Blind Vice: Celeb Swingers Get It On!
Secretia Ohio and Chester Shorts-Off are as horny as they are famous—just don't think they're so hot for
each other, that's all. Hmmm. Certainly explains some very tabloid-messy love sitches the two have been caught in, more than once.
But let's back up:
Secretia, an impressively put-together gal of verve, good looks and surprising steeliness, has long gotten it on with tons o' guys, even though the public pretty much doesn't know. And some folks were a bit surprised when she married Chester, an incredibly talented dude who's always so busy keeping his gorgeous face smiling, no one's really stopped to think what a slut he is.
But major STD-alert? Man, is he ever:
Chester sleeps with guys as often as his career provides him with huge-ass checks. This was a little known fact when Chesty and Secretia married, to much public pronouncement. How wonderful the pretty charmer hooked the quieter, chiseled-jaw type. What a celebrity fairy-tale romance everybody thought it would be!
The public couldn't have been more wrong—or uninformed.
The deliciously kinky arrangement Secretia and Chester have is this: She gets to hook up with all the guys she pleases—usually by picking their names out of bowls at classy swingers parties. (Is that sorta like calling an alcoholic who guzzles only Grey Goose a "classy drunk"?) And Chester gets to boink all the boys he wants.
That is their secret arrangement.
And, yes, the couple does—on occasion—have sex the old-fashioned married way (meaning, with each other). But hey, how long is that gonna last, I wonder? 'Cause sooner or later, one of these beautiful couple's myriad outside lovers is gonna blow the whistle. Or worse: Watch one of Secretia or Chester's affairs fall in love with them, and then go hire Gloria Allred and call a press conference because they can't have Ohio or Shorts-Off all to themselves!
Either way, it's a precarious love sitch that's just bound to pop—and how. What else do you expect when you pick your partner like he's a piece of popcorn?
And it ain't: Charlie Sheen/Brooke Mueller, John Travolta/Kelly Preston, Tiger/Elin Woods
As of 12/23/10 - Ted has eliminated Charlie Sheen/Brooke Mueller, John Travolta/Kelly Preston, Tiger/Elin Woods, Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes, Tom Brady/Gisele Bundchen, Diane Lane/Josh Brolin, David/Victoria Beckham, Kelly Ripa/Mark Consuelos, Angie Harmon/Jason Sehorn, Ryan Reynolds/Scarlett Johansson, Halle Berry/Gabriel Aubry, Will Smith/Jada Pinkett Smith, Channing Tatum/Jenna Dewan, Rebecca Gayheart/Eric Dane, Natalie Maines/Adrian Pasdar, Kobe/Vanessa Bryant, Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie, Johnny Depp/Vanessa Paradis, Pink/Carey Hart, Josh Duhamel/Fergie, Hank Baskett/Kendra Wilkinson, Beyonce/Jay Z, Claire Danes, Spencer Pratt/Heidi Montag, Nicole Kidman/Keith Urban, Naomi Watts/Liev Schreiber, Mariah Carey/Nick Cannon, Courteney Cox/David Arquette, Kevin/Christine Costner, Nicole Richie/Joel Madden, Michelle/Barack Obama., Demi Moore/Ashton Kutcher, Michael C. Hall/Jennifer Carpenter.
Here is the link to the Secretia and Chester BV from March 19, and here is the most recent from November 2010.
* Our top suspects: Eva Longoria/Tony Parker
Katie Holmes and tom Cruise - sounds like them plus Katie Holmes is from Ohio!
ReplyDeleteOnly problem is, Tom Cruise has already been a blind vice and his name has not been revealed.
Thoughts?
Will and Jada?
ReplyDeleteFergie and Duhamel?
ReplyDeleteI forgot, Will may be a different vice, so it's not them.
ReplyDeleteI was thinking Jen Garner and Ben Affleck.is she from the midwest? The AIA's point to someone that has been in the tabs a lot lately.
ReplyDeleteI wished it was Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson. I would be really happy to discover he does like guys because he is just my main crush (he is unbelievably perfect) but I just don't think he likes guys at all. For me he does not seem even a bit gay.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand I may say I have to agree with Adine. Josh Duhamel and Fergie are a more approximate guess despite of the fact that she loves to say she likes womem - something I find hard to believe since this bisexuality thing just sounds like cheap self-promotion to me.
I automatically thought of Garner / Affleck also.
ReplyDeleteDo you guys really think they are Affleck and Garner? I can't think of them like that...they are so inside the "daddie and mommy" kind.
ReplyDeleteBut I do confesse I'm new on this game. I may be completely wrong. I must have lots to learn on the blind-item guessing game (I'm serious - no irony intended).
Had a thought that it could be Tom Brady and Giselle...but don't see where they have had problems in the press. Ted's mention that the guy's career brings in big checks makes me think this may not be an actor, but possibly a sports guy or singer?
