Blind Vice! Special Royal Scandal Edition

Happy Royal Wedding Day!  The 4 sisters were up at 5 am for the wedding coverage and loved every minute of it!  It's been a crazy week but we are getting caught up with the blinds in time for the weekend.  Now here's a Royal-themed BV from Ted today.  Enjoy!

Blind Vice!  Special Royal Scandal Edition

As fabulous as our Royal Name Generator may be, let's face it: We debauched Americans at the Awful Truth were dressing up salacious celebs with our Blind Vice Superstars (and lesser Vice mortals) ages ago. And not to rain on William and Kate's happy day, but we simply cannot leave out the Vice-lovin' Brits!
The very shady HRH the Duke of Schlongsbury is like millionth in line to the British throne, but, babes, the law-breaking stud is legally entitled to rule the country, should it come to that. Which is why members of Parliament are super nervous.
Hmmm. What's the handsome duke's crime?
You know how often Queen Elizabeth II purses her lips or changes hats? Triple that figure and you've got the number of times Duke Schlongsbury beds underage girls.
And the very good-looking heir pays these women, on top of it—adding even more law-breaking badassness to his royal résumé!
Queen Liz knows all about it. So, too, do most of the country's elite, who are positively dead-set on gossiping about these things, but rarely doing anything about it.
Only this time, certain members of Parliament feel they're legally bound to try and stop the throne-line naughtiness. And the duke, who's quite used to getting whatever his horny heart desires, is royally pissed.
Hey, not nearly as peeved as Schlongbury's line-up of lovelies! Not only does he pay them extravagantly, he's got the biggest set of family jewels in all of England!
And we're not talking diamonds.

AND IT AIN'T: Viscount Linley (Princess Margaret's son), Peter Phillips (Princess Anne's son) or Prince Michael (Princess Michael of Kent's husband).

Top suspect: Prince Andrew, Duke of York

Blind Vice: Pokie Gets Dumped, Drunk, and High!

New from Ted today -

Blind Vice: Pokie Gets Dumped, Drunk, and High!

Poor Pokie McPillster. The cute celeb has fought addictions for years (and not everybody knows how many), but while the girl's busy telling everybody she's a clean-living machine, trust us, she's not.
Pokie's pals were already increasingly worried about their famous friend's increased boozing and drugging, but then Pokie hit Coachella, and it got worse:
"We already knew she was using," says one of Pokie's confidantes, "but then at Coachella, it was really obvious."
Wandering around aimless, bumping into everything and everybody, slurring her every word, Pokie was a damn mess!
Pokie's various jobs could be jeopardized, fear these amigas. Plus, what concerns Ms. McPillster's friends even moreso, is how Pokie's family will take it once they learn the sad news (if they don't already know).
You see, others in McPillster's immediate family are desperately fighting to stay sober, and so Pokie's posse is not only worried as crap about their girl, but they also think those who love Pokie the most will now go out and start getting high again, as well.
Oh, come on, people. Nobody gets high unless they want to get high. Of course, it doesn't help if your wife or brother or whomever is getting plastered while you're trying to clean up your act, but it still ultimately shouldn't matter.
We're all responsible for ourselves. Too bad Poke's not that interested in such a sentiment—as she's currently blaming all her troubles on that damn man who did her wrong.
And It Ain't: Ashley Greene, Nicky Hilton, Paris Hilton

Top suspect:

Blind Vice: Girl-Thirsty Star Denied Tasty Lady Dish!

New from Ted today...

Blind Vice: Girl-Thirsty Star Denied Tasty Lady Dish!

We're on a lesbian roll, love it! We've always thought girls know better how to have a really sexy time (guys are just too damn bam-bam-oriented, right?), and Butter Pussy and Cookie Muncher are proving us right.
Take Sheila Horn E., for instance. Now, they just don't come any more gorgeous than the luscious, exotically beautiful Sheila. Ms. Horn E.'s also pretty gifted in her chosen profession. But what Sheila's fans may not know (in fact, we're sure they don't), is that Sheila also has a knack for making other chicks quiver and quake:
But not always for the right reasons!
Just like Butter is wont to do, Sheila lives for taking a chance on gals who may—or may not—be interested in having a good time with her. For the record, most babes say yes to Sheila's advances. Not only is the multi-talent strikingly beautiful, but usually the women are so overwhelmed by Sheila's charm and fame, they pretty much just do whatever the Industry-respected honey asks them to.
Such was not the case in the Hollywood Hills at a recent A-list party, where Sheila—she ironically is in yet another happy "straight" relationship—put the moves on a striking, slender brunette with vibrant green eyes.
Those eyes darted, dug and may well have blurted, I don't care who you are, get the ef off me, bitch, which is precisely what a very shocked Sheila then did.
It was a major set-back for Ms. Horn E., who's always gotten what she wanted in the past—at least, as far as her lesbian love-life goes. Sheila's heterosexual romance history, on the other hand, is an entirely different subject, and one that's been covered to great extremes in the media, which is always so busy singing some poor-me song for the beautiful broad.
Well, if all these ass-kissing reporters knew Sheila loves to get it on with girls (maybe more so than she does with guys?), then maybe they'd a have a different approach next time they file one of their inevitable break-up stories on the star?
Oh, yeah.
AND IT AIN'T: Reese Witherspoon, Blake Lively, Taylor Swift

