Vintage: One Spouse-Whipped Blind Vice

Someone asked for the old BV that was suspected to be about Ashton and Demi. Here it is from October of '06.

One Spouse-Whipped Blind Vice

‘Kay, it’s the first one outta the redesign bag, so for that celebratory reason, I’ll give ya a fairly easy one--like I’ve haven’t done that with you folks already, as of late. But whatev.


Pussy Gabor is known for his cut-rate artistic talents, as well as his hefty, more Gawd-gifted talents below. He’s also a good dad--of that, I must profess.


But yo, doesn’t a good hubby also stand up and make himself heard, instead of doing every damn thing his wife-unit tells him to do? Well, I guess being an equally vibrant marriage partner is an idea that belongs to a diff century than the one Mr. G. has his supple tush ‘n’ hairdo buried in. At least it appears that way.


‘Cause guess who P.G. is asking permission from to attend all (and I mean all) his pro gigs? Uh-huh, the old lady from hell, I mean, heaven!

Pussy wanted to attend a movie premiere recently (in which he was friggin’ involved!), for ince, but Missus Pussy said no way, religious services come first.

End of discussion.

Didn’t matter, as P.’s press has never been overly kind to him, anyway. Just woulda fried the dude on the carpet, anyway.

(An unfortunate factoid to which Missus P. is no doubt hip.)

And it's not: Al Reynolds, Tom Hanks, James Brolin
Also eliminated: Ryan Phillipe, John Travolta, Guy Ritchie, Will Smith, Michael C. Hall

Here is the letter in which he basically reveals it is them:

Dear Ted:
You are the first thing I read every morning, and I miss you on the weekend. Now, for my guess—I think Ashton Kutcher is Pussy Gabor in One Spouse-Whipped Blind Vice. Am I right?
Nicole
Belmar, New Jersey

Dear N-Femme:
Closer than I care to admit, can I say that much?

Top suspect: Ashton Kutcher