ReplyDeleteAlso, some of these guesses (Garner, Cruise, etc) are already confirmed vices -- so can't be them. Fergie fits except that I thought he's always getting caught with other women. Otherwise, perfect fit.
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ReplyDeleteWhat about Hugh Dancy and Claire Danes? Their marriage was pretty publicized, and there were gay rumors about him prior to their "courtship". I don't think either of them have been BV's before.
ReplyDeleteI was thinking it could be the beckhams
ReplyDeleteAshton and Demi? I'm new to this too so they may already have been BVs...
ReplyDeleteOn the Ohio angle, Angie Everheart and Carmen Electra are both from Ohio aren't they?
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ReplyDeleteOK so i definitely think it is the beckhams just by the nicknames alone david beckham played for manchester united and secretia is a lot like victoria i also think england thought they had like a fairy tale marriage plus they have had a couple incidences in the tabloids
ReplyDeleteI really like the Ryan and Scarlett guess, though I think I'm gonna need a few more clues for this one to get a good guess. I would like to know what Chester does for a living, because the way its written it sounds like he isn't an actor.
ReplyDeleteAlso, sisters could you please give that awesome list you created for Ted's BVs of who is and isn't one its own label. It would helpful to be able to find it in one click. I felt like such an idiot when I was just looking for it and passed it. I thought it was missing.
I agree the names are good for Posh and Becks but he was in the tabloids for having an affair with another woman (Rebecca Loos) so it doesn't seem like them to me...
ReplyDeleteI agree with Brittany. I would love to have a list of BV to have a look when I feel lost - it would definitely be a fabulous help to beginners on this game - like me!
ReplyDeletetheres a link to the list of who has and hasnt been a bv from a previous post:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.blinditemsexposed.com/2009/08/list-of-reveals-and-those-ted-says-is.html
Thank you very much, Cassandra! ;)
ReplyDeleteGwyn Paltrow and Chris Martin.
ReplyDeleteI don't think Ted would say Chris Martin has a chiseled jaw look. Maybe the Ohio mention is a nod to a mid-western background, not to be taken literally as Ohio. That's just my 2 cents.
ReplyDeleteHalle Berry and Gabriel Aubry? She's from Ohio, and he's a model (always keeping his face smiling). Definitely a chiseled jaw type.
ReplyDeleteThis is definitely Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry. She's from Ohio and speculation about his sexuality is all over the internet.
ReplyDeleteHalle Berry and Gabriel Aubrey is a great guess, although is that guy really pulling "big paychecks" and "multi talented". The more I read it, the more I think he is a sports star.
ReplyDeleteI think it is Tom and Giselle. The article doesn't indicate these two are actors. Questions as to what the "Ohio" connection could be, well she was a Victoria's Secret model model, and that company is based in Columbus Ohio. Also, this old article was about how Giselle thought Tom was gay:
ReplyDeletewww.operationsports.com/.../152715-gisele-bundchen-thinks-tom-brady-gay.html
Well, Gabriel is one of the highest paid supermodels in the world, but they're out, since they're NOT married. They have a baby, but they've never gotten married.
ReplyDeleteAs far as Tom/Gisele go, I'm gonna guess not, just because of the "how wonderful/celeb fairytale" line. Their relationship has been drama and negative press from the beginning, given that Tom left Bridget with his baby for Gisele.
I can't decide if I think this is SJP and Matthew Broderick (would make sense for the whole Ohio thing), or Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban. Nicole and Keith were my first instinct...
ReplyDeleteEva longoria and Tony Parker. There were tabloid stories that he cheated. They're apart a lot because his team is in Texas and she's in LA.
ReplyDeleteMy vote is Eva & Tony. He has a gay vibe & there are tons of stories about her being a total sl*t.
ReplyDeleteGreat guesses. We need more info though, to narrow it down.
ReplyDeleteTed has said that Ryan Reynolds is 100% straight so I don't think it's him and ScarJo.
Brittany - yes I will do that... was thinking of that but didn't know what label to give it. Will pick one and label it!
Cindy Crawford and Rande Gerber?
ReplyDeleteheidi klum and seal? there is no mention of either of them being actors/actresses
ReplyDeleteJosh and Fergie. That was the first couple who came to mind when I read this.
ReplyDeleteThis is totally Will and Jada! They always talk about their sex lives and hot hot they are for each other. And Will did both music and acting. And Jada always struck me as a badass.
ReplyDeleteMy guess is Eva and Tony Parker, it kinda fits after I re-read it. I can't see anyone else that has been guessed - like Ferige and Josh, many other sites talk about how he is not very good at keeping it in his pants, but with women.
ReplyDeleteTed ruled out one athelete, and not a very good one, since there is nothing to hide when it comes to Tiger Woods. So I have a feeling it has to be someone in sports. And Will and Jada already have BV's or have been suspect of them before. I cannot see this being Seal and Heidi who actually look like they are a real couple.
I posted Fergie and Josh earlier on and am still convinced. That recent story of JD fooling around with the other girl could have been thrown into the tabloid mix to deflect from other predilections that would have blown apart his handsome, chisel-jawed, masculine image (excuse the pun).
ReplyDeleteJosh was already a BV according to this. :( Next.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.blinditemsexposed.com/2009/08/list-of-reveals-and-those-ted-says-is.html
Totally David and Victoria Beckham. Beckham is multi talented being that he's a soccer star, model, and sometimes movie actor
ReplyDelete(Bend it like Beckham). He got paid tons of cash to play for LA Galaxy so that would explain the "huge-ass checks" comment. David is also know for his
"gorgeous" face and he's always smiling. And lastly, come on, haven't you ever wondered what he really sees in Victoria? I mean the girl is all bones!
Again, Becks has already been a BV, according to Ted. Check that link. :(
ReplyDeleteI like the Eva/Tony guess.
ReplyDeleteTed eliminated Tom and Katie today.
ReplyDeleteEva/Tony makes sense -- she's a "pretty charmer" and he does wear shorts for his day job.
ReplyDeleteAnd the ScarJo/Ryan thing might, too...but I don't know if I'd call him a "quieter, chiseled-jaw type."
Also -- what about Mandy Moore and Ryan Adams? That was a surprise wedding...and it fits that side. I just don't know about them.
yeah your right about becks already being a blind vice. So Tony/Eva? I just really have a hard time picturing him as gay. but then again, didn't Eva say that he never had a serious girlfriend before her? that could be a big hint. And Eva must be used to being a beard I mean she dated Jc Chavez and that guy sets my gaydar off all the time.
ReplyDeleteKimber, I thought about Mandy Moore and Ryan before, but we know way too little about them to actually make that call. Also Mandy's never been the type to whore around. They don't seem like the type of couple who's too worried about what people think about them. And I don't think Ryan can be described as " chiseled" or "gorgeous".
Ted has eliminated:
ReplyDeleteRyan& Scarlett (via twitter)
Tom & Gisele (in his bitch back)
Josh& Diane
This has some clues..from ted:
ReplyDeletePlease reassure me that Chester Shorts-Off and Secretia Ohio are not Tom Brady and Gisele Bündchen! I have been a Gisele fan since she hit the modeling scene in the late '90s, and I can't bear the thought of her being in a sham marriage.
—Question
Dear Questions:
Definitely not. Think not quite as beautiful but warm in certain arenas, to be sure.
Dear Ted:
ReplyDeleteAre Secretia Ohio and Chester Shorts-Off Diane Lane and Josh Brolin? I haven't heard much about them lately, but I know they've had their problems in the past. If it's not them, am I close?
—Emily
Dear Answers:
No, Diane and Josh have their issues, for sure, but Secretia and Chester they are not. Think younger, perkier—more kinda B-list beautiful.
"Dear Ted:
ReplyDeleteMy first B.V. guess is that Secretia Ohio and Chester Shorts-Off would be TomKat. She's from Ohio and Tom is Tom. It would help confirm the supposed business contract that was drawn up when they got married.
—Bob
Dear Popular Guess:
I'm just gonna say...no."
"Dear Ted:
ReplyDeletePlease reassure me that Chester Shorts-Off and Secretia Ohio are not Tom Brady and Gisele Bündchen! I have been a Gisele fan since she hit the modeling scene in the late '90s, and I can't bear the thought of her being in a sham marriage.
—Beth
Dear Questions:
Definitely not. Think not quite as beautiful but warm in certain arenas, to be sure."
"Dear Ted:
ReplyDeleteWas the last B.V. Carrie Bradshaw and Ferris Bueller? Will you write back only if I guessed wrong? And is Scott Disick on the Kardashians that bad, or is it just for the show? Please answer me! I just became unemployed and it would make my day!
—Dying to know
Dear Guesser:
Scott is a total tool, but yes, as in all reality TV, they def stage those "plot lines.""
- NO ANSWER ON SARAH JESSICA PARKER AND MATHEW BRODERICK
Has anyone brought up Courteney Cox and David Arquette? They were a surprising couple.
ReplyDelete"Dear Ted:
ReplyDeleteAre Secretia Ohio and Chester Shorts-Off Diane Lane and Josh Brolin? I haven't heard much about them lately, but I know they've had their problems in the past. If it's not them, am I close?
—Emily
Dear Answers:
No, Diane and Josh have their issues, for sure, but Secretia and Chester they are not. Think younger, perkier—more kinda B-list beautiful."
I think Eva and Tony are probably the best guess. With Tom Brady being warm, we think one person must be an athlete. They are young and b-list. Beckhams would be a good guess but David Beckham is already a BV. (we think)
ReplyDeleteTop guess probably Eva and Tony.
FYI Brittany - that post is labeled "list of ted's bv reveals". Can be found in the right hand column of labels.
ReplyDeleteNicole & Keith.
ReplyDeleteDude, what about Kendra Wilkinson and Hank Bassett? The public WOULDN'T have known about her affairs, if she was living with Heff, right? And her wedding to him was kind of a surprise.
ReplyDeletePossibility?
Yes Blurry Vice. He didn't answer that question. But I don't think that they can be described as having "B" good looks. More like C-.
ReplyDeleteBack to the Eva/Tony guess since Gisele/Tom were close.
Considering the "warm in certain arenas" comment, -what about Angie Harmon and Jason Sehorn? He is also a pro football player, I get a gay vibe from him, he is chiseled...I think this is a better guess than Eva/Tony, especially since I think ted is hinting that this is also a football player!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks Blurry Vice.
ReplyDeleteJittacagirl, I agree with the Kendra and Hank guess. She even admitted to having affairs in the playboy mansion because the rules were so strict, then she recanted. Im not sold on Eva and Tony for some reason.
ReplyDeleteI dont think that it has to be a football player exactly - he used Tiger Woods as an AIA, so its sports related, especially after the Tom Brady hint, about being warm.
ReplyDeleteAs for Beckham, his vice is the one about the super talented guy, who carries confidentiality slips with him at all times, and gets it on like Tiger status.
I like the B-list looks hint - totally Eva! She is forever B-list recognition.
andy roddick and brooklyn decker? just a hunch.
ReplyDeleteHey, lori, I like that one. We've got an athlete plus a model, the geographic nod (Brooklyn/Ohio), "Shorts-Off" is a nice hint toward a tennis player, and Brooklyn's in the news right now as the cover for the SI Swimsuit Issue.
ReplyDeleteI think they might be better candidates than Eva and Tony. The only reason that people get gay vibes from Tony is because he's French, and French guys tend to give them off. Even Gerard Depardieu gives off gay vibes, and he's as straight as they come.
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ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI don't think its Eva and tony either. He's not exactly a chiseled jaw type. I'm thinking someone more middle America wholesome handsome. I like the Andy Roddick guess except she is not very well known, plus I wouldn't call her B list beautiful. Seems like Secretia picked Chester, so she had "more power".
ReplyDeleteJennifer- I think you have those references you think were missing. Ted using the Travoltas as an AIA could be a reference to the age difference between Eva/Tony. And when Ted eliminated Tiger/Elin, you could take that as a hint to an inter-racial marriage involving an athlete and/or European.
ReplyDeleteandy's facebook fan page is him holding a thing of popcorn... and brooklyn is also a vicky secret model. coincidences? possibly, but eva and tony? nah.
ReplyDeleteI just don't think it's Eva and Tony. I agree that all signs seem to point to them, but I thought Tony was more of a womanizer. I also thought Eva was a BV before this, but I may be thinking of another housewive besides Teri Hatcher.
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ReplyDeleteTed eliminated Posh and Becks today...I'm thinking Tony & Eva might be it
ReplyDeleteI think Kim and Reggie are a better guess due to the last hint. its def a football player..and Reggies "jumpoff Kim K lookalike" keeps popping up all over and no one is saying a word! she just showed off Reggies house online a couple days ago..next thing you know theres a billboard on hollywood of Kim damn near nekkid..
ReplyDelete"Dear Ted:
ReplyDeleteI'm intrigued by your new Blind Vice. Could Secretia Ohio and Chester Shorts-Off possibly be David and Victoria Beckham? I think so. In fact, I think I know so. A question though: Did Victo...oops, "Secretia" know about this when she married him?
—Sugar
Dear Overconfident:
Hate to burst your detective bubble, but the former Spice Girl and soccer star aren't the swinging couple you think they are. Though that's not to say the sexy couple you mentioned doesn't have a Blind Vice all their own."
Kim and Reggie are not married, can't be them.
ReplyDeleteUm, I don't want to sound gay, but if Tony Parker is available for sex, I'm on it. I'm down for it. I'm up for it. Where is he?
ReplyDeleteI still think Angie Harmon/Jason Sehorn fit this even though he doesn't play anymore. He used to be an underwear model for 2xist ("shorts-off"). Also, he surprised everyone w/ a public proposal to her on Leno.
ReplyDeleteOnly problem is that they haven't been in any tabloid "sitches"...
Ali Wentworth and George Stephanopolos???
ReplyDelete"Dear Ted:
ReplyDeleteForgive me if this has already been asked, but are Secretia Ohio and Chester Shorts-Off Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos? Love you.
—RW
Dear Regis:
No, but try again. And you're quite warm, Reeg."
Another guess...Elizabeth Hasselbeck & her husband Tim? She is a talk show host (like Kelly R) and he is a football player...would be so ironic if it was EH given she is so right-wing.
ReplyDeleteI like this couple or Angie/Jason.
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ReplyDeletei was thinking the getting warm comment was referring to the fact that tony parker and mark consuelos were both european-born. but i like the elizabeth hasselback guess!
ReplyDeleteDefinitely without a doubt Eva Longoria and Tony Parker. I remembered hearing rumors that Eva was sleeping around just before her wedding...and it was completely hushed. Next thing, Tony and Eva were married. It seemed like a story-book romance...and still seems that way.
ReplyDelete"Dear Ted:
ReplyDeleteHas Elizabeth Hasselbeck ever been a Blind Vice?
—Ashlie
Dear Must Be On Drugs:
You’re joking, right?
Dear Ted:
Are Secretia Ohio and Chester Shorts-Off Jason Sehorn and Angie Harmon? Haven’t heard much from them, other than the very public proposal years ago on the Jay Leno Show.
—Elizabeth
Dear Proposing A Question:
Nope, but that is, dare I say, a very good guess."
--- I think the combo of these two letters is a hint that this may be Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Tim Hasselbeck. Tim used to be a pro football player in the NFL.
Ted has said that the althlete gueses were warm, and also said that the Kelly Ripa guess was warm.
ReplyDeleteThis really tells me that Elisabeth and Tim Hasselbeck are the answer. Talk show host and football palyer.
Hmmm... except the description of the couple doesn't really fir them... they weer alredy dating before they became famous. They started dating in college before she was on Survivor. Chester and Secretia are a couple that has started dating inthe public eye.
ReplyDeleteit's andy roddick and brooklyn decker. to start, she's a victoria's SECRET model from OHIO. secondly, there's an internet gossip article/picture montage about andy by pablo CHESTER on the internet. ted's spelling this out...add to the fact that andy just played DOWN UNDER in the austrailian open and you got yourself a guess. elizabeth hasselbeck? REALLY? she's so conservative she wouldn't know how to swing, even if she were at the playground.
ReplyDeleteomg lala i think you are right. Why hasn't anyone guessed them. Andy Roddick and Brookly Decker are such are so perfect, they seem too good to be true. You know how the saying goes. Someone should write to Ted and see if he eliminates them. Doubt he will even answer though.
ReplyDeleteIS Andy Roddick married?
ReplyDelete"Dear Ted:
ReplyDeleteEither you've lost your edge or Hollywood has gone soft (which I doubt). Last week's Blind Vice was totally lame—recycling an already pretty obvious B.V. but making the wife the subject this time does not a juicy story make. Are we beginning to see one of the negative side effects of our celeb gossip obsession—eventually the rumors run dry? I, for one, refuse to believe it. Try to take it up a notch for those of us who want to read about something other than Robsten. Pretty please?
—Cooper
Dear Hollywood Insider:
Not so fast, you may think you know all the dish, but how come you haven't been able to out my good friends Secretia Ohio and Chester Shorts-Off?"
Dear Ted:
ReplyDeleteHas Elizabeth Hasselbeck ever been a Blind Vice?
—Ashlie
Dear Must Be On Drugs:
You're joking, right?
yes andy roddick is married, and he is a blind vice.
ReplyDeleteNo one hates Hasselbitch as much as I do, but come on guys! I'd love for her to have a mighty downfall & this be true - but I cant see her behaving like this. No way. I dont see the Eva/Tony thing either. I do like the athlete angle though- Ted is dropping major hints to that.
ReplyDelete"Dear Ted:
ReplyDeleteAre Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson, Secretia and Chester?
—Julie
Dear Swinging Scarlett:
Nope, but you're definitely in the right sexiness ballpark. And Ryan's athleticism is dead-on."
"Dear Ted:
ReplyDeleteI don't really understand the Blind Vice bit, but I am going to take a guess that Secretia Ohio and Chester Shorts-Off are Halle Berry and her model-boyfriend, Gabriel Aubry. This is my first time playing this game, so tell me if it's even close.
—Kris
Dear Noobie:
Good guess. You're definitely thinking right in terms of totally delicious, but unlike Berry and her beau, Secretia and Chester are locked in matrimony."
lala - yes I did check and Andy Roddick is married. However, Ted never mentioned whether or not Andy Roddick is a blind vice or not. And in fact, if for some reason you have proof that he was confirmed as one BEFORE this was written, it couldn't be him for this one because it would not have been written yet.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, he has not been confirmed or denied as one as far as I see on our list that we keep. (Label "list of ted's bv reveals")
"Dear Ted:
ReplyDeleteAre Secretia Ohio and Chester Shorts-Off Will and Jada Pinkett Smith?
—Brandy
Dear Swingersville:
Nope, but excellent guess. Conjure up more athletic sex romps, and perhaps you'll see the open-marriage light."
"Dear Ted:
ReplyDeleteDo Secretia and Chester have kids together?
—K
Dear Family Matters:
With all that swinging sex, how do you think they'd have time to get their little ones fed and off to school?"
Bruce Willis and Emma Hemming
ReplyDeleteWhat about Josh Duhamel and Fergie? I know he's not an athlete. But neither is Ryan Reynolds but Ted said that guess was on the right track athletic wise. SImilar body types?
ReplyDeleteI think the "warm" for Kelly Ripa stems from her being a soap star...much like Eva Longoria was prior to DH. I'm pretty convinced.
ReplyDeleteEven though he already eliminated Will & Jada, he mentioned them again, adding this clue:
ReplyDelete"Dear Ted:
Are the Blind Vice swingers Secretia and Chester Will and Jada Smith? I heard a friend's relative was at one of their parties.
—Chris
Dear Willennium:
Not quite. Think more athletic on the guy's part, not the lady's."
"Dear Ted:
ReplyDeleteI've got to ask you to comment meaningfully about my suspicion: Chester Shorts-Off and Secretia Ohio are Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan.
—T
Dear Dancing Duo:
Here's a meaningful comment on your guess: nope. Secretia has way more clout in H'wood than little-known Jenna Dewan."
So... there's no way that this is Elisabeth/Tim Hasselbeck, since I think when Ted said "You're kidding, right" to the question if she's ever been a BV, he meant that no way could she ever be a BV since she's so conservative... she could never be a swinger. Plus, he added recently that they don't have kids.
ReplyDeleteI think the best guesses are Eva & Tony Parker, or Andy Roddick & Brooklyn Decker. (Although Brooklyn Decker doesn't have "clout in Hollywood", per his last clue)
"Dear Ted:
ReplyDeleteMy first gut instinct on Secretia Ohio and Chester Shorts-Off were not answered by you, so I thought perhaps I was close or even right? Then, just yesterday, someone made a guess about Will and Jada Pinkett Smith...you said to think more athletic for the hubby Chester...so I still think I'm on the right path...are they Posh Spice and David Beckham? I know you have tons of emails to go through, but can you tell me if I'm close?
—Laurie
Dear Guessing Game:
Yes, I can, and, darling, you are. Congrats! Just not quite enough, though. Think slightly less gorgeous and a bit more talented, and I'm sure you'll see the gleaming light."
REPEAT ELIM
ReplyDelete"Dear Ted:
Are Secretia Ohio and Chester Shorts Off Giselle and Tom Brady? They had two weddings, "much public pronouncement," and Tom is less gorgeous but more talented than Beckham (I think).
—Jennifer
Dear Model Behavior:
Giselle’s got Secretia beat it the beauty department—'tho, only by a bit. Plus, Tom Brady and wife have a kid, which Secretia and Chester totally don’t have time for."
The fact that this couple have no kids really narrows down our guesses. This really looks like Eva and Tony!
ReplyDelete"Dear Ted:
ReplyDeleteIs Secretia Ohio Rebecca Gayheart?
—Mahealani
Dear Fresh-Faced:
No, but way to think out of the usual Hollywood box!"
"Bigger leagues, by far" is Ted hinting that Chester Shorts Off plays baseball? The "big leagues"?
ReplyDeleteAlso, a slightly less serious question are Secretia Ohio and Chester Shorts-Off possibly Natalie Maines and Adrian Pasdar?
—Fan in the U.K.
Dear Across the Pond:
The celebs who are overseas love their privacy, but that doesn't mean they aren't acting out. Because the London scene is a bit more low-key, the stars are free to get away with more than they could here...as for your B.V. guess, sorry, hon-pie, not even close. Bigger leagues, by far.
\
"Dear Ted:
ReplyDeleteDo you think that overseas stars who settle in Hollywood are as "vicey" as their counterparts? Specifically with reference to the substance abuse which has been implicated in the recent deaths of Michael Jackson, Brittany Murphy and now Corey Haim. Also, a slightly less serious question are Secretia Ohio and Chester Shorts-Off possibly Natalie Maines and Adrian Pasdar?
—Fan in the U.K.
Dear Across the Pond:
The celebs who are overseas love their privacy, but that doesn't mean they aren't acting out. Because the London scene is a bit more low-key, the stars are free to get away with more than they could here...as for your B.V. guess, sorry, hon-pie, not even close. Bigger leagues, by far."
Has to be a couple without kids per Ted. Looks more and more like Fergie and Duhamel.
ReplyDeleteGuys something just dawned on me. I really think this fits Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon. anyone else? I know all of you are thinking sports analogy - but if you re-read it, there is no direct reference to sports - it really fits them.
ReplyDeletekeetz: Duhamel is already a BV, so it isn't him and Fuggie Fug.
ReplyDeletesistah: nice way to think outside the box. Neither Carey nor Cannon are on the Is/Isn't a BV lists. The only weakness I can think of for this guess is this: how come Mariah Carey hasn't been a BV before now? Goodness knows she's given the world enough material for Ted to construct one.
I still like Roddick/Decker as my primary guess with Eva/Tony in second, but Carey/Cannon should definitely get put on the list of possibilities.
I like the Mariah and Nick guess!
ReplyDelete'Dear Ted:
ReplyDeleteThanks for your advocacy of pet adoption. With more than 12 million animals being euthanized each year because homes can't be found for them, it's downright irresponsible and immoral to buy a pet and/or have a designer dog manufactured for you. Now that's off my chest...what's the deal with Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon? They can't muster even an ounce of chemistry between them and seem more like brother and sister than spouses. Any scoop, or should we try to figure out which BV (or BVs) is theirs?
—Susan
Dear Dubious Duo:
This relaysh boggles my mind as much as yours. But boy, can those two blab about how much they are completely in love with each other. 'Tho lately Nick has been minding his words when discussing his whimsy wife."
"Dear Ted:
ReplyDeleteWould you categorize Secretia Ohio's figure as curvy or stick thin? Also, is Nevis' beard also playing for both teams?
—Nico
Dear Hot Bods and Horny Beards:
I wouldn't describe Secretia as neither—she tends to fall somewhere in the middle. But my, my what a sexy figure she has. As for Nev's lady friend? She's open minded, to say the least. But you would be too to put up with Nev's scandalous ways."
"Dear Ted:
ReplyDeleteI've never emailed you before...first timer...but have been reading your column for years and love it. I've got a hunch on a Blind Vice, the first of which I think I have nailed and got me to e-mail you. So, can you answer my wild guess for B.V. Secretia and Chester? Is it Pink and her hubby Carey Hart? Again, love your column!
–K
Dear Swing and a Miss:
Not a bad guess, dollface, but Secretia and Chester are totally the opposite of Pink and Carey. S & C don't look the rebellious type in their adorable pics together, but behind closed doors break all kinds of social norms."
What about Sandra Bullock and Jesse James??
ReplyDeleteThank you to our reader Sophie for finding the hidden bitch-back from Feb 11. It was NOT listed with Ted's other bitch-backs on his site. We're sorry it was overlooked. Here are the eliminations from that day's bitch-back:
ReplyDelete"Dear Ted:
Are Chester Shorts-Off and Secretia Ohio Josh Duhamel and Fergie? Enjoy your weather...ours sucks in Ohio!
—ECramer
Dear Guesses:
Fabola guess, but wrong dramatic, sexyass couple! And our weather's as dank and cold as Brad's beard right now, so don't be jealous."
"Dear Ted:
Are Secretia Ohio and Chester Shorts-Off Hank and Kendra? You mentioned "arenas" today.
—Steph
Dear Girl Next Door:
Very wrong, but right idea. In a lotta ways."
Read more: http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/b166668_Bitch_Back__Who_Are_Chester_and_Secretia_.html#ixzz0kdnYB5ZF
"Dear Ted:
ReplyDeleteI would love to rescue a couple of puppies, but my building does not allow pets. I hope that doesn't stop you from answering my question regarding Secretia Ohio and her man. What have they been up to? Have they become parents recently or are they still avoiding babies to go about their slutty ways? Thanks!
—A
Dear Baby Bump:
Heavens, no! Secretia and her dude are way careful about that—a kid would totally mess up their swinging lifestyle. I mean, who wants to go to a slutty shindig where you have to worry if you'll wake up the baby?"
"Dear Ted:
ReplyDeleteAre Secretia Ohio and Chester Shorts-Off Beyoncé and Jay-Z?
—N
Dear Bonnie and Clyde:
B and Jay aren't the swinging couple, think far less powerful. Far (though they may not actually realize it)."
"Dear Ted:
ReplyDeleteI am moving out of my condo soon and will finally be able to rescue a puppy to take care of! I was wondering, is Secretia Ohio Claire Danes?
—Nini
Dear House Hunting:
Nope, but most excellent guess. Think far less boring—at least in front of the camera—than Danes."
"Dear Ted:
ReplyDeleteWhy is Jensen looking so bad since he got married and it doesn't look like it's from hot nights either? Also is Secretia Ohio and Chester Shorts-Off Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag?
—Brandy
Dear Shhh:
Don't you know you're not supposed to mention those two around here? But despite your mistake, I'll let you know that Secretia and her hubby are definitely bigger stars in H'wood than those reality losers. Secretia would be furious at you if she knew you mixed the two up."
"Dear Ted:
ReplyDeleteI love all animals, not just dogs and cats. Recently sent a small check to the local animal shelter, even though I'm currently unemployed. Quick question: Are Secretia Ohio and Chester Shorts-Off Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban?
—XO
Dear 2 for 1:
Such a fab guess, you have no idea! But Nicole and Keith are busy with their own Vices. Think tad less A-list."
"Dear Ted:
ReplyDeleteAre Secretia Ohio and Chester Shorts-Off Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber?
—Lola
Dear Sexy Swingers:
That's a guess I've never heard actually. Sorry, babe, you're barking up the wrong tree. Secretia milks her fame far more than Naomi does."
"Dear Ted:
ReplyDeleteSince you have recently said Secretia Ohio is not Claire Danes, could she be Mariah Carey?
—Trixie
Dear Oh Hi Ohio:
Nope, Secretia and her beau are far more believable as a couple—which is why they keep their secret so well."
"Dear Ted:
ReplyDeleteWould you call Secretia Ohio desperate?
—S
Dear O-Hell No-o:
For attention, yes. Secretia has never met a camera she didn't like. For sex? Oh no, no, no."
- sounds like eva longoria
or brooklyn decker who poses in front of cameras for a living...
ReplyDeleteIt's Eva Longoria. Ted added her to the Blind Vice gallery and posted this: The tiny, petite, and gorgeous ones are always up to something you'd be pretty shocked by—always. As much as E.L.P.'s secrets would rock Hollywood, or rather really just the conservative public, we'll say this girl is one of the more normal and happy celebs out there. An anomaly, really.
ReplyDeleteEva Longoria in the BV superstar gallery -
ReplyDelete"The tiny, petite, and gorgeous ones are always up to something you'd be pretty shocked by—always. As much as E.L.P.'s secrets would rock Hollywood, or rather really just the conservative public, we'll say this girl is one of the more normal and happy celebs out there. An anomaly, really."
Read more: http://www.eonline.com/photos/gallery.jsp?galleryUUID=1463#87154#ixzz0xdaB2Oh8
"Dear Ted:
ReplyDeleteMy witch senses are telling me that Secretia Ohio and Chester Shorts-Off are having a bit o' drama right now and are looking desperate over the not so small affair hitting them in the face. Will there be a scarlet letter in Chester's future, or is their relationship based simply on an indecent proposal? Does your infinite wisdom tell you if this misguided duo ever go into full disclosure about their no-strings-attached deal, or will they continue the very public charade and make the public try and guess who is telling the truth? No furry ones of my own, but my son and I volunteer for pet adoptions on the weekends. This weekend felines and canines are looking for parents!
—Bookworm
Dear Fast Times at Vicey High:
Actually, Secretia and Chester are one of the more highly functioning couples in Hollywood, Vice and all. Hell, the fact that they don't play by romance's conventional norms is probably why they've lasted so long together. Haven't heard of anything out of the ordinary lately for them. Do hope it stays that way ‘cause being swingers is either a hit or a miss. Keep up your volunteer work babe, love it!"
"Dear Ted:
ReplyDeleteI'm shocked about David Arquette and Courteney Cox's split! And I'm even more shocked that there are rumors they had an open marriage. Could they possibly be our fave swingers Secretia and Chester? If not, do they have a Blind Vice?
—Elizabeth
TWITTER: Follow @theawfultruth
Dear Rumor Patrol:
No recent Vices, babe. Which means that no, the duo are not the bedroom-debauched duo of Secretia and Chester. Actually, S and C's extracurricular marital action is what keeps them so happy and...normal? Always sad when "I do" turns into separation, though—especially for a nice gal like Court."
"Dear Ted:
ReplyDeleteWe have all heard the secret double lives of various athletes over the years—from football to soccer to basketball. What I'm wondering is why the heck don't we ever hear about those goody-two-shoes tennis players? I know they must have some skeletons in their closets waiting to come out. That dude Andy Roddick seems way too damn perfect, and we never hear anything from him at all. You would make me so happy if you gave me an early Thanksgiving gift dishing dirt on these spotless tennis stars.
—James
Dear Advantage You:
Clearly you've never heard of former hairpiece-wearer and ex-crystal meth user Andre Agassi or you wouldn't be asking if those tennis folks are as squeaky clean as they seem. Of course they're not! And while Andy isn't linked up with the always adorable (and oh-so-innocent) Mandy Moore anymore, he and wifey Brooklyn Decker are pretty happy, skeletons and all."
- These were the runners-up for this BV. No direct answer but sounds like they are not Chester and Secretia.