Update 7/7/11 - Ted has eliminated Reese Witherspoon, Blake Lively, Taylor Swift, Chelsea Handler, Anne Hathaway, Dianna Agron, Chelsea Handler, Shakira, Rihanna, Uma Thurman, Eva Longoria, Rosie Huntington-Whitely.

Current top suspect: Halle Berry

Blind Vice: Bitchy TV Cast Raises Hell, Nobody Cares

New from Ted today -

Blind Vice: Bitchy TV Cast Raises Hell, Nobody Cares

We're gonna do something completely different today. We've got a whole group of naughties we're gonna blab about, instead of our usual one or two scandalous contenders. Besides, last week's Vice was so depressing, I think we all need something a little a little sillier to gasp about.
Like this extremely popular TV show's bitchy little cast, not to mention the dumbest season finale we've ever heard:
Mulholland Estates is wildly popular, we really don't see why. Granted, the highly rated oddball series has a couple of super-talented celebs, but every time we tune in to watch them, we're usually so horrified by the plotlines they're forced to play out, it's impossible to make it through a full episode.
Could this be why several big names on the show are beyond bitchy over the upcoming shooting schedule for the show's finale, which is being filmed later this month?
"Everyone wants a different day off," says a reliable source on the show, "and they're all being told no, and they're very unhappy about it."
Apparently, this finale is such a grand denouement and so intricately planned, all hands on deck are required during the whole operation—with none of the cushy wrap-around shooting windows that have been permitted for the cast's varying outside projects in the past.
"They're raising hell about it," snapped the Mulholland vet.
Jeez, all we have to say is that the spoiled cast's bitching about totally the wrong thing.
You see, the grand final show that's being planned will be...are you ready?
A floating dinner party.
Whereas each cast member hosts a course for said dinner in his or her home.
This is what's supposed to leave Mullholland Estates' massive audience in cliff-hanger type suspense until the show comes back next season?
Well, maybe if one of the hosts had an orgy to go with her lemon meringue pie, then, maybe, we'd watch.
But trust, that ain't happenin', and, for that, we say this bland drivel is what the performers should be in a near-riot about, not some silly day off here and there.
And It Ain't: Modern Family, The Real Housewives of Orange County, Parks and Recreation

Top suspects: Desperate Housewives cast

Update April 14 - Ted has revealed this BV as the Desperate Housewives cast, and states that it was particularly normally nice cast member Kathryn Joosten that was joining in.

Page Six - Just Asking - 4.5.11

This was from the NY Post Page Six on Tuesday -

Which Hollywood power duo should keep iPhones out of the bedroom when they're swinging? The fit couple, who already have a reputation for inviting others into their sex life, were recently the subject of a camera-phone photo shoot that's being passed around at swanky New York dinner parties. Hopefully for them their compromising pictures aren't coming soon to a computer near you . . . WHICH singer's team is desperately trying to cover up the fact that a recent nose job has totally altered the voice?

Then Thursday Ted did a little write-up in the Awful Truth discussing who it could be... read on.

This is fun. Remember when we tried to guess the New York Post's "Just Asking" item about which married actor was waiting to ditch his wife until after the Oscars?
‘Course, that never turned out to be true, but maybe this one will? Page Six is now reporting that a certain athletically inclined, high-profile Hollywood couple have been spicing up their sex life by inviting others along for the ride. And an iPhone camera apparently recorded all the hot action!
The pictures, it turns out, are now making their way from famous cell phones to cell phones and are the talk of many a New York dinner party.
Gosh, who could it be?
Let's narrow this scandalous situation down together, kids. Surely, its not...
Fergie and Josh Duhamel, who although they fit the bill for "athletically inclined," have fought back against trouble-in-paradise rumors to recently appear stronger than ever. I mean, we've seen how Fergie shakes it onstage, and we know Joshy has a penchant for um, fun, girls, but these two seem totally into each other right now. Right?
And certainly it couldn't be...
David and Victoria Beckham, who are currently expecting their fourth child, so we don't think the pics are quite that kinky. We know Big D has an eye for the gals, but we don't think he's stupid enough to have some kind electronic swingers party like this—and even if he were, the dude would have his security team sweep the room for all gadgets, first, right?
And please, it mustn't be...
Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore. Remember how famous-man magnet Brittney Jonesclaimed to have had sex with Ashton on Demi's couch and then tried to sell a sex tape of herself using Ashton's name? And then she sold his alleged sweater on Ebay? Yeah, whether he is guilty or not, we think Brittney scared Ashton into never permitting any kind of documenting of his sexcapades. Like the boy above, pretty sure he'd take great measures to avert something were he to decide to swing with Demi (or not).
So, it's somebody else, then? Hmmm. Now that we think about it, pretty sure we know who this famous, frisky couple is! One of our Blind Vice superstars or at least one of the occasional starring members? Yep. The latter.

Any other thoughts?  Discuss in comments...

Big elimination raises issues...

I know we are a few days behind on this... but Ted has given us a pretty big elimination the other day.

Dear Ted:
I know it's been a long time, but who are Judas Jack-Off and Dash Dingle-Dream, anyway? I miss you talking about them. I still think they are Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles, but whatever.
—I Miss JJO and DDD

Dear Keep On Missing:
There is nothing there, and I mean nothing new. And they still aren't your dream couple. Sorry about it. Some day when it hits you, you'll chuckle to yourself, promise.

So... #1 there goes our top suspects for JJO and DDD.  We had suspected in recent months that Ted was messing with Supernatural fans on that one.  Looking back to Hayden Christensen again.

And issue #2 - then who are Jared and Jensen's BVs?  Becuase Ted has repeatedly confirmed them as being BVs in the past.  We have a lot of re-thinking to do.

See labels below for related posts.

Bonus Blind: Morgan Mayhem Thinks We're Idiots!

Sorry for the delay.  It's been a crazy week so far.  This was new from Ted on Monday...

Bonus Blind: Morgan Mayhem Thinks We're Idiots!

What's a party girl to do when she returns to the scene but isn't allowed to play like she used to? Hmmm. Poor over-indulged (and over-exposed) Morgan Mayhem is suffering such a dilemma.
But the good news is, she's back! On the club circuit! Where she belongs!
Problem is, Morgan just can't lay off the booze—hard as she's tried. But our girl is making progress, promise. See, to help sorta try and clean up her incredibly filthy act,  M.M. has completely and totally sworn off...
Cocaine!
But how long can this last? Morgan is putting herself in the exact same situations that led her down the path to rehab. And by surrounding herself with party friends from the past, Morgan barely has a shot at staying off the sauce. Or the powder.
Picture it: a dark Hollywood nightclub with music pumping through the speakers as heavily as air conditioning cools off the spoiled club rats who inhabit it. The party is already in full force as Morgan breezes past the paparazzi's flashbulbs on her way inside and tucks into a black leather booth in the back corner of the room.
Where there are...two bottles of Grey Goose, a pitcher of cranberry juice, one of tonic water and a bowl of limes. All chilled. All gratis. So, Morgan's friends immediately pop open the vodka and start pouring themselves doubles. Morgan's tall blonde girlfriend pours two drinks, one for her and one for Morgan, who obviously cannot be seen anywhere near the vodka bottles.
"It's water!" Morgan hisses at a college-age girl in a Bebe minidress ready to take a pic with her cell phone and send to the rest of her sorority.
But Morgan needs the extra liquid tonight, as she's got an ex in the room and everyone is feeling très awkward about it. So tonight, Morgan just pours herself some extra "clear liquid" and stays away from the powder that is being offered to her discreetly in friend's purses and during frequent trips to the bathroom.
Because Morgan's told her friends: It is her mission to keep those poor, damaged nostrils of hers blow-free.
Uh, then why hang in clubs where nose candy flows like Russell Brand's seminal fluid?
Unfortunately, it's only a matter of time before M is back to her old, jaded tricks. I mean, really, it's the equivalent of an Overeaters Anonymous member taking a cruise with 24/7 buffets on every level. Why torture yourself like this, Morgan?
Because you don't really want to clean up your act?
Yeah, we already knew that. 
AND IT AIN'T: Cristina Aguilera, Paris Hilton, Mischa Barton

Please refer to the label below for a link to our many previous posts on Morgan Mayhem.

Top suspect: Lindsay Lohan

Blind Vice: A Sad Story With an Even Sadder End

New from Ted today -

Blind Vice: A Sad Story With an Even Sadder End

Gorgeous star Sally Pearlsmyth and her equally stunning celeb partner, Percy DuBois, had a nasty breakup not long ago. That was enough to shed a tear over in itself, as they really did seem like the perfect, hot Hollywood couple. You know, when two lookers like Ryan Reynolds and Scarlet Johansson can't make it work, it puts more of an onus on folks like Sally and Percy to bring the sexy back to yummy couples.
And oh, how they tried. In fact, they tried so hard...
Sally ended up getting pregnant, even though neither star was trying to start a family just yet.
Both parents were shocked, to say the least.
However, one of the parents was more pleased by the news than the other: Percy. He was thrilled and delighted and didn't take crap from anybody who thought otherwise (like certain friends who questioned if this was a good time in his career to play pops).
Sally, on the other (less) domesticated hand, relied on countless people to help make up her mind about what to do. She asked all her representatives about it, and each one told the looker with the flowing mane the same thing: end the pregnancy. Not good timing, and all that job-oriented stuff. No one really seemed to care about Sally, the woman.
Like, maybe the answer should have been: "This is your business, not ours. It's your decision to make."
But when has anybody in Hollywood ever not taken advantage of a chance to force their way and opinion on somebody? Never!
So, over the great objections of Percy, Sally ended her pregnancy. And soon after, Percy and Sally ended their relationship, many blaming Percy for being, well, not exactly the ideal mate.
Yeah, as always, there's two sides to every story.
AND IT AIN'T: Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal, Vanessa Hudgens and Zac Efron, Eva Longoria and Tony Parker

Update: as of 7/3/11, Ted has eliminated Taylor Swift & Jake Gyllenhaal, Vanessa Hudgens & Zac Efron, Eva Longoria & Tony Parker, Blake Lively & Penn Badgley, Blake Lively, Jessica Biel & Justin Timberlake, Ashley Greene & Joe Jonas, Mila Kunis & Macaulay Culkin, Sophia Bush, Amanda Seyfried & Dominic Cooper, Ashley Olsen & Justin Bartha, Annalynne McCord & Kellan Lutz, Leighton Meester, Jessica Szohr & Ed Westwick, Katie Cassidy, Christina Aguilera, Demo Lovato, Taylor Swift, Carey Mulligan & Shia LaBeouf, Reese Witherspoon & Jake Gyllenhal, Demi Lovato, Selena Gomez, Jessica Biel, Jennifer Lawrence, Ryan Gosling & Rachel McAdams, Olivia Wilde.

Top suspects: Dianna Agron & Alex Pettyfer

Lainey: One line or two lines?

New riddle from Lainey today -

One line or two lines?


Which young star was spotted picking up a pregnancy test during her next promotional stop? She’s officially single right now, but toying with the idea of new boyfriend though it remains to be seen whether or not he’s just a convenient distraction for publicity or the real deal. Or maybe it’s a leftover from the ex after a farewell hookup?



Needless to say, with that kind of purchase, someone’s been in there. And they may have not been careful, although I guess it shouldn’t surprise me anymore that getting knocked up is a career strategy these days. Naïve as it sound however in her case I just can’t see it. Too young, not ready. Which means I hope her test comes back negative. Because otherwise, obviously, it’s a lot of drama to take care of.

Update 3/30 Lainey has eliminated Amanda Seyfried

Top suspect: Vanessa Hudgens

New from Lainey 3/29/11: Even B List needs a beard

New from Lainey

Even B-List needs a beard

It’s not just the super elite actors, the film stars, who need to beard and pretend. Even the lower ranking ones do too. Calling him B List might be a little generous, but he has had his share of magazine covers, is the face of a few shows, and is surprisingly entrepreneurial, with successful projects across several other platforms, all banking on looks and virility. While I can’t personally see it, his appeal is strong enough that it has overcome his reputation as a chronic philanderer whose wife left him because he couldn’t stay faithful. It was always assumed that he was cheating with women. And in a way, given his sex symbol image, that may have worked for him.

But what if the cheating was with men? One night in New York, he was on the receiving end of a very enthusiastic blow job from a very enthusiastic young giver who was clearly not his baby mother because his baby mother is, obviously, not a boy. The baby mother very likely knows though. After all, it wouldn’t be an arrangement that she’d be unfamiliar with, given where they met. Still, dude, if you’re keeping that kind of secret, and you hit up a bar to get blown, you may want to tip the staff a little better than you do. Because they are talking. And it’s not like people haven’t been wondering this about you for a long, long time anyway.

Update Lainey has eliminated -

Top suspect - Mario Lopez

Rest In Peace, Elizabeth Taylor. Plus, a BV exposed...

We will miss Elizabeth Taylor no doubt.  Yesterday, Ted wrote a lovely piece about his visit to her home.  He slyly revealed her as Margarita Screwed-Em-All in the process!  Read on...

The Day Elizabeth Taylor Seduced Me - by Ted Casablanca 3/24/11

I had seen Elizabeth Taylor several times since our first meeting in 1992, and she was always as she was that first day: breathtakingly captivating.
I worked for Premiere magazine at the time, and I was doing a piece on her absurdly successful second career as a businesswoman hawking perfume. Her first, Elizabeth Taylor's Passion, was such hideous stuff I would use it to freshen up the litter box.
But then, she launched White Diamonds, which was a genius scent that catapulted Elizabeth (never Liz) into mega-businesswoman stardom. Taylor made zillions off the stuff. And so with more faxes, phone calls, letters and rearranged appointments than I would imagine it would take to interview the president of the Unites States of America, I finally drove through the gates of Taylor's Bel-Air estate:
She was incredibly late. I sat in that living room just down from Nancy Regan's pad for a couple of hours.
But I was grateful for the chance to calm down. I had always admired Taylor greatly for being an outspoken Hollywood broad, not to mention a talented film actress and exceptional beauty. As a rule, I don't get gushy or nervous with celebs, but I was anxious.
I also got a chance to really study her décor. The pad was loaded with priceless paintings (her father was an art dealer) grouped very warmly around over the sofa. Nothing grand about it. Those Van Goghs were there for the enjoyment, right up front, nothing was austere, hands-off or coldly at a distance. Brass deer were lying at the fireplace. Dogs were running in and out of the patio doors, which opened onto the small green lawn. It was all kind of kitschy, warm and cool.
This was not a stuffy star's overly decorated home, made up for a magazine spread: this was Taylor's family ranch-style pad, meant to be enjoyed.
I smelled her before I saw her.
Suddenly, Taylor bolted in wearing high-heel boots and a purple blouse, nothing fussy. She was luminous and looked to be wearing what appeared to be little-boy's blue jeans, she was so tiny—the last period in her life she was truly a curvy little thing. Masses of amethysts were around her neck and wrists. No diamonds, I was hugely disappointed.
But that changed as soon as Elizabeth opened her mouth:
She talked about how pissed she was that she still had to work so hard at bringing people around to help with AIDS. Resting under one of her masterpieces, Taylor mentioned in particular a businessman she met at a recent fundraiser. The man had asked her if it was true you could only get AIDS through the rectum.
Taylor's heavily made-up violet eyes squinted as she repeated what she told the man: "No, dear, through the vaginal juices, too."
That's what Elizabeth did best: shock and talk sense at the same time.
She told me how much she loved taking a break from Hollywood, which she found "childish." The business world better suited her, she said, as it was more "grown up."
Taylor also intimated her life with Sen. John Warner (husband No. 7) was boring as crap, and, she said that Richard Burton was the love of her life. This is no secret.
She said she loved playing Cleopatra because she was such a "smart" woman, and she got a particular kick out of the fact Egypt's ruler was such an "incredibly homely woman," and how ironic it all was.
But Taylor was hardly conceited. She told me she hated her short legs, envied tall, svelte women like no one else's business. She also said "no woman ever gets tired of being told she's beautiful." She smiled and invited me to a taping of a talk show she was doing that night. I was so enchanted I'd have done anything she asked at that point.
Even though Elizabeth became frail and sometimes hard to understand, you couldn't stop looking at her. The last time I saw her was at the Macy's Passport AIDS/HIV fundraiser in 2009. She could barely read the prompter in front of her onstage and some nasty people near me were taking pictures and snickering.
I thought it was particularly mean treatment of the movie legend—who was the first to rally against AIDS in Hollywood when her good friend Rock Hudson succumbed to the disease. That salty legend took a stand when nobody else had to the guts to do anything. She deserved much more. Especially for still continuing her AIDS work, even when her health really wasn't up to it.
And for that, I say Elizabeth was as beautiful when she died as she was—-always.

Note, the Bel-Air estate, fancy gates, the tacky art, the brass deer (underlined in this post).  Here is an excerpt of her MSEA BV which reads similarly:

Instead, M-babe stays home at her art-filled mansion (which is a little on the tacky side, I must say, unless you prefer brass deer next to your masterpieces and that sort of overpriced mishmash style). However, she loves to receive. Particularly the gays.

Just as we suspected, she is Margarita Screwed-Em-All.  Follow this link to read the rest of her shared BV with Fey Oiled-Tush.

Blind Vice! Cookie Muncher Has a Taste for Lady Parts

New from Ted today -

Blind Vice! Cookie Muncher Has a Taste for Lady Parts


Last week when we told you King Schlong had fooled around with another male celeb for a bit when he was younger, many of you were shocked. Our King is gay?
Just because he diddled a dude once or twice doesn't mean he's a homo, folks. As if! Sometimes fooling around with the same sex is a way to pass the time.
Just ask Cookie Muncher. This superstar has everything: a hunky husband, flawless bod, perfect face...and a taste for women.
No, she's not a lesbian.  She just doesn't mind doing the girl-on-girl thing to turn her man—or partygoers—on. Babe knows how to a have a fun time, what can I say.
While at a raging Hollywood house party a while back, Ms. Muncher was dancing up a storm on the pool table.
She always has a way of making sure all eyes are on her (as if being one of the most beautiful women in the world had another affect on people).
So, Cookie Muncher decides to strip off all her clothes while dancing, to the giant applause from the crowd.
Another gal at the party thought that clearly looked like a fun idea. So she decided to take off her clothes and get up on the table with Cookie.
We'll let our stunned party source take it from here:
"Before you knew it, Cookie threw the other naked girl on the table and just started going down on her. For a while too! The crowd went crazy."
Now you know where "munch" comes from.
As for her husband, he looked on lovingly as ever, obviously.
If a guy were to give another guy a blowjob in the middle of a similar party, people would freak. Why is it so much more of a big deal for a dude to dabble than a girl?
And It Ain't: Julia Roberts, Angelina Jolie, Victoria Beckham  

Update 2/11/12 - Ted has eliminated Julia Roberts, Angelina Jolie, Victoria Beckham, Kelly Preston, Megan Fox, Jada Pinkett Smith, Christina Aguilera, Tina Fey, Gisele Bundchen, Heidi Klum, Reese Witherspoon, Alessandra Ambrosio, Brooke Shields, Brooklyn Decker, Claudia Schiffer, Mel B, Rebecca Romijn, Naomi Campbell, Iman, Camilla Alves, Elle McPherson, Miranda Kerr, Tyra Banks, Adriana Lima, Christy Turlington, Fergie, Rosie Huntington-Whitely, Penelope Cruz, Carmen Electra, Demi Moore, Christy Brinkley, Vanessa Williams, Kendra Wilkinson, Marcia Cross, Vanessa Marcil, Teri Hatcher, Angie Harmon, Rebecca Gayheart, Elisabetta Canalis, Sandra Bullock, Britney Spears, Rihanna, Anna Paquin, May Andersen, Demi Moore, Anna Paquin


Please see the label below for a link to our post on the most recent Cookie Muncher BV. 

Top suspect: Cindy Crawford

Blind Vice: Who Is Priscilla's Burnt-Up Ex?

New BV from Ted yesterday -

Blind Vice: Who Is Priscilla's Burnt-Up Ex?

Priscilla Desert may have dated more gay men than most gay men have, but she has a few semi-straight ones under her belt.
Ms. P was in a relationship a few years ago with an equally talented and age-appropriate counterpart, but things didn't exactly end so smoothly.
So are the two cool now? Um, hardly...


While out at a Hollywood party recently, Desert's ex was hanging with a bevy of beauties.


"Isn't my friend cute?" one of the babes hanging with the dude asked him. "She looks just like [Priscilla Desert]. People tell her that all the time."


P's ex totally freaked out the moment her name was brought up.
"Don't you ever, ever f--king bring that name up around me again," the usually chill dude snapped. "Ever. You hear me?"


All the gals were totally shocked at his freakout. Sure, his temper caught them by surprise, but that wasn't the only thing.


The chicks are gossip savvy, natch, and when Priscilla and this guy broke up, she had been the one to play the woe is me card in the media.


P.D. totally threw her flame under the bus, something he was not expecting her to do quite so publicly (it's kinda why we heart that devil Desert).


From what we're gathering now about their breakup, we hear she was hardly an angel during the time the two were together.


Somehow her ex managed to take the high road, never commenting on all the negative crap she said about him. Well, until recently.

And It Ain't: Lindsay Lohan, Renée Zellweger, Mila Kunis

Refer to the label below for the links to our previous PD BVs, including a full list of who has been eliminated.

Top suspect: Taylor Swift

Burnt-Up Ex: Joe Jonas

Blind Vice! Crotch Uh-Lastic's Getting Careless

New from Ted today -

Blind Vice!  Crotch Uh-Lastic's Getting Careless

Crotch Uh-Lastic is continuing his downward, totally bizarre spiral.

As if tweaking out in the day and running on zero sleep wasn't damaging enough to that pretty bod of his, now Crotch is tampering with something we never used to worry about: his career.


Seems those concerned friend's of his have reason to worry after all...


Recently CUL agreed to make a guest appearance on a friend's website. Crotch is really quite funny, especially in skits like this. At least he used to be.


A source on the scene dishes that Lastic strolled in, totally unprepared and was completely unprofessional: "He shows up, and he hadn't read the script yet—which he had agreed to already have done. In the show he was supposed to be parodying his own persona. It was nothing too offensive, but he did one take, didn't think it was funny, and walked off set."


Apparently on his way out he called everyone on the crew "a bunch of nerds" and left his professional acquaintances high and dry.
There was another celebrity involved in the clip, and he had to pick up all of Crotch's slack.
This is so disturbing! Crotchy is one freaking talented dude, whether he's making us laugh or cry.
And to top it off, he's a totally nice guy. At least he was. We never heard of him being unprofessional in the many years he has been in this business. It's clear that no sleep is affecting this hunk muffin in a major way.
Wake up, dude, you've been given a great opportunity. To throw your talent and reputation away like this is a total copout. Just come out already! It's clear your guy on guy dalliances are taking a major toll on you.
Plus, it's not that damaging of a secret. Tons of people in H'wood know you're into guys and don't friggin' care!

And It Ain't: 50 Cent, Will Smith, Sean Penn

Refer to the label below for our other posts on the previous CUL BVs, including a full list of who has been elimianted.

Top suspect: James Franco

Lainey Blind Item: Ladies' Room Encounter with That Girl

New riddle from Lainey yesterday

Ladies' Room Encounter with That Girl

She’s the girl who isn’t friendly with the other girls when they go out with the guys. In a large group, she rarely speaks to females. Instead, she focuses all of her attention on the men – attempts to impress them by spewing out facts she’s read in the newspaper, verbatim, without much analysis, as they try to look at her breasts. During her last relationship, whenever she was in a multi-couple situation, she’d make no attempt to engage the other women. Rather, she’d spend most of her time flirting with the boyfriends and husbands, careful not to cross the line, but not exactly hiding the fact that her preferred company is male.

But she’s not only not a girls’ girl, she’s also That Girl. The kind of girl who only knows how to put other girls down. She was in the ladies’ room recently at a private event, a private no-fans non-civilian event, standing next to an industry type at the counter. The other woman complimented her on her appearance, something to effect of: that’s a great dress, it looks amazing on you …

And her answer?

Hear this with a sneer:

“Is this the moment when I’m supposed to tell you that you look good too?”

And walked away.

Friends? Please. Her “friends” are either relatives or assistants. Because otherwise, really, why would you ever want to be?

It’s not Katherine Heigl. It’s not Kate Hudson.

Update - As of 3/25/11, Lainey has eliminated Katherine Heigl, Kate Hudson, Kate Bosworth, Jessica Biel., Jen Aniston, Victoria Beckham, Sienna Miller, Olivia Munn, Anne Hathaway, Megan Fox, Rachel McAdams

Top suspect: Scarlett Johansson

Blind Vice: Sorry Girls, King Schlong Isn't All Yours

New from Ted 3/18/11 -

Blind Vice: Sorry Girls, King Schlong Isn't All Yours

Totally lovable (but totally slutty) King Schlong is a heartbreaker on so many levels, certain Hollywood women are now discovering. Not only has King stepped out on his current super-hot GF (many times), turns out he's also been rather adept at stepping out on the whole female race!
Here's what went down just this week:
Schlong's never been any good at keeping that extremely popular salami of his zipped up, this is a well-known, barely kept Hollywood secret. No surprise there.
But what was a shocker for one of King's avid, young and lusting female fans was the following:
Gorgeous Hollywood insider babe was talking to veteran Hollywood producer gal. "I just love King," she breathlessly confessed to the older woman, "and he's all man. That's what I love about him the most. Such a stud."
"Uh, honey," replied the more seasoned broad, who has worked with King in the past on one of his many A-list projects, "he's not exactly the man you think he is."
"What...what do you mean?" asked the younger T-town gal, who feared the worst (she considered), and pretty much got it.
"A few years ago, I walked in on King and [fellow A-list movie heartthrob], and they were just going at it in bed. So, look, he may be all man, but he doesn't mind sharing it with another man, get it?"
"No!" screamed the frightened woman, as if a man who sleeps with other men in Tinseltown is some kind of anomaly, far from it! "He's not...not gay, is he?"
"No, he's not gay gay," answered the producer-type, who was almost pitifully laughing at her dejected colleague. "But he sleeps with guys when he feels like it. Just don't think he's felt like in a while!"
The broken King fan was feeling a little better after hearing this news but, we gotta say we just don't get this hypocritical BS.
Why is it when women like Angelina Jolie say they've slept with other women, men think it's hot as hell, but when women hear it about men who have done the same with their own sex, they get all grossed out?
Totally sexist. Aren't women supposed to be the more evolved sex, anyway?
It Ain't: Chris O'Donnell, Christian Bale, Matthew McConaughey

See Labels for previous King Schlong Blind Item, including list of Ted's eliminations.
Top Suspect: Leo DiCaprio

Blind Vice! Who Whipped Jerry Rock-Butt So Easily?

New from Ted today.  I have to say, Ted is being very obvious lately.  Also re-using a lot of existing BV names.  Just sayin'...

Blind Vice!  Who Whipped Jerry Rock-Butt So Easily?


Does Jerry Rock-Butt have monogamy in him, after all?
Jerry had a permanent hall pass—you know, cheat whenever he likes but come home to the missus at night and on red carpets—with Chutney Jones. Nice deal, right? But it turns out he's traded it in for a shot at someone he thinks is the real thing.
So who is JRB's potential new leading lady?
Meet Kiki Doheny, the object of Jerry's desire.
Kiki and Rock-Butt have known each other for a while and have kept it friendly until recently.
See, Jerry thought he could make Ms. Doheny another notch on his heavy belt just by batting those pretty lashes of his.
Not with this broad.
She has deftly blue-balled him every step of their friendship, so this, of course, only makes Kiki more desirable.
Finally he couldn't take it anymore and asked what he can do to win her affections?
K.D. demanded he completely break up with Chutney like stat or else she would never give it up.
So what did Jerry Rock-Butt do? Babes, it wasn't even a question.
He ditched his long-time love and hasn't looked back.
Wonder how long it took until Kiki and Jerry had mattress playtime?
Actually, the real question is whether they can sustain a new A-list relationship purely on the fact they are so hot for each other.
Or will Chutney Jones get the final laugh?
We hear she's been flirting up a storm with Saucy Bossy, remember him? A B.V. star who has an award Jerry Rock-Butt would kill for.
Ms. Jones sure does have a thing for the bisexual ones, I swear.
And it Ain't: Tom Sturridge, Jay-Z, Mark Ruffalo

Please see our label below for the previous Jerry Rock-Butt and Chutney Jones BVs; also the previous Saucy Bossy BV;  including a full list of who has been eliminated for each.

Eliminated for Kiki Doheny as of 6/1/12: Mila Kunis

Top suspects:

Jerry Rock-Butt - Justin Timberlake

Chutney Jones - Jessica Biel

Kiki Doheny - Olivia Wilde

Saucy Bossy -Jamie Foxx

Lainey - Who would want to work with this?

New riddle from Lainey today -

Who would want to work with this?


She’s long had a reputation for being absolute hell to work with. I mean like straight up crazy. Leaves her sh-t, sometimes literally, everywhere, specifies exact times when people can or cannot talk to her, is foaming at the mouth insane one minute, calm and collected the next. Lately her opportunities have dried up. And this is a good example of why.


Press junket. A handler has to make sure she wakes up in the morning. Because she’s not a proper adult? She finds her completely out of it. Has to put her in the shower and HOLD HER UP. Picture that please. A grown woman having to be physically SUPPORTED in the shower to make sure she can go and do her JOB. She then had to be spoon fed her breakfast. And she had to be dressed. Like, let’s put on your socks! Finally they get her to the point where she can be seen in public. A journalist is soon expected for an interview. Through it all she’s still a f-cking zombie.


Soon as the reporter comes into the room though, a switch goes off. She’s alive. She’s engaging. She can speak in proper sentences. And you can imagine, for the people who’ve experienced this, who’ve had to work with her, who have to manage the unpredictability of this, how scary it must be, how utterly unsettling, even more unsettling than most of her peers. And in her business, that’s a pretty high standard.

Update: As of 3/16/11, Lainey has eliminated: Liv Tyler, Maria Bello

Top suspect: ?