts on the previous Caesar and Strippa BVs, including a full list of who has been eliminated.

Top suspects: Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez

Lainey: Not a doting mother, not a kind employer

From Lainey - 3/2/12

Not a doting mother, not a kind employer

She’s supposed to be the doting mother. Ask the people who help her with her kids. They certainly don’t agree.


First of all she’s never around. And when she’s present she’s distant, not only not involved, but almost irresponsible about it. One of her children may have developmental challenges. As such, diet can exacerbate the issue. Since she can only spend so much time with her children, and often slotted in like appointments in her schedule, she doesn’t bother observing the food requirements that can help with the child’s behaviour. Mom supplies junk food because it’s quick and dirty so that she can get out of there that much faster. When the kid acts out because of the sh-t he’s just consumed, she’s incapable of dealing with it and takes off anyway.


It’s left then to the staff to raise her family. How does she treat them? Nannies’ cell phones are confiscated at 8am and not returned until 10pm. There’s a trusting and kind working environment, non? Totally encourages loyalty.


As you expect, bosses like this always play favourites. Her favourite? Curiously enough, it’s the bodyguard. He’s been seen rubbing her feet. Of course that had nothing to do with the separation ...even though the foot massages have been happening for a while now.


It’s not Gwyneth Paltrow.

Top suspect, which Lainey has revealed: Heidi Klum

Blind Vice: Hall of Fame Party This Weekend!

New from Ted yesterday -

Blind Vice: Hall of Fame Party This Weekend!

They'll all be there! Well, almost all: Fake à la Ferocity, Topher Hairy-Tuchus, Charlotte "Chuck" Finger-Dingle and even one of my personal oldie-faves, Trent Spent!
What fun the Academy Awards will be, after all (since we all pretty much know who's going to take home gold, right?), sniffing out all that award-winning private Hollywood Vicing:
Let's see, here are a few things to look out for while you're so busy judging (and cheering!) what everybody's wearing.
Take note:

• Fake à la Ferocity has not completely gotten off the synthetic heroin she gets prescribed to her by various fancy doctors round town, but she is indulging less than she used to. I guess that's progress, right? Absolutely! Her head's in the right place—and direction—and her family's way happy about this news, trust.

• Topher Hairy-Tuchus, after much finger-pointing and bitching from his peeps, has pretty much given up online hooking up. Just not entirely. And between you and mean and a million other folks, let's just say Fake à la, above, stands a much better chance of ultimately cleaning the Vice outta her life than does our eternally horny Topher. Poor thing (or not).

• Trent Spent sold his Vice soul to the domestic devil years ago—news that saddens us every day. After all, nobody had more naughty and mischievous sexual potential than the gorgeous, often insecure bisexual star. But then he met his match and got all cleaned up, dammit! Total waste for everybody except his Trent's lucky S-O-B S.O., ‘course.

• Chuck Finger-Dingle is in so many ways the new Fake à la Ferocity. Bitchy and bossy for days, more talent than she really knows what to do with—and a completely equal-opportunity sexual ladder climber. Only thing is, most likely Chuck's going to keep treating her conquests like the crap she so often does and we see a major, major backfiring in the babe's life sooner than later—and we don't just mean professionally.

• Oh, and guess what? Fey Oiled-Tush will also be on hand for the super-exciting Oscar Sunday, cannot wait. But the thing is, Fey, who's so busy reheating his career, has gotten overwhelmingly caught up in the A-list projects he's totally busy with that he's completely forgotten that we'd all prefer to be gossiping about his kinky-on-the-floor activities. So don't forget to have some fun with all that podium banter you've been so busy with lately, Fey!

All work and no same-sex play a boring movie star makes!
And They Ain't: Nicole Kidman, Jennifer Lawrence, George Clooney

Good stuff, Ted! Great mashup of classics from the past.

Newbies, please use the label below for a link to our posts on the previous BVs about each name, including a full discussion and lists of who has been eliminated for each.


Top suspects:
Fake-a-la Ferocity: Angelina Jolie
Trent Spent: Brad Pitt
Fey Oiled Tush: Tom Cruise 
Chuck Finger Dingle - ?
Topher Hairy Tuchus - ?

Lainey - Thin For Nothing

Sorry this is late!  New riddle from Lainey, from Tuesday 2/21 -

Thin For Nothing

Lower tier actress - you know her name - is desperate for a big(ger) break. When she heard The Director was working on a new blockbuster, she begged and begged for a meeting. And he repeatedly kept dicking her around, cancelling at the last minute, making her wait for a couple of hours before sending the assistant  out to tell her he wasn’t showing. I mean, he’s a legendary misogynist. And there’s nothing he likes more than playing mind games with young actresses.


Though he has no intention of putting her in his movies, he’s having a great time f-cking up her head. So he sent word that he might agree to see her but only if she loses some weight. This girl was fit to begin with. Like really fit. So she’s starving herself to let go of an extra 10, even though there’s not much there to begin with. But it’s not like it would help. Again, he’s just doing this because he can, for sh-ts and giggles, because he’s a twisted f-ck. As he explained to a colleague, “That girl is regular person pretty, and not even really regular person pretty. Definitely not hot enough for one of my movies.” And it’s like he’s almost insulted that she thought she was. Which is why this game, this game is just his way of putting her in her place, of punishing her for actually thinking she’d be good enough, sexy enough, to be his new model muse. He justifies it by saying he’s giving her a “life lesson”. Oh, and “if she offers me a blowjob, I’ll take it. One of these days, maybe I’ll throw her a favour”. Sad part is...she’s coming close to it. She’s coming very close.

Update Lainey has eliminated: Kate Upton

Top suspect: